Read this:
http://www.google.de/imgres?imgurl=...ur=433&page=1&start=0&ndsp=28&ved=0CCUQrQMwAQCan you imagine the smell?
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Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
- Start date
but none worse than the disaster of the Great International Christmas Pudding 
SPRIGGS:
The Great International Christmas Pudding...where is it?
SELLERS (McGoonigal):
Many years ago in the year five hundred and sixty two BC,
The Great monumental International Christmas Pudding was struck by lightning which also struck a tree,
And the magnificent International Christmas Pudding, which had been erected by Sisygambus atop a temple tall,
Was broken into two portions by the knock it received during the fall,
And oh, these portions had been carried to a far corner of the earth, And this terrible disaster is not an occasion for mirth, and oh...
ORCHESTRA:
Harp link
GREENSLADE:
Yes, it was in eighteen forty three that the discovery in the Sudan of a large fossilised fragment of this long forgotten pudding prompted a question in the House of Commons.
OMNES:
Snoring under:
MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT (old):
And the discovery of this portion of pudding prompts me to suggest that if all the portions, if all the portions of this emblem of international goodwill and understanding could be reassembled and set up in some appropriate spot...
SECOMBE:
Hear, hear, hear, hear, hear!
MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT (old):
...it might well be the turning point in the falling prestige of this wonderful country of ours.
SECOMBE:
Hear hear, all right lads, tea up , tea up!
(The Goon Show 15 Nov 1955)
SPRIGGS:
The Great International Christmas Pudding...where is it?
SELLERS (McGoonigal):
Many years ago in the year five hundred and sixty two BC,
The Great monumental International Christmas Pudding was struck by lightning which also struck a tree,
And the magnificent International Christmas Pudding, which had been erected by Sisygambus atop a temple tall,
Was broken into two portions by the knock it received during the fall,
And oh, these portions had been carried to a far corner of the earth, And this terrible disaster is not an occasion for mirth, and oh...
ORCHESTRA:
Harp link
GREENSLADE:
Yes, it was in eighteen forty three that the discovery in the Sudan of a large fossilised fragment of this long forgotten pudding prompted a question in the House of Commons.
OMNES:
Snoring under:
MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT (old):
And the discovery of this portion of pudding prompts me to suggest that if all the portions, if all the portions of this emblem of international goodwill and understanding could be reassembled and set up in some appropriate spot...
SECOMBE:
Hear, hear, hear, hear, hear!
MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT (old):
...it might well be the turning point in the falling prestige of this wonderful country of ours.
SECOMBE:
Hear hear, all right lads, tea up , tea up!
(The Goon Show 15 Nov 1955)
Blonde skydiving...
Tree
The brunette figured out how to open her parachute while the blonde didn't...
Tree
...I think Barbaria is a natural Brunette...
Tree
...I think Barbaria is a natural Brunette...
Siss will get you for that little jibe Tree!!!! And yes, I am the natural brunette
some solid evidence for that?Siss will get you for that little jibe Tree!!!! And yes, I am the natural brunette
Marcie4you
Banned
Ok, some MAY have read this before, but I giggled my ass off!
Calling In SICK:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one
occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too
humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I
hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a
doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but
one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed,(name changed to protect the innocent)the garbage disposal is dead.
Come reset it."
"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself."
"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" (pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down
and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action
I remember performing. “IT” struck without warning, without respect to my
circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she
spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as I took the bait under the sink.
At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like-claws. Now
when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine
region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movement.
Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.
Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin
supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a
step-by-step manner.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight
up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a
dismal irony. But whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it
that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked
me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
fully briefed by my wife the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct
their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.
At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I
kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat
got your tongue?"
If they had only known!!!!
Calling In SICK:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one
occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too
humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I
hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a
doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but
one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed,(name changed to protect the innocent)the garbage disposal is dead.
Come reset it."
"You know where the button is." I protested through the shower
(pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself."
"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?" (pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement
about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down
and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action
I remember performing. “IT” struck without warning, without respect to my
circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she
spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me
as I took the bait under the sink.
At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like-claws. Now
when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine
region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movement.
Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while
rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed.
Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin
supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a
step-by-step manner.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men,
in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight
up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a
dismal irony. But whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it
that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked
me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been
fully briefed by my wife the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct
their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.
At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I
kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat
got your tongue?"
If they had only known!!!!
Hilarious!
Speaking of blonde skydivers...
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”
Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving,and there is always that risk involved.”
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
********************************************************************************************************
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons when they skydive?
A: So they don't whistle on their way down.
********************************************************************************************************
A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord – nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells ”Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”
LittleSiss
Sorceress
Hilarious!
Speaking of blonde skydivers...
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”
The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”
Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving,and there is always that risk involved.”
After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, “How many is a Brazilian?”
********************************************************************************************************
Q: Why do blondes wear tampons when they skydive?
A: So they don't whistle on their way down.
********************************************************************************************************
A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord – nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells ”Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”
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but....................cute is she isn't?
RacingRodent
Consul
However I deny the mind thingy, the reading was accidental in a moment of inattention brought about by squirrel curiosity and too many nuts at one sitting
TH4T'5 CL3V3R, 4DM1!!
However I deny the mind thingy, the reading was accidental in a moment of inattention brought about by squirrel curiosity and too many nuts at one sitting
we have a bunch people..........., as sharp as a razor
we have a bunch people..........., as sharp as a razor
Not really, I haven't got the foggiest clue what the strawberry owl is all about
it is a wise oneNot really, I haven't got the foggiest clue what the strawberry owl is all about
RacingRodent
Consul
well after that it is a creamed wise one..............at least till little Siss find themWell as long as it doesn't get creamed
Velut Luna
Sibilla Cumana
THIS MESSAGE
SERVES TO PROVE
HOW OUR MINDS CAN
DO AMAZING THINGS!
IMPRESSIVE THINGS!
IN THE BEGINNING
IT WAS HARD BUT
NOW, IN THIS LINE
YOUR MIND IS
READING IT
AUTOMATICALLY
WITH OUT EVEN
THINKING ABOUT IT,
BE PROUD! ONLY
CERTAIN PEOPLE CAN
READ THIS.
PLEASE SHARE IF
(YO)U CAN READ THIS.
Last edited by a moderator: