sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
This girl has a perfect body and no yoke!
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Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
- Start date
Ted Parry
Governor
Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel.
While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.
The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American Diplomats go into a corner for a few minutes.
They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?
The American Diplomats replied 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead, we’re taking no chances
While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies.
The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, 'You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100.'
The American Diplomats go into a corner for a few minutes.
They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $50,000 to ship him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?
The American Diplomats replied 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead, we’re taking no chances
Ted Parry
Governor
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?
"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.
They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"
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Ted Parry
Governor
As they seem to be appreciated ... I'll keep 'em going ...
I walked into this 'New Style' Brothel .... Paid my money (a bit expensive), the Madam said you will find it an amazing experience, go along that corridor, you will find two doors, pick whichever you fancy and go through.
I found the doors ... 'Blonde' - 'Brunette', I fancied a blonde and went through the door marked 'Blonde', the door slammed behind me. I was faced by another corridor and another two doors ... 'Big Tits' - 'Small Tits', Oh Yes! ... Blonde with big tits, went through the door slammed behind me. Yet another corridor and another two doors ... 'Teen' - 'MILF', You might say I am a little aroused by this time .... teen blonde with big tits, bring it on, went through the Blonde door, the door slammed behind me ... yet another corridor, same two doors ... 'Hard Cunt' - 'Soft Cunt', I obviously didn't fancy a hard cunt so I passed through the door marked 'Soft Cunt' and ended up back in the street ,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I walked into this 'New Style' Brothel .... Paid my money (a bit expensive), the Madam said you will find it an amazing experience, go along that corridor, you will find two doors, pick whichever you fancy and go through.
I found the doors ... 'Blonde' - 'Brunette', I fancied a blonde and went through the door marked 'Blonde', the door slammed behind me. I was faced by another corridor and another two doors ... 'Big Tits' - 'Small Tits', Oh Yes! ... Blonde with big tits, went through the door slammed behind me. Yet another corridor and another two doors ... 'Teen' - 'MILF', You might say I am a little aroused by this time .... teen blonde with big tits, bring it on, went through the Blonde door, the door slammed behind me ... yet another corridor, same two doors ... 'Hard Cunt' - 'Soft Cunt', I obviously didn't fancy a hard cunt so I passed through the door marked 'Soft Cunt' and ended up back in the street ,,,,,,,,,,,,,
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Tricia
Governor
I love these pictures. They bring back great memories of my childhood.
I remember when I was about 12 years old, I used to love hanging out at my best friends house. Both her parents worked and she had an older sister who was awesome. She was 6 years older than us and she loved to hang around the house nude or in her white cotton panties with no bra or just a T-shirt that barely covered her with nothing else underneath. She was so comfortable with her body. I loved it so much!!!
I remember her lying on her bed nude with her white cat "bootsie" who used to just climb all over her nude body and lay wherever she wanted. I remember her quite often laying between her legs. I used to love it!!! Even at that age, I always wanted to join bootsie laying there between her legs. I just could never share that with my best friend or her sister. I still don't to this day.
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Ted Parry
Governor
Let's keep it going .....
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Ted Parry
Governor
Here's your Sunday helping ....
A woman had a Lottery win and decided to have a face lift . She spent £7,000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at Boots to pick up some skin cream. As she was leaving, she said to the sales girl, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" “Early 30’s,” she replied. "I'm actually 48,” the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the server the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 48!” she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 83 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 48.” Stunned, the woman said, "That was amazing! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in the queue at McDonald's."
A woman had a Lottery win and decided to have a face lift . She spent £7,000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at Boots to pick up some skin cream. As she was leaving, she said to the sales girl, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" “Early 30’s,” she replied. "I'm actually 48,” the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the server the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 48!” she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 83 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 48.” Stunned, the woman said, "That was amazing! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in the queue at McDonald's."
Funny jokes, Ted!
RacingRodent
Consul
<---also strangely appropriate 
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
Then, one assumes, Stewart will take a picture of the canape?
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
Two jokes about the famously bashful, retiring, shy, reticent, self-effacing,
reserved, timid, restrained, diffident, modest, unassuming Scandinavians:
Joke 1 -
Did your hear about the Norwegian fellow who loved his wife so-o-o-o-o much,
he almost told her.
Joke 2 -
What's the definition of a Finnish extrovert?
Someone who looks at your shoes.
I thank you.
reserved, timid, restrained, diffident, modest, unassuming Scandinavians:
Joke 1 -
Did your hear about the Norwegian fellow who loved his wife so-o-o-o-o much,
he almost told her.
Joke 2 -
What's the definition of a Finnish extrovert?
Someone who looks at your shoes.
I thank you.
Ted Parry
Governor
Oldie but goodie ....
A Male patient just recovering from an operation on his important bits.
He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.
A young trainee nurse came to give him a bed-bath. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything will be fine”
The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
She could not bear a patient who was getting in such a state.
So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and fondle his penis and testicles, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly the man ejaculated on the nurse’s hand.
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, says, “Thanks that was very nice, but I still need to know “Are my tests results back”.
A Male patient just recovering from an operation on his important bits.
He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.
A young trainee nurse came to give him a bed-bath. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything will be fine”
The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
She could not bear a patient who was getting in such a state.
So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and fondle his penis and testicles, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly the man ejaculated on the nurse’s hand.
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, says, “Thanks that was very nice, but I still need to know “Are my tests results back”.
Tricia
Governor
It reminds me of "Debbie's Happenings"
Ted Parry
Governor
Taking a bit of a risk with this one ..... !!!!
Ted and Dorothy were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Dotty. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Ted, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Dotty. The skunk will get used to it."
Ted and Dorothy were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Dotty. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Ted, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Dotty. The skunk will get used to it."