If I could... stretched like that I can only breathe shallow...
And what is it that you want, deep in your heart?
Oh my heart if you let it, it'll never want to stop, it's stronger than my spirit, but also so foolish and cruel, to never give up.
Your voice, your expression are your only weapons here.
If they are a weapon, then a two-edged sword - I've talked myself into at least as much trouble as I've talked myself out of but really... this is not the time and place for any kind of weapon at all, what could I achieve by any attempt to even negotiate, I have nothing.
what is it that you want... you are in his hands.
What is that I want? It should be easy to know but whenever I think I do -- I collapse back into despair, do I
really want him to take me down, what could I be worth now when even before I was worthy only of the cross?
So maybe that is really it, to be in his hands, completely, so I don't have to want.
I feel him drawing the pliers over my skin; he pulls and pinches a bit wherever he finds me tempting, but doesn't crush, not yet. I shiver at the touch but don't withdraw, offering myself as he probes where I'm most vulnerable. Making me understand how he could give me so much more pain even beyond all there is already ... making me beg to finish it... and then releasing me, from that additional terror, that inner frenzy of fear and desire. And right then it doesn't matter that I've been stripped and whipped and raped and nailed and raised upon a cross, I thank him, more for bringing me to that edge, than sparing me of going over. And I guess when I manage to open my eyes again, then no there is nothing like a weapon about my voice or expression, it is all surrender.
I would wish him to be absolutely free.
That what he does, he does only of his own will, and not out of duty.
Then it can only be right, whatever it is.
For sure I'll whimper and beg a bit when he draws out the nails from my feet.
That he shouldn't let me hang by my wrists alone for too long. And that when he nails me again, please just use the holes that are already there...