Limericks

[montycrusto]

The ballad o’ Bonnie Wee Barb (17)

‘Twas the time o’ the great lassie-hunting,
All over Dumfries there was bunting.
Wee Barb and Wee Eul
Both wondered which fool
They’d later (if caught) be encunting.

(I think apologies to @Eulalia are in order here.. I’ll try to make amends by promoting her fantastic story

Lassie-hunting In The Northern Forest

I think it's time to start posting this new story I've been working on. It's about a (sadly :devil:) wholly imaginary custom in the Forest where I live, the annual lassie-hunt! Now I've written the narrative in Scottish Standard English, which is pretty much like English English outwith a few...

www.cruxforums.com

 

[twonines]

Anyone crossing swords with our Eul,
Will end up looking a fool.
Although she`s addicted to pain
From the whip and the slim rattan cane,
She`s still so erudite and cool.

 

[montycrusto]

Anyone crossing swords with our Eul,
Will end up looking a fool.
Although she`s addicted to pain
From the whip and the cane,
She`s still erudite and cool.

I hope she won’t be too affronted,
By my use of such words as “encunted”,
More likely she’ll feel
That this verse sets the seal
On the fact that my genius is stunted.

 

[Barbaria1]

Glad to see attention shifting to Eul
Because just picking on me is not cool
She can take it
Never will fake it
And many great limericks shall fuel

 

[twonines]

Glad to see attention shifting to Eul
Because picking just on me is not cool
She can take it
Never will fake it
And many great limericks shall fuel

You`ll not escape as easily as that,
We make them up at the drop of a hat.
Eul`s not your saviour,
Be on best behaviour,
Or you`ll get a taste of the cat.

 

[Barbaria1]

You`ll not escape as easily as that,
We make them up at the drop of a hat.
Eul`s not your saviour,
Be on best behaviour,
Or you`ll get a taste of the cat.

My answer to that is ‘oh shit’
I thought it a good gambit
To shift the game
To another name
Tell me why that’s not legit?

 

[twonines]

My answer to that is ‘oh shit’
I thought it a good gambit
To shift the game
To another name
Tell me why that’s not legit?

Your answer may be "oh shit"
But profanity`s no substitute for wit.
We must decide how to treat you,
And whether we beat you,
We`ll think about it for a bit.

 

[montycrusto]

@Barbaria1 is the boss..
She commands, but we don’t give a toss..
She says “don’t be cruel
To me, pick on Eul!”
We just laugh and nail Barb to the cross.

 

[Barbaria1]

From my cross I do hang
But I don’t give a dang
Cause now I‘ll have time
To work on this rhyme
With which Monty to harangue

 

[twonines]

From my cross I do hang
But I don’t give a dang
Cause now I‘ll have time
To work on this rhyme
With which Monty to harangue

Now Barb is using her quick wit,
She`s no need to say "oh shit"
But to stay on the top
And keep us on the hop
She may struggle a bit.

 

[montycrusto]

Than Barb, there is no finer lass,
She writhes on the cross with such class.
She says “it’s so hard
To write verse like a bard,
With a great big Cornu up your ass!”

 

[twonines]

Than Barb, there is no finer lass,
She writhes on the cross with such class.
She says “it ain’t easy
To write verses so cheesy,
With a great big Cornu up your ass!”

Barb, there`s no doubt you admire,
With your verses which are on fire.
Flogged, nailed or hung,
Her praises we`ve sung,
We could have started a choir.

 

[montycrusto]

The Ballad o’ Bonnie Wee Barb (18)

Wee Barb said to Scott: “Oh, Sir Walter,
May your heavenly prose never falter!
I’ll be your muse,
And I’ll take off your troos...
Och, it’s huge! Ye could be a pole-vaulter!”

 

[twonines]

As with Barb and things Scots you obsess,
I`m intrigued, I must surely confess.
But it`s the ready admission
Of her sexy submission,
That does it for me, you can guess.

 

[Eulalia]

Barb challenged philosopher Hume,
'It's your brat that I've got in my womb!'
'To that I object -
For any effect
A cause ye cannot assume!'

 

[twonines]

Barb challenged philosopher Hume,
'It's your brat that I've got in my womb!'
'To that I object -
For any effect
A cause ye cannot assume!'

Eul has taken to limerick writing,
With comments that could be biting.
We are not phased,
If the standard is raised,
It could be very exciting.

 

[montycrusto]

@Eulalia ’s verse is so clever..
Can I compete with it? Never!
I mostly write smut
About Bonnie Barb’s butt,
Which I’ll carry on doing forever.

 

[twonines]

On Cf, Barb`s revered for her beauty,
Her literary talent, her tight little booty.
If these were not noted,
Then we`d be demoted,
For gross dereliction of duty.

 

[twonines]

At Eulalia, in awe we are gazing,
In her honour, a glass we are raising.
This great polymath
Is a wizard at Math,
And in linguistics is simply amazing.

 

[twonines]

Our Kathy, who loves firm direction,
Can withstand the harshest correction.
She`s into the "scene,"
As "number seventeen,"
The epitome of masochistic perfection.