Limericks

[twonines]

Twonines applies praise with slather
I can’t say there’s anything I’d rather
So lay it on thick
It won’t make me sick
Accolades I’m happy to gather

Barb is always easy to praise,
Whatever anyone says.
As for laying it on thick,
I just need a stick,
Some welts on her tight little to raise.

 

[montycrusto]

Today, you`ve been on top form,
Your Limericks have created a storm.
Each pointed verse,
Has been witty and terse,
This standard should now be the norm.

Twonines applies praise with slather
I can’t say there’s anything I’d rather
So lay it on thick
It won’t make me sick
Accolades I’m happy to gather

Today must be one of those days,
When Barb’s to be girded with praise,
Pavilion’d in splendour
As Queen of her gender,
And Mistress of all she surveys.

 

[montycrusto]

So now it’s high time to get back
To torturing Barb on the rack,
No more Mister Nice,
Let her now pay the price,
And be stretched until her joints crack..

 

[Barbaria1]

Stretched on the rack is oh so bad
Especially when operated by a cad
Monty is his name
Depraved is his fame
‘Cause he racks his women unclad

 

[twonines]

Our Barb has a big heart
And takes her pain in good part.
She writhed and she retched
While on the rack she was stretched.
And Monty said "that`s only the start"

 

[Ted Parry]

Though many think she's a cutie
On occasions Barb can be quite snooty
But from her position exalted
One thing can’t be faulted
And that’s her tight little booty

 

[twonines]

On the rack, spread eagled and nude,
Barb`s displayed in a way that is lewd.
Monty said "when I turn this wheel,
More pain you will feel"
And that`s the result that ensued.

 

[Barbaria1]

Nothings worse than to be stretched on the rack
And the painful things that it does to your back
Legs and arms too
As they turn the screw
And every body part is stretched out of wack

 

[montycrusto]

Nothings worse than to be stretched on the rack
And the painful things that it does to your back
Legs and arms too
As they turn the screw
And every body part is stretched out of wack

Dear Barb, you could not be wronger;
What doesn’t kill, must make you stronger.
And if it does not,
Then at least, you know what?
A good racking will sure make you longer.

 

[montycrusto]

With each further turn of the screw,
Barb screams her confessions in blue:
“All right, I confess!
I’m a mad sorceress!
And I crashed a few websites, too!”

 

[twonines]

After being most cruelly pressed,
Finally, Barb, has "confessed"
For causing the crash ,
She`ll taste the lash,
That crime will now be redressed.

 

[Barbaria1]

Now comes that part I hate the most
The part where I’m whipped at the post
I’ll scream and I’ll yell
Tell ‘em to go to hell
Goading them to do their utmost

 

[Wragg]

To the bright side our attention must fall:
The pain's not the sum of it all
Your joints may be cracking
From Monty's dread racking
But at least you'll be lovely and tall!

 

[twonines]

Now comes that part I hate the most
The part where I’m whipped at the post
I’ll scream and I’ll yell
Tell ‘em to go to hell
Goading them to do their utmost

For pain, Barb harbours a thirst,
This whipping will not be her first.
Bent, naked, restrained,
Her tight little caned,
It could end up being her worst.

 

[twonines]

To the bright side our attention must fall:
The pain's not the sum of it all
Your joints may be cracking
From Monty's dread racking
But at least you'll be lovely and tall!

As I follow each little ditty,
Some great, some not so pretty.
Every single time,
Wragg gets them to rhyme,
And makes them apposite and witty.

 

[montycrusto]

If a limerick’s starting to sag,
Looking dreary, becoming a drag,
Then one could do worse
Than to shine up one’s verse
With brasso and an old, tattered Wragg.

 

[montycrusto]

They’re building the Suez Mark 2,
In case Barb goes sailing anew.
Her tight little barge
May not be large,
But when it gets stuck, there’s a queue.

 

[Barbaria1]

Cruising the Suez is quite easy
Though the fit can be a bit squeezy
Long as I’m at the wheel
It’s never a big deal
But it makes Monty feel quite queasy

 

[Wragg]

"Look out for that ship going past!"
"Oh Barb! You are going too fast!"
It is quite a thriller,
With Barb on the tiller,
Will Monty's poor heart really last?

 

[montycrusto]

"Look out for that ship going past!"
"Oh Barb! You are going too fast!"
It is quite a thriller,
With Barb on the tiller,
Will Monty's poor heart really last?

It’s likely to give me a stroke,
Barb’s seamanship skills are a joke.
I generally go
To the engine below,
Where I give her hot fire-box a poke