Limericks

[old slave]

From deep 'neath the crypts of St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles
Said the abbot, "Good Gracious!
Has Brother Ignatius.
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

When I was a wean, I loved Nursery Rhymes!

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

 

[Eulalia]

Another Scottish surname one -

I ken a braw laddie named Cockburn
Whose passion comes on at a slow burn,
But when it gets blazing
His fuckin's amazing,
Like a cruise-liner docking in Oban!

 

[FrankO]

Another Scottish surname one -

I ken a braw laddie named Cockburn
Whose passion comes on at a slow burn,
But when it gets blazing
His fuckin's amazing,
Like a cruise-liner docking in Oban!

View attachment 680371

And yet another ...

There was a young man named McTavish
Who attempted an anthropoid ravish
But the object of rape
Was the wrong sex of ape
And the anthropoid ravished McTavish

 

[worthless fem]

A whimsical lady called Donna
thought that she'd soon be a-goner
when up on the cross
she was at a dead loss
when she saw a man with a huge boner!

 

[worthless fem]

(With apologies to Edward Lear)

a luminous nose with a dong
was busy surveying King Kong
when to its surprise
the ape opened his eyes
and gasped at the gynormous shlong

 

[old slave]

There once was a man from Cape Horn
Who wished that he'd never been born
He wouldn't have been
lf his father had seen
That the end of his condom was torn

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Try saying this three times fast

 

[Spike Sharp]

Spike Sharp, a knackered old hack
Said, “Barb, there’s one thing I lack
“My readers should see
“Adorning page three
“A shot of you stretched on a rack!”

 

[Cella]

Two Vision Problems:

A myopic old Scot named MacTree
Said, "Hey lassie, come sit on my knee
I see your titties are huge
But I sense subterfuge
‘Cause down below you’re a laddie like me!"


A farsighted fellow named Lance
Could only find his wife’s pussy by chance
But with her tits it was easy
Being up front and quite squeezy
Theirs was an unlikely romance

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

So sweet being tucked in at night

 

[old slave]

There was a young man of St John's
Who wanted to bugger the swans
But the loyal hall porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter
Those birds are reserved for the dons"


NB St John's is a Cambridge college. Dons are Oxbridge staff ie faculty in US

 

[Barbaria1]

NB St John's is a Cambridge college. Dons are Oxbridge staff ie faculty in US

Gee ... doesn't show much respect for the dons, does it?

 

[Eulalia]

There was a young man of St John's
Who wanted to bugger the swans
But the loyal hall porter
Said, "Pray take my daughter
Those birds are reserved for the dons"


NB St John's is a Cambridge college. Dons are Oxbridge staff ie faculty in US

Fellows of St John's College are the only people in the UK outside the Royal Family
who are legally allowed to eat unmarked mute swans.
You can still see a 'swan door' in the wall of the college when you punt along the Cam,
where the birds were trapped and hauled into the kitchen.

 

[old slave]

Fellows of St John's College are the only people in the UK outside the Royal Family
who are legally allowed to eat unmarked mute swans.
You can still see a 'swan door' in the wall of the college when you punt along the Cam,
where the birds were trapped and hauled into the kitchen.

So this old fart from a Redbrick Uni didn't know that, and thought the dons had other uses for the swans, in the manner of pigs' heads.

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Who like Chinese Take-out?

 

[Praefectus Praetorio]

Fellows of St John's College are the only people in the UK outside the Royal Family
who are legally allowed to eat unmarked mute swans.
You can still see a 'swan door' in the wall of the college when you punt along the Cam,
where the birds were trapped and hauled into the kitchen.

The upping is most important
http://www.royalswan.co.uk/

 

[cruxlover]

There's a Black Country maid called Melissa
Her body all over I'd love to kiss her
Then I'd slurp at her cunt
Till with pleasure she did grunt
That saucy bold maid called Melissa

In some blue state there dwells Barbaria
Her exploits get scarier and scarier
One day she will go too far
Get pickled in pine tar
Then we will just see her mummy in the area