Living your final fantasy in a midspring day [consensual]

[grandekjnkj]

I write erotic stories as a hobby, as a way to live my own fantasies. Some of them revolve around crucifixion, an old fantasy of mine. I guess this is a nice place to share them.

Part 1/3

It is a nice spring day. I am wearing a light yellow sundress and a pair of rope sandals and The sun shines nicely over the blurred fields on the other side of the train window. The warmth of the day makes me feel nice and relaxed. It is a nice day for a radical change I am scared, but excited.

I look at myself in the window and I see a just ordinary "next door" girl in her twenties. I am average height, average bust size, a nice, feminine, hourglass shape, green eyes and long, natural blond curly hair. I am not thin, nor especially curvy. I am a girl like many others that you can find on the bus, in your class or in your neighborhood.
Everything began a week ago, no, actually, the real beginning was more than one month ago. A medical examination confirmed my worst fear: I had a tumor like the one my aunt Dalia had few years before and there was not much hope. A couple of years, if I was lucky and started getting awful medical cocktails right now, six months if I was unlucky. The worst part is that toward the end I would end up living on opiates like my aunt and this idea scared me.

A couple of weeks after the bad news, I was reading the messages in a fetish forum (well, yes, I have some wild fantasies, as you will discover) and found a guy who published a short tale that resonated with my own fantasy. I decided that I wanted to end my days by living that fantasy. Yes, they are "hard" fantasies, but what did I have to loose?

We started messaging, I wanted to sense if he was willing to do this for real. Initially he was scared. I guess he is a really nice guy, just with some fantasies doomed to remain... fantasies, at least so he believed. We talked for a while, he understood that I really wanted to do this and he accepted... I guess he sees this like some kind of assisted suicide or fulfilling the last wish of someone.

I currently do not have a partner, just few friends, relatives and coworkers. We agreed that I should "vanish softly," as merging with the background, without leaving any track, any memory of mine. He devised a smart solution for that, although I do not know what is. Everything I know is that he asked me for a PO Box where he sent a smartphone with pre-paid card. The smartphone has an app that from the tweets of a special Twitter account extracts the messages for me. Hidden in plain view, I like it. Do not ask me how it is done, this stuff is not my forte.

The instructions I received asked me to tell to my friends and colleagues that I would be away for few months, so they will not search for me too soon. I would leave home with just a bare minimum for the trip, leaving there my original smartphone, credit cards and other traceable stuff. I just would take with me some cache, the new smartphone and nothing much. I should travel by train to a small Swiss village, buying the ticket at the counter and paying with cache. At the rail station I should go to the baggage storage boxes where I'll find new instructions.

Now I am on the train and I cannot help thinking about what will happen and how there is no turning back. There would be no turning back anyway in few months, at least this is a decision that I made. I am also going to live my fantasy and this excites and scares me at the same time. The fields blur away in front of me while I daydream and doze...

I suddenly jerk awake, just before my destination, afraid I missed it. I descend the train and look around, bathed in the warm sun and the nice cool air. The village is really a very small one, in a mountain context, the kind that you would imagine by thinking about an Alpine village. Fresh, crispy air, green grass and wooden houses, yes, very cliche, but it is real. There are cows too... Anyway, to the baggage store.

In the assigned box I find a backpack; inside the backpack there is a long t-shirt (one of those that arrive halfway the thighs), a map, a bottle, some snacks and a letter.

"Dear friend,
if you are reading this it means that you are really willing to live your fantasy. In this case I promise you that I will do my best to make our fantasy alive.
I guess you are a bit scared (who wouldn't?) and I think that the fear would risk ruin the experience of pain that you desire to live. Therefore, I though a path for you that will allow you to learn how to resign yourself, giving yourself to me, accepting everything I will do to you. This is not your average BDSM play.
If this scares you, I'll understand and you can abort the plan here, taking a train back to home. I am honest: if you want to go back, I will understand. If you want, we can keep chatting in the forum and maybe retry at a later time.
However, if you are really determined moving further, I'll ask you to do this: remove your clothes (in a suitable place, of course) and wear the t-shirt. You should wear only the t-shirt, yes, no underwear, nor shoes. That t-shirt will be your only dress for the rest of your days.
Put your dress and shoes (are they made from only vegetable fibers as I asked you?) in the same storage box, someone will take it, cleaning every trace of you. Take with you your money, the smartphone and the map.
You can see on the map your new destination that you'll reach by foot. It is almost 60 km away and this means three days of barefoot walking, part on the road, part in the woods. Most probably you have not enough money to sleep in a hotel, so you'll need to sleep in the open. You can find on the map few suitable places for sleeping safely, together with the locations of few stands where you can buy hot-dogs, pretzels and stuff. You can fill the bottle to few fountains along the way and the snacks will help you when no food stand is near.
Yes, it is something demanding, but it is just the beginning of your new life. Also, if you actually do this — walking barefoot for three days, sleeping in the wood and washing yourself in the rivers — it will be a proof that you really, really, want it.
Again, if you change your mind and want to go back, I can understand.
When you'll arrive to your new destination, I will be there for you.See you in three days (maybe)"

My hearth beats as crazy. I am picturing myself with just a t-shirt on, walking barefoot on roads and footpaths, sleeping under the stars, with wild animals around me. I am scared and excited at the same time. I'll do it, this is my doom. I am even a bit dizzy. My final days will be to be remembered.
There is none around (it is an early Sunday morning in a small Swiss village), so I decide to change here. First I remove my sandals and feel the gravel under my feet. It is just the beginning. Then I remove my sundress and my panties. I remain for a moment there naked, feeling the sun and the light wind on my skin, the earth under my feet. It is so nice. There is none around, so I decide to remain naked a bit more. I fold the dress and the panties and put them in the box with the sandals. I kiss them goodbye, I am moving toward my destiny and you, my nice sunny dress, are part of my old life. Goodbye.
I hear voices and I put hastily the t-shirt on. My heart is racing, but inside me there is a small malicious smile, I feel so secretly pervert. I check the map and... let's do the first step that starts every new trip!
It is the first time I do a multi-day walk like this, and it is the first time that I walk barefoot for so long. It is funny, you learn to recognize the different type of soils, trying to walk on large, smooth stones rather than gravel or roads. Depending on the soil walking barefoot can be painful. Every now and then I need to stop. If there is a river, I cool my feet there. The feeling of destiny is growing stronger. My feet are dark from the dirt and if I clean them they are red from the friction with the soil.
I think that if I am in the middle of the wood, I can safely take my t-shirt off and remain naked. Sleeping naked is great, sleeping naked under the stars, feeling the pine needles under my skin, knowing what expects me at the end is just wonderful. I need to masturbate myself since I am too excited to sleep. The wave of endorphins that follows removes the excitation of the day and I fell asleep as a log. I wake up early in the morning with the sun rising and birds singing. Yes, yes, very cliche, almost Disney-ish, but it is real... Few dried fruits from the snacks in the backpack are my breakfast, together with some soluble coffee dissolved in river water. Is this water safe? Oh, well...
I bath in the river for some toilets and I feel like in a painting by Manet. I do not really need it, but I wanted to feel the cold water flowing over my body. I guess I need to touch myself again... Oh well, it is just me, the river and the birds.
Now, however, I feel quite weak. There is a small village down there where I go to have some real breakfast. I have no way to towel me dry, so the t-shirt remains a bit adherent to my body. I guess I am quite a view, with my wet blond curly hairs, the t-shirt showing my curves and my nipples hardened by the cold and barefoot. In the bar there is a boy in its early twenties and I can feel his glances upon me. I get a bit nervous, but then I think that maybe later he will have self-fun remembering me and this gratifies and excites me. I play with him, letting fall the smartphone at my feet and asking him to pick it for me. He leans forward, running his head near my legs and I open a bit, letting him to glance below the t-shirt. By the blush on his face I understand that I actually glanced. I thank him with a kiss and leave.
For how much long will he jack-off, remembering this moment? I feel so bad and perverted. If someone few months ago predicted this to me, I would have said "You are crazy, this femme fatale is not me." I feel so bad and alive... Bad... Well, in a sense I made (and will make, in the memory) him happy.
If he just knew what expects me...
Back to the path, toward my doom... Yeah a bit melodramatic. The trees have nice new leaves with a light green that filters the sun, there is a nice smell of flowers and fungus, and old wood. It came to my mind that I could get lice, but... who cares?

 

[grandekjnkj]

Part 2/3

It is the third day of my pilgrimage. The days have been similar to the first one: walking in the wood, smelling the nature, bathing in small rivers, snacking in small villages under the gaze of young boys and having fun with myself whenever I feel it. It was nice, but also tiresome. My feet hurt quite a bit and they have few blisters that are turning to calluses. I guess you could say that I choose this. Yes, I choose it and I am every day more convinced about my choice. A bit painful and tiresome, but also exciting and I choose it.

According to the map, the new destination should not be too far away, it should be an open space in the wood that I should find after few turns.

Here it is! Yes, it is this. Now I just need to wait for my partner to arrive. I sit down on a stone, with my feet bathing in a small resurgence pond. I lean my back against a tree, relax, close my eyes...

"Weak up, Cathy!" I hear a gentle voice... Who is Cathy? Suddenly I remember and wake up: Cathy was the fake name that I used to register in the forum. I turn around and see him: just an average good-looking guy (yeah, we are just your "average hardcore pervert"), with a gentle face that look at me, the head slightly tilted to the right. "Richard?" I reply (I guess his name is fake too). "Yes, it is me. So, in the end you decided to go on, right?" "Yes, right"

The situation is quite awkward. We both know why we are here. When we talked about it in the forum it seemed so easy, but now that we are here we are both acquaintances and strangers at the same time, connected by an unspeakable pact. He looks like a real nice guy. Funny thinking that behind that gentle gaze some wild fantasies dwell. Well, I think the same could be said for me.

We talk for a while, he asks me about my travel. I tell him some funny things that I experienced in the villages, especially for my look. We laugh. He takes my hand, we look and remember why we are here. "Should we go?" I say. He nods.

We walk together in wood. I take his hand. Now that my doom gets closer I get scared. He feels it. "Are you scared?" "Yes, a bit, wouldn't you in my place?" I snap back. "You can turn back at any time, you know. I can take you to the train station with my car..." He is very gentle and empathetic. I feel some butterfly in my stomach. Is something sprouting inside me? Am I falling in love? If so, I want to give myself to him... Let's do this. "Do not worry" I say while caressing his face, feeling the "five in the evening" beard, "I decided to do this, I walked barefoot over stones and branches to arrive here because I wanted it, and I still want it. A part of me is afraid, but I would never go back, for any reason" He nods again, takes my hands in his, looks in my eyes and says "I see. Let's go"

We walk for a while in the wood, hand in hand like two teenagers, talking about ourselves. We do this naturally and it is almost surreal, like in a dream.

The sun is getting lower on the horizon, getting ready to set down. We reach a small chapel in the middle of the wood. It is quite old, not especially interesting from an artistic or historical point of view. I guess it was built here in the past centuries for the devotion of people who worked in the wood or went from a village to another passing through the woods. Now it is neglected and it looks like almost none knows about its existence. It is in a quite remote part of the woods, the paths coming here are not used anymore and you need to really want to come here.

We enter the chapel. The interior is pretty bare, the walls are just whitewashed with no picture or fresco, the floor is covered with some raw terracotta tiles, you know, the type that look so good when they are new, but that you will never be able to clean if they get soiled. The only decoration is represented by some small mediocre quality pictures depicting the via crucis stations. I guess they were painted by the villager with the best drawing skills.

The furniture is represented by just four old wooden benches and a couple of chairs. The warm sunset light enters through some small pointed arch windows with few broken glasses and mixes itself with the trembling light of few candles and two large brazers placed on the sides of the altar.

The altar itself is just a cube made of rocks glued with concrete and a slice of marble on top. Upon the altar there is a brass vase which could use some cleaning and I think it does not see a flower since long time. Behind the altar usually there is a huge cross that, however, now lays on the floor. Upon it three gutter spikes and a heavy hammer.

My heart races as mad, my breath gets deeper, a ton of butterfly starts dancing in my stomach and I begin trembling. Being crucified it has always been a strong sexual fantasy of mine, imaging the pain of being nailed, hanging from my arms, the breathing that gets even more difficult... and now I am in front of it, the nails are quite impressive...

The cross is a large one, life size, so to say. It is just two pieces of raw seasoned wood. I caress it, feeling the texture of the surface and its sturdiness. Will this be my last home? Will my blood drip from it while my last breath will leave my body? I put a foot upon the wood, trying to imagine what it would feel to have it nailed to the wood, becoming part of the cross and the cross becoming an extension of mine. I imagine my hands nailed to the wood, the arm stretched...

My partner takes in a box with the clothes I put away in that small station. "If you are determined to do this — he says — put these clothes and the t-shirt in the brazer, burning away your last connections with this world." I do as requested (this is why he asked me to leave wearing only vegetable fibers) watching the fire consuming my dress, my underwear and my rope sandals. Last, the t-shirt that shared with me my last three days. Small pieces of hash floating in the air is everything it remains and now I am aware that the only thing I have now is just my body. I look down at it, my tits, my tummy, my highs, my legs, my feet on the cold floor. I like it, but it is time to leave it too. I came naked in this world, naked I will leave.

He takes me by an arm and makes me kneel on a prie-dieu. "Hug it with your arms and do not let it go" He instructs me. I close my eyes. I know what to expect.

Crack! Owwww! It is the first time I get whipped and the pain is just unbelievable

Crack! Yeow! I clench my teeth, tears flowing from my...

Crack! ...

The whipping goes on, the pain gets every time more intense. I start feeling a subtle tickling along my back, like honey flowing down. I recognize it: it is my blood trickling down my body.

I loved to practice self-piercing, usually with needles in my nipples, but sometimes I even managed to nail my tits to a table. I liked the excitation that the pain gave me, but I mostly loved when I removed the needle or the nail and a tiny red river trickled down my tit, leaving little red dots on the floor. This scared and excited me. I loved to lick it, savoring the strange metallic taste of my own blood. Now my blood will stain forever the simple tiles of this small chapel. Who knows? Maybe in the future they will tell the legend of the girl crucified in this chapel. Maybe I will return to haunt this chapel.

The whipping ends. I am a bit fuzzy from the pain, my head spins a bit, I need a second to recover. He caresses my hairs. This mix of pain and affection makes me bond with him. Is this how a Stockholm syndrome develops? I do not care, I just like it this way, I would like this lasted forever.

He helps me on my feet and brings me to the cross. I leave a trail of dark drops on the floor, like a pervert Hop-o'-My-Thumb. I walk to the cross and look at it. The sun set down and now outside it is dark with just a pale moonlight filtering through the leaves and the arched windows to land on the cross laying on the ground. I caress its wood again thinking "Hello, my new and last home. Here I am."

I lay down on the wood, my breath slowing down. I open my arms, palms up. I put my feet on the wood, one upon the other. I can feel the cross with all my body. In front of me I see the eleventh station of the via crucis: Jesus is nailed to the cross. Coincidence? I do not know, but it gives me a strange connection feeling looking at that picture. My face is lit by the moonlight.

"I have a last request" I say turning to my partner/executioner. "Nothing is left for me, but my body. I would ask you to eat a piece of my flesh, even just a small bit. I just want to become part of you and virtually living in you forever." He looks at me seriously and nods. I know he will honor this promise. "Beside this, you can do whatever you like with my body. I know I will not have a proper burial, but I do not care."

"I am ready" and I close my eyes.

Something touches my wrist. My friend knelled near to me, placing the first nail. I get tunnel vision, looking at the nail placed on my wrist. It feels so unreal. I look at my friend and he is looking me. His gazes says everything and I reply with a minimal nod. My heart start beating as fast as it never did before.

The time seems to slow down. I see in slow motion my partner raising the hammer and letting it fall on the nail head. The nail break my skin and penetrate halfway in my wrist. The pain is like an electric shock that starts from my wrist, moves along my arm and catches my brain. The arm gets rigid, like a single bar, my back arches, I tremble. A second blow makes the nail go completely through. Some more blows and I cannot move the wrist anymore, firmly pressed against the wood. The pain is so intense that for a moment I cannot breath.

My body trembles, by head pulses, my heart races. Feeling my wrist nailed to the wood arouses me even more, the waves of pain traveling along my arm. It reminds me when I nailed my tits to the kitchen table, only this is much more intense and definitive. My friend caresses my face and this calms me a bit, my breath gets more normal. I watch him through my eyes drawn in tears, but I am grateful. I smile, the sensation is so overwhelming that I cannot speak, but I want him to know that I am grateful.

I lay again the other arm upon the cross and I close my eyes. I know what it is to come.

The procedure repeats. The tip of the nail on my skin, the nail piercing my flash, the waves of pain, my body arching, my breath shortening. The waves of pain slowly wash out, only the intense pain from my wrist remains. My arms are stretched and fixed to the wood. I cannot move and begin panicking, shouting, arching and twisting my body.

He kneels near me, hugs me (as much as possible with my arms nailed), caresses my head and kisses my forefront, as you would do with a scared kid. I calm down, I remember why I am here, my breath normalizes. I feel his body touching my shivering breast, his hands touching and caressing my back. I imagine he getting stained with the blood from my back.

He feels I am calmer and lets me go, looking at me while still on his knees. I watch him and I try to raise my head to kiss him. He understands and gets down, touching my lips with his. Our mouths join and we kiss intensely. This is my very last kiss. He caresses my bust and gently fondles my tits. The panic vanishes, I am giving all myself to him: my body, my flesh, my blood, my pain and my life.

Now I am calm and ready for what it follows. I stretch my legs along the cross, put my right foot over the wood, the left foot over the right one. I feel the rough wood under with the plant of my foot, the blisters caused by three days of barefoot walking hurt a bit, but it does not matter. With the left plant I feel the smooth skin of my right foot. I intertwine the fingers of my feet, as I was used to do when I was aroused.

Here it comes the point of the nail. I try to look, but I cannot raise my head enough. The first blow penetrate the nail in the upper foot, the second blow breaks in the lower one, the third blow reaches the wood. Few other blows bind my feet together and fix them to the wood. Each blow resonates in the seasoned wood of the cross and this noise it is further amplified by the reverb of the small chapel.

I do not shout anymore. The pain is unbelievably intense, but now I actually savor it. I am fully fixed, hands and feet, like a butterfly, but I do not panic anymore. My heart races, but it is almost a feeling of pleasure. I look at the via crucis station in front of depicting Jesus. Did you feel the same? I feel like a privileged to die in this way.

Now everything is silent, the only other noise coming from the small nocturnal animals in the wood. The scene is lit by the warm lights of the brazers and the candles.Everything is calm now.

My partner raises the cross from the top and starts dragging it on the floor, bringing it behind the altar. In the floor there is a hole where the cross was initially placed. He starts raising it, trying to put it back in the hole. It is not an easy task to do alone and the cross slips a couple of times, with me nailed to it. Finally he gets it right and start raising it little by little.

Gravity starts acting on me, trying to bring me down, stretching my arms with all my weight. It is a new feeling being suspended with nothing placed under your feet. Being fixed (with nails) to a vertical surface, it gives me the impression that I am going to fall anytime soon. I am a bit afraid of heights and the feeling of void and this adds to the fear/excitation (I cannot distinguish, honestly) of this moment.

Thump! Ouch! The cross has fallen in the hole, in a last sudden step that caused an impulse of pain, started from my hand and feet, reverberating in my body. Now everything is done, there is nothing to do, only to wait. This relaxes me, transforming the continuous pain in an ecstasy sensation. I look at my partner through my eyes that burns because the tears and murmur a "thank you" to him.

I am here, suspended with nails in my writs and feet, in a chapel, behind an altar, playing, in a sense, the role of Jesus, in a live enactment of His Passion.

I ask my partner of taking a picture of me, I want to see myself crucified. I look beautiful, I just love it, I guess I am smiling by looking at me crucified behind the altar and the two brazers on my side. With a priest praying it would be perfect.

The gravity starts to have its effect on my body. My arms shout by the pains of being stretched, breathing is difficult because of the tension in my thorax. I need to raise myself a bit. Pushing on my feet, trying to stretch the knees, increases the pain, but there is no other way. I get as much air as I can before lowering again, hanging on my arms. I know that I will have to repeat this many, many times. I accept and savor the pain that makes this end so intense.

The movement caused a widening of the wounds and some blood exits. The blood flowing down my arms tickle me a bit, I can feel it flowing along my armpit, down to my bust, aiming to my belly and my hips. The blood from my feet is dropping on the floor; in the silence of this chapel I can hear the tiny, almost regular, splashes. He gets near me and caresses my body.

"I will be here, beside you until the end, I will not let you alone." I look at him and smile while drifting in pain. I need to raise myself again, repeating the cycle. He kisses my feet and licks some blood. "It is a bit like eating you." I couldn't ask for a better end. I give all myself to you, my blood, my pain and my life and this maybe is not enough.

 

[grandekjnkj]

Part 3/3

Time passed. How much? I do not know, several hours, I guess, the sky is getting lighter, the night is ending. I raised and lowered myself innumerable times. My mind floats away in a lake of pain and pleasure, excitation and ecstasy. My blood made three small, dark ponds on the floor. The stain on the floor will never go away, not even the stains on the cross that together with the holes left by the nails will be forever the witnesses of these last hours of mine. In a future maybe someone will notice the stains and the holes, maybe some investigation will be done, but none will be able to imagine my ecstasy in these hours; only my partner will know.

The sun is raising. A new day is beginning. I will leave surfing along these first rays of the Sun, drifting forever to live in your fantasy.

 

[202x]

Great story, Grandecinci! I’m so happy for you that you found your nailer!

 

[thecuriousone]

The kind of story that I like a lot.

 

[DaHoYoTa]

"I have a last request" I say turning to my partner/executioner. "Nothing is left for me, but my body. I would ask you to eat a piece of my flesh, even just a small bit. I just want to become part of you and virtually living in you forever." He looks at me seriously and nods. I know he will honor this promise. "Beside this, you can do whatever you like with my body. I know I will not have a proper burial, but I do not care."

"I will be here, beside you until the end, I will not let you alone." I look at him and smile while drifting in pain. I need to raise myself again, repeating the cycle. He kisses my feet and licks some blood. "It is a bit like eating you." I couldn't ask for a better end. I give all myself to you, my blood, my pain and my life and this maybe is not enough.

A romantic love story, well, perhaps it's just not tolerable by "normal persons", haha.