Question about socieites

[tygavin]

Okay, I could use some advice. Ive been single for about 6 years. I'm getting close to fifty now but in the best shape of my life. I'm kind of living my best life right now. I am not looking for a quick hook up or even necessarily a romantic relatinoship. I am after years of keeping my kinks to myself, wanting to meet like mindned people. I am an hour or two depending on what side of the city from Houston and Austin. Houston used to have a long time ago a society for BDSM that had mixers for people interested where they can get to know each other in a less formal setting. Now all I can find is clubs or studios that you aren't even giving the address to until you book. Kind of sketchy in my opinion but I understand the need for discretion. Still not looking to pay for kinks, just want to meet like minded people. Do social groups liek that still exist and how would I go about fnding them?

 

[Destitutus Ventis]

Okay, I could use some advice. Ive been single for about 6 years. I'm getting close to fifty now but in the best shape of my life. I'm kind of living my best life right now. I am not looking for a quick hook up or even necessarily a romantic relatinoship. I am after years of keeping my kinks to myself, wanting to meet like mindned people. I am an hour or two depending on what side of the city from Houston and Austin. Houston used to have a long time ago a society for BDSM that had mixers for people interested where they can get to know each other in a less formal setting. Now all I can find is clubs or studios that you aren't even giving the address to until you book. Kind of sketchy in my opinion but I understand the need for discretion. Still not looking to pay for kinks, just want to meet like minded people. Do social groups liek that still exist and how would I go about fnding them?

I don't know the Houston area at all, but the website Fetlife seems to be currently the easiest place to find semi-public events & access to the organizers of play parties. Almost any sizable community will have at least one regular (monthly or even weekly) "munch" or "slosh" at which kinky people meet in a public place, usually a reserved area in a restaurant or bar. These events are focused on socializing & have a relaxed atmosphere; in general, attendees are well advised to avoid pressuring one another for hookups or otherwise getting excessively horny (this is especially the case with regard to men approaching women; cornering someone & getting immediately into the details of one's own fetishes can quickly lead to a bad reputation). Most events listed on Fetlife will have some information about the rules & expectations. Read them & respect them & you should be fine!

There's a lot of variability in the diversity of ages, orientations, gender expressions, etc. If you're not comfortable with the mix at the first event you try, a city the size of Houston will almost certainly have several! These can be a great way to become familiar to people in your local community, & if you're patient & easygoing you're pretty likely to run across some interesting people. A lot of people in our generation have started exploring kinks with others only in middle age, now that stigma is reduced; if you're not opposed to finding partners who are close to your own age & who don't look like models, you might find a lot more interest than you'd expect! If you feel anxious, just remember that most of the people round you probably feel at least as nervous as you do. Treat them the way you'd like to be treated.

I've been active in my local kink community for years now & it's definitely no utopia; there's a fair amount of gossip & backbiting, & some people are pretty toxic. I'd also say that crucifixion is a fairly obscure kink & some people might get turned off by it, so maybe it's not a great topic in a first conversation; but in general, people in the community try not to be judgmental. But it's worth the effort! I'm having more & better playtime with more people now than I ever did in my 20s or 30s, & I've been able to find partners who have done some wild things with me.

 

[tygavin]

Thanks! I’ll definitely check out fetlife. It sounds cool. I’m very laid back and honestly not into models. I like people who look and are real. As far as crux it’s really not my main kink believe it or not. I just love writing about it. I’m into dolcett too but definitely don’t want to be eaten or eat anyone thanks for the advice!

 

[rieo]

Okay, I could use some advice. Ive been single for about 6 years. I'm getting close to fifty now but in the best shape of my life. I'm kind of living my best life right now. I am not looking for a quick hook up or even necessarily a romantic relatinoship. I am after years of keeping my kinks to myself, wanting to meet like mindned people. I am an hour or two depending on what side of the city from Houston and Austin. Houston used to have a long time ago a society for BDSM that had mixers for people interested where they can get to know each other in a less formal setting. Now all I can find is clubs or studios that you aren't even giving the address to until you book. Kind of sketchy in my opinion but I understand the need for discretion. Still not looking to pay for kinks, just want to meet like minded people. Do social groups liek that still exist and how would I go about fnding them?

For context, I am a male sadist. I can totally sympathize with you because only now that I am in my 40s do I feel truly comfortable with my kinks, and as a result I have been having the best sex of my life lately! It's been tremendously rewarding. After years of not being fully in tune with my kinks, now I am completely comfortable with discussing my kinks and introducing them in bed. The people I have been playing with lately are both people whom I met at bars, and to whom then at some point when it felt right I brought up what I was into. I told one of them about my kinks a few weeks after I met her, if I remember correctly. At that point, I had not yet done anything sexual with her, but she seemed obviously wild and open-minded and comfortable with me about discussing sexuality so I brought it up with her. The other one, we went to bed together a couple of hours after we first met, and I mentioned my kinks to her within maybe like 10 minutes of us starting to have fun with each other in bed. She responded positively to what I said, so I took it from there.

Of course for women, meeting people for sex might be a bit different than for men because, since men tend to be physically stronger and more frequently antisocial than women, women often understandably feel a need to be super-sure that the situation is truly safe before going home with someone. I think that this is a valid feeling and should be respected. There are, unfortunately, many crazy guys out there.

I myself also, like you, am curious about good options to meet like-minded people. I've been thinking about trying FetLife or munches, but I don't have any experience with them so far so am not sure how that would go. Anyway, good luck and I hope that you have a lot of great, safe, exciting fun!