malins
Stumbling Seeker
Oh it's just the usual thing. He was dead but he got better. And now Repertor is pretending that was sorcery
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The Chronicle Of Sir Rupert And The Lost Cross
- Thread starter Wragg
- Start date
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- original story
Handy chap to have about, is Repertor.Oh it's just the usual thing. He was dead but he got better. And now Repertor is pretending that was sorcery
We have a role for you in the NHS, Repertor, if you're ever at a loose end?
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
Oh it's just the usual thing. He was dead but he got better. And now Repertor is pretending that was sorcery
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
Thank you. I have a plan already.Handy chap to have about, is Repertor.
We have a role for you in the NHS, Repertor, if you're ever at a loose end?
You're hired!
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
Here I am.You're hired!
Excellent.
There are a number of strange casualties in the Emergency Department!
Some queer story about falling off a dragon
Me, I reckon they were just pissed.
That's a historical image - going back to when Nye Bevan was persuading the BMA
(UK doctors' professional body) to agree to the National Health Service.
At the present time, it might well be recycled, with Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt
wielding the saw, and a much more 'junior' doctor!
Oh, people are turning up in A&E these days with the most trivial complaints -
fallen off a dragon? You could get something for that in Boots.
Or Repertor with the saw, and the Rt Hon in the box...
God knows, it'll take sorcery to sort out the NHS!
RacingRodent
Consul
Oh, people are turning up in A&E these days with the most trivial complaints -
fallen off a dragon? You could get something for that in Boots.
Falling off the dragon is actually yet more drugs slang for a bad reaction (though generally in the context of more humorously bad rather than serious complications)
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
Some queer story about falling off a dragon
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
RacingRodent
Consul
Oh King Arthur has a place for that, he calls it parliament you can always find wind there, hot air too.
Messaline screamed as she was whipped by the branches in the upper canopy of the trees around the Konigsee. “Oh, mon Dieu!” she cried – it looked as though landing was going to be far worse than take off!
Indeed it was. The riders weren’t deliberately trying to make it unpleasant, indeed they greatly feared the consequences of harming Messaline, as Kibonreju was not noted for his kindly understanding of errors. It was just that landing a girl on a cross from a flying horse was:
When she opened them, she was laying face down in a very unpleasant thorn bush, the weight of the cross forcing her down onto the thorns.
“Get her out of there!” yelled Kibonreju.
Three or four painful minutes later and she was laying on her back on her cross outside the mouth of a large cave, and Kibonreju was in a better mood. He uttered some utterly unintelligible words, and a very strange feeling swept over Messaline. The pain was still there, but the feeling of exhaustion was gone, as was some of the terror. “What was that?” she asked.
“Just a little spell so that you live for a nice long time on your cross. For ever, in fact. We wouldn’t want you to die on us, would we? That would be so very boring. Now, I have someone I want you to meet.” He turned to call into the cave. “Oh Barbie?!” He knew that the one thing Barbaria hated above anything else was to be called ‘Barbie’. “Oh Barbie! I have a little surprise for you!”
No answer.
“Guards! Get out here and present yourselves!”
The newly promoted captain, just landed with the trussed-up Malins, frowned, then he dismounted and entered the cave. Moments later he re-emerged, white as a sheet.
“Er, Sire…..”
“What? What’s the matter? Where’s Barbaria? Where are the guards?”
“Sire, I’m sorry, the guards are dead, and Barbaria is….”
“Yes?”
“Um, Barbaria is…..”
“Out with it, you idiot! Barbaria is what?”
“Gone, sire.”
Kibonreju got off his much-relieved horse, pushed past the unfortunate captain, and disappeared into the cave. He kicked the bodies of the guards to one side, and stood looking for a long time at the empty cross, complete with ladder and the cloths that Roland had used to lower her down.
“CAPTAIN!!!!!” He roared.
The captain gulped, and went to converse with his Lord and Master.
It was a very short, one sided conversation. Then Kibonreju emerged from the cave, holding the captain’s head by the hair, and lobbed it into the Konigsee. The shortest promotion in the history of Kibonreju’s army ended with a plop as the late captain’s head sank to the bottom of the lake.
“Don’t just stand there, idiots! Search! Find them! They can’t have got far! I want Barbaria back, NOW!!!”
Once again the exhausted horses took to the air.
Indeed it was. The riders weren’t deliberately trying to make it unpleasant, indeed they greatly feared the consequences of harming Messaline, as Kibonreju was not noted for his kindly understanding of errors. It was just that landing a girl on a cross from a flying horse was:
- Not a manoeuvre they’d ever practiced before, and
- Not a manoeuvre that is possible to perform smoothly and gracefully even after years of practice.
When she opened them, she was laying face down in a very unpleasant thorn bush, the weight of the cross forcing her down onto the thorns.
“Get her out of there!” yelled Kibonreju.
Three or four painful minutes later and she was laying on her back on her cross outside the mouth of a large cave, and Kibonreju was in a better mood. He uttered some utterly unintelligible words, and a very strange feeling swept over Messaline. The pain was still there, but the feeling of exhaustion was gone, as was some of the terror. “What was that?” she asked.
“Just a little spell so that you live for a nice long time on your cross. For ever, in fact. We wouldn’t want you to die on us, would we? That would be so very boring. Now, I have someone I want you to meet.” He turned to call into the cave. “Oh Barbie?!” He knew that the one thing Barbaria hated above anything else was to be called ‘Barbie’. “Oh Barbie! I have a little surprise for you!”
No answer.
“Guards! Get out here and present yourselves!”
The newly promoted captain, just landed with the trussed-up Malins, frowned, then he dismounted and entered the cave. Moments later he re-emerged, white as a sheet.
“Er, Sire…..”
“What? What’s the matter? Where’s Barbaria? Where are the guards?”
“Sire, I’m sorry, the guards are dead, and Barbaria is….”
“Yes?”
“Um, Barbaria is…..”
“Out with it, you idiot! Barbaria is what?”
“Gone, sire.”
Kibonreju got off his much-relieved horse, pushed past the unfortunate captain, and disappeared into the cave. He kicked the bodies of the guards to one side, and stood looking for a long time at the empty cross, complete with ladder and the cloths that Roland had used to lower her down.
“CAPTAIN!!!!!” He roared.
The captain gulped, and went to converse with his Lord and Master.
It was a very short, one sided conversation. Then Kibonreju emerged from the cave, holding the captain’s head by the hair, and lobbed it into the Konigsee. The shortest promotion in the history of Kibonreju’s army ended with a plop as the late captain’s head sank to the bottom of the lake.
“Don’t just stand there, idiots! Search! Find them! They can’t have got far! I want Barbaria back, NOW!!!”
Once again the exhausted horses took to the air.
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
Kibonreju will never receive the Top Employers certification. 
Working for him is the most dangerous of all jobs.
I am glad I've got this safe job in the NHS.
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“Repertor, for the first time in many years I am feeling great fear!” Malins thought burst into Repertor's mind.
“I think that is entirely reasonable, my lady. I am feeling enormous regret, also an alien experience for me. Outwitted by Kibonreju! I am humiliated! And now you and Messaline are facing terrible tortures, and it’s my fault! My lady, I am so sorry!”
“Please, Repertor, don’t reproach yourself. Kibonreju is very powerful and very clever. You can’t be one step ahead of him all the while. But please help Messa and I!”
“You know, no-one would hold it against you if you returned to your mountain, and left Kibonreju to his own devices.”
“But he is so very angry, Repertor! He has discovered Barbaria is gone, and he vows to take it out on Messaline and myself! If I go, Messaline will have to face him alone, and that I cannot accept. If I stay, I will suffer the worst of his wrath. How long before you can come?”
“I’m with Pilus at the moment. He needs time to recover before he can face Kibonreju again. And that’s only the physical injuries.”
“You need have no fear of psychological damage. He has the courage of a lion.”
“True. It’s Wragg that gets the jitters. I think Pilus Primus will be ready in three days at the most.”
“I’ll see if I get chance to speak to Messa. But three minutes in the company of Kibonreju is more than I’d choose.”
“Barbaria put up with him for four centuries!”
“Touché. Oh, God! Repertor!”
“What?”
“He’s sending the flying horses back out to look for Barbaria! She can’t have got far! She’ll be caught! All this will have been for nothing! Poor Messaline!”
“Ah, now there I can reassure you. I got Thessela a new pet.”
“What? A new kitten? What’s that got to do with Barbaria?”
“Not a kitten, Malins. You would be amazed at just how quickly Thessela learned to fly a dragon!”
“I think that is entirely reasonable, my lady. I am feeling enormous regret, also an alien experience for me. Outwitted by Kibonreju! I am humiliated! And now you and Messaline are facing terrible tortures, and it’s my fault! My lady, I am so sorry!”
“Please, Repertor, don’t reproach yourself. Kibonreju is very powerful and very clever. You can’t be one step ahead of him all the while. But please help Messa and I!”
“You know, no-one would hold it against you if you returned to your mountain, and left Kibonreju to his own devices.”
“But he is so very angry, Repertor! He has discovered Barbaria is gone, and he vows to take it out on Messaline and myself! If I go, Messaline will have to face him alone, and that I cannot accept. If I stay, I will suffer the worst of his wrath. How long before you can come?”
“I’m with Pilus at the moment. He needs time to recover before he can face Kibonreju again. And that’s only the physical injuries.”
“You need have no fear of psychological damage. He has the courage of a lion.”
“True. It’s Wragg that gets the jitters. I think Pilus Primus will be ready in three days at the most.”
“I’ll see if I get chance to speak to Messa. But three minutes in the company of Kibonreju is more than I’d choose.”
“Barbaria put up with him for four centuries!”
“Touché. Oh, God! Repertor!”
“What?”
“He’s sending the flying horses back out to look for Barbaria! She can’t have got far! She’ll be caught! All this will have been for nothing! Poor Messaline!”
“Ah, now there I can reassure you. I got Thessela a new pet.”
“What? A new kitten? What’s that got to do with Barbaria?”
“Not a kitten, Malins. You would be amazed at just how quickly Thessela learned to fly a dragon!”
Barbie!!! Barbie!!! Now you have done it Wraggie....all demerits restored ...
Blimey!
The Captain kept his rank (and his head) for longer than I kept a clean sheet of demerits!
Still, that's typical of our Cruxforums heroines.
Fickle, so they are.
malins
Stumbling Seeker
Why does it still take three days to raise someone properly from the dead after all these centuries. Have there been no advances made at all since the case of the Nazarene carpenter?
RacingRodent
Consul
I don't think it is the minor problem of the dead (people get over that all the time just look around here) more the broken bones
Daddy's Boy kind of dodged that one for all his middle aged tantrums