The Seventeen Moments of He and She
Moment One - The Plan
It had been planned for months.
Initially meeting by internet during the harshness of winter, then cell phone in early-spring and, finally, in person towards the end of April. They meticulously planned every detail down to the weight of the hammer to be used. The planning helped keep her mind off the potential outcome of their meetings and allowed him to find a way to perform her request with a minimum of moral, ethical, and legal exposure. All throughout the planning process he kept trying to talk her out of it, give her an “out” so to speak..., patiently reminding her time and again there were better ways to atone for a bad decision made in one’s youth than what she was considering.
She admired his diligence and genuine care for her well-being, he seemed like a nice guy and was very attractive despite being in his late fifties... he also had just the right amount of confidence and self-assuredness to appeal to her slightly submissive impulses... Nevertheless, she was holding steadfast to her feeling that the only way to atone for her sin was to die nailed to a cross.
Her religious upbringing still resonated deeply within her and was guiding her in this incredibly difficult decision. In all honesty, she did not want to die crucified but felt like she needed to experience the agony and suffering of crucifixion to be forgiven her sin. Rightly or wrongly, she believed this experience was the only way to cleanse her soul so she would be welcome in God’s Kingdom upon death.
During difficult moments of the planning process, she would clutch the golden crucifix she wore daily around her graceful neck, praying openly and finding comfort in such expressions of her faith. While outwardly decisive about her chosen penance, doubt would creep into her mind from time to time, particularly when she found herself enjoying the pleasure of his company.
They decided mid-July would be their target date. A weekday was preferred as it limited the chances of a random hiker stumbling across their ritual, complicating things exponentially. No one knew of their plan other than the two of them: although he did have to hire two men to help lift the cross - if it came down to that... Both were acquaintances he could trust: that, plus the fact they were going to be paid a healthy sum from an escrow account six months after the ritual, assured him of their confidence.
As she tied up the loose ends of her life, fully anticipating going through with the crucifixion, she began liquidating assets to help pay for everything. Lumber was surprisingly expensive as it took several mockups to get the cross solidly fixed in the ground so it would sustain her inevitable struggles: they also had to find wood that held up to the large spikes without splitting. Finding spikes was a challenge too as the spikes at the local garden store had small heads and weren’t tapered. They finally figured out that old-fashioned railroad ties could be modified using a metal grinder, a strong vise, and a skilled craftsman, which he was.
They purchased an old cottage deep in the woods that was far enough removed from civilization to allow them complete discretion in carrying out her crucifixion. The cottage was at the end of a mile-plus long road in a small clearing surrounded by tall pine trees. They picked out a place for the cross to be situated, making sure it got morning sun when July rolled around. They also picked a place for her grave, which he dug down deep with hand shovels. It was arduous and macabre work as he churned the earth in wordless silence, wondering if this was going to be put to use... hoping against hope it wouldn’t be.
The cottage was close enough to where they both lived that it was possible to go there after work and still get home at a reasonable hour. They never spent the night there together; it would be either him or her depending on what was being done. They both had an attraction to the other, but they were both afraid of acting on the attraction; he was fearful of how he would feel if she went through with her crucifixion while she was fearful an emotional connection to him would overcome her need for atonement. They did agree that the night before her crucifixion they would be together and allow themselves one night of passion: a chance to connect themselves with the deepest of connections so, if the time came the following day, when she needed comfort before her death there would be no doubt as to his sincerity and depth of feeling; comfort she so desperately desired and needed.
