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I Am Dying Anyway.

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Better if you could manage to get yourself crucified and taken down eleven times like Lucilla in The Serpent's Eye before you get to that final time that you don't get to come back from.

 

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There will be a forest of crosses I think.... all of us together....

Your avatar is so apt, PK.
Your slender back, crossed with bleeding welts, ready to receive the wood . . . . . . . .
 
I am untied from the whipping post and collapse in a heap at its foot. My body is lacerated all over by the tails of a Roman flagrum. As i fight for my breath a crown of thorny strips of briar is pressed deep into the crown of my skull. Blood streams down from the wounds and clouds my vision. I hear the sound of heavy wood being dropped behind me. I am dragged by my arms backwards. The heavy beam is lifted and replaced so it rests on my shoulders and neck. It is tied onto me with rope and i am lifted to my feet. I drop with the weight but regain my balance and lift myself and this new burden with the unsteady legs of a new born colt. I start on the way.
It is hot. So hot. As i struggle along the stony path people come out of their houses to see me along. Some follow, others shout abuse and throw rotten food. Some cry at the sight of me. My body swathed in sweat i lose my balance and tumble to the ground. The lash of the whip across the small of my back and i am pulled to my feet again.
The procession continues. My long hair becomes matted in blood and sweat and a combination of the fluids sting my eyes. We proceed up a hill, my progress now slow and wavering. An occasional flick of the whip across my ass encourages me along. Now we approach the final destination. I see a stipe, ready and towering. I fall to my knees at its feet and the weight of my load causes me to slam my face against the ground. I feel a tooth loosen as the palitinium is untied.
I am turned on my back and close my eyes against the sun. My left wrist is held against wood. I feel the prick of steel against my skin. The hammer rains its blows down, smashing bones and tendons as it drives the spike in through my wrist pinning me to wood. The pain is indescribable. The same is done to my right wrist. I buck and twist my body trying to free myself but it makes the pain worse. So for a moment i lie there. Exhausted. Dying.
Two strong men grab each end of the palitinium. They are over six foot high each of them. I am just five foot. Sweat shines on their naked torsos as they lift me into the air. The palitinium slots into the stipe and settles itself. I hang there my feet scrabbling for a foothold on wood. My ankles are held one by one and a spike is smashed through them pinning my legs to the stipe.
My legs are open exposing my sex to the crowd. My arms hang above me. I drop my head and let out an animal cry of anguish. It will be 2 days before i succumb and die. It is horrific.
 
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