UNOBTAINABLE
Death stalks me,
stares me in the face,
yet I want to live,
I want to love
Twelve long hours,
hanging on the cross,
naked, exposed,
defiled, degraded
Tired, exhausted,
cramped and weakened,
moaning, weeping,
in death’s cold embrace
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go,
my mind is distant, a thousand miles away
in another place, a land of dreams,
where love’s sweet face, shines bright-eyed on me
I hang my weary head,
my gaze casts down,
past circles and points,
on once proud breasts
Whip marks crisscross,
leaving angry red lines,
flecked with red blood,
marring soft white skin
Back arches, arms draw back,
body twists and writhes,
desperate gasps for breath,
collapse, slide back down again
Death has me in its grip,
it’s only a matter of time,
hope recedes, mind numbs,
how much more can I stand?
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go,
hopelessly, dreamily in love,
reaching, stretching, grasping,
striving for the unobtainable
It’s cruel, unfair,
to love and lose,
just as it is,
to die on the cross
I did my best, wanted more,
aspirations ran so high,
but fate intervened, the gods against me,
tried, condemned, sentenced to die
Heartache and teardrops,
my constant companions,
as I struggle and wriggle,
as I dance the dance
The dance of life,
the dance of love,
are so cruelly matched,
when hanging naked on the cross
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go
weak and dying, yet nonetheless,
reaching somehow, someway
to gain the unobtainable
My knees are bent,
arms outstretched,
pain-racked body at rest,
butt tight against the stipe
My tummy ripples,
with the strain of hanging,
but also in sympathy,
with a welling in my loins
I seek release,
just one last time,
my body primed,
arousal mounting
I see her yet, in mind’s eye,
imagine her tenderness,
the delicate lines of her mouth,
her warm embrace, sweet caress
Responding, swelling,
bucking, gushing,
surging, discharging,
burning and flowing wet
A fleeting moment,
it’s gone, it’s over,
so real, so very vivid,
she leaves me spent
My dying gasps, death now beckons,
the awful truth, I shall die alone,
my forlorn cries rip the night,
but no one hears, no one cares
Condemned to die this night,
nailed and naked on the cross,
condemned to lose, hope extinguished,
gone forever, my true love
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go,
even as life slips away,
in the hope that somewhere out there,
my soulmate hears my plaintive cries
So close, so near,
yet so very far,
seemingly within my grasp,
yet so unobtainable
I die
Barbaria, 2014
Death stalks me,
stares me in the face,
yet I want to live,
I want to love
Twelve long hours,
hanging on the cross,
naked, exposed,
defiled, degraded
Tired, exhausted,
cramped and weakened,
moaning, weeping,
in death’s cold embrace
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go,
my mind is distant, a thousand miles away
in another place, a land of dreams,
where love’s sweet face, shines bright-eyed on me
I hang my weary head,
my gaze casts down,
past circles and points,
on once proud breasts
Whip marks crisscross,
leaving angry red lines,
flecked with red blood,
marring soft white skin
Back arches, arms draw back,
body twists and writhes,
desperate gasps for breath,
collapse, slide back down again
Death has me in its grip,
it’s only a matter of time,
hope recedes, mind numbs,
how much more can I stand?
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go,
hopelessly, dreamily in love,
reaching, stretching, grasping,
striving for the unobtainable
It’s cruel, unfair,
to love and lose,
just as it is,
to die on the cross
I did my best, wanted more,
aspirations ran so high,
but fate intervened, the gods against me,
tried, condemned, sentenced to die
Heartache and teardrops,
my constant companions,
as I struggle and wriggle,
as I dance the dance
The dance of life,
the dance of love,
are so cruelly matched,
when hanging naked on the cross
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go
weak and dying, yet nonetheless,
reaching somehow, someway
to gain the unobtainable
My knees are bent,
arms outstretched,
pain-racked body at rest,
butt tight against the stipe
My tummy ripples,
with the strain of hanging,
but also in sympathy,
with a welling in my loins
I seek release,
just one last time,
my body primed,
arousal mounting
I see her yet, in mind’s eye,
imagine her tenderness,
the delicate lines of her mouth,
her warm embrace, sweet caress
Responding, swelling,
bucking, gushing,
surging, discharging,
burning and flowing wet
A fleeting moment,
it’s gone, it’s over,
so real, so very vivid,
she leaves me spent
My dying gasps, death now beckons,
the awful truth, I shall die alone,
my forlorn cries rip the night,
but no one hears, no one cares
Condemned to die this night,
nailed and naked on the cross,
condemned to lose, hope extinguished,
gone forever, my true love
Yet I struggle, I can’t let go,
even as life slips away,
in the hope that somewhere out there,
my soulmate hears my plaintive cries
So close, so near,
yet so very far,
seemingly within my grasp,
yet so unobtainable
I die
Barbaria, 2014
