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A Possible Connection Between Your Character In Your Youth And Your Behavoir Later

How were you in your youth and what are you now?

  • Total voters
    33
  • Poll closed .
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Fox-on-Cross

Fox-on-Cross

Great-Cruxinquisitor
My interest is how you were in your youth (first school with natural leaders and followers) and what you become as adult:

is there a logical link or manifests life contingently?
 
I've clicked 'sub and later crucified', I certainly wasn't 'dominant' at any stage,
but more of an outsider, a loner, with dreams and an inner life of my own -
not an isolate by any means, plenty of friends, and (as I've often told on the Forums)
I enjoyed playing games in which I got myself tortured, enslaved, sacrificed etc.,
and in a way I suppose I tended to 'direct' those games, or at least fed in my fantasy ideas
and other kids found them exciting - quietly, I was a terrible influence :devil: :devil: :devil:
 
When I was young, I was tall, skinny, nonathletic, socially awkward, often bullied and usually the smartest kid in the class - to be honest, I think I have a mild form of Asperger's - so I was definitely not dominant.
I think that is why, in my fantasies - and this place is all about fantasy - I am dominant.
 
I can date one incident to Summer when I was nine. I was the victim in a game where I was held down and taunted by bigger boys, and although I put up the expected struggle, I knew I was geting a thrill from it.

Before I was 12 I tied up a girl of 11 in 'cowboys and indians', and knew how erotic that was, and what power that gave me.

In all my life, through girlfriends and two marriages, I felt the need to keep that aspect just below the surface, but always there.

I voted for the fourth choice, but never having had the chance to be dominant, don't know whether I could be both.
 
Brrrr. This is complicated, and difficult to catch in one line.
The difference between reality and fantasy.
Not 'dominant'' properly, but stubornly revolting ('introvert dominant') and then getting crucified, suits me the best.
 
Fox-on-Cross said:
My interest is how you were in your youth (first school with natural leaders and followers) and what you become as adult:

is there a logical link or manifests life contingently?
Click to expand...

Very difficult to answer. I understand that your question is about being 'socially' and/or 'sexually' dominant. When I was very young, I wasn't socially dominant at all. Being nonathletic, wearing glasses and being the 'first of the class' isn't exactly what makes you popular at school :) (as Naraku pointed out).

But as far as I can remember, I've always been sexually dominant. Well before I could understand their sexual nature, my 'mind games' always included tied, chained and tortured girls...

I became socially dominant when I was 13/14. My body changed (thank you puberty), I became quite a good sportsman and I exchanged the role of 'the lonely guy' for that of 'the leader of anything that's crazy but funny'... My sexual orientations didn't change at all, though.

Strangely (or not?), it became much more difficult for me to accept my fantasies then. Basically, I was afraid of myself. It took time for me to overcome that. But I'm happy to report that since more than 25 years now, I feel very well being socially - mildly- dominant and sexually - definitively - dominant :p ;)

PS: Eul, I played 'inquisition' with a neighbour girl when I was 10. Not exactly what our respective parents expected from us! :D :D
 
Loxuru said:
It is 'difficult' to behave dominant, when you are walking around with dark desires in your mind, knowing well that they are 'taboo'.
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I don't know what you mean about 'taboo'...For me, it means, no childrens, no animals... Anything else is OK, even though I must admit I don't like everything here. Just bypass what you don't like, nobody ever asked you to watch scenes you're not willing to do... I'm a proud Occidental Citizen and I'll stand for my rights... ;)
And, about having 'bad ideas' it's a ridiculous concept imposed by social pressure and bigots (part of social pressure in the US, BTW). I'm perfectly adapted to my social environment, giving maths and physics courses to the daughter of a beloved ex-girlfriend... It doesn't mean I will refrain from talking about 'chains' or 'pain' on monday... I'm now expected to do that, in a sense...
 
Well the main thing that's taboo is of course acting out your fantasies and desires
in harmful ways affecting people who aren't consenting adults.
Finding this safe space where we can be honest and open about ourselves is a great help,
finding friends or a partner who actually understand and can share our fantasies
better still.
 
Loxuru said:
Perhaps we read the word 'taboo' slightly different. By taboo, I mean the matter of 'outing' oneself (openly). From the beginning, I realised that being interested in, and later being turned on by pics of women being tied or punished, was not something to talk about openly.
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My 'coming out' went quite early... During my university (college?) years... I was very surprised to have many girls waiting to date me...
As I said before, I'm now proud of my 'difference'
I'm now a manager... On my door you 're confronted to this... :)
BDSM Emblem.gif
 
Eulalia said:
Well the main thing that's taboo is of course acting out your fantasies and desires
in harmful ways affecting people who aren't consenting adults.
Finding this safe space where we can be honest and open about ourselves is a great help,
finding friends or a partner who actually understand and can share our fantasies
better still.
Click to expand...

I deliberately took time to answer to this, My Lady... Nothing to say, nothing to add...

flower3 flower3
 
I voted for both 'subordinate and later crucifier', and 'subordinate and later crucified'. I have been mainly a masochist ( subordinate) all my life, but I also enjoy being sadistic (dominate) at times. I guess the ratio would be 69% sub, 31% Dom:devil:
 
I don't do polls so I haven't clicked (I do vote however).

As a Catholic boy growing up in the 1960s sex before marriage was taboo. But even in grade school I sketched women crucified. I didn't have sex... ok, intercourse... until I was 19 1/2. I would say sexually I usually dominant but never went past bondage or light disciple. My stories tell things I imagine but do not desire nor would carry out with even the most willing or wanting woman...
 
thehangingtree said:
I don't do polls so I haven't clicked (I do vote however).

As a Catholic boy growing up in the 1960s sex before marriage was taboo. But even in grade school I sketched women crucified. I didn't have sex... ok, intercourse... until I was 19 1/2. I would say sexually I usually dominant but never went past bondage or light disciple. My stories tell things I imagine but do not desire nor would carry out with even the most willing or wanting woman...
Click to expand...

More or less the same for me, Tree (apart from the catholic education - my parents tried, but rapidly understood it was hopeless). Not having sex when you were 16 was a subject of ridicule, here in Western Europe, at the time.

But I never experienced extreme BDSM. Ropes, chains, playing with blindfold, ice cubes and wax, soft whipping, yes. And playing with several 'Masters' and 'Slaves', yes. To be true, I even had to refrain one of my lovers to give me more than I really wanted... For her own good, I mean... ;)
 
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Eulalia said:
Finding this safe space where we can be honest and open about ourselves is a great help,
finding friends or a partner who actually understand and can share our fantasies
better still.
Click to expand...

That is the value of a place like this. Many of us won't make it to the second stage.
As for me, my life partner does not share this fantasy. But what we have goes far beyond that, so I accept that one shortcoming.
In my youth I had a strong imagination and inner life, and was comfortable in my own company. And so I am still today, but I accept that an important part of human life is interaction with others. I have close family, friends, work colleagues. But I still happily curl up with a book or with my fantasies. I suspect I'm not alone in that.
Dominant or submissive? It's not so clear cut as that.
 
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