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A Possible Connection Between Your Character In Your Youth And Your Behavoir Later

How were you in your youth and what are you now?

  • Total voters
    33
  • Poll closed .
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Well said Tree, Shastar and Phlebas. I am the same, I would never hurt a woman, this place for me is just to entertain fantasies. It is place to enjoy great artwork and stories. Stories, and artwork to stimulate the mind, soul.....and body;):p
 
thehangingtree said:
As a Catholic boy growing up in the 1960s sex before marriage was taboo. But even in grade school I sketched women crucified.
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For me it was very similar in the 70's. I remember sitting in church fantasizing about myself being on the cross and would also fantasize about a topless woman with a loincloth on the cross. It was very erotic for me and my artistic skills would never have allowed me to sketch anything as you did. I wish I could have.

I never saw art or pictures of what I fantasized about until my adult life on sites like this one.
 
Licinius said:
For me it was very similar in the 70's. I remember sitting in church fantasizing about myself being on the cross and would also fantasize about a topless woman with a loincloth on the cross. It was very erotic for me and my artistic skills would never have allowed me to sketch anything as you did. I wish I could have.

I never saw art or pictures of what I fantasized about until my adult life on sites like this one.
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So be welcome, Licinius... There are indeed a lot of people, here, by their words or their graphics, to flesh out your fantasies...
 
I chose "sub and then crucifier", but as noted by Phlebas and others, it really isn't that simple. I was also one of those smart, non-athletic, imaginative kids that got bullied a bit in school. I didn't really like being submissive, I don't think, but I did act it out in solo self-crux fantasies, sometimes with a real full-size cross (parents had a cross from a church that they were storing in the garage for some unknown reason). As I grew older, I started filling out, playing football (soccer), and got a bit more assertive. I'm still quite introspective. My current lover/partner is more assertive in ordinary life, but likes to be submissive and "taken" in the bedroom. While she doesn't share any crux fantasies, this is not too big a deal. We share more than that. I no longer seem to fantasize about self-crux, nor do I have any particular submissive tendencies. I am a senior manager at my workplace, and I like being assertive and decisive. (As my personality at CF likely suggests, I'm not exactly a tyrant at work either, but I do take decisions and responsibility.) It's all rather complicated, when you try to write it down coherently. I don't really fantasize about hurting women, but I am fascinated by the fantasies of others, and like to imagine the scenarios and put characters in situations that meet those fantasies. I find arousing a woman in that way tremendously arousing myself.
 
Jollyrei said:
I chose "sub and then crucifier", but as noted by Phlebas and others, it really isn't that simple. I was also one of those smart, non-athletic, imaginative kids that got bullied a bit in school. I didn't really like being submissive, I don't think, but I did act it out in solo self-crux fantasies, sometimes with a real full-size cross (parents had a cross from a church that they were storing in the garage for some unknown reason). As I grew older, I started filling out, playing football (soccer), and got a bit more assertive. I'm still quite introspective. My current lover/partner is more assertive in ordinary life, but likes to be submissive and "taken" in the bedroom. While she doesn't share any crux fantasies, this is not too big a deal. We share more than that. I no longer seem to fantasize about self-crux, nor do I have any particular submissive tendencies. I am a senior manager at my workplace, and I like being assertive and decisive. (As my personality at CF likely suggests, I'm not exactly a tyrant at work either, but I do take decisions and responsibility.) It's all rather complicated, when you try to write it down coherently. I don't really fantasize about hurting women, but I am fascinated by the fantasies of others, and like to imagine the scenarios and put characters in situations that meet those fantasies. I find arousing a woman in that way tremendously arousing myself.
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This is getting more and more interesting... In spite of obvious differences, many of us seem to share the same 'basic profile'...
 
Jollyrei said:
I don't really fantasize about hurting women, but I am fascinated by the fantasies of others, and like to imagine the scenarios and put characters in situations that meet those fantasies. I find arousing a woman in that way tremendously arousing myself.
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Yes, I can identify with that. Also for me the beauty of the body under stress, and the psychology of it, are more interesting. So I don't see maiming and pain as essential, more as steps towards something more interesting. I don't see death as at all essential, except as something which adds drama, or nobility, or a sense of sacrifice to the story.

My parents didn't own a cross (!), and I was not submissive when young, I was not dominant either, more an outsider probably. Even now I sometimes wonder how I finished up a husband and father, but you know these things change us, and improve us, and make us more complete, more rounded than we started out. Loved ones knock off the jagged edges, blunt our sharp bits, make us more accepting. They force us to tone down the OCD parts of our nature. And I would not want to live life without them.

But I escape here, when I can, and find something for myself. A community of like minded and odd yet clever and funny people, and I wouldn't want to lose you either!
 
Very interesting thread, but what I am missing here is the simple "Spectator"-role.

I might add the following aspect:
Lets face it, playing a victim on a cross-role yourself has obviously also a strong auto-erotic aspect, which requires a certain self-confidence regarding our own "physical qualities".
But not everybody has such luck in his life, some mentioned it already, maybe you were a bullied kid or youth, not good in sports, a weakling, or fat, not respected by others. Maybe you even hated your own body.

The "crucifixion fantasy" may in these cases be a psychological "solution" for auto-aggressive feelings, diverted to the "man on the cross" in his loincloth you may have seen in churches or good-friday-books and secretly you admired his physical shape and his perfect body, you did not have yourself and on the other hand you were fascinated by the torture, that his perfect body was destroyed in this punishment, in his representation of all you were jealous of, because you knew that you could never get it.

So I think there is a "third way" between "dominant"/"subordinate" that has a focus on a completely different aspect regarding the crucifixion fantasy. Maybe this role could be identified as some type of "spectator".

best regards
Ty.
 
Something I considered about the relationship between my character and my intereest in crucifixion (from the condemned's side). I recognise a lot of what is wtitten about personality above here. I was not a real outsider, but I did not like to follow mainstream trends. I never felt comfortable in big crowds, so I never attend mass events. Imagination was an important part of my life, and something I gave a lot of time and space, when being on my own.
Since long I also have the habit to look things from a different angle as most people. This is perceived by the others as annoying and irritating sometimes, since I use to keep insisting on my viewpoints, rather than submitting to the main ideas (so, no real submission in my character, rather individualistic?). It is clear to me, that this attitude could make me the ideal whistleblower if a situation would present itself. And what happens to whistleblowers? Right! They get nailed! The parallel between my real life behaviour and character, and my fantasy is, that I realise more and more that in reality , the consequences, although being well aware of them, would not stop me, and that's exactly what happens in my (e.g. crux) fantasy and imagination too.
 
phlebas said:
Yes, I can identify with that. Also for me the beauty of the body under stress, and the psychology of it, are more interesting. So I don't see maiming and pain as essential, more as steps towards something more interesting. I don't see death as at all essential, except as something which adds drama, or nobility, or a sense of sacrifice to the story.
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I do love a naked body under stress and maiming is definitely not for me, however I do love to see a nice sweaty body that has been adequately whipped for the crucifixion.
 
I'm definately more submissive in bed, and look 99% of my fantasies involve being crucified. That being said, some days I do just wanna pin a twink down and fuck him. Not sure if I'd want to crucify him though.
 
I started out as a sub when I was 22 and thinner. My older Domme would "kill" me and I delighted in writhing and becoming a "dead" naked body for her.
Now I'm the "executioner"
I have put a few subs to "death"
 
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