The hammer scares you?
Well let me introduce the two of you to each other.
I place it on your belly, the heavy, cold iron head sinking into soft flesh...
I pick up your left foot, and prick the top of the arch with the spike ... gradually trace the nail up, over your shin, past the knee, along the inner thigh. ... along the inside of the elbow, up to the wrist, that little space at the base of it, where I press in.
So I'll give you a choice.
Where do you want the first nail, my dear? Shall we start right here through the wrist? Or return to the beginning of this pilgrimage?
Do you have any idea of the turmoil within!
I try and fail to keep calm and still.
To not only offer myself but also not lose myself,
not abandon myself too soon to this storm...
Yes you haven't so much as broken my skin but you're already torturing me deeper inside...
It would be easier had you just slapped me onto the beam,
limbs pinned by your assistant,
pound in the spikes and be done with it!
let me scream!
thrash wildly!
and forget myself!
But that's not what you do.
You give me the weight of cold iron low on my belly, which only fans the glowing ember of arousal deep within...
the probing point of the spike coursing over my skin, letting me understand how easy I am to penetrate...
... making me yearn for it...
I should have known I could not pass such a test.
How many of us have you had under your hands like this, how many have you fixed to the hurt-beam?
You are an experienced captain on this journey,
you navigate by heart, read every sign,
while I, in uncharted waters, have blundered into the maelstrom...
You've chided me a slut for how my naked helpless body answers to you,
and in a way you are right.
The rules of my order forbade me to give myself to any man,
but for days of celebration when the borders between worlds grow thin...
and even then I had to remain hidden, not my face but only my body known
and when a child came of it, it was taken by the Order, never to know whence it came...
Those dark feasts, they were too much to forget desire but not enough to slake it,
and so yes it's true, much like you say, often I've dreamed,
imagined that one man who would fully take me,
and how could it happen other than this!
* * *
You pass the spike into my fingers, knowing I won't try anything silly, anything futile.
You watch with a smile as my fingertips slide slowly along its length,
A round shaft, not the usual square one
It's much quicker, hence cheaper, to beat iron into four sided shapes, than patiently round it.
You've chosen these on purpose for us.
For me.
Thank you.
"Yes woman, you will thank me later" you say,
"when you need to twist and turn your pierced limbs and joints on them."
"but when you hang still again, that's when you'll want to curse me!"
"Because they'll give you a little less pain as you move, but they'll also let you last longer."
"I've seen somew who'd harry their wounds on four-sided spikes,"
"So they might bleed freely, and pass more quickly,
"There'll be none of that for you."
And then you throw the choice upon me.
That I should ask of you,
where to sink the first spike into my flesh.
And you've seen me tremble and quiver and fail,
and you know you'll watch me wilt on this tree of destiny,
watch my twisted figure soar,
so you expect me to despair,
but in this I'll surprise you, and choose without doubt.
"I would ask of you Sir, that so long as I could,"
"I might have my hand around the spike as you drive it."
"Like I have now,"
"make it mine for a moment, before it takes possession of me, forever"
"And so if it is my choice, I place it here"
setting my right foot firmly back onto the heavy beam,
lowering the spike upon the instep,
searching your eyes for approval.
me sitting up on the beam, holding the nail,
you close by with the hammer,
you've had my poor acolyte brought up,
bound at ankles and knees, and hands behind her back
and your apprentice pressed up behind her, his hands wandering, enjoying,
we all so close together,
a circle of fate closing out the wide world,
Her eyes seeking out mine for assurance,
His seeking out yours for approval,
you calmly in command.
"Say it one more time" you demand,
"I love hearing it from your mouth"
I am ready, Sir.
Crucify me.
You acknowledge me with a nod,
and bring down the hammer with a short, sharp, stroke,
biting,
blinding,
as I grit my teeth and throw my head back ...