I thought about what she’d said. She was right, the only good thing about this hell we were going through was that we were going through it together. I simply could not imagine going through this alone, and my heart went out to the countless thousands who had done so.
And, if I hadn’t intervened, she would have died here alone and unloved.
But I should have been in the tavern. I looked down at Manius and Tullius, who were at least doing me the honour of looking concerned.
“Fuck, Scaevola,” said Manius, “The lengths you’ll go to to get out of buying your round!”
I heard a noise from opposite, and I looked up, surprised. He’d made Alicia laugh. It rapidly turned into a scream – when you’ve been crucified it hurts to laugh – but I was pleased that I’d heard her laugh again. I looked back down at Manius.
“It….was my only option, mate. You…..were drinking me into the gutter!”
I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be able to keep up this banter with them. Even that speech had worn me out. I hung on my outstretched arms, rested my head back against the cross, and watched Alicia as she struggled to find the least painful position. I saw the pain etched into her face as she pushed up, with all her weight on the single nail through her crippled feet.
You feel that there must be a place where your weight, and hence the pain, is balanced equally on all the nails. I hadn’t found it yet, but I was grimly aware that I had plenty of time ahead of me to try.
She turned her head, and looked at the nail in her right wrist, anguished disbelief in her face. “Scaevola!” she cried.
“What, Alicia?”
“How….can I stop it hurting….so much?”
“I wish I knew….”
Eventually she reached a position that she felt might offer infinitesimally less agony than any other, and she stayed like that for a minute or so, gasping for breath.
I realised , as she struggled, that the cross had made her look even more desirable than ever. Her breasts, which I considered to be terrific, and had told her so, were sculpted by her outstretched arms into absolute perfection. Her slim, muscular body was displayed to significant advantage against the rough wood of the cross, and now, moving carefully to avoid jarring her wounds, she was as graceful as a dancer. I just wanted to possess her, to hold her once more in my arms. The fact that I never would again was as painful as any of the nails.
“Manius, we must try this crucifixion idea. Look! He’s really enjoying it.”
Watching the crucified Alicia had given me an erection. How could I get an erection on a cross? And now I was conscious of it, of my own nudity, of everyone looking at me, including Alicia. That just made things worse, and my penis swelled to full size.
Alicia stared at me, slightly surprised. “Scaevola?”
“It’s…. the effect you have on me, Alicia.”
“Even though… you’re on a cross?”
I felt the seminal fluid dribbling down my phallus. “While I’m alive….. I shall love you.”
“Even though…..
I’m on a cross?” She glanced down at her crucified body. “I must look horrible!”
“Trust me, Alicia, you do not look horrible. You look gorgeous. I think I could rip these nails out and come and get you!”
Like the pillock that I am, I tried. I actually clenched my right fist against the cross and used it as a lever to try to wrench the nail out of the wood. Let’s just say that I discovered, to my cost, just how firmly the Romans drive nails into crosses during crucifixion.
When I’d finished screaming, she sucked some air into her lungs. “I take it… we’re staying up here?”
“Sorry. Oh, Alicia, I am so sorry!”
“Don’t be sorry. You did your best.”
“I promised you! I promised you I wouldn’t let them crucify you! Now look at you! Look at us! I’ve let you down!”
“No. It’s me that should be sorry! I picked up a piece of wood and hit my bastard of a master on his head. I knew, at that very moment, that I would die on a cross. I knew the penalty. Even then, I thought it a price worth paying to be rid of the shit. But you gave me an extra day of life, and it was a wonderful day. You gave me the love that I have never had. But look what it has cost you!”
“Believe me, Alicia. I would do the same thing all over again. You made it all worth it.”
Once again, she made my dreams come true. Nailed to her cross, in utter agony, nevertheless her face lit up in a smile of such radiance that at that moment I felt no pain at all. Only the deepest love.
The cross, the pain, her smile, her words. I was overwhelmed by that bittersweet moment. If only we could have met in another time, another place, another world. A world in which there were no masters who sexually abused their slaves to a point where they would endure crucifixion in preference to yet another rape. A world in which people settled their differences by talking rather than through violence. A world in which there were no Romans who thought it right to strip people naked, smash nails through their wrists and feet into wooden crosses, and then stand them up to die a lingering, humiliating death in front of jeering spectators, just to exert their idea of ‘justice’.
But, for twenty-four hours, Alicia and I had made that world for ourselves. It could not last, of course it couldn’t. But in that one day we had been free enough to enjoy love, to choose to defend ourselves, to make our own decisions. We had met people like Jollyrei and Bobinder, good men who were guilty of nothing more than defending their own harmless way of life.
Twenty-four hours, filled with love and laughter. Twenty four hours of living life, rather than merely existing. And so, on my cross for hour after agonising hour, fighting the crippling torture of those terrible nails, and watching and waiting with Alicia as our life-blood slowly trickled out of our veins, I could be certain of one thing.
It had all been worth while.
For the love of Alicia.
IMAGES: Bobinder