Jeeves And The Rummy Affair At Cruxton

[Eulalia]

American cereal...
Tree
...good for horses too...

reminds me of Dr Johnson on oats:
"A grain, which in England is generally given to horses,
but in Scotland appears to support the people."
Johnson: A Dictionary Of The English Language 1755.
​

 

[Barbaria1]

A few hours later, I was back at home, very much the better for a hot bath and a brandy and soda. Pongo had indeed been delighted to see Blaire and her team mates, and had even contained his feelings when Blaire informed him that all six were en route to Paris to join team Messaline. Messalines’ stated aim was world domination, but fortunately only in the field of cyclocross.

My place at the Drones Club was assured.

“Jeeves, you are a marvel.”

“It is very gratifying that you think so, sir.”

“But how…..”

“I was aware of Miss Twistleton’s plight at an early point, sir. My cousin looks after Miss Messalines’ London flat. Miss Messaline was furious that Sir Roderick had abducted the team; she was on the point of signing them up herself. I merely took the liberty of telephoning to Miss Messaline and suggesting to her that a suitably disguised truck placed upon the cyclocross track might be an effective way of recapturing the team. I was aware from my knowledge of Cruxton that there is a dip in the landscape there which would enable such an operation to be carried out undetected.

A latex glove filled with a mixture of Seagrams and water, pushed into the gasoline tank, was all that was required to render pursuit ineffective. The gasoline rapidly destroyed the latex, and let us just say that Mr Tree’s car enjoys Seagrams rather less than Mr Tree does.”

“So….I never needed to go to Cruxton?”

“No, sir. I did have matters in hand.”

“Well, I’ll be……”

“While I must say that your plan was more robust than many, sir, in your place I would not have inflicted that jacket upon nervous young ladies at dead of night.”

I nodded. The truth of his remarks could not really be denied.

“But you did add considerable entertainment to the cyclocross race, sir.”

I pondered for a while. It struck me that my Uncle had been such a bounder throughout this whole rummy affair that I might be justified in using the nuclear option.

“Jeeves, do you think I should write to Aunt Eulalia about what’s happened?”

“I should be disposed to imagine that her Ladyship would find such a communication extremely diverting, sir.”

I grinned. I suspected that she’d divert to Cruxton Abbey. I’d like to be a fly on the wall during that conversation! I headed towards the writing desk. “Oh, and Jeeves?”

“Sir?”

“That new sports jacket…..”

“Sir?”

“Throw it away, give it to the poor, do what you like with it.”

“Thank you, sir. The council refuse collectors took it away while you were in your bath.”

Just caught up on this Wragg....it slipped by me without notice on Sunday....(alert system sucks).....great fun!!!!

 

[cruxlover]

reminds me of Dr Johnson on oats:
"A grain, which in England is generally given to horses,
but in Scotland appears to support the people."
Johnson: A Dictionary Of The English Language 1755.
​

However I wouldn't mind betting that a great many English Men and Women, those not so wealthy as the good Dr Johnson and his friends, were glad enough to eat oats. Myself and my GF often have porrige for breakfast and we come from Hampstead and the Caribbean respectively. (Even better with a splash of Scottish spirits, Tesco own brand not single malt, added when cooked.)

With regard to Bertie's lurid jacket, watching a programme on TV about the history of the Tour de France, a film clip from the 1920's 0r 30's showed a competitor cycling along, dressed in a tweed jacket and smoking a cigar! Times have changed, competition has lost a lot of the flavour.

 

[admihoek]

It is now clear, Cruxlover.

This is Mr. Father of the American Navy, is no small thing.

Turns out I'm Brazilian, and in Brazil the Father of the Navy is Admiral Tamandaré.

I know you've also never heard of Admiral Tamandaré.

These gentlemen are objects of study in their respective countries.

So I do not know Mr. John Paul Jones, and you do not know Admiral Tamandaré.

Greetings to you and Mr. John Paul Jones.

Top-Cat

ever heard from M.A. de Ruyter?.....It was one of my predecessors.................we destroyed many things in London, the complete Armada from Spain and we beat England, Germane Portugal and France. We ruled the seas founded New Amsterdam latter New York.

 

[thehangingtree]

We ruled the seas founded New Amsterdam latter New York.

so you are the cheap ass that bought Manhattan from the Indians for twenty-four dollars worth of beads...

Tree

 

[Barbaria1]

so you are the cheap ass that bought Manhattan from the Indians for twenty-four dollars worth of beads...

Tree

cheap ass, sly trader, or just duped? Maybe the Indians got the better deal after all?

 

[admihoek]

so you are the cheap ass that bought Manhattan from the Indians for twenty-four dollars worth of beads...

Tree

No, my ancestor and he was much better as slave-trader

 

[Eulalia]

The only thing that brightened me up as I climbed, alone, into the two seater and started up the engine was my nice new jacket. What a good job I’d bought that yesterday!

It wasn’t until I was on the Mile End Road that the penny dropped. Of course! That’s why Jeeves had failed to jump to it with one of his wizard schemes! He was still brooding about the jacket!

For a moment I almost turned the car around and told him that I’d burn the jacket, but then the pride of the Wraggs took over. No! I would not demean myself so! This was just a matter of extracting six girls from the dungeon at Cruxton Abbey. Yes, my membership of the Drones was at stake, but what could be simpler?

I was certain that I was equal to the task, and so I drove on. You see, I had an ace card, which was that I know Cruxton Abbey like the back of my hand!

Cruxton Abbey, I am ashamed to say, has been the family seat of the Wragg family since 1538. My ancestor, Thomas Wragge, was thick as thieves with old King Henry the Eighth, who handed him the Abbey the moment he’d booted the monks out. His son, William, in an early demonstration of the talent that the Wraggs have for switching sides as may be strategically necessary, converted to Catholicism upon the accession of Bloody Mary to the throne, but he took the hellfire and damnation thing a bit seriously, so that when Elizabeth I took over he created a chapel and a priest hole in the basement. Crucially - and this is a fact known only to a select few, so do please keep it to yourself – he built an escape tunnel so that the priest could leg it if things got a bit too exciting up above.

When William handed in the mitten John Wragg naturally became a staunch Protestant, and he found that the erstwhile chapel made an excellent dungeon and torture chamber. So it was that a refuge for Catholics became a place of terror for them. In the process Cruxton achieved a reputation for being the most haunted place in England, but at the same time the existence of the tunnel was forgotten.

But I knew where it was. And the best plans are the simple ones. Park up at dead of night, trot along the dear old tunnel to the dungeon, lead the girls to safety, and present them to Pongo who would weep with gratitude and recommend me for lifetime membership of the Drones. Simple. Effective. Copper bottomed.

I smiled as I looked forward to receiving Jeeves’ approbation when he realised that he hadn’t quite cornered the market in decent schemes.

This seems the right place to tell of a discovery I made by serendipity -

In the south choir aisle of Westminster Abbey is a memorial of white and coloured marble to William Wragg. The inscription reads:

Sacred to the memory of William Wragg Esqr. of South Carolina who when the American Colonies revolted from Great Britain inflexibly maintain’d his loyalty to the person and government of his Sovereign and was therefore compell’d to leave his distrest family and ample fortune. In his passage to England by the way of Amsterdam he was unfortunately shipwreck’d and drowned on the coast of Holland the 3rd day of September 1777. In him strong natural parts and the love of justice and humanity improved by education formed the valuable character of a good man and left those who have survived him to deplore the loss of a most tender husband, affectionate parent, kind master, and warm friend. His surviving afflicted sister in England caused this monument to be erected 1779.

The memorial consists of a mourning woman leaning on a sarcophagus and on the front is a relief of the shipwreck, with the Dutch coast shown in the background. Two small figures are shown clinging to wreckage in the water. One was Wragg’s son William and the other a slave boy (Tom Skene) who rescued him - both survived. Young William died unmarried in 1803. The carved ornaments include dolphins and shells, with the infant Neptune on a sea-lion and the infant Bacchus on a lion. The memorial is signed by the sculptor Richard Hayward.

(rather small pic even full-size, you have to buy a postcard to see it better )

His Life

William was born in 1714 in Charleston, son of Samuel and his wife Marie (DuBose). When he was young he and his father were captured by pirates led by Captain Edward Teach (Blackbeard) and imprisoned. In exchange for an expensive chest of medicines the prisoners were set ashore. He was educated at St John's college Oxford. William married Mary Wood and they had two daughters Mary and Judith. His second wife was Henrietta and they had four children William, Henrietta, Elizabeth and Charlotte.

http://www.westminster-abbey.org/our-history/people/william-wragg

 

[Barbaria1]

This seems the right place to tell of a discovery I made by serendipity -

In the south choir aisle of Westminster Abbey is a memorial of white and coloured marble to William Wragg. The inscription reads:

Sacred to the memory of William Wragg Esqr. of South Carolina who when the American Colonies revolted from Great Britain inflexibly maintain’d his loyalty to the person and government of his Sovereign and was therefore compell’d to leave his distrest family and ample fortune. In his passage to England by the way of Amsterdam he was unfortunately shipwreck’d and drowned on the coast of Holland the 3rd day of September 1777. In him strong natural parts and the love of justice and humanity improved by education formed the valuable character of a good man and left those who have survived him to deplore the loss of a most tender husband, affectionate parent, kind master, and warm friend. His surviving afflicted sister in England caused this monument to be erected 1779.

The memorial consists of a mourning woman leaning on a sarcophagus and on the front is a relief of the shipwreck, with the Dutch coast shown in the background. Two small figures are shown clinging to wreckage in the water. One was Wragg’s son William and the other a slave boy (Tom Skene) who rescued him - both survived. Young William died unmarried in 1803. The carved ornaments include dolphins and shells, with the infant Neptune on a sea-lion and the infant Bacchus on a lion. The memorial is signed by the sculptor Richard Hayward.

View attachment 543303 (rather small pic even full-size, you have to buy a postcard to see it better )

His Life

William was born in 1714 in Charleston, son of Samuel and his wife Marie (DuBose). When he was young he and his father were captured by pirates led by Captain Edward Teach (Blackbeard) and imprisoned. In exchange for an expensive chest of medicines the prisoners were set ashore. He was educated at St John's college Oxford. William married Mary Wood and they had two daughters Mary and Judith. His second wife was Henrietta and they had four children William, Henrietta, Elizabeth and Charlotte.

http://www.westminster-abbey.org/our-history/people/william-wragg

Yep, the Wragg line has some interesting characters, alright!

 

[Jollyrei]

Chapter 1

There is nobody in the length and breadth of old England who can produce breakfast like Jeeves...

“Now then, Pongo, tell all. Bertram is all ears.”
“It’s my niece, Blaire.”

I'm quite glad Eul bumped this.
Never seen it yet. Just before my time, it seems.
Looking forward to seeing what happens with Miss Blaire.

 

[Eulalia]

Yep, the Wragg line has some interesting characters, alright!

Yes, I think his life has most of the classic ingredients for a Wragg yarn -
born in Windar country, captured by Blackbeard, ransomed for a chestful of Madame Wu's,
loyally backed the losing side, came to a sad end off the coast of Admi land,
nice touch about the brave young slave rescuing his son -
lots of women in his life, though no mention of crucifixions or strange goings-on in dungeons,
but then they'd draw a discreet veil over those in the Abbey - well in the Westminster one, not Cruxton

 

[Wragg]

inflexibly maintain’d his loyalty to the person and government of his Sovereign and was therefore compell’d to leave his distrest family and ample fortune.

Love of King and Country trumps all other considerations, what? Good old Wragg. Jeeves would tell you I'm a bit of a chump, but there are some decent coves in the family tree.

Dashed grateful to Aunt Eulalia for spotting that!

 

[Quiet Paul]

Love of King and Country trumps all other considerations, what? Good old Wragg. Jeeves would tell you I'm a bit of a chump, but there are some decent coves in the family tree.

Dashed grateful to Aunt Eulalia for spotting that!

Keep up the writing on here Wragg, and you might end up in Poet’s Corner

 

[Wragg]

Keep up the writing on here Wragg, and you might end up in Poet’s Corner

What, with a statue of Barb weeping over the wreck I've made of the English language?

 

[Quiet Paul]

What, with a statue of Barb weeping over the wreck I've made of the English language?

The Abbey authorities would probably insist on her being clothed, which would be slightly out of character.

 

[Wragg]

The Abbey authorities would probably insist on her being clothed, which would be slightly out of character.

No-one would recognise her.

 

[Quiet Paul]

No-one would recognise her.

She wouldn’t /won’t like that. She’s never really been the ‘shrinking violet’

 

[Barbaria1]

What, with a statue of Barb weeping over the wreck I've made of the English language?

The Abbey authorities would probably insist on her being clothed, which would be slightly out of character.

No-one would recognise her.

She wouldn’t /won’t like that. She’s never really been the ‘shrinking violet’

Don’t think for a second that these unkind remarks escaped my attention, you two!!!!

 

[phlebas]

This seems the right place to tell of a discovery I made by serendipity -

In the south choir aisle of Westminster Abbey is a memorial of white and coloured marble to William Wragg. The inscription reads:

Sacred to the memory of William Wragg Esqr. of South Carolina who when the American Colonies revolted from Great Britain inflexibly maintain’d his loyalty to the person and government of his Sovereign and was therefore compell’d to leave his distrest family and ample fortune. In his passage to England by the way of Amsterdam he was unfortunately shipwreck’d and drowned on the coast of Holland the 3rd day of September 1777. In him strong natural parts and the love of justice and humanity improved by education formed the valuable character of a good man and left those who have survived him to deplore the loss of a most tender husband, affectionate parent, kind master, and warm friend. His surviving afflicted sister in England caused this monument to be erected 1779.

The memorial consists of a mourning woman leaning on a sarcophagus and on the front is a relief of the shipwreck, with the Dutch coast shown in the background. Two small figures are shown clinging to wreckage in the water. One was Wragg’s son William and the other a slave boy (Tom Skene) who rescued him - both survived. Young William died unmarried in 1803. The carved ornaments include dolphins and shells, with the infant Neptune on a sea-lion and the infant Bacchus on a lion. The memorial is signed by the sculptor Richard Hayward.

View attachment 543303 (rather small pic even full-size, you have to buy a postcard to see it better )

His Life

William was born in 1714 in Charleston, son of Samuel and his wife Marie (DuBose). When he was young he and his father were captured by pirates led by Captain Edward Teach (Blackbeard) and imprisoned. In exchange for an expensive chest of medicines the prisoners were set ashore. He was educated at St John's college Oxford. William married Mary Wood and they had two daughters Mary and Judith. His second wife was Henrietta and they had four children William, Henrietta, Elizabeth and Charlotte.

http://www.westminster-abbey.org/our-history/people/william-wragg

That is astounding, Eul! Life imitates art. I half expect to see a Mr Phlebas or the Hon R Rodent pop up here immortalised in stone or brass sometime.

https://allevents.in/nottingham/phlebas-the-end-times/164846264099056


Sounds ominous!


RR, is that you?

 

[Wragg]

Don’t think for a second that these unkind remarks escaped my attention, you two!!!!

I say, QP, you bounder!

Barb has only just cleared all my demerits and now you've jolly well gone and landed me in the soup again!