My Crucifixion

[Ulf Bernstein]

Hi!

I have been interested in crucifixion since i have memory. 12 years ago, i remember having access to a book of paintings. I found the crucifixion pictures very interesting and couldn't stop watching them, i used to check it every day. Years later i started playing on the ground, performing crucifixion poses and i found the erotic component of it.

My first crucifixion attempts started 2 years ago. I got a long table, attached some ropes to it and tied myself to it on the ground. From then i have been trying to make the experience more realistic. One month and half ago i entered in a state of extreme anxiety. I have changed my cross three times. There have been weeks with 2 crucifixions, i cannot stop thinking on it.

In september 2015 i found this amazing site and decided to share some pics of my attempts. Received some feedback and really appreciated it. I want to thank to this forum because it has helped me a lot. For years i thought i was crazy but finding this forum has helped me to change my thoughts. I understand that woman crucifixion is a lot more popular , and i still find beautiful the woman crucifixion but the paintings i saw when a i was a child, put a mark on me.

The sexual and erotic components of the crucifixion are important, but there are some powerful ideas/thoughts that get through my mind and i consider them more important. I dream with a crowd watching my execution, some of them laughing at me, some of them having compasion. Shame , humilliation and suffering are very strong and make an intense synergy inside me.

I want to share some pics of my lasts attempts , the last one was 35mins and it was my most painful attempt. Once i get up there, i cannot come down before 30 min, that's what we agreed. Ropes were very rough and caused a lot of pain in my arms, which intensified while breathing. At min 20, i really wanted to come down , i even begged for it but they didn't release me. One of them had compasion and hold my feet for 1 minute so i could rest a bit. Other things happened later..

I am not ready to show my face or to show myself fully naked, it's the way i am. The second will happen eventually.

My english is not great but i hope it's understandable.

Thanks

 

[Kodos the Executioner]

I have always enjoyed what you have posted, so thank you for being willing to share your images with us.

From the images that you have here, it seems that your arms are tied fairly tight while the rope that holds your feet in place is more flexible to allow for movement. Interesting.

 

[JimOregon]

Beautiful smooth body and provocative poses. I can't wait for the final stripping. And I'm straight, I think.

 

[apollo55]

It doesn't matter. Crucifixion transcends sexual identity.

 

[Cruxpassion]

Hi Ulf,

a nice and interesting post. We are happy that this forums has shown you that you are not crazy, is providing support and giving you good ideas. I very much hope it will also encourage you to do more safe crucifixions in the future!
As you can see there are quite a few people who have the same fascination.

My story is very similar to yours, being fascinating by the crucifixions since my early youth but only really recognizing the erotic aspects of it some years ago.
I remember that when I was about eight or ten years old, I built a cross together with a friend out in the field and that we played the crucifixion just as I saw it in a Jesus movie. I finally found myself standing on the almost upright cross, which we placed at the wall of of an old abondoned house there. I think I found that arrousing, although I did not recognize the erotic aspect at that time.

Have in the past six years done much self-crux and only two times had a friend who joined me, tied me to the cross naked and took pictures of me. Unfortunately, I have since not found any other person I trust to do more such sessions.

As apollo55 correctly says, crucifixion transcends sexual identity. I am also very fund of female crucifixions and find them very beautiful and erotic to look at. However, I also like male crucifixions and even more so, I like being bound to the cross myself.
Being entirely naked is one of the very important aspects for me, to give me the humiliation and sexual arrousing that I personally connect with the crucifixion. A very intense feeling in one of my sessions in which I was crucified by someone else was wearing a loincloth which has then been removed from my body after a few minutes. That was very arrousing and I directly got an erection!

The pictures of your last session are fantastic! I see you have now tried to have the cross fully vertical, which - in my opinion - is very important to make it realistic, humiliating and exhausting. Indeed you have a beautiful smooth body and I guess there are many people on this forum who are eagerly waiting to see pictures of you on the cross fully naked.
I can completely understand and must recommend to you not to show your face! I would never do so, but I see no problem in showing myself naked at all. Maybe this is because I am very fund of nudity, love being naked and frequently go to swimming lakes in the summer where you are completely naked. For me it's just natural...we all were born naked

35 minutes is pretty long and very exhausting in the poses shown on your pictures. That's quite impressing!
What other things happened later in your latest session? Sorry for being so nosy...?

 

[CrossMyHeart89]

You are not alone, I'm the same as you except I've never found someone who would crucify me. One day maybe I'll be able to be crucified like you were. Your pose is beautiful, very well done

 

[sambaman]

we would love to see you hanging naked. it gives the entire scene some special touch.
there is nothing better than a nicely shaved cock hanging on a cross.
great images ! we want to see more ...
the more suffering the better ...

 

[phlebas]

These are great pics, nice body shape on the cross and attractive loincloth. The cloth covers yet reveals, it suggests interesting things and is so much nicer than the massive ugly things you get in passion plays. You photos are becoming quite believable.
Keep your face covered by all means, but if the cloth were to slip, don't be shy to share

As apollo55 correctly says, crucifixion transcends sexual identity. I am also very fund of female crucifixions and find them very beautiful and erotic to look at. However, I also like male crucifixions and even more so, I like being bound to the cross myself.
Being entirely naked is one of the very important aspects for me, to give me the humiliation and sexual arrousing that I personally connect with the crucifixion.

Male or female crux can be beautiful and erotic. Here it is mostly just the men who are prepared to share their experiences visually. The ladies tend to give us words and feelings, painting pictures for the mind. It is all valuable, all to be treasured. Thanks to all who share, I hope these experiences give courage to those who have not yet experimented.

 

[Madiosi]

These are great pics, nice body shape on the cross and attractive loincloth. The cloth covers yet reveals, it suggests interesting things and is so much nicer than the massive ugly things you get in passion plays. You photos are becoming quite believable.
Keep your face covered by all means, but if the cloth were to slip, don't be shy to share



Male or female crux can be beautiful and erotic. Here it is mostly just the men who are prepared to share their experiences visually. The ladies tend to give us words and feelings, painting pictures for the mind. It is all valuable, all to be treasured. Thanks to all who share, I hope these experiences give courage to those who have not yet experimented.

We have Heads for Replace here:
http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/crucifixion-manipulations-construction-kit.4027/page-42
and here
http://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/crucifixion-manipulations-construction-kit.4027/page-31

 

[Ulf Bernstein]

These are great pics, nice body shape on the cross and attractive loincloth. The cloth covers yet reveals, it suggests interesting things and is so much nicer than the massive ugly things you get in passion plays. You photos are becoming quite believable.
Keep your face covered by all means, but if the cloth were to slip, don't be shy to share

Male or female crux can be beautiful and erotic. Here it is mostly just the men who are prepared to share their experiences visually. The ladies tend to give us words and feelings, painting pictures for the mind. It is all valuable, all to be treasured. Thanks to all who share, I hope these experiences give courage to those who have not yet experimented.

Thank you!

Beautiful smooth body and provocative poses. I can't wait for the final stripping. And I'm straight, I think.

^^

we would love to see you hanging naked. it gives the entire scene some special touch.
there is nothing better than a nicely shaved cock hanging on a cross.
great images ! we want to see more ...
the more suffering the better ...

Thank you!

You are not alone, I'm the same as you except I've never found someone who would crucify me. One day maybe I'll be able to be crucified like you were. Your pose is beautiful, very well done

Thank you. Once you get crucified, you will be always looking for more and more. I don't see the end. It's good and bad.

I have always enjoyed what you have posted, so thank you for being willing to share your images with us.

From the images that you have here, it seems that your arms are tied fairly tight while the rope that holds your feet in place is more flexible to allow for movement. Interesting.

Ropes were very abrasive and my feet were having a hard time. :S

 

[wayne]

I dream with a crowd watching my execution, some of them laughing at me, some of them having compassion. Shame , humiliation and suffering are very strong and make an intense synergy inside me.

I want to share some pics of my lasts attempts , the last one was 35mins and it was my most painful attempt. Once i get up there, i cannot come down before 30 min, that's what we agreed. Ropes were very rough and caused a lot of pain in my arms, which intensified while breathing. At min 20, i really wanted to come down , i even begged for it but they didn't release me. One of them had compassion and hold my feet for 1 minute so i could rest a bit. Other things happened later..

I am not ready to show my face or to show myself fully naked, it's the way i am. The second will happen eventually.

Very impressive, and I might say motivating pictures (if by some miracle I can find some help - and as fate would have it, I've recently been talking to someone that may be interested in helping). Very telling that as motivated as you clearly are (dreaming/wanting to be crucified publicly, fully naked, etc.) you were "begging to come down at 20 minutes". I don't have a long time goal in mind, should I have the opportunity at all, but I have to wonder, will it just prove too much in reality, should reality even become possible. The fantasy is compelling. Your photos are compelling, and educational. If I do it, I will do it fully naked.

 

[Fox-on-Cross]

I prefer a loincloth from thin textile which must hang loosely so that bodymovements will translate in clothflutter.
Every movement during the crucifixion is our joy to watch otherwise we could hang a salt sack.

 

[wayne]

Every movement during the crucifixion is our joy to watch otherwise we could hang a salt sack.

Well..., I wouldn't expect a salt sack to be that interesting...

 

[Fox-on-Cross]

Well..., I wouldn't expect a salt sack to be that interesting...

Indeed, the sculptures in the church are motionless, the living crucifixion is so as Debby it well described, a ceaselessly movement to comfort the pain.

 

[wayne]

Well, as I said I thought I might be going to attempt to, I sort of successfully, made my first effort at being 'crucified'. There were a lot of issues. I don't know how many of those can be overcome in future attempts, or if there will even be future attempts, but I'd definitely like for there to be.

I really didn't think everything could come together for this, ever, and certainly not as quickly as it did after being motivated by Ulf (and I don't know if he's even still watching his own thread, or cares that he motivated me) and this forum. When I realized everything was coming together for it, and I was really going to be tied to a cross, of my own making, I was scared shitless. Maybe not to Ulf's extent, but being tied to a cross has certainly been a fantasy of mine (and probably a fantasy of mine for longer than Ulf has been alive (lol?....)).

But, like I said there were issues, lots of them, and I didn't end up being tied there long. I'd guess maybe 5 minutes, if that much. Still, it happened. As is perhaps unfortunately visually obviously, and as I'd kinda feared, and hoped to avoid, actually, I kinda like being crucified. It feels very wild and very intense to be bound helplessly to a cross. A feeling I obviously get into.... One of the issues was that my help wasn't really able to tie me as tightly as I'd have liked, and at first I figured I could pull right out of it. So, I tried. Nothing doing. I was actually, and in real life, helplessly bound to cross. What a feeling, wow! Some of the issues we had prevented that from lasting for more than few minutes, but they were minutes, and are intensely etched into my memory as they were definitely that - intense. Logistical limitations also prevented me from being that far off the ground, but it didn't really matter in the sense that I wasn't getting off the cross and onto the ground again, without help.

I hope the visually obvious part of the image that I mentioned earlier, isn't offensive to anyone here. It isn't intended to be. I'm no threat to anyone, ever, and especially not when tied to a cross and I just couldn't be left there long enough for that to resolve itself, which I'm guessing, given the way I am, and the intensity of the feeling of being tied to a cross may have taken a bit... My apologies, if any are needed.

 

[phlebas]

Welcome to the club Wayne, and thanks for sharing so openly with us.
I like your description, wild and intense. It is, intense and profound and transforming. And strangely peaceful, sometimes. Mind and body part, come together, part again. The physical sensation becomes very confronting, and the imagination is fired up.
I hope you get more opportunities to enjoy the experience

 

[Ulf Bernstein]

Well, as I said I thought I might be going to attempt to, I sort of successfully, made my first effort at being 'crucified'. There were a lot of issues. I don't know how many of those can be overcome in future attempts, or if there will even be future attempts, but I'd definitely like for there to be.

I really didn't think everything could come together for this, ever, and certainly not as quickly as it did after being motivated by Ulf (and I don't know if he's even still watching his own thread, or cares that he motivated me) and this forum. When I realized everything was coming together for it, and I was really going to be tied to a cross, of my own making, I was scared shitless. Maybe not to Ulf's extent, but being tied to a cross has certainly been a fantasy of mine (and probably a fantasy of mine for longer than Ulf has been alive (lol?....)).

But, like I said there were issues, lots of them, and I didn't end up being tied there long. I'd guess maybe 5 minutes, if that much. Still, it happened. As is perhaps unfortunately visually obviously, and as I'd kinda feared, and hoped to avoid, actually, I kinda like being crucified. It feels very wild and very intense to be bound helplessly to a cross. A feeling I obviously get into.... One of the issues was that my help wasn't really able to tie me as tightly as I'd have liked, and at first I figured I could pull right out of it. So, I tried. Nothing doing. I was actually, and in real life, helplessly bound to cross. What a feeling, wow! Some of the issues we had prevented that from lasting for more than few minutes, but they were minutes, and are intensely etched into my memory as they were definitely that - intense. Logistical limitations also prevented me from being that far off the ground, but it didn't really matter in the sense that I wasn't getting off the cross and onto the ground again, without help.

I hope the visually obvious part of the image that I mentioned earlier, isn't offensive to anyone here. It isn't intended to be. I'm no threat to anyone, ever, and especially not when tied to a cross and I just couldn't be left there long enough for that to resolve itself, which I'm guessing, given the way I am, and the intensity of the feeling of being tied to a cross may have taken a bit... My apologies, if any are needed.

View attachment 380511

You don't know how glad I am that I motivated you. I like all the description of your experience and your pic is amazing. I think I understand the problems and feelings you had but you will see how it improves with each attempt .

 

[wayne]

You don't know how glad I am that I motivated you. I like all the description of your experience and your pic is amazing. I think I understand the problems and feelings you had but you will see how it improves with each attempt .

I'm very honored to see your reply, Ulf. Thank you. I'm n ot sure if my feeble effort is worthy of much notice, but I appreciate it. And, yes, you surely did inspire me. I wish my effort and resulting images could live up to yours. And, so far, it isn't looking hopeful for a repeat performance for me. Maybe someday, I guess (sigh)...

 

[Cruxpassion]

Thank you very much for sharing your expieriences and great pictures with us! As you can see self crux is very much appreciated herein.

Have done much self crux myself and can fully understand all of your thoughts, feelings and emotions. It definitely is very intense, transforming... and sometimes even arousing as we can see

Guess many of us are looking forward to seeing more and learning more about your expieriences!

 

[phlebas]

I'm very honored to see your reply, Ulf. Thank you. I'm nView attachment 383415 ot sure if my feeble effort is worthy of much notice, but I appreciate it. And, yes, you surely did inspire me. I wish my effort and resulting images could live up to yours. And, so far, it isn't looking hopeful for a repeat performance for me. Maybe someday, I guess (sigh)...

If you do get another chance, Wayne, I would recommend that you find more secure bindings and try for full suspension. It looks like you are standing more than hanging in these pics. Actual suspension crux is a real buzz, your weight distribution is so different, and the struggle so much greater. Safety first, but highly recommended.