Hello, everyone. I'm new to this whole thing, and I think I may have traumatized myself a little.
This is going to be a bit of a long post, but I felt I just had to talk about it, haha. I only recently discovered that I have this fetish. Like, it hasn't even been a week since I've known that I had it. Although, I could see the signs before. I definitely do have a spanking fetish, and part of what arouses me about that is the humiliation aspect of spanking. Corner time after the spanking is a huge turn on for me, as it involves putting a victim on display. I believe this is partly what drew me to explore this crucifixion fetish.
But another reason is that I've always had this morbid fascination with executions. Walking to your doom, knowing that these are your last moments alive, I've always wondered how that has to weigh on the victim. Especially if it's a slow death, like burning at the stake, hanging drawing and quartering, and yes, crucifixion. Crucifixion was always one of the most morbidly interesting ones to me, simply because of how terrifying it is. Being nailed to the wood and slowly suffocating, never knowing comfort again, deciding where to put your weight, your wrists or your feet, etc... It always gave me shivers because of how unbelievably HORRIFIC a real crucifixion would have been.
And yet, as I got older, sometimes thinking about it would arouse me a little. Which again, was probably because of my spanking fetish, and the humiliation of putting a freshly spanked girl in the corner. The humiliation aspect of putting her in the corner, perhaps with onlookers cheering for her spanking and humiliation, began to carry over and merge with my morbid fascination of crowds cheering for a victim's execution. And what execution is more humiliating than the cross?
This is what sent me down this rabbit trail. Now at first I thought I was a little messed up. I mean, seriously, I know BDSM is a common kink, but THIS? This seems like some Jeffrey Dahmer shit, right? I was a bit scared for myself, but then lo and behold, I discovered forums like this and r/Crucifixion on reddit. Phew, I thought. At least there are others that think like me.
So, I decided to check this place out, and yes, oh, yes, it scratched that itch! I would scroll through this site, and sites just like this, pleasuring myself to the pictures and stories.
But then that brings me to the subject of this post. I think I may have gone a bit overboard on this, lol. Because last night I saw a post that mentioned a story called Serpent's Eye by Jedakk. I curiously decided to check it out. And......it kinda traumatized me. (Now a lot of you who've read the story may be thinking, "How did THAT traumatize you?" But remember, I'm a beginner at this haha.)
For those of you who haven't read the story, you can find it on this site. It is set in Roman times, and is about a slave girl named Sabina who is sentenced to be crucified.
Now, what made this story stand out to me was the detail and realism of it. I had read other crucifixion stories on this site and others, and a whole lot of them felt over the top or unrealistic, or just didn't really put me in their shoes.
But this story was different. It's mainly told from Sabina's POV, and it truly captures just how utterly terrified she is of her impending torture. I set out to read this story with the intention of pleasuring myself to it, as I did with several other stories and photos. But I soon was reading wide-eyed and anxious. I had read other stories where the victim was terrified at her doom, but like I said, many of those just didn't seem that very realistic, just typical fanfiction stuff. This, one, however, put me right in the shoes of a condemned slave girl, made me feel her every fright, every sob, every whimper. It's almost as if I was reading an actual firsthand account of what someone would be feeling on the eve of their crucifixion.
The scene where Sabina is uncontrollably sobbing in her prison cell the day before her crucifixion didn't make me want to pleasure myself. Instead, I wanted to take the sobbing girl in my arms, cradle her, hold her, do anything to try to comfort her.
When she was finally nailed to the cross, it was pretty much everything I had imagined it to be in my pre-fetish days, when I was just into the morbid curiosity of it. In those days, I had watched several videos and been to several websites detailing how a crucifixion would be carried out. Sabina's experience on the cross vividly brought that to life for me. I felt her fear, her anguish, her sheer terror as it all happened to her. Like I said before, it was as if I were watching a real account of a crucifixion from those days. And the sad thing is.....it most likely did happen like this in real life. To countless people.
When she was on the cross, I just wanted someone to rescue her. Poor, poor Sabina! I know this all may sound silly, but I honestly couldn't bear to see her suffer. And yet, I couldn't turn away from the story. It's unbelievable that this was actually a real execution method in history. When you read about it, or watch a video about it, you can't really comprehend just how horrific it is. And yet in this story, it is laid out in extreme detail. You feel her every pain. Every movement causes her agony. There is no comfortable position. All these things I had read about before, but never this descriptively. This story put me in a very downer mood, because it made me think of how many people had to endure this cruel torment back then.
Well, it left me in a downer mood until the ending, of course! Those of you who have read the story know how it ends, but I won't spoil it for those who haven't. All I'll say is, it did pick me up a bit, and even made me smile. But, oh boy, I think I went over my head with this one. Some of you veterans may think I'm a wimp, but, hey, like I said, I'm a beginner at this. I guess I just wanted to rant here, lol It seems a bit silly, though. I mean what did I expect? Peaches and cream? It's frickin' CRUCIFIXION, for crying out loud!
Anyway, I hope this post wasn't too stupid or pretentious or any other synonyms. Just felt like sharing this. And, hey, did any of you have similar experiences?
