• Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.

Now This Just Isn't Funny

Go to CruxDreams.com
Tommy Trinder, Fernandel, Sarah Jessica Parker, Jimmy Hill, Joan Sutherland and Jay Leno walk into a bar. The barman says (to himself) “Oh, dear, if I make some wisecrack to these people like ‘Aww... Why the long faces…?’ I’m sure it will offend them. In fact since they’ve so obviously banded together in defense against such stupid remarks, best say nothing.” So the bartender (to himself) decided to ignore their collective infirmity (Facial Hyperdivergence to give it its medical name), take their orders and serve their drinks. Which is what he did and everyone had a very pleasant evening…
 
At the undertakers:
Two apprentice gangsters view the corpse
(a gorgeous young blonde),
They talk in hushed reverend whispers:

"Damn, what a beautiful girl! And so young! What a tragedy!'
'Yeah! Her and Big Vinnie had just been goin' out a coupla months!"
"God, he looks heartbroken! Do they know what she died of?"
"Yeah, she died of Herpes"
"What? Herpes! You don't die of Herpes!"
"You do when you give it to Big Vinnie..."
==========================​
 
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve.
They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter heaven.
On entering they are told that they must present something "Christmassy." in order to get in.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family's Christmas tree.
He is let in.
The second man presents a bow and some ribbon, from presents that were opened earlier in that night.
So he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of panties.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
To which he replies, "Oh, . . . They're Carol's."
 
So, Captain Kirk went into space on Jeff Bezos' giant penis.
bezos1.jpgbezos2.jpg
And CNN found the perfect commentator.
bezos3.jpg

(For non-nerds who don't get that joke: Miles O'Brien was a character on Star Trek: Next Generation and Deep Space Nine and the only non-com in all of Star Fleet.)
Miles_O'Brien,_2367.jpg
 
When you are not so lucky for a short time.
d3e6d2b6054e9a7480709a23a3c7092a.jpg
 
A man comes to a doctor and does a story:

“Doctor, do you remember, a few months ago, I came to you with a headache?”

“Yes, I do!”

“You gave me pills for that. It solved the headache, but I got pain in my neck. For which you give me pills, next!”

“That’s right!”

“The pain in my neck stopped, but soon, I came to you with pain in my chest!”

“Yes!”

“But thanks to your new pills, it was soon over. Just, I got pain in my belly, afterwards!”

“Right!”

“The pain in my belly went over after you gave once more other pills! But then, I got pain in my knees! Your medication cured it, but lately, I got pain in my feet, for which I got pills once again!”

“Indeed, and is the pain in your feet over by now?”

“Yes, doctor, absolutely!”

“So, what is your problem now?”

“Doctor, I have a headache!”
 
Eighty-five-year-old @twonines showed up at the door to a brothel, and the madam confronted him. "What do you think you are going to do, old-timer?"
He replied, "My money is good as anyone's, and I want one of your best girls for a couple of hours."
The madam shrugged, took his money, and showed him to a room.

A few minutes later the "girl" came in and found the old man standing there naked, rolling on a condom, with a clip on his nose, and about to put earplugs in his ears.
She looked at him and said, " I know what the condom is for, but what's with the earplugs and nose clip?"
He looked at her and replied, "If there are two things I CANNOT abide, it's the sound of a screaming whore and the smell of burning rubber."
 
Praefectus Praetorio said:
Eighty-five-year-old @twonines showed up at the door to a brothel, and the madam confronted him. "What do you think you are going to do, old-timer?"
He replied, "My money is good as anyone's, and I want one of your best girls for a couple of hours."
The madam shrugged, took his money, and showed him to a room.

A few minutes later the "girl" came in and found the old man standing there naked, rolling on a condom, with a clip on his nose, and about to put earplugs in his ears.
She looked at him and said, " I know what the condom is for, but what's with the earplugs and nose clip?"
He looked at her and replied, "If there are two things I CANNOT abide, it's the sound of a screaming whore and the smell of burning rubber."
Click to expand...
If only----
 
sympazero2 said:
View attachment 1082245
In case I hadn't mentioned it...
I absolutely adore
Nude photography photography...

1624144139178-jpeg.1021978

​
Note to other moderators - the large image is externally hosted - W

​
Click to expand...
It's a great pic but where is it hosted?
 
Women, always remember, if your man says he's going to do something, he'll do it ... someday.
bff0846dda7328e94d83e02e5378a2cc.jpg


And here is a friendly sign.
3046dff4526d5d8b9b846b9e841abf17.jpg
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom