Oh yes Darkmind, I like a lot of those ideas. A few responses:
If this is an official, state-imposed, punitive procedure, I'd get a written notice with an illustrated booklet enclosed - or an e-mail with pdf and video attached - explaining what's going to be done to me and how I must prepare myself for it, what to wear for the Appointment (light, easily discarded clothing, no sanitary wear, but minimal personal toiletries and a towel are permitted... a urine sample will be taken to check I've not taken any drugs of any kind whatever... etc. etc.)
I'm thrilled at the idea of being 'measured up', yes that would be necessary for the Cornu - maybe for the Cross or Pony too, and perhaps for the Electro-Torture equipment, especially whatever's going to be used inside me. Maybe an officer would visit, maybe I'd have to report to a clinic - no, a Police Station - for that to be done, coldly and efficiently... And I'd be rather glad in a way of the foretaste of what's to come, it would at least take away some of the fear of the unknown, even if what I come to know - about the thing that's going to be forced into me - is terrifying enough!
The idea of a 'break for refreshments' isn't my own, but I love it: I got it from an Alain Robbe-Grillet novel (Projet pour une Revolution dans New York, je crois), where a Torturer arrives (unannounced but not entirely unexpected) one evening in a young student's flat - he explains to her quietly and calmly what he's going to do, checking on things like where he can heat his needles etc., and tells her that at some point he'll stop and order her to get him some snack, ham and eggs perhaps... I'd obey, knowing it's in my best interests to serve him and not provoke him (and in any case I like preparing and serving food to good-looking men in uniform, especially if I'm naked and hot from the first round of being tortured) I'd hardly expect him to 'go easy', but I know he can always make it worse!
And yes, altogether, it would be like preparing myself for some athletic competition, or a very demanding ballet performance, or some serious surgical operation. I'd be acutely aware of my own body, how it's feeling and behaving, mentally focused - I'm pretty good at that - terrified of course, but controlling it, if family, friends, colleagues know about it (I'd rather they didn't) I'd try not to let them fuss or even talk about it, I'd just carry on with 'real life' right up to the time... well, at least, to the night before...
Firstly thank you for your comments. Perhaps if you like I could write an alternative ending? But first something from you.... What would be going thought your mind as it was slowly opened up? As a woman it would be interesting to know your thoughts. Come on, don't be shy......
An amazing account. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing. I also really don't like the idea of mutilating a woman. I like breasts whipping, pinching ect. But would be very turned off by the idea of blood. I have written about crueler torture and some of you have read those stories. I have written one where the pear was fully opened in a woman but those were stories about the inquisition and more for drama then a torture I would consider doing to a woman. As with this story and the next one I'm working on I'm choosing to do less damaging tortures or ones I would do myself to a woman. I find that makes it more real to me as it is a thing I would maybe do, or you may have done to you?
Yes my thoughts have been running in circles. And my daily routine has broken down a bit.
... it might be despite the situation the first thought in my mind is... oh god my place is such a mess! A dump!
In a way I'll be grateful that he's taking control, taking matters into his hands.
But I'm telling myself at least this isn't happening in public or in front of some leering crowd! That would be so much harder to bear...
I can't answer, I turn my head, try to hide behind my hair, bury my face against my shoulder, whatever.
Yes my thoughts have been running in circles. And my daily routine has broken down a bit.
So...
... it might be despite the situation the first thought in my mind is... oh god my place is such a mess! A dump!
What will he think of me!?! (the table is mostly cleared though...)
But then of course this isn't umm a date or so... but still, it feels important for me to make a good impression...
In a way I'll be grateful that he's taking control, taking matters into his hands.
Ending the agony of waiting, the self-torments of my imagination running wild, the doubts and the panic attacks.
On the other hand, now it's becoming real. Yes this is really going to happen. This is only the beginning. The first intrusion.
But I'm telling myself at least this isn't happening in public or in front of some leering crowd! That would be so much harder to bear...
Hmm, a suggestion - scatter some thumbtacks over that table
I try to keep control of myself as I feel him probing deep inside me. But I'm trembling and that I don't resist is not so much an acheivement of self-control - I want to resist with all that's in me (even if I know it would make things worse) but I find myself as if frozen.
A voice inside me tries to tell myself, to insist to myself, in vain, that this is not so much different from an examination.
But just, it's with the intent to find out how to best hurt me... although right now he's not really doing that -- yet.
Though I know about that, having to go somewhere where they'll hurt me very badly, but that was necessary, and in the end all for my good.
This... it will be different.
I almost wish he would hurt me.
Right now, really hard.
In a way it would be easier, I could let go, I could scream and struggle and let go of myself...
And then the question.
The very first question to do with my punishment.
I can't answer, I turn my head, try to hide behind my hair, bury my face against my shoulder, whatever.
The truth is, no. I've never passed out from pain.
Silly me, I've passed out from seeing blood (other people's, I can cope with my own); and I've gone into those weird catatonic absences from being overwhelmed by both emotion and pain... but I've never passed out from sheer pain by itself.
This... I understand my punishment will be completely beyond anything I've ever been through.
I can't help but sob, deep violent sobs shaking my body as all the locked up fear and dread breaks out.
And he's still inside me. Feeling me convulse about him.
And then...
Yes I guess that's true. See "What I Don't Know"
that would be something else.
I sure do... there are no hard and fast rules.
That can be very exciting, ... but there are always different approaches, maybe the details are revealed and it's about how I find a way to realize that's right for me.
Anyway... when it comes to an extremely nasty torture-death, and keeping details secret till up to the end, I think an almost perfect approach is Pia's story "9. Christmas Again".
Yes I guess that's true. See "What I Don't Know"
I think one thing that might seem ridiculous but shows up in my fantasies is that in a way I'd want to put my trust in the person who'd be punishing me, to do a thing that's right for me. And he needs to know what he's doing.
to fear the pain, the idea or torture not fear that I'm going to do something stupid. Then that way you could lose yourself in the session and enjoy it. So I am totally with you on that one.
Recently I read again all the story, I really like it; it's an evergreen, full of anticipation. Thanks darkmind
