The Crux Chronicle
Chaos at Cruxton!
by Spike Sharp
A certain lack of action in 'The Illustrated Chronicle of the Lady Jasmine' has raised concerns among the editorial staff at the Crux Chronicle. Following an extraordinary emergency meeting, a unanimous decision was agreed upon to send 'our most intrepid reporter' to Cruxton in order to investigate the circumstances (or the lack thereof) behind this unusually quiet period in production.
So much for the rationale behind my challenging task. The first part of the mission involved the perilous journey to the singularly Medieval state of Cruxtonia. Arriving unscathed in the principal town of Little Brampton, I was obliged to ask for directions to Cruxton Studios, where I hoped to find the Lady Jasmine herself. I learned that the studios are located in the grounds of the famous Abbey at Cruxton, and so undeterred, I made my way there.
Cruxton Abbey is well known as the residence of Lord Wragg, notwithstanding the confusion regarding his title, which is also given as, 'King Wragg'. Whatever... Wragg is the creative talent behind the studios, which have made their name in recent times by the ruthless manipulation of the visual arts in adult entertainment (or so I am told, whatever that means...)
Meanwhile, Cruxton Studios is the driving force behind such exciting productions as 'Alice Barabbas', which was presented last year. This was received with such high acclaim by its unsuspecting audience, that it was immediately followed by a remake, which proved even more popular. The current production of 'Lady Jasmine' is also presented as a remake of an original Wragg concept, which so far has been justifiably well-received.
So, it seems curious that production has stalled on a project which otherwise promises much in the way of success. Several days ago, Wragg announced that he would be 'aweigh'. The nautical terminology was nothing if not confusing, especially since he added, rather ominously, 'I may be some time...' Speculation has led me to wonder if the studios are afflicted by industrial action. Strikes in themselves are not unusual in many parts of the world, although reliable sources indicate that such a refusal to work at Cruxton is virtually unknown, since it constitutes a capital offence! Actually, most offences in Cruxtonia seem to carry the death penalty, so industrial action probably isn't so serious in the grand scheme of things...
Ringing the doorbell of the Abbey produced no response, and so I wandered through the extensive grounds until I found myself in what appeared, for all the world, to be an ancient Roman town. I believe such disorientating experiences are quite normal for visitors to the area, although I felt confident that I had finally arrived on the set of 'The Illustrated Chronicle of the Lady Jasmine.' But instead of the silence of inactivity, I was suddenly confronted by the sounds of animated voices and music!
I prepared to commence my first interview with a member of Wragg's Cruxton Studios, but was taken aback by the sight of Barbara Moore, stepping briskly out of a tavern with the unlikely name of 'Leonem Rubrum'. Evidently, she recognised me, since she greeted me with, 'Oh shit...'
'Hello, Barb,' I replied, 'What are you doing here? - are you appearing in 'The Illustrated Chronicle of the Lady Jasmine'?'
'No,' replied Barb.
'Well, I'm here because I heard that work on the project had stalled,' I explained, 'Is the production going ahead now?'
'No,' said Barb.
'Are you always so reticent?' I asked.
'No,' she replied.
'Barb, I've just walked all the way from Little Brampton, and you're the first person I've met. Can you explain exactly what you are doing here?'
'I'm just off to the Abbey,' she responded, 'This is an authentic Roman set for 'Jasmine' - the tavern, you see - the toilets are
communal!'
'I see... Is Wragg here?' I enquired, 'I really would like to interview him about 'Jasmine', if it's at all possible?'
'No,' replied Barb, somewhat predictably.
I must have looked crestfallen, because she seemed to take pity on me. 'Look,' she said, 'The cast are all in the tavern, well, mostly in the beer garden. All of his leading ladies from his past productions are here - we're celebrating his birthday, but he's not with us. He's away - taking a trip on his yacht, I believe - the last thing he said was, 'Anchors aweigh!' so I assume he is at sea - finding inspiration for another of his Jeeves projects, I think...'
'Anyway,' she continued, 'You won't get any information from anybody about 'Jasmine'. Wragg said that the first rule about 'Jasmine' is, 'You do not talk about 'Jasmine'! And the second rule about 'Jasmine' is, 'You do not talk about...''
'Yes,' I said quickly, 'I think I get the idea.'
'Well,' she concluded, 'Since you've come such a long way, you might as well get a drink. Come with me and I'll introduce you to Katty, Nadya, Sasha and Jasmine. And Cally is here too - it's quite a party!'
"Is Alice here?'
'What do you think?'
