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The Throwaway Girl - a new story by Jedakk

  • Thread starter Deleted member jedakk
  • Start date
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come on, susan. let's see if your mouth is as big as it was when you were talking to ellie when you reached your execution place! ;) McDonald gets a very little bit more sympathetic in talking to susan and jeremy ;) ellie became my "poor girl". but these two are not my friends...
 
jedakk said:
A lot more crux fodder - blood and circuses, entertainment for the masses! The government makes enough on crux video sales to give all the congressmen a massive raise. :-D
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To be honest, I didn't like the modern cross before because it gave me a sense of historical nothingness, but your novel changed my opinion, it fascinates me as much as the cross in history. I must say, your novel is really a great work! Thank you soooo much for writing it! ;)
 
ruoliuming said:
To be honest, I didn't like the modern cross before because it gave me a sense of historical nothingness, but your novel changed my opinion, it fascinates me as much as the cross in history. I must say, your novel is really a great work! Thank you soooo much for writing it! ;)
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You're welcome! I have to give a lot of credit to Juan1234 for coming up with the original concept! He got me thinking about crucifixion in a modern world and what it would be like. The other ideas, the crucifixion procedures codified, i.e. the GACP; the contractors handling all of the work associated with crucifixions; executioners, whipmasters and wranglers federally licensed and with their own labor unions, and pervasive bureaucracy, those were all my own.

But I still had help. Mp5stab read the first few chapters I had written and thought I had to post it. I was trying to get someone else to post it for me rather than come out of retirement to do it myself. Zydol321 read it, made suggestions, kept wanting me to flesh out more of it. I balked at that because I didn't think people would read it at all if it was too big. I guess I was wrong about that; we are 80% done and people are still reading.
 
jedakk said:
You're welcome! I have to give a lot of credit to Juan1234 for coming up with the original concept! He got me thinking about crucifixion in a modern world and what it would be like. The other ideas, the crucifixion procedures codified, i.e. the GACP; the contractors handling all of the work associated with crucifixions; executioners, whipmasters and wranglers federally licensed and with their own labor unions, and pervasive bureaucracy, those were all my own.

But I still had help. Mp5stab read the first few chapters I had written and thought I had to post it. I was trying to get someone else to post it for me rather than come out of retirement to do it myself. Zydol321 read it, made suggestions, kept wanting me to flesh out more of it. I balked at that because I didn't think people would read it at all if it was too big. I guess I was wrong about that; we are 80% done and people are still reading.
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Personally, jedakk, I am loving it :ARMS1:
 
jedakk said:
I balked at that because I didn't think people would read it at all if it was too big. I guess I was wrong about that; we are 80% done and people are still reading.
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You have the hidden advantage of having already made up the story and drafted, proofread, and edited it in advance. That means there will be an ending, (a good one, too, no spoilers from me though!) and readers can safely start on this story knowing that it will be completed. You post new Chapters every day, which makes it part of the routine; check cf, read the next part of *The Throwaway Girl*. I think you are selling yourself short, this is a proper serialized novel!
 
mp5stab said:
You have the hidden advantage of having already made up the story and drafted, proofread, and edited it in advance. That means there will be an ending, (a good one, too, no spoilers from me though!) and readers can safely start on this story knowing that it will be completed. You post new Chapters every day, which makes it part of the routine; check cf, read the next part of *The Throwaway Girl*. I think you are selling yourself short, this is a proper serialized novel!
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I thought it was as complete, start-to-finish, as I could make it before I posted the first chapter on here - you know how anal I was about revising it. Even so, every day I re-read the chapter I'm going to post that day AGAIN before posting it and I always end up changing things here and there. Since I started posting, this novel has grown by six pages, about 3,000 words, just due to last-minute changes. For example, the chapter I'm going to post tomorrow is about Susan's crucifixion. I thought it was done for sure, but looking at it today, I thought it really needed to have more of Susan's own thoughts in it. So I've gone through and added those. I also looked at it to see how I could make her crucifixion more different from Ellie's, and have been making some changes in that regard. Like Agatha Christie, I guess I never really get through with a story.

Even so, unless I get run over by a beer truck between now and then, the last two chapters will be posted on Wednesday! :)
 
jedakk said:
I thought it was as complete, start-to-finish, as I could make it before I posted the first chapter on here - you know how anal I was about revising it. Even so, every day I re-read the chapter I'm going to post that day AGAIN before posting it and I always end up changing things here and there. Since I started posting, this novel has grown by six pages, about 3,000 words, just due to last-minute changes. For example, the chapter I'm going to post tomorrow is about Susan's crucifixion. I thought it was done for sure, but looking at it today, I thought it really needed to have more of Susan's own thoughts in it. So I've gone through and added those. I also looked at it to see how I could make her crucifixion more different from Ellie's, and have been making some changes in that regard. Like Agatha Christie, I guess I never really get through with a story.

Even so, unless I get run over by a beer truck between now and then, the last two chapters will be posted on Wednesday! :)
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I also looked at it to see how I could make her crucifixion more different from Ellie's, and have been making some changes in that regard.

Susan! That bitch! Make her crucifixion worse than Ellie's! (if such a thing is possible.) Hmm? What is in store for Ellie? I have my own ideas, but I'll keep them to myself and find out if I guessed your progression in the story.

Even so, unless I get run over by a beer truck between now and then, the last two chapters will be posted on Wednesday!

You better stay healthy jedakk! Stay home! Away from sharp objects. Just get the story posted! (Oh dear! I think I'm getting a little too emotionally involved in this story. I'm with Ellie in her torments. Shit, in my mind I am Ellie....):D
 
1. I had been hoping that Ellie would get some company since the part where she revealed Jeremy's name. Now, I am curious to see how this all plays out. Also curious what types of sediles the other two get, hopefully class 3 ones as well!

2. I agree with the others, that the way you presented the chapters, as a serial, really were a good way to approach things.
 
jedakk said:
It was like sticking her bare feet into a fire and holding them there, even though her instinct was to jerk them away
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you really push all of my buttons jedakk :very_hot:
jedakk said:
retirement to do it myself
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retirement??:eek:...no,no,no,no....
jedakk said:
Even so, unless I get run over by a beer truck between now and then, the last two chapters will be posted on Wednesday
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I don't know if I'm happy or sad about this.
Happy because I know it's gonna be a great ending.
and sad because I know it's gonna be the great ending.
 
toxidomaskjr said:
retirement??:eek:...no,no,no,no....
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Well, I am supposed to be retired! From work at least. I didn't intend to write any more crux stories, but then this idea came along and I needed to write down where my imagination was going. I have a couple of other real-life writing projects I need to get back to.

toxidomaskjr said:
I don't know if I'm happy or sad about this.
Happy because I know it's gonna be a great ending.
and sad because I know it's gonna be the great ending.
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I know! I almost hate that it will have to come to an end, but I think the ending is pretty good, too.
 
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jedakk said:
Chapter 27 is titled "Crucifixion, Monday Night Special Program." Ellie now has a small weight hanging from a monofilament line hooked to the ring in her clit. Her agony is terrible, but there is a short span of time when all of her pain goes away.

Chapter 27: Crucifixion, Monday Night Special Program​

Ellie’s screams had subsided somewhat, but she was still groaning and sobbing, clearly in agony. Her legs were spread wide, displaying the wires running up inside her and connected to her. The big video screens above were split up into different views showing Ellie from various angles, her face, and a close-up of her clitoris with its head buried in the gray steel wool electrode.

Oh God what did they do to me? Ellie thought. It feels like someone crushing my clit with pliers! The pain, it just throbs and travels up into me. Oh please let it be over soon, please!

“I’ll start in the back and work forward, beginning with the electrodes in her rectum and vagina,” John said, twisting a knob. “Setting the power to… three! Here we go…”

John watched Ellie as his finger hovered over the button, then pressed it.

“OWWWWWWWWWWW!!” Ellie screamed wildly, writhing and thrusting her hips forward, trying to escape the buzzing agony inside.

John held the button for five seconds, then released it.

Ellie’s body slowly relaxed. The weight hanging on its monofilament line rhythmically tapped against the cross below her. Ellie gasped for breath and moaned as the pain subsided. Sweat trickled down her sides and trailed down her forehead from her hair.

Ellie began to struggle her way upward, desperate for more breath and to relieve her throbbing wrists. A trickle of dark blood made its way down the top of her right foot, over the crusted blood there.

“What do you think folks? Did she like it? Should I give her a bigger jolt there or turn my attention somewhere else? All those for number one, same place and more of it, let’s hear you!”

“NO! NO! PLEASE, NO MORE! NO MORE!” Ellie screamed from the top of her cross, shaking her head from side to side emphatically.

The crowd erupted, shouting, clapping and whistling.

“That sounded pretty positive, but let’s hear it for number two. Move on to the next channel?”

Ellie dropped her head and shook it slowly back and forth. Either way, she had torture to look forward to.

The response this time was loud, but clearly not as loud as the first time.

“The crowd has spoken!” John said, his voice echoing through the sound system. “This time I’ll up the power to level five. That’s only halfway to maximum. Let’s see how she takes this. Are you ready, Ellie?”

“No, no, please no!” She sobbed.

He pressed the button.

“OWWWWWWWWWW!! OH GOD PLEASE STOP!! OWWWWWWWWWWW!” She stretched her body upward on her nailed feet, arching her back.

He held it for five seconds, watching Ellie writhe and scream. When he stopped, she was gasping for breath, trembling, sobbing, blinking the sweat and tears from her eyes. The burning and throbbing inside her slowly subsided.

Oh my God oh my God oh my God it hurts so much please please please no more oh God this is for the revolution have to remember that FOR THE REVOLUTION! Ellie thought. Remember that hold on to it till the end!

The crowd cheered and called for more, more!

“Now for something different!” John’s voice echoed over the crowd. “Watch what happens when I do this!” He twisted a knob almost all the way to zero. He pressed the button below it all the way down until it clicked, locking in the “ON” position.

“Ohhhh…” Ellie moaned uncertainly, sliding downward on the cross.

Oh my God Oh my God it’s soooo good…

“This time the current is flowing from the head of her clitoris to the steel wool in her vagina,” John said. “It’s very low intensity, so she feels a buzz but not a burning, painful shock. The sensation is almost like a vibrator, but much deeper. It travels from the nerves in the head of her clit, through the internal part of her clitoris and into her vagina. There’s nothing quite like it, I’m told.”

He twisted the dial up just a touch.

“OHHhhhhh… mmmmmhhhh…“ Ellie said as she slipped down to hang by her wrists again.

“Better, Ellie? Or too much?”

“Ohhhhh… wonderful… please, sir, just… just a little more?” She asked hopefully. Her eyes were closed, hips undulating gently.

Oh what is happening to me? The pain, it’s fading…

John tweaked the knob again, just a touch.

“Oh yesss…” Her eyes were open now, staring out over the crowd, seeing nothing.

“Ohhohhohhooohhh!” She gave a shuddering moan, her face going slack, her green eyes rolling upward, but she didn’t faint. She spread her thighs as far apart as she could, as if desperate to open herself to more of what she was feeling, no longer aware of or caring about the people and cameras watching her.

As the crowd watched, murmuring, enthralled by the sight, Ellie’s moans continued, growing in urgency, her abdomen undulating frantically.

Ellie threw her head back and screamed, pushing her pelvis forward toward the crowd. Her screaming went on for more than half a minute before her straining body relaxed and sagged back against the cross. John switched the electricity off.

“Now that was a screaming orgasm, folks!” John said. There was a roar of laughter from the crowd. “I’m told by those who know these things that during an orgasm, any person, male or female, can’t feel pain! So for a minute or two there, Ellie could NOT feel the agony of being crucified!”

“I can do that to Ellie anytime I want! I can take away her pain, or I can overwhelm her with agony. It’s time now to do the last one, give her agony.

“Earlier, you saw us wire up Ellie’s clitoris so I can concentrate electric shocks just on it, the most sensitive part of a woman’s body. It’s time now to do that.

“This is what happens when I turn the dial to four and apply electricity between those eight thousand nerve endings in the head of Ellie’s little pink clit and its root.”

“Ohhhhh! Please don’t please…” Ellie pleaded as she watched helplessly.

John twisted the knob into position and pressed the button. Ellie’s strident, amplified screams of agony echoed out across the crowd. Pain traveled all over her writhing body as she arched outward, straining against the agony.

Her screams continued for almost ten seconds until they trailed off and Ellie slumped down, her head falling forward, chin resting on her chest. She was unconscious.

Ellie’s torture went on for the full hour-long television program. John used the wand to sting her randomly all over her body, gave her a final ten-second jolt to her clit that almost made her faint, then mercifully gave her an orgasm and brief respite from her agony before removing her electrodes, re-installing her sedile, packing up and leaving her to spend her third night on the cross.

Oh thank God that’s over thank God, she thought, I want to die so badly I just don’t know how I can stand days more of this, even if it’s for the revolution. Jeremy, please come tomorrow and save me, please I can’t take any more I can’t!
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mmmmm I love make Ellie cum again in pain ...
 
I went back and re-read the whole thing.. (I may have skipped a bit earlier on) and am riveted.

RIVETED I tell you! :eek:

The slow build-up and back-story is brilliantly done and adds hugely to the already incredible crux scene . The whole courtroom and prison chapters were amazing. What a fantastic work.. the characters are great (especially Ellie, what a perfect cruxette!) and the pacing is excellent, neither rushed nor ponderous. I am really blown away by it. I cannot for the life of me work out how you are going to end it.. but I look forward to finding out. However it ends, this is a story I will want to re-read again in future.

If there were a Pulitzer for crux erotica.. ;)
 
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