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Uplifting Thoughts for the Isolated and Depressed in Times of Plague

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...

Evidently, I was wrong on all counts. Yesterday and today are the worst day of my life...to date at least. There are no burials because of COVID-19, so I have arranged to have my mother's remains cremated. Then, when this COVID-19 is better understood, I will reunite my mother's earthly remains with that of her other children who have predeceased her.

This hurts. There is no two ways about it.

But it was not unexpected.

When my mother was first officially diagnosed with vascular dementia just over two years ago now (she had been symptomatic for about three years before that, but she was an old-fashioned woman who practically raised a family by herself, so she did not want to tell the doctor anything was wrong; most of all, I think she knew something was wrong, but just could not bring herself to admit it), the doctor told me that the prognosis was unidirectional. The only thing was that the medical literature on things like vascular dementia is not as well developed as it is for things like renal failure, and case studies had noted patients living 6-9 years post-diagnosis, so "when" was the question.

Until that question was answered, I resolved to fight to do everything I could for my mother. I failed. I fucked up enormously at the end, as you can tell by how things turned out. But I resolved to fight for my mother as long as she was alive.

I last saw her over a month ago.

...

I resolved to fight to survive this damned COVID-19 so I could be there for my mother at the end of it. In that objective, I failed, but that is nothing novel for me. My life is an extremely impressive collection of failures, so impressive that I am giving thought to calling the Guinness Book and/or National Geographic to see if I can get any prize money for "Lifetime filled with most failures."

But I am still not giving up. For one thing,my mother can no longer take care of her earthly remains.So, I must do that for her. For another thing, she wanted to be reunited with the children who predeceased her. So I must do that as well.

Then, comes the hardest part. When she was of right mind, my mother told me she wanted me to live if she predeceased me. This is a general order and extremely vague, so extremely difficult to carry out.

But I am going to try.
...
Despite what I am going through, I fully intend to continue doing a "Jed Eckert" for as long as I can.
...
I did not mean to trivialize the experience of any Veterans who are reading this. It is just, that, in my simple-mindedness, I am easily impressed by military things.

I was just deeply impressed by reading your post because since last year, I am in a similar situation like you because my mother went to a old people's home because of her mental situation similar to that of your mother. My story is similar but in some ways also in one way the opposite of yours because I can call her via telephone and her mental situation improved a lot - maybe because of the very good medical treatment she receives there or maybe the staff of this home really cares a lot for the patients and "almost forces" them to take part in simple quiz situations around the time after and before the meals.
Moreover, my situation is a bit "crazy" like I never could have expected it or dreamed of. In principle, there is a strict physical contact ban between relatives in homes like this in Germany because of the Coronavirus.
But one of the very friendly nurses there told me, there is a small path-way around the very big home building and my mother's room is at the edge of the building on the first floor. She thought no one in the home will probably say anything against it when I talk directly to her because the distance is probably more than 5 meters up from the way to her window and since two weeks, I can talk to her like in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and my mother is now the very old version of Juliet on a balcony for me. She still knows who I am and we are talking about the weather, how the world has changed and she also knows about the coronavirus. Although she is mentally better now than one year ago, she is talking about dying and she does not want to fight any more with her 88 years. She said, she is ready for everything and this makes me afraid of the near future.
But this fear of future and of a possible death around is probably how life must be and we cannot do anything against this fear than trying to live somehow with it.

Maybe, you will find it interesting that the Germans also like Russian music very much although our "complicated history" with each other.
There was a German choir during he 1980s which sang Russian songs so very well translated that the Germans loved to hear this on TV:
The first song is "This is the Melody of the Night / Moscovian Nights", the second is "This Night, Natasha will dance again". The German audience was so surprised by the - for Germans -unusual Russian pauses in these songs that they are sometimes applauding at the wrong places but it is really nice made:


By the way, to be impressed by "military things" is not necessarily a sign of "simple-mindedness". It could also be the attraction of "extremes" when something which could decide about life or death is in your near or the perfection of a military plan or hierarchy can also be impressive.
Being German, I could give you many examples only from my lifetime:
During the 1970s, there were some big forest fires during the summer of 1976 or 1977 in Northern Germany and the local fire brigades were simply overtaxed by the size of the fires. They called the German "Bundeswehr" and asked if they could make photos from the airspace and help with machines. The military commanders let them make and asked if they could take also the command over the fire brigades because they also had big machines to cut trees in order to make huge lanes through forests for their military tanks.
The local fire brigades agreed and the German military was able to seperate and putting out the huge fires faster than the fire brigades could ever hope for.
The Germans as a nation also were simply delighted by the ability of the commando of the special forces of the "GSG-9" who made in October 1977 something no one before thought to be possible: To attack a plane highjacked by terrorists from outside in a night surprise, killing only the terrorists inside within one single minute and no one else.
The German commander of the GSG-9 said later, this was the highest honour a soldier like he and his men ever could achieve and dream of in their lifes: Saving the lifes of more than 100 innocent men, women and small children by doing his military job in only one decisive minute.
So, it is no wonder to be sometimes impressed by "military things".
 
I was just deeply impressed by reading your post because since last year, I am in a similar situation like you because my mother went to a old people's home because of her mental situation similar to that of your mother. My story is similar but in some ways also in one way the opposite of yours because I can call her via telephone and her mental situation improved a lot - maybe because of the very good medical treatment she receives there or maybe the staff of this home really cares a lot for the patients and "almost forces" them to take part in simple quiz situations around the time after and before the meals.
Moreover, my situation is a bit "crazy" like I never could have expected it or dreamed of. In principle, there is a strict physical contact ban between relatives in homes like this in Germany because of the Coronavirus.
But one of the very friendly nurses there told me, there is a small path-way around the very big home building and my mother's room is at the edge of the building on the first floor. She thought no one in the home will probably say anything against it when I talk directly to her because the distance is probably more than 5 meters up from the way to her window and since two weeks, I can talk to her like in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and my mother is now the very old version of Juliet on a balcony for me. She still knows who I am and we are talking about the weather, how the world has changed and she also knows about the coronavirus. Although she is mentally better now than one year ago, she is talking about dying and she does not want to fight any more with her 88 years. She said, she is ready for everything and this makes me afraid of the near future.
But this fear of future and of a possible death around is probably how life must be and we cannot do anything against this fear than trying to live somehow with it.

Maybe, you will find it interesting that the Germans also like Russian music very much although our "complicated history" with each other.
There was a German choir during he 1980s which sang Russian songs so very well translated that the Germans loved to hear this on TV:
The first song is "This is the Melody of the Night / Moscovian Nights", the second is "This Night, Natasha will dance again". The German audience was so surprised by the - for Germans -unusual Russian pauses in these songs that they are sometimes applauding at the wrong places but it is really nice made:


By the way, to be impressed by "military things" is not necessarily a sign of "simple-mindedness". It could also be the attraction of "extremes" when something which could decide about life or death is in your near or the perfection of a military plan or hierarchy can also be impressive.
Being German, I could give you many examples only from my lifetime:
During the 1970s, there were some big forest fires during the summer of 1976 or 1977 in Northern Germany and the local fire brigades were simply overtaxed by the size of the fires. They called the German "Bundeswehr" and asked if they could make photos from the airspace and help with machines. The military commanders let them make and asked if they could take also the command over the fire brigades because they also had big machines to cut trees in order to make huge lanes through forests for their military tanks.
The local fire brigades agreed and the German military was able to seperate and putting out the huge fires faster than the fire brigades could ever hope for.
The Germans as a nation also were simply delighted by the ability of the commando of the special forces of the "GSG-9" who made in October 1977 something no one before thought to be possible: To attack a plane highjacked by terrorists from outside in a night surprise, killing only the terrorists inside within one single minute and no one else.
The German commander of the GSG-9 said later, this was the highest honour a soldier like he and his men ever could achieve and dream of in their lifes: Saving the lifes of more than 100 innocent men, women and small children by doing his military job in only one decisive minute.
So, it is no wonder to be sometimes impressed by "military things".
I was interested in your comment of the GSG-(. I believe that they worked closely with the SAS and there was quite a bit of cross training between them. However, I think, I could be wrong, GSG-9 never operated outside of Germany.
Anyway, I wouldn't want to bet on the receiving end of their attention!
 
You are correct in the close working with the SAS (the GSG-9 indeed used weapons from the SAS, e.g. special grenades) but it was really the GSG-9 in 1977 in Somalia's Mogadishu, because they were allowed to operate around the world in attacks against terrorists. I also remember rumours from that time of journalists who mentioned that a German military plane without any position lights always landed like a black shadow in the dark on every airport the highjacked "Landshut" was landing some hours before and no one could imagine how mad the pilot or the crew of this machine must be to land this way:
In fact, no one - except a few terrorists on suicide missions - ever since 1977 really wanted to provoke a military operation by the GSG-9 or their successors.
By the way: I was exxagerating a bit before: There were 86 passengers and 5 crew members on board, not over 100 as I said before.
 
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But back to more beautiful topics. I found something interesting, maybe especially interesting for the founder Praefectus Praetorio of this thread which became one of the best threads I was ever taking part in - in my whole life.
This is a long and interesting background story by a national radio station in German with many English parts about the life of Leonard Cohen and the history of his "Hallelujah".
It makes no real sense for me to translate it as usual because of so many English parts in it. So, if you are interested in this beautiful work, I am afraid, you have to do some work by using translation programs by yourself but I think it is worth it and I hope you all are able to enjoy this link somehow:
 
But back to more beautiful topics. I found something interesting, maybe especially interesting for the founder Praefectus Praetorio of this thread which became one of the best threads I was ever taking part in - in my whole life.
This is a long and interesting background story by a national radio station in German with many English parts about the life of Leonard Cohen and the history of his "Hallelujah".
It makes no real sense for me to translate it as usual because of so many English parts in it. So, if you are interested in this beautiful work, I am afraid, you have to do some work by using translation programs by yourself but I think it is worth it and I hope you all are able to enjoy this link somehow:
Great reading. But Leonard wasn't all Buddhist philosophy. He could write passion and romance.
 
A uplifting Drinking Song - "The Anacreontic Song", also known as "To Anacreon in Heaven", written in 1771 was the official song of the Anacreontic Society, an 18th-century gentlemen's club of amateur musicians in London. Some may recognize the tune.

To Anacreon in Heav'n, where he sat in full Glee,
A few Sons of Harmony sent a Petition,
That he their Inspirer and Patron would be;
When this answer arriv'd from the Jolly Old Grecian
"Voice, Fiddle, and Flute,
"no longer be mute,
"I'll lend you my Name and inspire you to boot,
"And, besides I'll instruct you, like me, to intwine
"The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine."
2
The news through Olympus immediately flew;
When Old Thunder pretended to give himself Airs.
"If these Mortals are suffer'd their Scheme to persue,
"The Devil a Goddess will stay above Stairs.
"Hark! already they cry,
"In transports of Joy,
"Away to the Sons of Anacreon we'll fly,[28]
"And there, with good Fellows, we'll learn to intwine
"The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine.
3
"The Yellow-Hair'd God and his nine fusty Maids,
"From Helicon's banks will incontinent flee,[29]
"Idalia will boast but of tenantless Shades,
"And the bi-forked Hill a mere Desart will be
"My Thunder no fear on't,
"Shall soon do it's Errand,
"And dam'me! I'll swinge the Ringleaders, I warrant.
"I'll trim the young Dogs, for thus daring to twine
"The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine."
4
Apollo rose up, and said, "Pry'thee ne'er quarrel,
"Good King of the Gods, with my Vot'ries below:
"Your Thunder is useless"—then shewing his Laurel,
Cry'd "Sic evitabile fulmen,[30] you know!
"Then over each head
"My Laurels I'll spread;
"So my Sons from your Crackers no Mischief shall dread,
"Whilst snug in their Club-Room, they jovially twine
"The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine."
5
Next Momus got up with his risible Phiz,
And swore with Apollo he'd chearfully join—
"The full Tide of Harmony still shall be his,
"But the Song, and the Catch, and the Laugh shall be mine.
"Then, Jove, be not jealous
"Of these honest fellows."
Cry'd Jove, "We relent, since the Truth you now tell us;
"And swear by Old Styx, that they long shall intwine
"The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine."
6
Ye Sons of Anacreon, then join Hand in Hand;
Preserve Unanimity, Friendship, and Love!
'Tis your's to support what's so happily plann'd;
You've the sanction of Gods, and the Fiat of Jove.
While thus we agree,
Our Toast let it be.
May our Club flourish happy, united, and free!
And long may the Sons of Anacreon intwine
The Myrtle of Venus with Bacchus's Vine.


Anacreon, ranked by the ancient Greeks as one of the nine great lyric poets wrote in the old Ionian dialect His poetry touched on universal themes of love, infatuation, disappointment, revelry, parties, festivals.
One poem, "To a Thracian Filly" seems custom written for CF with a ponygirl theme:

Ah tell me why you turn and fly,
My little Thracian filly shy?
Why turn askance
That cruel glance,
And think that such a dunce am I?

O I am blest with ample wit
To fix the bridle and the bit,
And make thee bend
Each turning-end
In harness all the course of it.

But now 'tis yet the meadow free
And frisking it with merry glee;
The master yet
Has not been met
To mount the car and manage thee


"To mount and manage thee," Oh Yes!:very_hot:
 
I was just deeply impressed by reading your post because since last year, I am in a similar situation like you because my mother went to a old people's home because of her mental situation similar to that of your mother. My story is similar but in some ways also in one way the opposite of yours because I can call her via telephone and her mental situation improved a lot - maybe because of the very good medical treatment she receives there or maybe the staff of this home really cares a lot for the patients and "almost forces" them to take part in simple quiz situations around the time after and before the meals.
Moreover, my situation is a bit "crazy" like I never could have expected it or dreamed of. In principle, there is a strict physical contact ban between relatives in homes like this in Germany because of the Coronavirus.
But one of the very friendly nurses there told me, there is a small path-way around the very big home building and my mother's room is at the edge of the building on the first floor. She thought no one in the home will probably say anything against it when I talk directly to her because the distance is probably more than 5 meters up from the way to her window and since two weeks, I can talk to her like in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and my mother is now the very old version of Juliet on a balcony for me. She still knows who I am and we are talking about the weather, how the world has changed and she also knows about the coronavirus. Although she is mentally better now than one year ago, she is talking about dying and she does not want to fight any more with her 88 years. She said, she is ready for everything and this makes me afraid of the near future.
But this fear of future and of a possible death around is probably how life must be and we cannot do anything against this fear than trying to live somehow with it.

Maybe, you will find it interesting that the Germans also like Russian music very much although our "complicated history" with each other.
There was a German choir during he 1980s which sang Russian songs so very well translated that the Germans loved to hear this on TV:
The first song is "This is the Melody of the Night / Moscovian Nights", the second is "This Night, Natasha will dance again". The German audience was so surprised by the - for Germans -unusual Russian pauses in these songs that they are sometimes applauding at the wrong places but it is really nice made:


By the way, to be impressed by "military things" is not necessarily a sign of "simple-mindedness". It could also be the attraction of "extremes" when something which could decide about life or death is in your near or the perfection of a military plan or hierarchy can also be impressive.
Being German, I could give you many examples only from my lifetime:
During the 1970s, there were some big forest fires during the summer of 1976 or 1977 in Northern Germany and the local fire brigades were simply overtaxed by the size of the fires. They called the German "Bundeswehr" and asked if they could make photos from the airspace and help with machines. The military commanders let them make and asked if they could take also the command over the fire brigades because they also had big machines to cut trees in order to make huge lanes through forests for their military tanks.
The local fire brigades agreed and the German military was able to seperate and putting out the huge fires faster than the fire brigades could ever hope for.
The Germans as a nation also were simply delighted by the ability of the commando of the special forces of the "GSG-9" who made in October 1977 something no one before thought to be possible: To attack a plane highjacked by terrorists from outside in a night surprise, killing only the terrorists inside within one single minute and no one else.
The German commander of the GSG-9 said later, this was the highest honour a soldier like he and his men ever could achieve and dream of in their lifes: Saving the lifes of more than 100 innocent men, women and small children by doing his military job in only one decisive minute.
So, it is no wonder to be sometimes impressed by "military things".
Thank you.
 
Even in times of bitter sorrow and despair, hoping for the dawn of peace can be uplifting. During the American Civil War, this song was very popular among the troops long before it was formally published in 1864.


We're tenting tonight on the old camp-ground
Give us a song to cheer
Our weary hearts, a song of home
And friends we love so dear.

Chorus
Many are the hearts that are weary tonight
Wishing for the war to cease,
Many are the hearts looking for the right
To see the dawn of peace.
Tenting tonight, tenting tonight
Tenting on the old camp-ground.

We've been tenting tonight on the old camp-ground,
Thinking of days gone by
Of the loved ones at home that gave us the hand,
And the tear that said, "Good-by !"

Chorus
Many are the hearts that are weary tonight
Wishing for the war to cease,
Many are the hearts looking for the right
To see the dawn of peace.
Tenting tonight, tenting tonight
Tenting on the old camp-ground.

We are tired of war on the old camp-ground;
Many are the dead and gone
Of the brave and true who've left their homes;
Others been wounded long.

Chorus
Many are the hearts that are weary tonight
Wishing for the war to cease,
Many are the hearts looking for the right
To see the dawn of peace.
Tenting tonight, tenting tonight
Tenting on the old camp-ground.

We've been fighting today on the old camp-ground,
Many are lying near;
Some are dead, and some are dying,
Many are in tears.

Last Chorus
Many are the hearts that are weary tonight,
Wishing for the war to cease;
Many are the hearts looking for the light,
To see the dawn of peace.
Dying tonight, dying tonight,
Dying on the old camp-ground.
 
Great reading. But Leonard wasn't all Buddhist philosophy. He could write passion and romance.
And there is this. (The "Stranger Song" is probably a little too dark for this thread.)

All the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone
They were waiting for me when I thought that I just can't go on
And they brought me their comfort and later they brought me this song
Oh, I hope you run into them, you who've been travelling so long
Yes, you who must leave everything that you cannot control
It begins with your family, but soon it comes around to your soul
Well, I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned
When you're not feeling holy, your loneliness says that you've sinned
Well, they lay down beside me, I made my confession to them
They touched both my eyes and I touched the dew on their hem
If your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
They will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem
When I left they were sleeping, I hope you run into them soon
Don't turn on the lights, you can read their address by the moon
And you won't make me jealous if I hear that they sweetened your night
We weren't lovers like that and besides, it would still be alright
We weren't lovers like that and besides, it would still be alright
 
Here's another Canadian. Most people probably know this poem. Service was an ambulance driver in World War I, so he comes by his attitude honestly. Here, in the Klondike Gold Rush, Sam makes the best of a bad situation. I guess that's "uplifting"--it is certainly funny.
The Cremation of Sam McGee

By Robert W. Service

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales

That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,

But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge

I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that "he'd sooner live in hell."

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursèd cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead—it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows— O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May."
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; ... then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm—
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales

That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,

But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge

I cremated Sam McGee.
 
Maybe, you will find it interesting that the Germans also like Russian music very much although our "complicated history" with each other.
There was a German choir during he 1980s which sang Russian songs so very well translated that the Germans loved to hear this on TV:
The first song is "This is the Melody of the Night / Moscovian Nights", the second is "This Night, Natasha will dance again". The German audience was so surprised by the - for Germans -unusual Russian pauses in these songs that they are sometimes applauding at the wrong places but it is really nice made:


Back in the 70’s I studied Russian. I had excellent teachers, they had a poor student, and I never learned much of the language beyond "Where is the bathroom?", a few curses, and the lyrics to this:

 
Great reading. But Leonard wasn't all Buddhist philosophy. He could write passion and romance.
I love Leonard Cohen. Did you know that he is the only poet/songwriter --not Bob Dylan, not Paul Simon, not anyone else-- to be included in the prestigious The Norton Anthology of Modern Poetry, Richard Ellmann and Robert O'Clair, editors? More than a songwriter. Personal favorite song to play: Bird on a Wire.
 
I love Leonard Cohen. Did you know that he is the only poet/songwriter --not Bob Dylan, not Paul Simon, not anyone else-- to be included in the prestigious The Norton Anthology of Modern Poetry, Richard Ellmann and Robert O'Clair, editors? More than a songwriter. Personal favorite song to play: Bird on a Wire.
It's late and I must go. The Johnny Walker Wisdom is running High! It's Closing Time!
 
I have little familiarity or appreciation of the Eastern Orthodox Christian traditions and liturgy. However I came across this which, nevertheless, soothed my soul.
BTW, Agni Parthene means "Pure Virgin" addressing Mary, he mother of Jesus.
 
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