Gibbs505
SERVORUM DOMITOR
Decisions, decisions .......Hard choices
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Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
- Start date
Those are the wurst jokes I've seen all day.
"I said, stop watching the football and come to bed!"
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Her left breast is off-side!
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
A cleaning woman was applying for a new position.
When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, "You see sir, the wages were good, but it was one of the most wicked places I ever worked.
"They played a game called BRIDGE, and the other night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you got."
"Another man said, "I've got the strength but not much length." and then another man says to a lady, "Take your hand off my trick." I pretty near dropped dead just when a lady answered, "You forced me. You jumped me twice when you didn't even have the strength for one good raise".
"Another lady was talking about protecting her honour and two ladies were talking and one said, "Now it's my turn to play with your husband while you play with mine".
"Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving I hope to die if one of them didn't say, "Well, I guess we can go home now. This is our last rubber!""
When asked why she left her last employment, she replied, "You see sir, the wages were good, but it was one of the most wicked places I ever worked.
"They played a game called BRIDGE, and the other night a lot of folks were there. As I was about to bring refreshments, I heard a man say, "Lay down and let's see what you got."
"Another man said, "I've got the strength but not much length." and then another man says to a lady, "Take your hand off my trick." I pretty near dropped dead just when a lady answered, "You forced me. You jumped me twice when you didn't even have the strength for one good raise".
"Another lady was talking about protecting her honour and two ladies were talking and one said, "Now it's my turn to play with your husband while you play with mine".
"Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving I hope to die if one of them didn't say, "Well, I guess we can go home now. This is our last rubber!""
and one of them must have been talking about you when he exclaimed,
"She's got a royal flush!"
bakerboy
Senator
I'd choose a strap for 'warming up',
a medium-weight for getting me well patterned with red stripes,
and a slender one to draw my blood
Her choice...
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
In a family, the father is angered, because his son is always lying to him.
So he buys a lie-detecting robot, that gives a liar a slap in the face.
That day, his son comes home late, and the father, with the robot and mother next to him, asks, :
"Where have you been?"
"I was with a friend, we did homework!"
'SLAP!'
"Tell me the truth!"
"All right, dad, we played computer games!"
'SLAP!'
"OK! We have been looking at porn sites!"
The robot does not react.
"So, that's what you have been doing! Looking at porn! At your age, I even did not know what porn was!"
'SLAP!'
"Well, well", the mother says, "he is really a son of yours!"
'SLAP!'
So he buys a lie-detecting robot, that gives a liar a slap in the face.
That day, his son comes home late, and the father, with the robot and mother next to him, asks, :
"Where have you been?"
"I was with a friend, we did homework!"
'SLAP!'
"Tell me the truth!"
"All right, dad, we played computer games!"
'SLAP!'
"OK! We have been looking at porn sites!"
The robot does not react.
"So, that's what you have been doing! Looking at porn! At your age, I even did not know what porn was!"
'SLAP!'
"Well, well", the mother says, "he is really a son of yours!"
'SLAP!'
Is is often better not to know the truth!
KvK
Tribune
You'll have to show me more than that to get me off the football!
old slave
FELIS RESPICIENS
I think this old slave would have preferred that punishment to the one I got once for chewing gum: "copy out the whole first page of the Oxford English Dictionary, completely accurate, every accent, dot and comma."
Not at all funny.
KvK
Tribune
Being whipped but ordered to get rid of the chewing gum....
IIRC, in the 1990's, there was some American kid who was sentenced to be whipped for spitting out chewing gum in Singapore. Michael Fay, I believe his name was.
School punishments were much more creative in those politically incorrect days!
I'm sure you're grateful now, it must have helped so much in your life being familiar with
an obsolete word for a watercourse (Aa), an Indian dye plant (Aal),
a Dutch and Rhenish liquid measure formerly used for wine (Aan),
and of course the dear old Aardvark.
(though actually you don't even get to them until p.4 of the OED,
the first three pages contain more than anyone can possibly want to know about the letter A
)