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The Girl With No Name

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Eulalia said:
As the pulley began to rattle and the cross fell, I was so filled with gratitude that I thought I would float away. Gone, at last! Thank Goodness! I was still crying when my cousin released me. She sat by me and and took me in her arms. "Cry," she said quietly, "you can cry, Lisette. After what you've had to endure, you can cry." She helped me get up, "Come on then, go and take a shower, okay? And then we’ll cycle over to the outdoor pool. You can relax there, swimming will be good for your strained muscles."

So that’s what we did. The pool wasn’t far. It was a bit too cool for the season, but I didn’t care, I ploughed through the water with my body, I splashed and dived. The spasms eased off quickly, I recovered in record time. Of my plan, never, never, never to go for three hours on the cross again, there was nothing left. Of course, I’d do another three hours that very afternoon!

"Just crazy!" said Dorothea when I told her, "I thought, you given up. It was really bad for you, wasn’t it?"

"Yes," I said. "I was suffering like never before…" I spoke with an anxious laugh, "but I liked it."

"Even when you were on the cross?"

I thought. "The whole thing is a bitcomplicated," I said, searching for words, and used the ones I’d read in a book, "I love the idea of the torment and torture. If I have to endure it, I’d do anything to get away. Yet when it's over, I love it again, and the worse the pain and the longer it lasted, the happier and more at ease I am."

"Pauline Réage," said Doro, "that's in ‘The Story of O’. Does it really feel that way? Is it how it is with you?"

I nodded. "Yes. Perhaps even more complicated. If I’m suffering, one part of me wants to get away, but another part is joyfully welcoming the pain. That part can’t get enough!" I proppedrested my head on her hand. " When you whipped me in the forest, it seemed quite mad. I was afraid, Doro, I was afraid of what was coming to me – yet I craved it. While I had to endure your thrashings, I’d have given anything to stop them, but then I was proud and happy to have endured them. That’s the way it is every time. On the cross too. It’s a very special kick, makes me totally euphoric, the harder it is, the greater the euphoria."

"You were so beautiful in your pain." Dorothea's voice was soft, her face took on a dreamy expression, her eyes began to shine.

"When you started to cry, my heart was torn, so beautiful you were, Lisette - I hope you’ll cry every time from now on. You wouldn’t believe what was happening to me when you collapsed…watching you there .... crazy! You were so sweet! It’s a pity that you can’t watch yourself."

We went again into the water. Then Doro took a brochure from her beach-bag, a travel brochure, New Zealand, our favourite topic. Unattainable, unfortunately, even for my cousin with her more than generous pocket money.

"Imagine, we could fly down there for three months after the summer holidays, " she said enthusiastically, "just you and me. We would explore everything., by train, with a car, and on foot. You can enjoy amazing walks there."

"Only that we have to find the missing wherewithal," I said, "otherwise we can’t do any such things."

"Perhaps…" Dorothea looked at me with her feline look, "I do know how we might get to have enough money."

"Like what? With a summer job? You can forget it! There are hardly any, and the pay’s far too. We’d need several thousand euros for a three month trip to New Zealand."

"We could get that together, Lisette," Dorothea's eyes flashed, "You'd have to go up on the cross in front of a paying audience, for a really long stretch."

"Before spectators?" I laughed, "Oh, sure!"

"Don’t just brush it aside, Lis," Doro remained persistent, "it would be feasible. We’d advertise anonymously on the internet. We’d recruit enough people who have the necessary dough, and rent an empty factory, or an old barn, or something like that. Then you'd be crucified naked before the eyes of the audience, and you’d have to endure it for a good long spell. Three hours wouldn’t be enough, that's shilly-shallying. Five or six hours should do the trick for you to make the jump – so they’d experience first hand how you collapse and begin to cry and plead., they’d be able to watch your dance of torment."

"You're batty," I said, blowing a raspberry. Actually, I got hot ears at the thought, imagining the scenario started a tingle it in my fanny, and not a msall one.

"But I'm not razy, Doro! They’d take pics of me and film everything and then the stuff would be all over the internet where all the world can look at it. No thanks, I don’t need that!"

"No, no," cried Dorothy. "It would be strictly controlled."

I had to wonder. Apparently she’d spent quite some time thinking about the matter. "They’d be hand-picked," she said, "only first-rate trusted people would be allowed to come They’d be strictly controlled – we’d have to have a sort of security chamber where they’d be searched.... strip-searched! If a woman has a wig, even that would be searched for mini cameras. They’ll only be allowed to watch, Lisette, videos and photos would betaboo. "

"Oh," I said, frowning, "and then all these folks stand around naked and look at me. Somehow that doesn’t sound very arousing."

Dorothea winked at me: "Only one will be naked, YOU! The others would get costumes once they have passed through the lock, maybe old-fashioned Rococo-style clothes."

Ironic! I glanced at Dorothea's feet. Rococo feet she’s already got!

"How about medieval clothes?" I asked. "They’re easier to obtain and they’re convenient and I find them somehow more appropriate." My heart was pounding, talking about such a crazy idea turned me on. Complete strangers would watch as I was stripped and bound and raised up on the cross. They’d see how I was dancing on the bar, as I started to sweat and whine. They’d see me cry. Maybe I’d completely break down and howl loudly, pleading. And pee! Oh dear! That too. Six hours without a toilet, that’s not possible. And all of this stark naked in front of the eyes of these people. Six hours, my cousin had said, six!

"Think about it," commanded Doro, and gave me a nudge.

"Let's go for another swim, then we’ll have to go home The cross is waiting for you.."
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This captures so perfectly the duality of pain - wanting and not wanting. Lovely. Perfect.
 
Eulalia said:
The thought excited me. Again, I stretched myself on the wood. I was in pain, I greeted it, it only made me the cross really sweet. I wanted pain, I had to admit that honestly, it thrilled me to suffer, the more it hurt, the more excited I became. It was a dance between pain and pleasure. The pain was the pleasure, the pleasure was pain, pleasure and pain were one. But Mr. Pain would win, in the end he would win, he’ll defeat me, he’ll break me. I wanted it, I wanted to be broken. It was so good for me to openly admit it, I was a masochist and loved pain. It was a fact and I could accept it. I wasn’t unsure, anxious, ashamed about it, not a
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But, at the same time, our Lisette is able to gain something from thrashing Dorothea. Pkin mentions the duality of pain but it is the duality within these two young women that has Pp enthralled, Eul.
 
pkindenhaag said:
We all did....
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Not Pp. He was firmly with Doro in that scene but finds himself with Lisette when she takes up the whip. He does find this somewhat challenging, not just as Doro and Lisette change places but in how he interacts with the woman wielding the whip.
 
O how many times I had dreamed of having to endure it! I even dreamed of it at night while sleeping. There was the strange dream I had bout a crucifix of my "Aunty Mothballs" I didn’t even know exactly who this aunt actually was, she died early in my life, I’d only known her as a small child. She was related to us through some complicated links, and when I was small we visited her sometimes. I gave her the unflattering nickname because she smelt of mothballs.The only other thing I still recall is the great crucifix she had hanging on the wall of one of her rooms. When I it saw it for the last time, I was only five years old and it seemed huge, it must have been almost life-size! Well, as a small child I had no interest in the thing, but when I was seventeen it had appeared in a nocturnal dream – or, should I say, it turned up.

In the dream I was at Aunt Annie’s for a visit, but her home looked like the gloomy house of old Aunty Mothballs and Aunt Annie spoke in strange old-fashioned way, like Aunty Mothballs. I took great interest in the life-size crucifix and asked my dear aunt if I could go on that cross at Easter. It was the tradition that every house for Easter set up a "living Crucifix", lots of girls of my age did that, at Eastertide they went on each of the three days for a few hours on the cross.

As happened always in such dreams, this tradition was never maintained in my home, and I was jealous for years of my classmates when they told me after Easter about how they’d been crucified gloriously once again. So I asked my Aunt Annie whether I could be her Easter crucifix. She agreed immediately and I was blissful, I wanted to hug the whole world! At Easter I went to Aunt Annie and I undressed myself eagerly, the cross was already waiting for me. When I was naked, my aunt stared at me with eyes wide.

"You have no hair on your pudenda, girl!" she cried, in exactly the manner of the ridiculous stilted language of Aunty Mothballs. She looked shocked, vigorously shaking her head, "No! You cannot go on the cross Whatever next! Are you not ashamed? Whatever will people think?"

I’d shaved my pubic area for years, all girls of my age did, I saw nothing bad in it, but Aunty was making a fuss about it as if I’d tried to kill someone. I begged and begged, but she was adamant. With my naked pussy, I could not be crucified.

"Then next year?" I whined, "I'll let the hair grow."

"Next year your age will not be in accordance with tradition," aunt declared strictly, shaking her head. "No, no, no!"

I could beg and plead as much as I wanted, she was adamant. I woke up feeling a tremendous loss, I was almost crying, the dream was really true to life, terribly sad and frustrating in the extreme.

I pulled up onmy wrist-bonds. For a long time, Mr. Pain had been with me, in me, I was suffering, I was enjoying it. But my mouth was dry.

"Doro?" She looked up from her computer. "I’m thirsty. Will you give me something to drink?"

She looked at her watch and nodded to herself. Then she brought me something to drink. She put the chair in front of the cross, climbed up and gave me a drink. The fluid intake unfortunately made the pressure in my bladder worse, I’d already felt it a while ago, now it wanted to go urgently. My cousin noticed, she pushed the chair to one side and sat down, full of expectation, staring at me. What is this, Doro ?! Go away! Leave me alone, I don’t want you to watch when I pee! But Dorothy wanted to watch, I could see this all too clearly, she wanted to see how I lost the fight against my over-full bladder and spurted like a carthorse. She wanted to watch the shameful event for me, she wanted to observe how ashamed I felt and how I’d have to do it all the same, before her eyes.

"Go ahead," she said, as if reading my thoughts.

Goddess! Can she see my distress so clearly? I’m so desperate that anyone could see it? You’re completely naked, Lisette, the little voice said in my head, you’re completely exposed, physically and mentally. Anyone can look right inside you, you can’t hide anything, Lisette. You’re revealed, that's what you wanted, right? Doro sat patiently on her chair and waited. She had time, she knew I'd lose the battle in the end.

"You can try to stop it as you please," she said, "some time you’ll have to anyway, Lisette." She was grinning, "In geography recently we did the Niagara Falls. Did you know that there are seventy thousand gallons of water rushing down there every second? What a splash! I can tell you, such a waterfall .... "

Oh you skunk! Shut up about waterfalls you disgusting cousin! My best-beloved cousin got two large glasses. In one she’d run water until it was half full. Smiling, she stood in front of me. She held the empty glass and let water ripple down from the filled glass from about one metre above, the sound drove me crazy.

"Splatter-splash, splatter-splash1" sang Doro. "The water’s splashing down the waterfall!"

She poured the water back between the glasses, I was squirming and pressing my legs together desperately. Dorothea waxed poetical,

"How prettily it ripples,

Listen to how it trickles,

Splash-splash! Splitter-splosh!”

Oh you witch you! I can’t hold it any longer, I was thinking , so why delay? It’ll happen anyway. I squirmed on the cross. Goddess, that hurt! And the pressure in my bladder! Doro put the glasses away. She sat down on the chair again, watching me carefully. You can’t escape from Mr. Pain, Lisette, said the voice in my head, but you can get rid of the pressure in your bladder, you can relieve yourself. Yes, Lisette, your cousin will watch it. She’s not going to go away until you've peed in front of her eyes. She’ll observe precisely how it bubbles out of you, you can’t escape, so why fight? Give up! Just let it run.

But I wouldn’t, I fought bitterly against it, but I lost the battle. I was a prisoner and helpless. Eventually nature overcame all my efforts and everything went without saying, I couldn’t stop it, it bubbled out of me, hot and wild. My face was burning with shame, I had to empty my bladder before the eyes of my cousin. Because I’d been holding it in for so long, it took time, it went on and on. A powerful jet splashed out of me and splattered on the floor of the workshop, there was no end to it. I was ashamed to death.

Dorothea looked on with interest. She was enjoying it, she enjoyed watching me pee and certainly she enjoyed my shame. I saw it all, it was obvious. I squirmed with embarrassment. I wanted to close my eyes to shut out the world, but I couldn’t, my head fell forward and my eyes saw it as it gushed out of me and spurted in a high arc down to the workshop floor. I felt terribly helpless, I had to accept it, even if I did not want it. At last the stream became was thin and shaky, then it stopped. A little went on trickling down my thighs, my cousin also noted this detail very well.

"You’ve gone bright red," she said, "you're ashamed. You don’t need to be, Lisette, there was nothing else you could do, you’re tied up and you have to do it on the cross."

She looked up at me, her eyes gleaming, "Imagine, hanging in front of the audience, Lis! Imagine them watching it! Ten, twenty, thirty strangers!"

For all the pain and shame, the thought excited me too. It was mad, I was excited by the idea of having to do it in front of dozens of spectators.
 
Eulalia said:
O how many times I had dreamed of having to endure it! I even dreamed of it at night while sleeping. There was the strange dream I had bout a crucifix of my "Aunty Mothballs" I didn’t even know exactly who this aunt actually was, she died early in my life, I’d only known her as a small child. She was related to us through some complicated links, and when I was small we visited her sometimes. I gave her the unflattering nickname because she smelt of mothballs.The only other thing I still recall is the great crucifix she had hanging on the wall of one of her rooms. When I it saw it for the last time, I was only five years old and it seemed huge, it must have been almost life-size! Well, as a small child I had no interest in the thing, but when I was seventeen it had appeared in a nocturnal dream – or, should I say, it turned up.

In the dream I was at Aunt Annie’s for a visit, but her home looked like the gloomy house of old Aunty Mothballs and Aunt Annie spoke in strange old-fashioned way, like Aunty Mothballs. I took great interest in the life-size crucifix and asked my dear aunt if I could go on that cross at Easter. It was the tradition that every house for Easter set up a "living Crucifix", lots of girls of my age did that, at Eastertide they went on each of the three days for a few hours on the cross.

As happened always in such dreams, this tradition was never maintained in my home, and I was jealous for years of my classmates when they told me after Easter about how they’d been crucified gloriously once again. So I asked my Aunt Annie whether I could be her Easter crucifix. She agreed immediately and I was blissful, I wanted to hug the whole world! At Easter I went to Aunt Annie and I undressed myself eagerly, the cross was already waiting for me. When I was naked, my aunt stared at me with eyes wide.

"You have no hair on your pudenda, girl!" she cried, in exactly the manner of the ridiculous stilted language of Aunty Mothballs. She looked shocked, vigorously shaking her head, "No! You cannot go on the cross Whatever next! Are you not ashamed? Whatever will people think?"

I’d shaved my pubic area for years, all girls of my age did, I saw nothing bad in it, but Aunty was making a fuss about it as if I’d tried to kill someone. I begged and begged, but she was adamant. With my naked pussy, I could not be crucified.

"Then next year?" I whined, "I'll let the hair grow."

"Next year your age will not be in accordance with tradition," aunt declared strictly, shaking her head. "No, no, no!"

I could beg and plead as much as I wanted, she was adamant. I woke up feeling a tremendous loss, I was almost crying, the dream was really true to life, terribly sad and frustrating in the extreme.

I pulled up onmy wrist-bonds. For a long time, Mr. Pain had been with me, in me, I was suffering, I was enjoying it. But my mouth was dry.

"Doro?" She looked up from her computer. "I’m thirsty. Will you give me something to drink?"

She looked at her watch and nodded to herself. Then she brought me something to drink. She put the chair in front of the cross, climbed up and gave me a drink. The fluid intake unfortunately made the pressure in my bladder worse, I’d already felt it a while ago, now it wanted to go urgently. My cousin noticed, she pushed the chair to one side and sat down, full of expectation, staring at me. What is this, Doro ?! Go away! Leave me alone, I don’t want you to watch when I pee! But Dorothy wanted to watch, I could see this all too clearly, she wanted to see how I lost the fight against my over-full bladder and spurted like a carthorse. She wanted to watch the shameful event for me, she wanted to observe how ashamed I felt and how I’d have to do it all the same, before her eyes.

"Go ahead," she said, as if reading my thoughts.

Goddess! Can she see my distress so clearly? I’m so desperate that anyone could see it? You’re completely naked, Lisette, the little voice said in my head, you’re completely exposed, physically and mentally. Anyone can look right inside you, you can’t hide anything, Lisette. You’re revealed, that's what you wanted, right? Doro sat patiently on her chair and waited. She had time, she knew I'd lose the battle in the end.

"You can try to stop it as you please," she said, "some time you’ll have to anyway, Lisette." She was grinning, "In geography recently we did the Niagara Falls. Did you know that there are seventy thousand gallons of water rushing down there every second? What a splash! I can tell you, such a waterfall .... "

Oh you skunk! Shut up about waterfalls you disgusting cousin! My best-beloved cousin got two large glasses. In one she’d run water until it was half full. Smiling, she stood in front of me. She held the empty glass and let water ripple down from the filled glass from about one metre above, the sound drove me crazy.

"Splatter-splash, splatter-splash1" sang Doro. "The water’s splashing down the waterfall!"

She poured the water back between the glasses, I was squirming and pressing my legs together desperately. Dorothea waxed poetical,

"How prettily it ripples,

Listen to how it trickles,

Splash-splash! Splitter-splosh!”

Oh you witch you! I can’t hold it any longer, I was thinking , so why delay? It’ll happen anyway. I squirmed on the cross. Goddess, that hurt! And the pressure in my bladder! Doro put the glasses away. She sat down on the chair again, watching me carefully. You can’t escape from Mr. Pain, Lisette, said the voice in my head, but you can get rid of the pressure in your bladder, you can relieve yourself. Yes, Lisette, your cousin will watch it. She’s not going to go away until you've peed in front of her eyes. She’ll observe precisely how it bubbles out of you, you can’t escape, so why fight? Give up! Just let it run.

But I wouldn’t, I fought bitterly against it, but I lost the battle. I was a prisoner and helpless. Eventually nature overcame all my efforts and everything went without saying, I couldn’t stop it, it bubbled out of me, hot and wild. My face was burning with shame, I had to empty my bladder before the eyes of my cousin. Because I’d been holding it in for so long, it took time, it went on and on. A powerful jet splashed out of me and splattered on the floor of the workshop, there was no end to it. I was ashamed to death.

Dorothea looked on with interest. She was enjoying it, she enjoyed watching me pee and certainly she enjoyed my shame. I saw it all, it was obvious. I squirmed with embarrassment. I wanted to close my eyes to shut out the world, but I couldn’t, my head fell forward and my eyes saw it as it gushed out of me and spurted in a high arc down to the workshop floor. I felt terribly helpless, I had to accept it, even if I did not want it. At last the stream became was thin and shaky, then it stopped. A little went on trickling down my thighs, my cousin also noted this detail very well.

"You’ve gone bright red," she said, "you're ashamed. You don’t need to be, Lisette, there was nothing else you could do, you’re tied up and you have to do it on the cross."

She looked up at me, her eyes gleaming, "Imagine, hanging in front of the audience, Lis! Imagine them watching it! Ten, twenty, thirty strangers!"

For all the pain and shame, the thought excited me too. It was mad, I was excited by the idea of having to do it in front of dozens of spectators.
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I'd have lost the battle too. Interesting episode.
 
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For a while I was feeling pretty good. I was in pain, but I could bear it, I’d learned to put up with quite a bit. Could you get used to pain? Apparently so. But the cross and the time were allied with each other, and together they set out to break my will. I didn’t cry, this time I wanted to stay still and give in. It couldn’t be all that hard… But!

It was difficult, or rather, it was impossible. As always, I’d lost all sense of time. All I could say was that I’d been hanging on the cross for at least two or three hours, more accuracy was impossible. It was a long time since my body had started to squirm against my will on the bars. A thin film of sweat covered my naked skin. I was performing the slow, agonizing dance on wood. More and more I moaned, I gasped, I squirmed, I heaved up again and again. My arms felt like gnarled tree roots. My calves were shaking each time I pressed down on my legs to escape the terrible train on my arms and upper body. Mr. Pain crept deeper and deeper into me. He was hot and icy cold at the same time. He was like a fluid, driving red-hot iron iron filings into me. He was burning and pulling, pushing and pressing. He was forcing me to bend my knees to him. He was breaking my will.

The tears came of their own accord. Soon I was sobbing aloud. It was horrible. For a while I was squirming like a worm. Then I calmed down and hung silently on the cross. My breath came in gasps less from exertion than from pain, I was panting in pain, it was unbearable, I couldn’t manage any longer, it’s enough, I thought. It really is, it’s got to stop now. I’ve tried and failed, I must let myself be freed now. Relief came over me. Yes, it must stop, it’s got to be over, I give in, what’s too much is too much.

"Dorothy," I cried in a shaky voice. My cousin immediately looked up from the computer. "Doro, let me go, it can’t go on any longer, it really can’t, I quit." I closed my eyes and felt infinite relief, I’d said it out loud. I’ve given up. It’s no big deal – stuff it! I want it to end, that’s all there is to it, if Doro doesn’t like it, fuck her. That’s just crap, as far as I’m concerned, the main thing is to get off the cross…

When nothing happened, I opened my eyes. My cousin was still sitting at the table. What’s that about?

"Doro," I cried in a cracked voice, "Come on, it's enough for me! I really can’t manage any more. Cut! I demand!"

Dorothea stood up and came to me. She stopped and stood in front of the cross.

"Come on," I begged through tears, "I can’t cope any more! Don’t make me go on!"

She didn’t move. Silently she stood in front of the cross and looked at me.

"Doro" I pleaded. "Do something! Please !!!" Again I began squirming, otherwise it was unbearable, my body turned and twisted to avoid the impossible pain, and yet I couldn’t escape him, he was with me, he was in me, he was hurting me, hurting me to infinity! I gasped and I cried.

"Doro," I howled, "Let me down! Stop it, I can’t do it, I really can’t, I’m not joking..."

Her eyes were full of compassion, but behind the pity I saw something else shimmering - a joy, a joy in my misery. My cousin was liking what she saw.

"Dorothea, untie me," I pleaded.

She shook her head. "No, Lisette. You know I won’t do that. You don't want it."

"But," I cried hastily, my voice cracked, "but, Doro, I do want it, I want off, truly! Believe me, I can’t go on any longer, do you hear? I can’t take another minute of it! Take me down, please!"

She didn’t move, she watched quietly as I was suffering the torments of hell.

"Doroooo !!!" I howled.

I reared up, tugged wildly at my bonds, floundered about. I started screaming. I cried and cried. I squirmed in wild convulsions. I completely lost control of myself.

"Let me down," I cried, sobbing from my depths, "Let me down-brm-mr"

I was stuttering, stammering, screeching in pain, squirming with all my might. All this was happening by itself, without my will. My will was broken. I just wanted to get down from the cruel torture-wood. I squirmed, I screamed in pain.

My cousin watched silently. She did nothing. It was horrible, I felt so helpless. I fought against the maddening pain. Finally I sank down sobbing, a dead weight. Again, my bladder emptied against my will. I wasn’t ashamed, I knew no shame, I only knew the pain. Mr. Pain and I were one now, he’d penetrated me completely from top to toe, inside and out. I watched as it sprayed wildly out of me and didn’t feel any shame about it, no more than I was ashamed of my tears, ashamed of my screaming, pleading, begging, crying. I’d been completely humiliated in front of my cousin. Nothing helped. Dorothee did nothing to help me. She left me hanging on the cross and suffering. I swung on the cross. I was trembling violently. I was cold and hot at the same time. I couldn’t say which temperature I was feeling was real and which was not. All I could feel was pain, endless torment.

At some point, Doro’s face floated in front of me. She handed me a cup of cold orange juice. I gratefully drank. I no longer tried to plead, I’d given up. I hung silently. I suffered in silence. I was suffering unimaginably, it was unbearable, and yet I went on experiencing it. I was finished - totally exhausted. Just lifting my head was hard work, I just let it drop. My body was hanging in the leather cuffs. My taut-stretched arms squeezed my chest flat. Breathing was difficult, I kept pushing myself up on the cross. It will never stop, I thought, it will last indefinitely, I will be crucified for ever. Forever ....

The orange juice revived me. I was able to straighten up again, to take the strain off my arms and shoulders. I was amazed at myself. I was half mad with pain, but I’d fallen silent on the cross. I was no longer crying, my tears had dried. The cross had defeated me, it had broken my will, I no longer had any will. I no longer wished to be allowed to come down from the cross, because I knew I must hang for all eternity on the wood. I gave up completely. And silence surrounded me - friendly silence. I stuck it out. Pain was with me, pain was in me. But I stuck it out. I bore it quietly and humbly. I couldn’t do anything else, I, Lisette Lange, Lisette, the crucified girl.

When I heard the click of the pulley, the rattling of the chain, I thought at first it was a hallucination. Is the cross really lowering? Yes. It fell slowly backwards. The terrible strain in my upper body gradually subsided. Then I was lying flat. My cousin opened the leather restraints. I was free. I was grateful - eternally grateful.

Later we were by the pool, on the terrace, we’d been swimming. It had been good for my overworked muscles.

"Did you feel a difference?" Said Doro. "Was it different? Were you aware that you were one hour longer on the cross?"

"Yes," I replied. "I felt that I was crucified longer., But the difference wasn’t great. Eventually it starts to hurt so much that you can’t believe you’ll stand it a minute longer - but you must! It’s confusing, I do not know how to describe it. If I’m suffering it, I want to tell all the people in the world to come and set me free, but afterwards I am overjoyed to have to endured it."

"Then from today you’ll always do six hours," she said, "You'll fight with all your strength every day against the pain, and every day you’ll lose. Each time, the cross will break your will."

"Yes," I said. A shiver ran down my skin. "Yes, that’s exactly how I want it."

I couldn’t believe I’d said that out loud. But I had said it and it was the absolute truth. I was afraid, and yet I wanted it. I was looking forward to the next time.
 
The build-up to this line had me breathless:

"The cross had defeated me, it had broken my will, I no longer had any will. I no longer wished to be allowed to come down from the cross, because I knew I must hang for all eternity on the wood. I gave up completely. And silence surrounded me - friendly silence."

WoW! :very_hot:
 
Eulalia said:
For a while I was feeling pretty good. I was in pain, but I could bear it, I’d learned to put up with quite a bit. Could you get used to pain? Apparently so. But the cross and the time were allied with each other, and together they set out to break my will. I didn’t cry, this time I wanted to stay still and give in. It couldn’t be all that hard… But!

It was difficult, or rather, it was impossible. As always, I’d lost all sense of time. All I could say was that I’d been hanging on the cross for at least two or three hours, more accuracy was impossible. It was a long time since my body had started to squirm against my will on the bars. A thin film of sweat covered my naked skin. I was performing the slow, agonizing dance on wood. More and more I moaned, I gasped, I squirmed, I heaved up again and again. My arms felt like gnarled tree roots. My calves were shaking each time I pressed down on my legs to escape the terrible train on my arms and upper body. Mr. Pain crept deeper and deeper into me. He was hot and icy cold at the same time. He was like a fluid, driving red-hot iron iron filings into me. He was burning and pulling, pushing and pressing. He was forcing me to bend my knees to him. He was breaking my will.

The tears came of their own accord. Soon I was sobbing aloud. It was horrible. For a while I was squirming like a worm. Then I calmed down and hung silently on the cross. My breath came in gasps less from exertion than from pain, I was panting in pain, it was unbearable, I couldn’t manage any longer, it’s enough, I thought. It really is, it’s got to stop now. I’ve tried and failed, I must let myself be freed now. Relief came over me. Yes, it must stop, it’s got to be over, I give in, what’s too much is too much.

"Dorothy," I cried in a shaky voice. My cousin immediately looked up from the computer. "Doro, let me go, it can’t go on any longer, it really can’t, I quit." I closed my eyes and felt infinite relief, I’d said it out loud. I’ve given up. It’s no big deal – stuff it! I want it to end, that’s all there is to it, if Doro doesn’t like it, fuck her. That’s just crap, as far as I’m concerned, the main thing is to get off the cross…

When nothing happened, I opened my eyes. My cousin was still sitting at the table. What’s that about?

"Doro," I cried in a cracked voice, "Come on, it's enough for me! I really can’t manage any more. Cut! I demand!"

Dorothea stood up and came to me. She stopped and stood in front of the cross.

"Come on," I begged through tears, "I can’t cope any more! Don’t make me go on!"

She didn’t move. Silently she stood in front of the cross and looked at me.

"Doro" I pleaded. "Do something! Please !!!" Again I began squirming, otherwise it was unbearable, my body turned and twisted to avoid the impossible pain, and yet I couldn’t escape him, he was with me, he was in me, he was hurting me, hurting me to infinity! I gasped and I cried.

"Doro," I howled, "Let me down! Stop it, I can’t do it, I really can’t, I’m not joking..."

Her eyes were full of compassion, but behind the pity I saw something else shimmering - a joy, a joy in my misery. My cousin was liking what she saw.

"Dorothea, untie me," I pleaded.

She shook her head. "No, Lisette. You know I won’t do that. You don't want it."

"But," I cried hastily, my voice cracked, "but, Doro, I do want it, I want off, truly! Believe me, I can’t go on any longer, do you hear? I can’t take another minute of it! Take me down, please!"

She didn’t move, she watched quietly as I was suffering the torments of hell.

"Doroooo !!!" I howled.

I reared up, tugged wildly at my bonds, floundered about. I started screaming. I cried and cried. I squirmed in wild convulsions. I completely lost control of myself.

"Let me down," I cried, sobbing from my depths, "Let me down-brm-mr"

I was stuttering, stammering, screeching in pain, squirming with all my might. All this was happening by itself, without my will. My will was broken. I just wanted to get down from the cruel torture-wood. I squirmed, I screamed in pain.

My cousin watched silently. She did nothing. It was horrible, I felt so helpless. I fought against the maddening pain. Finally I sank down sobbing, a dead weight. Again, my bladder emptied against my will. I wasn’t ashamed, I knew no shame, I only knew the pain. Mr. Pain and I were one now, he’d penetrated me completely from top to toe, inside and out. I watched as it sprayed wildly out of me and didn’t feel any shame about it, no more than I was ashamed of my tears, ashamed of my screaming, pleading, begging, crying. I’d been completely humiliated in front of my cousin. Nothing helped. Dorothee did nothing to help me. She left me hanging on the cross and suffering. I swung on the cross. I was trembling violently. I was cold and hot at the same time. I couldn’t say which temperature I was feeling was real and which was not. All I could feel was pain, endless torment.

At some point, Doro’s face floated in front of me. She handed me a cup of cold orange juice. I gratefully drank. I no longer tried to plead, I’d given up. I hung silently. I suffered in silence. I was suffering unimaginably, it was unbearable, and yet I went on experiencing it. I was finished - totally exhausted. Just lifting my head was hard work, I just let it drop. My body was hanging in the leather cuffs. My taut-stretched arms squeezed my chest flat. Breathing was difficult, I kept pushing myself up on the cross. It will never stop, I thought, it will last indefinitely, I will be crucified for ever. Forever ....

The orange juice revived me. I was able to straighten up again, to take the strain off my arms and shoulders. I was amazed at myself. I was half mad with pain, but I’d fallen silent on the cross. I was no longer crying, my tears had dried. The cross had defeated me, it had broken my will, I no longer had any will. I no longer wished to be allowed to come down from the cross, because I knew I must hang for all eternity on the wood. I gave up completely. And silence surrounded me - friendly silence. I stuck it out. Pain was with me, pain was in me. But I stuck it out. I bore it quietly and humbly. I couldn’t do anything else, I, Lisette Lange, Lisette, the crucified girl.

When I heard the click of the pulley, the rattling of the chain, I thought at first it was a hallucination. Is the cross really lowering? Yes. It fell slowly backwards. The terrible strain in my upper body gradually subsided. Then I was lying flat. My cousin opened the leather restraints. I was free. I was grateful - eternally grateful.

Later we were by the pool, on the terrace, we’d been swimming. It had been good for my overworked muscles.

"Did you feel a difference?" Said Doro. "Was it different? Were you aware that you were one hour longer on the cross?"

"Yes," I replied. "I felt that I was crucified longer., But the difference wasn’t great. Eventually it starts to hurt so much that you can’t believe you’ll stand it a minute longer - but you must! It’s confusing, I do not know how to describe it. If I’m suffering it, I want to tell all the people in the world to come and set me free, but afterwards I am overjoyed to have to endured it."

"Then from today you’ll always do six hours," she said, "You'll fight with all your strength every day against the pain, and every day you’ll lose. Each time, the cross will break your will."

"Yes," I said. A shiver ran down my skin. "Yes, that’s exactly how I want it."

I couldn’t believe I’d said that out loud. But I had said it and it was the absolute truth. I was afraid, and yet I wanted it. I was looking forward to the next time.
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Barbaria1 said:
The build-up to this line had me breathless:

"The cross had defeated me, it had broken my will, I no longer had any will. I no longer wished to be allowed to come down from the cross, because I knew I must hang for all eternity on the wood. I gave up completely. And silence surrounded me - friendly silence."

WoW! :very_hot:
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Eulalaia, Barb chose exactly the same para that Pp would have done. That Lisette knew she must hang for all eternity on the wood.
That Pp went first to Doro and Lisette, despite the Cat 5 cyclone approaching, is the measure of how he values his dose of this pair of young women.
 
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