Amica 54
I’ve not slept all night, my mind keeps coming back to the words of Eulalia’s poem, why’s she just written so few words to me? ..... What lies hidden in them? ..... And that last sentence, ..... so enigmatic, ..... so out of context, ..... in Latin rather than Greek. ..... What does the intimate fire reveal? ..... Who should the intimate fire reveal? ..... Or what must it reveal? ......Who or what ....? except that I’m the moon..... but what are the stars, that I hide with my light? Is it..... simplifying ..... the fire reveals the stars that are hidden by the moon? ..... or more, or less, ..... but it remains to be understood what are the stars, and and what is the earth ..... and the fire. Simplifying again..... fire reveals the stars above the earth...?
Let's go back to the start, ..... keep calm.... think..... on this sheet of papyrus, so big yet with only a few words, what could be missing - or hiding....? Only other words ....? Ah! ..... The stars ..... the earth ..... what’s that, if it isn’t the papyrus.....? So the fire reveals the words, hidden, on the sheet! ..... Maybe I’ve got there! ..... But fire would destroy the papyrus and everything would vanish in a little blaze..... but if the fire is not to burn ..... it must only illuminate .....hey! ..... I’ve got to look at the papyrus in the light ..... but haven’t I already done that? ..... I couldn’t look at it in the dark ..... but how do I have to look? ..... It says 'intimate fire'.... maybe it means I have to look at the sheet by the light of a lamp? ..... that's it, maybe, ..... to read the message, I’ve got to bring it close to the flame of a candle..... yeah, yeah! ..... But I’ll have to be careful ..... I mustn’t let Rectina see me while I’m trying to 'cook' the papyrus near the flame..... then she might think I’m keeping up a secret correspondence with Eulalia passing on secrets out of her house, when I’ve promised absolute confidentiality. Tomorrow I’ll try, I just have to find the right moment.
Now I must get a little sleep, tomorrow will be a busy day...
And in my mind drift those words:
The stars around the graceful moon
hide again their radiant forms
when full she shines brightest
above the earth .....
intimate fire reveals...
At last I fall asleep, overcome by fatigue.
A sharp noise, like a vase breaking on the ground, wakes me up suddenly. Then wind, a blinding flash, thunder at the same moment - fortunately, it isn’t an earthquake, although many things rattled at the noise. Rectina calls out, scared, I run to her - I sleep in the anteroom next to her bedroom.
'Come, give me a hug! These storms scare me! I always think of the severe earthquake I felt when I was a child!'
I too am very scared, especially by thunder and lightning as sudden as it happens here. The wind’s broken the glass in one of the windows, and now the water’s flooding into the room, driven by the fury of the storm. Even the slave-woman who attends on her rushes in immediately from the next room, we gather like castaways, hugging together on the bed, as if to protect our mistress with our own fragile bodies.
Euken soon comes with other slaves to take us safely to the other side of the villa, that looks towards the mountain. From the gutters torrents of water are overflowing into the pool in the atrium, and eddies of wind hurl spray everywhere from the cascades that gush from the spouts on the roof. We barely manage to protect Rectina from these water-jets, while we try to reach safety on the other side of the villa, as do the other slavegirls aroused from their sleep by the storm. Now we’re all crowded together in a spacious room, in the most sheltered one in the house, while outside in the garden and in the peristyle the fury of elements continues unabated.
Shattereing of broken branches and thuds from tumbling objects, explosions of thunder that boom relentlessly and the continual shaking of the walls, flashes of lightning and howling of the wind, roar of the sea and the crashing of waves breaking on the cliffs below.
A high, shrill cry, a jumbled lament, sighs, groans, prayers, invocations to the gods, like the moaning of an injured dog, and at last silence falls in candlelight, only the hissing of the rain.
An endless time, eyes full of terror, faces pale and frightened, locks of hair dishevelled, children staring, peeping out from where they’re hidden in the scanty dresses of their mothers, we’re only reassured by the presence of our mistress and the warm light of a few braziers in the company of the mute presence of marble busts lined up on shelves along the walls.
Then everything becomes quiet, even the wind, even the rain, even the sea. This small crowd of frightened women finally emerges from the ark that’s given them refuge.
Everywhere there’s water, mud, broken branches and crushed leaves, tiles and broken jars, statues toppled, curtains torn, and cold that penetrates to the bone. The male slaves begin gathering up the rubble, slave-women start cleaning up with mops and rags, trying to get rid of the water that has invaded the villa. Rectina, her personal slave and I go back to her room to find some warm, dry clothes. I look for Eulalia’s letter, it’s miraculously saved, hidden under the wooden lid of the desk. While the slaves are dressing Mistress, I position the sheet near to the light of a candle, closer and closer... tiny writing appears, miraculously, brown, not of ink, it seems to be one with the fibres of the papyrus. I’ve no time to read it now, I’ll do that later when my mistress goes to bed and I’ll have to transcribe the diary for the day....
We spend most of the rest of the day making an inventory of damage: five marble statues to be repaired, a dozen amphorae to throw out, curtains that can be used now only for rags, and the work for the masons, roof-tiles to be replaced, new window panes – Euken tots up the budget for these things, scratching the list of repairs to be made with the tip of a nail on a shard from a smashed amphora. We can’t even guess the amount of damage to the trees in the garden.
Then we go down to the harbour. To the great distress of Rectina, we realize that the sea has washed away most of the sandy shore and the long quay. There were no boats moored there at the time, but many others, surely ones belonging to fishermen of the Herculaneum nearby, are scattered wrecks and shredded sails.
I bend down to pick up the shell of a nautilus, empty, wrested from the depths of the sea by the stormy waves and hurled onto the black sand among the pebbles laid bare by the storm. Another thing, almost like a miracle, is an intact egg of a seabird. I pick it up, but to my surprise I realise that it’s not an egg, it only has the perfect form of one, it’s actually a beautiful stone whose surface gives off coloured reflections, as if a rainbow’s hiding inside it, ready to emerge and spread out in the sky the magic of its colours.
The isle of Nepenthe reminds me of a cloud, a streak of silver above the limitless expanse of sea that still has a purplish hue no different from that of the sky. A wind blowing from the south across the water draws up moisture that collects as thick mist on the island’s flanks and heights ... an air of unreality hangs over everywhere.
After a light dinner I copy the notes I’ve made on wax tablets onto papyrus, showing the date and record of the day. It’s not very long, today Rectina was more scared than talkative. I pick up the letter from Eulalia, but the writing that appeared on the sheet has now gone, I’m amazed, it seems to be something magic, I don’t know how to explain this mysterious fact - and yet I saw the words, I still remember a few: 'The languid-eyed doe has been seized by deerhounds...' What did she mean? Who is the doe? Who are the deerhounds? I think I’ll try exposing the papyrus to the candle again, but not now, Rectina’s nearby. Instead I write a poem that’s suggested itself to send as a reply:
So on this lonely shore
I come to meet you.
Scattered along the shingle strand
lie shells with their rosy lips
shape in the sand
a skeleton so white
mysterious nautilus
its shell worn so
by time and the waves
if it's held close
your priestess ear divines
among the scattering echoes
whence comes the voice
that silences your heart
then, if you search that sound
the echoes sing
entwining with your fears
of what you hear
now only now
will speak the oracle
that whispers in the shell
sea in the shells speaks
with the voice of its god.