Velut Luna
Sibilla Cumana
Amica 64
Part fourth
But whatever is this life of mine? I seem to be a Penelope, constantly waiting for a man who does not return - at least Penelope had a husband, and she was the queen of Ithaca. I have no husband, I love a man but I don’t know whether he wants to marry me, and, for now, I’m still just a slave, not yet free. Have I misread all these things that are happening to me?
It isn’t easy to resist all the approaches I get from all the men I meet, with one excuse or another. Even Caesius, who’s writing to me now twice a day, flatters me in his letters, praising my beauty, I know he’d like to have me as his lover - even if one day in the villa of Poppea, I overheard him commenting to a guest, “she has one flaw, she’s a bit narrow in the hips - and there is the threat that Fannius will cut my throat if I dare to touch her ...!”
Every day is an ongoing struggle, under siege by men who are aiming to capture at least my attention, if not my body. It’s a bit of a trial, living in a villa frequented by patricians, young and not so young – they’re the most dangerous, when they see a beautiful slavegirl they just want to take her to bed, or, worse, rape where she is. And I’m living in a villa with lots of male slaves - they daren’t risk it, only because their owner would sell them as galley-slaves to some transport-ship-owner, but they’re always looking at me lustfully, undressing me with their eyes, stretching out their paws, with heavy breathing and murmured comments, or even insulting me and calling me a lesbian.
Not to mention what happens when Euken accompanies me into Herculaneum, it would take a company of Praetorian Guardsmen for me to defend myself! In the market they’re all trying to grope me, and when someone pinches my butt or my breast, or I bend over to look at something on a bench and someone behind me dares to touch me up between my thighs, when I turn around to find the culprit I only see faces looking the other way, everyone’s preoccupied, minding their own business, no one saw, no one will say...
It’s only I myself who wants to keep the promise I made to Fannius, to be for him alone - but as for wearing a chastity belt, which I've heard the Orientals make their women wear to prevent them from cheating, I’d need a complete suit of armour of the toughest metal to defend myself! And supposing I were to decide to break my promise? If I gave myself complaisantly to an occasional lover? I’m no longer a virgin, neither in front nor behind, Fannius has taken everything that I had jealously guarded for him from the first moment I met him, so how would he know that someone else has fucked me? I’d risk getting pregnant, from what I understand, the sylphius doesn’t work too well. I almost envy Rectina who can’t get pregnant, even though it's the thing I’ve found out to be her strongest desire.
Part fourth
But whatever is this life of mine? I seem to be a Penelope, constantly waiting for a man who does not return - at least Penelope had a husband, and she was the queen of Ithaca. I have no husband, I love a man but I don’t know whether he wants to marry me, and, for now, I’m still just a slave, not yet free. Have I misread all these things that are happening to me?
It isn’t easy to resist all the approaches I get from all the men I meet, with one excuse or another. Even Caesius, who’s writing to me now twice a day, flatters me in his letters, praising my beauty, I know he’d like to have me as his lover - even if one day in the villa of Poppea, I overheard him commenting to a guest, “she has one flaw, she’s a bit narrow in the hips - and there is the threat that Fannius will cut my throat if I dare to touch her ...!”
Every day is an ongoing struggle, under siege by men who are aiming to capture at least my attention, if not my body. It’s a bit of a trial, living in a villa frequented by patricians, young and not so young – they’re the most dangerous, when they see a beautiful slavegirl they just want to take her to bed, or, worse, rape where she is. And I’m living in a villa with lots of male slaves - they daren’t risk it, only because their owner would sell them as galley-slaves to some transport-ship-owner, but they’re always looking at me lustfully, undressing me with their eyes, stretching out their paws, with heavy breathing and murmured comments, or even insulting me and calling me a lesbian.
Not to mention what happens when Euken accompanies me into Herculaneum, it would take a company of Praetorian Guardsmen for me to defend myself! In the market they’re all trying to grope me, and when someone pinches my butt or my breast, or I bend over to look at something on a bench and someone behind me dares to touch me up between my thighs, when I turn around to find the culprit I only see faces looking the other way, everyone’s preoccupied, minding their own business, no one saw, no one will say...
It’s only I myself who wants to keep the promise I made to Fannius, to be for him alone - but as for wearing a chastity belt, which I've heard the Orientals make their women wear to prevent them from cheating, I’d need a complete suit of armour of the toughest metal to defend myself! And supposing I were to decide to break my promise? If I gave myself complaisantly to an occasional lover? I’m no longer a virgin, neither in front nor behind, Fannius has taken everything that I had jealously guarded for him from the first moment I met him, so how would he know that someone else has fucked me? I’d risk getting pregnant, from what I understand, the sylphius doesn’t work too well. I almost envy Rectina who can’t get pregnant, even though it's the thing I’ve found out to be her strongest desire.
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