Amica 85
We receive a terrifying welcome from a pack of snarling mastiffs, barely restrained by the thick ropes tied round their necks, these are the guardians of the furnace. I daren’t even lift my hands to ward off one that appears to be targeting me, grinding his teeth, lifting his jaws, baring his sharp fangs. His eyes are bloodshot, his bite could tear off half of my thigh.
The watchman holds onto him and yells:
'Good dog! Good dog, Moloch! Later! You’ll get her too, later!'
I'm terrified by these words, I almost pee in fear.
'Down on yours knees all of you! In the middle of the yard! Down!!!'
What looks like the captain of the guard gives the order.
Slowly we group all together at the centre of the square, falling on our knees, exhausted from the long march. A group of slavewomen dragging a heavy cart manually are watching us, they are all naked, skinny, with sagging breasts like old hags, you can count all their ribs, their staring eyes bulge, their teeth protrude from the lips of their withered mouths that they are no longer able to close. Matted hair, dirty skin, dry and sunburnt, bruises all over their bodies, scars of old wounds and scabs of dried blood from more recent injuries newly inflicted by the scourge.
Our eyes meet theirs, both groups full of terror, ours seeing what fate awaits us, the others understanding that we are the replacements who herald, very soon, their execution.
A group of crosses at the bottom of the square, empty now, reminds us of what fate awaits us all, condemned already, even before any trial.
What is the cross? Two marks scratched on a surface, two pieces of wood joined together. The cross is our essence, the vertical is life, the horizontal death. And why this symbol is so powerful? A rune, a magic mark, a cabalistic sign, a symbol of salvation - or so the Christians say - a stigma, a curse, a contradiction, a madness...
Take a brush, how do you paint it? First the vertical mark, from top to bottom, the sign of life, it does not rise up from the bottom like a tree, it comes from above, it’s a gift of the gods - or of the God of the Christians?
Then the horizontal, from left to right, the sign of death, which intersects life, stops, interrupts. These signs divide both space and humanity into four parts, to the right the good, the bad to the left, above, the elect, below, the outcasts.
That's what the cross is, our being, is our selves, life and death, good and evil, the first and the last, necessary and inseparable.
Put a figure on these two signs, any figure, it becomes a talisman of extraordinary power, it becomes a shield against all evil, that is why Christians are proud to wear it, it is their weapon of defence, but also to attack.
But these crosses have not come down from above like my drawing, they rise up out of the earth, from the underworld, they are the curse-crosses, the symbol of infamy on which will be hung the remanants of poor bodies, on which we shall hang, where we shall end our miserable existence.
While I’m meditating, with head bowed, eyes fixed on the ground, on the stones of the yard, thinking of this horrible fate that awaits me, a guard grabs my hair.
'You! Come here, it's your turn!'
I hadn’t realised that the others before me had all been chained.
I’m dragged into a cellar in one of the ruins, four guards grab me, two by my arms, another by my hair, they make me kneel on the ground, the fourth holds me on the ground by my ankles. The farrier slips an iron bracelet on my wrist, lays it on an anvil, and hammers in a large rivet that locks the band. My other wrist gets the same, then, leaning my head to one side on the iron anvil, he fixes a collar - the blows of his hammer resound through my brain till it feels it must explode. The collar has hung on it a metal plate with a Roman numeral, DXI, that will be my name as far as they’re concerned.
Now it’s time to shackle my ankles, the guard raises one of my legs, as if I were a male dog pissing against a wall, the ankle-ring is positioned and the farrier drives home the rivet.
I'm in such an obscene position I’m experiencing all the humiliation that arises from knowing I’m exposed to anything that the guards might do. I close my eyes waiting for their violence. A long tongue creeps into the folds of my slit, a cold nose touches my arse-hole, I realise with terror it’s one of the dogs. Wide-eyed and screaming, I struggle to escape, but they’re holding me firmly, feeding me to the brute.
‘Come on Moloch! She’s all yours now!'
The mastiff hurls me on my back and plunges his cock into my trembling sex. I scream in desperation while the sniggering guards urge it on. Luckily the monster who’s raping me reaches the height of his pleasure after just a few thrusts, with a fierce growl, almost a roar, he injects his burning seed into my vagina.
But there's more. With a hot iron they imprint a brand of infamy on the inside of my thigh, an H, an S, an X, and a cross, then they throw me out from the cellarhead to one side of the square where there is a pool of water.
'Wash yourself, bastard whore, Christian bitch!'