Being a Single Sadistic Male SUCKS!

[Fantasmo]

You say that you need leads, not advice. I cannot give you any leads, so the only thing that I can give you is advice. As far as I know, there is no magic pill. Meeting women for kinky fun is just like meeting women for vanilla fun. You have to go out there and get good at flirting and connecting with women.

... what has become a problem of its own, in a world where an "unwanted compliment" (not salacious!) already can lead to being accused of sexual transgression
Granted, not all women are like this and luckily that problem doesn't have the same magnitude all over the globe as it has where I live, but it makes it just less attractive to even give it a try.
Then, if you are stupid enough, as a male, to have a BDSM interaction with a woman, you are already in prison with one foot!
Latest when the relationship fails, the male is at risk of being accused to be a rapist and worse...
So it takes a written contract (how romantic), or you are at big risk.
But you need a written contract anyways each time you have sex with a woman, in a time where the male needs to be able to prove that she said yes...

[Sarkasm]The "progress" we make in our society is breathtaking![/Sarkasm]

 

[Mortarion86]

Latest when the relationship fails, the male is at risk of being accused to be a rapist and worse...

Yes, in our time it is indeed a serious risk...

So it takes a written contract (how romantic), or you are at big risk.

Yes, perhaps)) Of course, many women will simply tell you to go to hell after such a proposal) But on the other hand, perhaps this is a good test of adequacy.
In my country, most women perceive even the proposal to draw up a marriage contract as an insult

 

[kendelo]

... what has become a problem of its own, in a world where an "unwanted compliment" (not salacious!) already can lead to being accused of sexual transgression
Granted, not all women are like this and luckily that problem doesn't have the same magnitude all over the globe as it has where I live, but it makes it just less attractive to even give it a try.
Then, if you are stupid enough, as a male, to have a BDSM interaction with a woman, you are already in prison with one foot!
Latest when the relationship fails, the male is at risk of being accused to be a rapist and worse...
So it takes a written contract (how romantic), or you are at big risk.
But you need a written contract anyways each time you have sex with a woman, in a time where the male needs to be able to prove that she said yes...

[Sarkasm]The "progress" we make in our society is breathtaking![/Sarkasm]

... what has become a problem of its own, in a world where an "unwanted compliment" (not salacious!) already can lead to being accused of sexual transgression
Granted, not all women are like this and luckily that problem doesn't have the same magnitude all over the globe as it has where I live, but it makes it just less attractive to even give it a try.
Then, if you are stupid enough, as a male, to have a BDSM interaction with a woman, you are already in prison with one foot!
Latest when the relationship fails, the male is at risk of being accused to be a rapist and worse...
So it takes a written contract (how romantic), or you are at big risk.
But you need a written contract anyways each time you have sex with a woman, in a time where the male needs to be able to prove that she said yes...

[Sarkasm]The "progress" we make in our society is breathtaking![/Sarkasm]

Yes, putting yourself out there involves risk. I'd rather take risks than spend the rest of my life jerking off.
After my spouse passed away..(one of those bad things that can happen even in a successful relationship), I put myself out there and re-entered the dating scene. My new companion has experience as a chef and as a massage therapist. She really likes sucking my cock and admitted her pussy got soaking wet when I spanked her. I took a chance and hit the jackpot. You just might too.
Life is short. Truly living involves risks. Take them.

 

[Fantasmo]

Yes, putting yourself out there involves risk. I'd rather take risks than spend the rest of my life jerking off.
After my spouse passed away..(one of those bad things that can happen even in a successful relationship), I put myself out there and re-entered the dating scene. My new companion has experience as a chef and as a massage therapist. She really likes sucking my cock and admitted her pussy got soaking wet when I spanked her. I took a chance and hit the jackpot. You just might too.
Life is short. Truly living involves risks. Take them.

As said, things vary across the globe.
I had a number of longer term relationships in my life. If I ever had had a relationship that had been a great experience for me, I'd probably be me enthusiastic still.
But if one has to realize that one is the main party who invests into the relationship while the other party largely just is consuming, its not a sign for healthy relationships.

The "princesses were all shocked when I drew the emergency brake on what they perceived as a nice relationship, what tells me that I needn't question myself much (beyond the fact that nobody is without faults).

So I am no more under the impression to be missing much, what certainly is not much of a motivation to try again.

But we are deviating from the subject here.
The point I was making mainly is that in certain countries BDSM has become a mine field for the males.

 

[Laura1949]

From my perspective as a woman with limited experience having been married and loyal to only one man most of my adult life I have some advice.
I have met several men online and some have been been outright frauds. Getting to know someone via texts and sharing photos never developed beyond sharing fantasies and while it is fun it is sexually very frustrating. The realityt is often not what it seems to say the least. Most likely the man probably felt the same! I have found that going to a church may be a place to meet women. At my age some are widowed and some are unmarried. On the other hand I get the most attention from married men looking to cheap of their wives as in "She doesn't understand me the way you do." I have met others who just want a friend and not interested in sex but some do. Some just want someone to talk to or have a meal with. OK with that but sex is something I still desire and you might get lucky. Depends a lot on what age group you are looking for. An evangelical church usually has a younger congregation so may try one of those.
A gym membership might be a good place also. I attend at a local gym 3 times a week and have met several men who I enjoy socializing with afterwards. And I don't mean the "jocks" who are into body building but average looking men who are trying to get into shape. Women are much less interested in "looks" than men I think. I know other women who go to the gym to meet men and looks and body are important to them.
I like a man who is above all clean and polite. I don't care if a man is short , fat or out of shape if he can carry on an intelligent conversation and shows interest in ME and what my opinions are. I do not like men who spend all the time talking about what they have DONE but what they want to do. I also don't enjoy time with a man who talks about himself and his former lovers .
I ,like most other single women I know are interested in a relationship and not a one night stand. I can't get into bed with a man who I haven't spend time with on several dates and outings. I want a man to love and who loves me not a man who only sees me as an object. I like mild bdsm and it really turnss me on to have rough sex but only after I feel that I and my lover have developed mutual feelings for one another. Start slow and remember "there is an ass for every seat." as my husband used to say. Don't give up...the woman of your dreams is out there and wants to meet you.

 

[kendelo]

From my perspective as a woman with limited experience having been married and loyal to only one man most of my adult life I have some advice.
I have met several men online and some have been been outright frauds. Getting to know someone via texts and sharing photos never developed beyond sharing fantasies and while it is fun it is sexually very frustrating. The realityt is often not what it seems to say the least. Most likely the man probably felt the same! I have found that going to a church may be a place to meet women. At my age some are widowed and some are unmarried. On the other hand I get the most attention from married men looking to cheap of their wives as in "She doesn't understand me the way you do." I have met others who just want a friend and not interested in sex but some do. Some just want someone to talk to or have a meal with. OK with that but sex is something I still desire and you might get lucky. Depends a lot on what age group you are looking for. An evangelical church usually has a younger congregation so may try one of those.
A gym membership might be a good place also. I attend at a local gym 3 times a week and have met several men who I enjoy socializing with afterwards. And I don't mean the "jocks" who are into body building but average looking men who are trying to get into shape. Women are much less interested in "looks" than men I think. I know other women who go to the gym to meet men and looks and body are important to them.
I like a man who is above all clean and polite. I don't care if a man is short , fat or out of shape if he can carry on an intelligent conversation and shows interest in ME and what my opinions are. I do not like men who spend all the time talking about what they have DONE but what they want to do. I also don't enjoy time with a man who talks about himself and his former lovers .
I ,like most other single women I know are interested in a relationship and not a one night stand. I can't get into bed with a man who I haven't spend time with on several dates and outings. I want a man to love and who loves me not a man who only sees me as an object. I like mild bdsm and it really turnss me on to have rough sex but only after I feel that I and my lover have developed mutual feelings for one another. Start slow and remember "there is an ass for every seat." as my husband used to say. Don't give up...the woman of your dreams is out there and wants to meet you.

Well said and spot on. My late partner liked some BDSM before health issues ended that aspect and I spent some years as a caregiver. After her passing I have been lucky enough to find a nice lady who enjoys sex with some kink thrown in. We went shopping for some nice leather cuffs the other day. A big thing for her was building the trust where she feels quite safe with me. And she always will be...

 

[prtn]

intelligent conversation and shows interest in ME

interesting. When was the last time you showed interest in a man?

 

[Laura1949]

interesting. When was the last time you showed interest in a man?

I can't recall when the last time was when I didn't show an interest in a man. I had a delightful time with a gentleman friend last Sunday and I invited him to my apartment. I don't think he was disappointed in the interest I showed to him but I didn't ask when he left the next morning. He seemed satisfied however.

 

[ropedley]

A closed mind is a lonely mind. I have played for years on both sides of the BDSM genre, i.e. as an S -sadist and as an M -masochist. AND, I have played with both sexes in all four roles. I consider myself heterosexual, but I don't consider what sex I'm with in either BDSM role. BDSM is about pain and pleasure in a satisfyingly, mutually agreed to setting and degree. I see no difference to acting as S to a pretty young man as to a pretty young woman. Both scream when being whipped, etc. etc. etc. Both have mouths and holes, though a woman has one more.
Check out your gay community. Young men are more into submission. I bet that a lot of the members here fit into that category and are living vicariously on the pain and deaths of the women we look at and read about.

 

[Darth Agonoth]

interesting. When was the last time you showed interest in a man?

I, for one can say that @Laura1949 showed interest in me and my story I posted. She was curious, polite, engaged, and interested. Great first impression.

 

[Darth Agonoth]

Here's my two cents:

As mentioned above, a good physique is undeniably beneficial. It's not just about aesthetics; it significantly boosts confidence. Unlike facial features, our bodies are largely modifiable, and the process of sculpting them often instills valuable traits like discipline and perseverance. This transformation is achievable at almost any age, barring very advanced years, and is particularly attainable for men. Given that our physique is one of the few aspects we can actively improve, it's worth investing effort in this area.

The second modifiable factor is becoming a skilled conversationalist. This is a more nuanced challenge, as it involves both skill acquisition and a shift in mindset. Key elements include active listening, staying present (rather than mentally formulating your next statement while the other person is still speaking), and genuinely engaging with your conversation partner. A good dialogue is akin to a ball game – it's not just about serving, but how adeptly you return the ball. The aim isn't to showcase your ability to lob impossibly curved balls, but to maintain an engaging rally. Much like in intimate encounters, the most arousing aspect is often seeing your partner's excitement. Apologies for the lecture – occupational hazard, I'm afraid.

In my experience, meeting submissive women isn't overly challenging. I've encountered numerous women who, while not explicitly into BDSM, certainly enjoyed more rough handling in bed – a foundation that can be built upon.

However, meeting masochistic women, especially those who are conventionally attractive (and I hope this doesn't offend), can be more difficult. Allow me to explain: unfortunately, some women (and men too of course!), often due to past trauma, may believe they're drawn to pain when it could be trauma bonding or a misguided attempt to form connections. I mention self-hating masochistic girls here because taking advantage of them is something that should be recognized and avoided. It's a delicate topic, particularly given the current cultural climate, especially in WASP societies. Nevertheless, thoughtful discussions are possible. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had two attractive and genuinely masochistic partners, though circumstances prevented these relationships from developing beyond our SM sessions. Such is life, amor fati, take your pick.

In essence, persistence is key. I'm skeptical of notions like perfect matches or love at first sight. Instead, I believe in gradual connections and the mutual fulfillment of needs in a consensual manner.

 

[Laura1949]

Here's my two cents:

As mentioned above, a good physique is undeniably beneficial. It's not just about aesthetics; it significantly boosts confidence. Unlike facial features, our bodies are largely modifiable, and the process of sculpting them often instills valuable traits like discipline and perseverance. This transformation is achievable at almost any age, barring very advanced years, and is particularly attainable for men. Given that our physique is one of the few aspects we can actively improve, it's worth investing effort in this area.

The second modifiable factor is becoming a skilled conversationalist. This is a more nuanced challenge, as it involves both skill acquisition and a shift in mindset. Key elements include active listening, staying present (rather than mentally formulating your next statement while the other person is still speaking), and genuinely engaging with your conversation partner. A good dialogue is akin to a ball game – it's not just about serving, but how adeptly you return the ball. The aim isn't to showcase your ability to lob impossibly curved balls, but to maintain an engaging rally. Much like in intimate encounters, the most arousing aspect is often seeing your partner's excitement. Apologies for the lecture – occupational hazard, I'm afraid.

In my experience, meeting submissive women isn't overly challenging. I've encountered numerous women who, while not explicitly into BDSM, certainly enjoyed more rough handling in bed – a foundation that can be built upon.

However, meeting masochistic women, especially those who are conventionally attractive (and I hope this doesn't offend), can be more difficult. Allow me to explain: unfortunately, some women (and men too of course!), often due to past trauma, may believe they're drawn to pain when it could be trauma bonding or a misguided attempt to form connections. I mention self-hating masochistic girls here because taking advantage of them is something that should be recognized and avoided. It's a delicate topic, particularly given the current cultural climate, especially in WASP societies. Nevertheless, thoughtful discussions are possible. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had two attractive and genuinely masochistic partners, though circumstances prevented these relationships from developing beyond our SM sessions. Such is life, amor fati, take your pick.

In essence, persistence is key. I'm skeptical of notions like perfect matches or love at first sight. Instead, I believe in gradual connections and the mutual fulfillment of needs in a consensual manner.

Beautiful written and such good advice.

 

[Mortarion86]

Okay, I have a question for those who have real experience in such relationships. What are my chances of success if I am a complete amateur, that is, all my knowledge about BDSM is purely theoretical? What kind of woman is better to look for - one who already has some experience in this area or one who is about as inexperienced as I am? And what is better - to immediately honestly admit that I have no experience, or to still not tell the whole truth about my experience (or rather, its absence)?

 

[Mortarion86]

A closed mind is a lonely mind. I have played for years on both sides of the BDSM genre, i.e. as an S -sadist and as an M -masochist. AND, I have played with both sexes in all four roles. I consider myself heterosexual, but I don't consider what sex I'm with in either BDSM role. BDSM is about pain and pleasure in a satisfyingly, mutually agreed to setting and degree. I see no difference to acting as S to a pretty young man as to a pretty young woman. Both scream when being whipped, etc. etc. etc. Both have mouths and holes, though a woman has one more.
Check out your gay community. Young men are more into submission. I bet that a lot of the members here fit into that category and are living vicariously on the pain and deaths of the women we look at and read about.

For me, there is a difference) Causing pain to a man - I am not interested in that at all. In this aspect, I am only interested in women.
Sometimes I imagine myself in the role of a victim, but this is just a fantasy. In general, I do not have masochistic tendencies. I would be very unpleasant if I were tied up or constrained in reality. I am scared of the feeling of my own helplessness and complete dependence on the actions of another person. I do not want to experience this in reality.

 

[Laura1949]

Okay, I have a question for those who have real experience in such relationships. What are my chances of success if I am a complete amateur, that is, all my knowledge about BDSM is purely theoretical? What kind of woman is better to look for - one who already has some experience in this area or one who is about as inexperienced as I am? And what is better - to immediately honestly admit that I have no experience, or to still not tell the whole truth about my experience (or rather, its absence)?

Dependiing on what level of bdsm activity I think it wcould be very dangerous for anyone to play with a partner with no BDSM experience either as dom or a sub. I certainly would never consentually allow myself to be bound and made helpless while an inexperienced man or woman tied me and or whipped me. A pants down over the lap spanking before sex would be welcomed but beyond that "no thank you". Bad things can happen when sexual arousal becomes out of control.
If I like a man and we have gotten to know one another intimately and he were to suddenly express an interest in bdsm and admit to no experience it certainly would not affect the relationship just that it would have to proceed slowly.

 

[Darth Agonoth]

For me, there is a difference) Causing pain to a man - I am not interested in that at all. In this aspect, I am only interested in women.
Sometimes I imagine myself in the role of a victim, but this is just a fantasy. In general, I do not have masochistic tendencies. I would be very unpleasant if I were tied up or constrained in reality. I am scared of the feeling of my own helplessness and complete dependence on the actions of another person. I do not want to experience this in reality.

Oh, I'm quite the opposite. I am more than happy to hurt men as well. Pain is unisex. I just don't have sex with guys. Naturally, given the choice, I'd choose women, but I won't say no to a good looking guy seeking some pain.

 

[Mortarion86]

Dependiing on what level of bdsm activity I think it wcould be very dangerous for anyone to play with a partner with no BDSM experience either as dom or a sub.

Bad things can happen when sexual arousal becomes out of control.

It's kind of weird. That is, if I have no experience - what, is the "presumption of guilt" applied to me? Do you think that I'm dangerous because of this?)
I control myself well. I know myself. I am a reserved and reasonable person, maybe even too much, because in my life I have practically never committed risky acts. Because of this, my life may seem too boring to many)

If I like a man and we have gotten to know one another intimately and he were to suddenly express an interest in bdsm and admit to no experience it certainly would not affect the relationship just that it would have to proceed slowly.

In general, if I understood correctly, then the option you are proposing is: to start a relationship with a woman who you simply liked, either in appearance or because we have common interests, and then carefully try to find out how she feels about BDSM. If positively, then good, if negatively, then "such is life".
But in my opinion, this is a bad option. What is the probability that our interests will coincide in the BDSM sphere? I think the probability is negligible.
So, if I do take this seriously, I will purposefully look for a woman who is, at the very least, definitely interested in this and who is not afraid of it.

 

[Annatar Lord of Gifts]

It's a tricky one.

I'm married (happily), kids, career etc but BDSM isn't a part of it, my wife is completely not into BDSM. So I'm left leading something of a double-life which I'm not proud of, didn't ask for, and am all too aware of the moral and ethical problems of me seeking to spend some time with a women and giving her a flogging or whatever she wants me to do that will give her bliss as well as me. It's not even a sexual thing, as in it doesn't need to end in sex, it can just be the experience itself that satisfies.

I get it. I'm not seeking forgiveness or permission, I need to work it out.

It's a bit like being a sadistic Spiderman (Sadoman?) only I can't tell my Mary-Jane about my secret identity!

Long story short, I've had little to no actual experience beyond writing stories, creating short films, and being in forums like this. It's very, very, lonely, I would go further and say depressing.

If I can just once actually experience the intimacy of taking a woman through whatever tortures she fantasies about, taking her to the limits and pushing it, both knowing that despite everything it's actually a safe environment, then that would be wonderful.

I don't know if this helps anyone or not, but just know that you're not alone in being at a bit of an impasse.

EDIT: What prompted this post is I really want to not be seen as the sleazy guy hitting on women because "my wife doesn't get me" because it's not that at all, and I definitely don't want to be sleazy!

 

[kendelo]

Here's my two cents:

As mentioned above, a good physique is undeniably beneficial. It's not just about aesthetics; it significantly boosts confidence. Unlike facial features, our bodies are largely modifiable, and the process of sculpting them often instills valuable traits like discipline and perseverance. This transformation is achievable at almost any age, barring very advanced years, and is particularly attainable for men. Given that our physique is one of the few aspects we can actively improve, it's worth investing effort in this area.

The second modifiable factor is becoming a skilled conversationalist. This is a more nuanced challenge, as it involves both skill acquisition and a shift in mindset. Key elements include active listening, staying present (rather than mentally formulating your next statement while the other person is still speaking), and genuinely engaging with your conversation partner. A good dialogue is akin to a ball game – it's not just about serving, but how adeptly you return the ball. The aim isn't to showcase your ability to lob impossibly curved balls, but to maintain an engaging rally. Much like in intimate encounters, the most arousing aspect is often seeing your partner's excitement. Apologies for the lecture – occupational hazard, I'm afraid.

In my experience, meeting submissive women isn't overly challenging. I've encountered numerous women who, while not explicitly into BDSM, certainly enjoyed more rough handling in bed – a foundation that can be built upon.

However, meeting masochistic women, especially those who are conventionally attractive (and I hope this doesn't offend), can be more difficult. Allow me to explain: unfortunately, some women (and men too of course!), often due to past trauma, may believe they're drawn to pain when it could be trauma bonding or a misguided attempt to form connections. I mention self-hating masochistic girls here because taking advantage of them is something that should be recognized and avoided. It's a delicate topic, particularly given the current cultural climate, especially in WASP societies. Nevertheless, thoughtful discussions are possible. I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had two attractive and genuinely masochistic partners, though circumstances prevented these relationships from developing beyond our SM sessions. Such is life, amor fati, take your pick.

In essence, persistence is key. I'm skeptical of notions like perfect matches or love at first sight. Instead, I believe in gradual connections and the mutual fulfillment of needs in a consensual manner.

I can attest that keeping yourself in shape certainly helps, in many ways. You will look better, feel better, and as you age it will help you perform better and avoid having to take expensive pills with lots of side effects.
One thing I would advise other men is this...The Clitoris..learn it, love it, and pay lots of attention to it. A woman who has experienced a lot of orgasms from play with you will be much more open to try new things with you.

 

[Annatar Lord of Gifts]

Clitoris..learn it, love it, and pay lots of attention to it

My bedroom thing was always to work her clit with my tongue, swirling my tongue round and round and gradually pushing in harder, like trying to burrow into a marshmallow with my tongue!