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Dealing With The Shame Of Drawing Crucifixion

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Brambleberry-Rose

Brambleberry-Rose

Executioner
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
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Nothing wrong with that...Hey,that's what this Forum is FOR... So,come,embrace your kink,with fellow crux-enthusiasts.
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
Click to expand...
Not into crux in a big way but into a lot of other torture fantasies so I hope I can provide some insight...

When I was growing up and going through adolescence, discovering my sexuality, I was the only person I knew who had such sadistic fantasies. My friends were all imagining groping their crushes and having sex, the usual fantasies, whereas my daydreams involved girls I liked being taken prisoner, chained up and flogged until their backs bled, enslaved and forced into humiliating hard labor. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it and I felt hugely ashamed for the longest time.

Two things helped in a big way. 1. Community. Once I was online I found places like this very website, the GIMP forum, bdsmlr and others where I was able to connect with other people who felt the same or similarly. Realizing I wasn't alone did a lot to help me stop feeling like a freak among everyone I knew and more just like somebody with different interests and turn ons. Additionally this was how I discovered the real bdsm community and learned that my dark and twisted imaginings didn't mean that I would have to become a serial killer. They could be realized in safe and controlled environments with other consenting adults just having fun.

Which brings me to the second big thing...outlets. You only need to feel guilty about your thoughts and feelings if they lead to you harming real people. But there are plenty of ways to explore your imaginings that don't cause anyone any harm. For a lot of people, that entails safe consensual bdsm play sessions with like-minded partners. But even if that's not your thing or not accessible to you, there's other options. My main outlet is writing prose fiction around all the scenarios I imagine of corporal punishment, slavery and torture. For other folks it's creating images, through photoshop or digital rendering or old fashioned pencil and paper. Obviously you are a kink artist yourself. So what I'm getting at is that you shouldn't feel guilty because you're exploring your fantasies in a perfectly healthy and productive way! Keep it up!
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
Click to expand...
I think a big part of dealing with guilt is understanding you were programmed to feel that way growing up with Catholicism. Right from the get go you were taught that you were born with "Original Sin", In essence a guilty sinner as soon as you dropped out of Mom's vagina. It's all about themes of guilt, punishment, atonement, sacrifice, etc.. all of which dovetails nicely into BDSM and crux fantasies. As I got away from religion you can kind of step back and see it's influence on yourself.
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
Click to expand...
Felicien Rops and Norman Lindsay probably felt as though they were breaking new ground when they drew crucified women, although I don't imagine they thought they were the first to do so. Lindsay certainly intended 'The Crucified Venus' to be displayed in a public exhibition, and Rops' works are recognised as an important part of the Symbolist movement. Both artists were consciously producing erotica, although I'm not sure if this provides a helpful answer for you...

Crucified Venus Norman Lindsay 1912.jpg​
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
Click to expand...

It's natural to stop and questions our actions and motivations from time to time, but don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. No pixels were harmed in the production of your pictures. The subject matter is as vanilla as nude crux can get. You create sweet pictures of lovely ladies on crosses and you are not a "bad" person because you drawn some attractive women on crosses. I can't speak for your motivations, but from what I can see you have little to be guilty about.
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
Click to expand...
I think most of us feel guilt about participating in this site at one time or another.

But that begs the question: Why? I think you're accurate in citing Catholicism, but it's more widely the Puritan influence on American religion and values, which tells us that any nudity, any engagement in sexual pleasure for its own sake, and any deviation from what's considered "acceptable" sex is sinful.

In other words, we're wired to think this way from a very early age. It's taken me years to get beyond that thinking, and it still literally haunts my dreams sometimes at night. But we're rational creatures, and if we are intelligent enough, we can reason beyond the myriad chains that bind us.
 
We are on almost same boat because no one knows about my crucifixion fantasies, and I prefer to keep it to myself and this forum because, as someone has already commented, it is one of the places where I do not feel embarrassed with such content.
Yes, it's a strange feeling to show the suffering or death of some character who normally didn't deserve it, but that's the temptation of "what if"

Will I have the courage to openly admit it?

I doubt that my family will consider me crazy, and my friends that I offend religious symbolism, and I have nothing to defend myself, because the explanation "it's just my vision of fantasy" is not convincing.
 
I can remember as a child, and even into adolescence, having a real fear that if I drew something that was sacrilegious, or otherwise sinful, 'He' would see - not just a fear that I'd get punished, sooner or later, it was almost as if the 'evil power' would flow from the drawing into me, taking possession of me. My upbringing wasn't Catholic, at least not RC, but I was 'farmed out' to situations where there were similar 'incense-heavy' influences. But it also brought me exciting stories of girls like me being martyred, and some interesting pictures of ways in which I'll be tortured in Hell :devil2:
 
bobinder said:
Felicien Rops and Norman Lindsay probably felt as though they were breaking new ground when they drew crucified women, although I don't imagine they thought they were the first to do so. Lindsay certainly intended 'The Crucified Venus' to be displayed in a public exhibition, and Rops' works are recognised as an important part of the Symbolist movement. Both artists were consciously producing erotica, although I'm not sure if this provides a helpful answer for you...

Click to expand...
Well, it is encouraging to learn of professional artists who did female crucifixion many years before I was even born. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. :)
 
Stormy89 said:
We are on almost same boat because no one knows about my crucifixion fantasies, and I prefer to keep it to myself and this forum because, as someone has already commented, it is one of the places where I do not feel embarrassed with such content.
Yes, it's a strange feeling to show the suffering or death of some character who normally didn't deserve it, but that's the temptation of "what if"

Will I have the courage to openly admit it?

I doubt that my family will consider me crazy, and my friends that I offend religious symbolism, and I have nothing to defend myself, because the explanation "it's just my vision of fantasy" is not convincing.
Click to expand...
Yeah, your comment applies to me 100%. No one knows about my love of drawing crucified girls (aside from a few social media fans), and my family would definitely think I'm crazy if they knew how many such pics I've done.

Another thing, the fact that I like to do this as fanart is probably another level in crazy.
 
kendelo said:
I think a big part of dealing with guilt is understanding you were programmed to feel that way growing up with Catholicism. Right from the get go you were taught that you were born with "Original Sin", In essence a guilty sinner as soon as you dropped out of Mom's vagina. It's all about themes of guilt, punishment, atonement, sacrifice, etc.. all of which dovetails nicely into BDSM and crux fantasies. As I got away from religion you can kind of step back and see it's influence on yourself.
Click to expand...
Yes, the many religious images and stories I was exposed to as a child was definitely a catalyst for this and a reason I feel it's so taboo. Also, it's not like it's something I can show off to family and friends, so I feel I have to hide myself from most people.
 
phlebas said:
It's natural to stop and questions our actions and motivations from time to time, but don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. No pixels were harmed in the production of your pictures. The subject matter is as vanilla as nude crux can get. You create sweet pictures of lovely ladies on crosses and you are not a "bad" person because you drawn some attractive women on crosses. I can't speak for your motivations, but from what I can see you have little to be guilty about.
Click to expand...
My motivations for drawing crucifixion are fanart and personal enjoyment, just so you know.

Thinking about your comment, I admit it my pics are pretty tame compared to the flood of overly raunchy and disgusting fetish "art" that plagues DeviantArt (and the Internet in general), but I'm sure there are a lot of people who are turned off by the idea of crucifixion, regardless of how harmless it is. Also, I think my brain naturally views these pictures as way worse than they actually are, which in turn makes me feel guilty.
 
Brambleberry-Rose said:
I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but I'm not sure where else I could say this, and I feel need to talk about it, so...

Am I the only one who feels ashamed of drawing or liking women on the cross? As much as I love to draw crucified women, I still to this day feel guilty and hesitant to draw such art, even though people seem more tolerant of the subject nowadays. I gather it's because I was raised in a Catholic school that I feel guilty about drawing crucifixion, and hurtful comments aimed at my art years ago probably didn't help. These feelings I think are the prime reason I don't draw as much crucifixion (or other art for that matter) as I want to. Has anyone else experienced these feelings? And if so, any ideas on how to deal with them?
Click to expand...

I guess I could ask why a picture of a woman being crucified is more shameful than the thousands of a man (Jesus) being crucified found in Western art from centuries ago up to the present that hang in every major museum?


mark sessnatz said:
Which brings me to the second big thing...outlets. You only need to feel guilty about your thoughts and feelings if they lead to you harming real people. But there are plenty of ways to explore your imaginings that don't cause anyone any harm. For a lot of people, that entails safe consensual bdsm play sessions with like-minded partners. But even if that's not your thing or not accessible to you, there's other options. My main outlet is writing prose fiction around all the scenarios I imagine of corporal punishment, slavery and torture. For other folks it's creating images, through photoshop or digital rendering or old fashioned pencil and paper. Obviously you are a kink artist yourself. So what I'm getting at is that you shouldn't feel guilty because you're exploring your fantasies in a perfectly healthy and productive way! Keep it up!
Click to expand...
I am sure I would feel some guilt if someone read one of my stories and tried to re-enact it in real life. Most of the scenarios are so outlandish they couldn't do this even if they tried. Moreover there are many tens of thousands of crime novels that describe murders, some a whole bunch of murders, often by extremely gory methods. So far as I know, none of the authors ever lost sleep over someone using their books as a how-to manual.
 
I think there is some kind of taboo concerning the crucifixion, that include females on the cross, so they are saying they are god or Jesus, which are in some "religions" males not females. Madonna or Raquel Welch were posing on the cross for that. Naturaly there is the taboo of nudity or abuse which is played with. And another thing is the reason that doing so is blasphemy, that also includes males on the cross, so making joke of the suffering of Jesus. In the protestantic church we do not show the cross with Jesus, just the cross as symbol, so i guess your feeling is mirrowed with that tradition. I had never a problem with fewmales on the cross, but spend some time till I understood, that the "real Jesus" probably was naked and abused during his crucifixion.
 
I totally relate to what you’re saying. Have felt it for most of my life, having grown up evangelical.

The turning point was meeting some of the lovely ladies of CF and pentecosta and learning about their fantasies of being crucified. That showed me that it’s possible to frame this fetish as one of consenting bdsm. Even if the women in your artwork appear displeased.

But 100% what Windar said. Male crux artwork has been presented as this asexual and orthodox phenomenon, all the while containing depictions of nudity and severe violence. And I’m not condemning it, but I think that they would do well to recognize the exploitative nature of that art.

Personally, I feel rage toward churches and schools that have young boys depict Jesus on the cross in passion plays. Perhaps it’s my own biased moralizing but to me, that’s exploitative in an unjustifiable way. Those groups would have no ground to stand on if they ever dared judged you for drawing a crucified adult woman.
 
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poem21045 said:
I think most of us feel guilt about participating in this site at one time or another.

But that begs the question: Why? I think you're accurate in citing Catholicism, but it's more widely the Puritan influence on American religion and values, which tells us that any nudity, any engagement in sexual pleasure for its own sake, and any deviation from what's considered "acceptable" sex is sinful.

In other words, we're wired to think this way from a very early age. It's taken me years to get beyond that thinking, and it still literally haunts my dreams sometimes at night. But we're rational creatures, and if we are intelligent enough, we can reason beyond the myriad chains that bind us.
Click to expand...

At least for me, that's pretty much it in a nutshell.
 
I'll not repeat what others have said better than I could, so I'll keep this as brief as I can. While crux isn't my main interest, bdsm and cruel fantasy torture is and in the context of this thread might be considered even worse. It has taken my entire adult life, and recently 'coming out' to friends and finding wonderful forums like CF where I can finally be myself, to realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.... and never was. My fantasies are not wrong, bad, or evil, and harm no one. They certainly don't make me evil either.
Is it wrong to enjoy what gives me pleasure that affects no one? No.
I was born in a different time into a moderately religious small town society, and was greatly influenced by that as a child. I suspect most folks my age here could relate to that. That was the direct cause of my years of guilt, and I long ago rid myself of any hold religion had on me. Only recently have become a born again atheist, and I know longer condemn myself because of a social structure that I no longer believe in.

There is nothing wrong with you Brambleberry Rose, and you have nothing to feel guilty about. You certainly don't have to apologize for being human. Embrace your kink and enjoy it.
 
Iconoclast12 said:
Personally, I feel rage toward churches and schools that have young boys depict Jesus on the cross in passion plays. Perhaps it’s my own biased moralizing but to me, that’s exploitative in an unjustifiable way. Those groups would have no ground to stand on if they ever dared judged you for drawing a crucified adult woman.
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I completely agree, it is two-fold. First it is against the protection of the young people from such a story and depiction, and secondly you also make the real and also sexual suffering of Jesus into a childs play, so completely ridicule what he really went through.
 
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