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Dealing With The Shame Of Drawing Crucifixion

Go to CruxDreams.com
Also an excerpt from my diary about the incident I spoke on: (I used “CCG” as code to mean cruci)

Thurs, Jan 7, 2010

Dear Diary,
My ISU is due tomorrow and I have a big test in math on Factoring. Wow I’m stressing out now… Time to think of some CCG to help lower the stress! It’s working. I love CCG. It would be the best gift ever! I was just drawing some CCG but Nom snatched it off the bed and looked at it thourly. I tried getting it back but it was too late. She asked, “Is this what’s in your mind? Why are you drawing pornography?” Of course she asked these as rhetorical questions so I didn’t answer her questions. But it wasn’t porn. It was CCG as uncensored CCG picture. I don’t normally draw it uncensored but if CCG happened like that then what’s wrong with drawing something the way it actually happened?
 
Also, do I have to wait until tomorrow to post more pictures from my diary? I thought it was a rule to only post 5 images a day.
Sorry for spamming this thread in advance. XD
 
CCG said:
Also, do I have to wait until tomorrow to post more pictures from my diary? I thought it was a rule to only post 5 images a day.
Sorry for spamming this thread in advance. XD
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Yes 5 per day, just to lower site costs. Note they are not showing?

I much prefer viewing images in smaller samples. The old days of spamming 10 or 30 or (etc) images tended to get my eyes glazing over.

May I suggest, though, creating a new thread in the cruxforums members own work section? You deserve your own space for this. Also unsure how you uploaded those, they come up as an error, so use thumbnails is superior
 
Loinclothslave said:
Yes 5 per day, just to lower site costs. Note they are not showing?

I much prefer viewing images in smaller samples. The old days of spamming 10 or 30 or (etc) images tended to get my eyes glazing over.

May I suggest, though, creating a new thread in the cruxforums members own work section? You deserve your own space for this. Also unsure how you uploaded those, they come up as an error, so use thumbnails is superior
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Okay np, also I did select the thumbnail for each picture before I uploaded. :/
 
CCG said:
Also, do I have to wait until tomorrow to post more pictures from my diary? I thought it was a rule to only post 5 images a day.
Sorry for spamming this thread in advance. XD
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Also, I think the ones that were deleted may have been over-size. The limit for a member's own work is 2MB, so I'm not sure if that was the case. But if you post them again and they're within that limit, you should be okay. :)
 
Loinclothslave said:
Maybe try just one as a test?
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I think I'm starting to feel self conscious all of a sudden lol.

I'm not really all that good at drawing.
Eulalia said:
Also, I think the ones that were deleted may have been over-size. The limit for a member's own work is 2MB, so I'm not sure if that was the case. But if you post them again and they're within that limit, you should be okay. :)
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If I work up the courage, I'll post. Thank you for the encouragement! >.<
 
I find it funny that your mom instantly thought it was porn…I think she’d fall over if she knew what kind of things we enjoy on this site!

There’s no need to be concerned about the quality of the artwork. It’s really about the emotions and intentions. I like the little quotes you added!
 
JustJJ said:
I find it funny that your mom instantly thought it was porn…I think she’d fall over if she knew what kind of things we enjoy on this site!

There’s no need to be concerned about the quality of the artwork. It’s really about the emotions and intentions. I like the little quotes you added!
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Thank you very much JJ! I really appreciate you saying all that. Definitely grew up with so much guilt in my household. I was even reading some stuff from my diary and was getting sad remembering all the stuff I said.
One excerpt was basically the day I gave up. Basically saying I don’t want to live nor die. Then my solution was to say I will keep “living” but be dead on the inside. No more smiles nor crying. I guess it sort of influenced my obsession too. Seeing as Crucifixion is literally the doorway between life and death.
 
CCG said:
Thank you very much JJ! I really appreciate you saying all that. Definitely grew up with so much guilt in my household. I was even reading some stuff from my diary and was getting sad remembering all the stuff I said.
One excerpt was basically the day I gave up. Basically saying I don’t want to live nor die. Then my solution was to say I will keep “living” but be dead on the inside. No more smiles nor crying. I guess it sort of influenced my obsession too. Seeing as Crucifixion is literally the doorway between life and death.
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I relate to that a lot. Thankfully I have worked hard on my mental health and don’t have a frequent desire to give up or die anymore. I remain interested in these fetishes but it’s not as overwhelmingly obsessive anymore. What your mother did was not okay. You deserved privacy, respect, and freedom of guilt and shame.
 
JustJJ said:
I relate to that a lot. Thankfully I have worked hard on my mental health and don’t have a frequent desire to give up or die anymore. I remain interested in these fetishes but it’s not as overwhelmingly obsessive anymore. What your mother did was not okay. You deserved privacy, respect, and freedom of guilt and shame.
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I think you hit the nail right on the head (no pun intended). Having no privacy, respect, freedom and only having guilt and shame. Sounds a lot like crucifixion no? So physiologically speaking, makes sense that I'd just relate even more to it.
 
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