Disclaimer:
English is not my native language and I would like to apologize for my spelling and grammar which is not quite correct.
If anyone feels inclined to edit my text I would appreciate it.
Parts of the text may be used to add to the original story.
I hope you enjoy it and look forward to your comments and observations.
Claudius
I expected that after the violence of flogging and hammering, the pain would subside a little. But now that I am well and truly crucified, immediately my death struggle begins. I have to fight to survive but every movement hurts. Even not moving, which is seemingly impossible, is painful. The pain is untold, overwhelming and omnipresent. I cannot do anything without torturing myself. When my torturers release me, I can barely lean on my ankles and lower myself. My flogged back rubs on the roughly scraped beam and the wounds are opened further. The cornu pricks my buttocks. I seek support but I can only do so if I let the cornu penetrate my anus. It is the horn of a bovine and the deeper I sink the further my anus is gouged open. It offers little relief but adds a new pain. Eventually the thing is fully inside me and I am more or less supported with my cock and balls hanging askew over the seat support.
Now that my torturers have withdrawn I realize how much I am hanging there unprotected in full view of everyone. All eyes of the crowd are on us. Angry stares because we are criminals, happy stares because we are getting our deserved punishment and mocking stares because we are hanging there open and exposed. Nailed definitively to a sturdy cross with thick nails. Naked exposed to the scorching sun and biting insects and onlookers.
When they hammered the first nail into my wrist, connecting it to the wood like that, I was shocked by the impotence and irreversibility. After the second nail, I realized there was nothing more I could do. With my arms spread out, fixed to the beam I had been rendered utterly defenseless. For a moment I had still supported myself with my feet on the round but now those too were stuck to the wood with heavy, solid nails. I looked at my fingers and even they could no longer move. My thumbs were folded inward but motionless because of the torn tendons.
Despite the seat support, I have to pull myself up to breathe again. My wrists seem to tear open. Infernal pain shoots through my arms which cramp. I run out of breath and desperately turn my head in all directions with my mouth wide open. I stay like this for a while until the pain in my arms becomes too intense and I lower myself again. Then I see my fellow sufferers doing the same thing. How miserable they look. Blood dripping down their arms, gurgling for breath with wide open mouths. With open arms and spread legs, they show their dirty, sweaty, smelly bodies and bare, dangling sex to the onlookers. Their legs tremble and their bellies rise and fall. Moisture is dripping from Gideon's penis. Now that the big crowd has ended and things are getting relatively quieter come the flies. Thick, blue flies feasting on our blood, our sweat, our moisture. They know we can't do anything to them. They are the repulsive flies that eat carrion, sitting by the hundreds on carcasses. They crawl into my mouth and nose. To them, I am already dead. Occasionally I get a vicious sting. At first I want to defend myself by moving but that is too painful or by blowing, which is also too heavy. I resign myself to it. Mercilessly they fly buzzing around me and crawling over me. They are in all my wounds. I feel their paws and dozens of stings. The bites in my mouth make my tongue swell. They don't spare my moist groin, cock and scrotum either.
I get a cramp in a calf and, crying, I let myself hang. It doesn't help. I panic. I push myself up and the pain gets even fiercer. The cramp stays and my foot also cramps. I can't do anything, anything at all. I gasp and have to let myself hang on. My wrists are on fire. I no longer see well. Everything becomes blurred. I will die. In fact, I have to die here; that is my fate. Our destiny. To die lonely, naked and outcast and rot on the cross. Then I startle, I've been gone for a moment and nauseated I try to take a deep breath. I push and pull myself up again. The cornu slides out of my butthole. In desperation to try a new position I thrust my lower belly forward. Some women turn away demurely as I push my cock and scrotum grotesquely in their direction. How perverse they must think I am for showing my intimate parts so unashamedly. One of the guards notices and with the tip of his spear against my sack he pushes me back and I lower myself back onto the cornu. Then I push myself up again and then again I collapse. It is almost a continuous movement in which I scream, cry and whimper. Everything, literally everything about my body hurts. Ants have crawled up along the pole and are now coming up higher along my legs. Some are already on my cock and sack and crawling into my anus and piss tube. A warm gust of wind brings dust scraping into my wounds.
I see a man standing by the Romans passing around a jug of wine. I think I have already seen that one somewhere. But I am too tired, too exhausted. Then he walks in front of Gideon with his eyes fixed on his genitals. Now I know, it is Aden Salehi, nicknamed the Egyptian. He goes around the county markets with his stall. I am afraid of that man because I know what he does. He sells amulets and good luck charms in the form of penises, testicles and ball sacks. Especially penises of black warriors but also of slaves. Rumor has it that he buys up worthless, finished slaves at a bargain price. He takes them to his workshop where the are killed and he prepares their penises and balls. But the most expensive objects are the dicks and ball sacs of crucified slaves that are cut off from them alive. Meanwhile, he has come to stand before me and I know that he can do what he wants with me. I am at his mercy. I am glad he turns around and rejoins the people.
For a long time I have felt I need to relieve myself. I relax but I can't. I want to empty my bladder and bowels. When I pull up I squeeze my buttocks irresistibly with exertion and when I lower myself and relax the cornu is deep in my anus. It is terrible. I feel stinging in my penis. Aggressive ants stab me internally in my piss tube and leave a burning sensation.
In a blur, I see my torturers leaving. They have done their work. We are hanging on the cross and we are going to die. The sun is high and they are relieved. They go contentedly to the barracks to eat something and drink wine. Maybe they will joke about us. How I cried like a woman and begged for mercy. How Yonatan pissed himself. How we all got erections in the face of death. How we howled like dogs as they grabbed our sack and squeezed our balls. How the spectators enjoyed all that and cheered them on to beat even more violently, to flog us even more fiercely, to torture our testicles even more. How dirty flies crawled into our mouths and insects crawled over our sweaty genitals. An insect crawls into my piss tube and there is nothing I can do. When the beast is halfway down my penis I feel a sting. Then another. They are in my ears, nose and mouth. It hurts. But everything hurts.
The spectators starts to leave, one by one and some in groups. They come down the row to enjoy once more. Most are women, but also men and, sporadically, a family. Most look at us expressionless, others smile affably or look at each other approvingly. Unable to do anything or hide anything we hang there. They scold us or spit at us once more. Powerless, we allow ourselves to be looked at from head to toe. If their gazes continue to rest on our waist, it is an additional humiliation. Especially if they are women who look at our genitals and seem to grin at them or smile at each other. Some spit on us even before they turn their backs on us. Like criminals, thugs and troublemakers, we belong here in this place: fully exposed, weakened by severe flogging, firmly nailed down and visible from afar. We hear them say that it is our deserved punishment that we receive. That we must pay for our deeds and that it is only right that we hang here nailed to a cross. We hang and suffer here as examples for other criminals. We are scum, scum that must not only be removed from society but executed in the most painful, degrading and humiliating way. After a life of crime, justice will be done and we will receive our deserved reward. But before they kill us, we will be rendered completely defenseless. Our nailed hands will no longer steal or plunder. They will no longer grope women and children immorally. Our feet, firmly nailed to the wood will no longer go out to plunder or rob. The time of hornily defiling and degrading women and girls is over now that our testicles and filthy cocks are crushed against the wood. As inferior beings we are going to die and not even get a grave. Because of this, our spirits will not leave for our ancestors.
Dead we will remain on the cross for days to come. In the sun, at the mercy of flies and birds of prey who will peck our eyes out of their sockets. Who will tear pieces of flesh from our bodies. They will start with the soft parts first. The sharp jaws will peck testily at our penis first. Then the jaws will bite and pull and tug at the glans like a fat worm that needs to be pulled from the bottom. The skin will yield and recoil. Until a bloody piece will tear off. And then another part. Same with the scrotum that will soon tear and the crows will tear off patches of skin and gobble up the testicles. The vicious birds will take up post on the crossbeam and peck at our ears, cheeks and shoulders. A few days after our terrible death, Romans are going to come with some slaves to clean us up. Mutilated and dishonored beyond recognition, we will be taken off our cross to make way for a new condemned one. First they are going to pull the nails out of our ankles and then push the crossbeam out of the standing post and drop us into the dust like a piece of dirt. The nails will be pulled out of our wrists and returned to the barracks with the patibulum to be used again.
The slaves will take us by a foot and drag us across the ground to below the hill. There is the stinking pit where all kinds of dirt from the town and unmarketable remains such as rotten fish and scraps from the slaughter will be dumped. Our carcasses are dumped among ears, snouts, bones, tails and uteruses of cattle. We will suffer forever, even long after wild dogs, vultures another scavengers have eaten our rotting carcasses bare.
I have to pull myself up again. I cry in silence because I can no longer make a sound. It dizzies me. With the flies also come the big ants which, if possible, are even meaner. The sun is past its highest point. Gideon begs for water. I do too, my lips feeling thick and torn. The two soldiers who have relieved the squad of crucifiers look into the wooden bucket standing there. In it is a branch with a rag they can use to hand us water. I am hot and sometimes I hang shivering. I need to piss and relieve myself but I can't. It is as if I am delirious. I shift my position and the cornu goes a long way out of my body again. Until I sink back onto it. My penis is now trapped between my body the wooden support I am sitting on. The soldiers look into the bucket and seem to confer with each other. I hold my head back again. My neck hurts. My belly is swollen. I lift myself up and relax my bladder. I want to piss and look at my dick dangling there as three women dressed in black stare at me. My cock begins to swell slightly and out of a last vestige of embarrassment I quickly let myself fall back down. I am now on my scrotum and sobbing I lift myself up again. Then, as I lower myself it is better. I look at my fellow convicts. Their bodies are shining and suffering in their death throes and I see black flies crawling over them. They are also in my mouth, nose and crawling over my eyes. Yonathan and Gideon's feet are swollen and blue. Like mine, their hands are almost black. My hands feel warm and thick and I lose feeling in them. My wrists then hurt all the more. I hang by my arms to give my ankles and cramped legs some rest. I let myself hang forward. The nails tug at my wrists and send fierce jolts of pain to my brain. I want to die.
I see Yonathan sucking up water the soldiers hand him with the rag. In a cracked voice, I also beg for water and don't know if they can hear. But they also give Gideon a drink and then come to me. They hand me the dirty rag and gratefully I eagerly suck the liquid. It burns my lips but I suck in more. It is lukewarm and salty; it is their urine. After all, they pissed in the bucket. Maybe they will laugh at this joke in the barracks later. "The rebels and especially the thief were happy and grateful to drink our piss. They even asked for more, that's how much they liked the Roman piss. Hahahahaha..." The other soldiers will laugh along and drink some more wine.
Then there is a stir in the audience. People jab at each other and point at Gideon. All eyes focus on them. With some effort, I turn my head and see that he has an erection. Or at least that his penis is swollen and getting longer. How humiliating must that not be? Not only the fact of being exhibited there naked for every one to see your suffering but on top of that getting an erection. I watch as he desperately searches for air up and down cornu but his lengthening cock now swishes up and down. Then the unthinkable happens. Gideon cums at his crotch. First a gulp of seed shooting out of the bare glans and then a stream, a thick slosh of semen dripping from his penis and landing in front of his crotch. The people boo, cheer, laugh and scoff. They are having fun. Gasping for air, Gideon hangs from his nails sobbing in pain and shame.
I can barely pull myself up and breathe in short, pain-filled breaths. I let my head hang and see my mangled penis with its moist glans. There are flies on it and an ant is half inside my piss tube. As I hang forward like this I push myself up. It hurts but the cornu goes out of my anus for a moment. The thick horn that was in it keeps my anus open and immediately I feel insects crawling in. And they bite into my flesh, into my gut and penetrate deeper into my body. I am being tortured from the inside by insects. I lower myself onto the cornu again. That, too, is another torture.
The sun begins to set and all but a few spectators and children are gone.
Between breaths I doze off for a moment only to wake up panting painfully again. I then have to move again. The flies and ants are more numerous than ever. They bite me persistently.
A moment later, three horsemen rode onto the plain. Two Romans and when I recognize Aden Salehi, the Egyptian a chill runs through my body. They watch us for a moment, dismount, and talk and laugh a little with the two men. Then I see the Egyptian go to Yonatan. He ties a leather lace around the sack and penis for the convict. Then he does the same to Gidun and I too take my turn. I feel him put a lace around my balls and pull it painfully tight. Then he does the same with my penis. The few spectators approach curiously. One of the men goes at Yonathan with a heavy club. They are going to finish us off. They are going to break our legs so that we suffocate. One last torture before we die.
I see him slam the club forcefully against Yonathan's left shin. He groans and his body shakes but the bone does not break. Then he strikes again, harder now. Horrified, I hear the bone break. His leg is all crooked and Yonatan still tries to support himself on his other leg . The Egyptian now expertly cuts the penis and puts it in a pouch on his belt. It hardly bleeds and I see the ligated, blue scrotum hanging. Skillfully he is also cut off and the soldier smashes Yonatan's right shin which now breaks from the first lay. Yonatan's body slumps all the way hanging by the arms and he roars, inhales and roars again. It must be terrible. The men watch quietly and wait for the condemned man to die. Then the crucified man's head drops to his chest and drool runs from his mouth. A soldier pushes with his spear against the chest of Yonatan who gives no more sign of life. He is dead.
Then they go to Gideon. It is the other man now who breaks the legs. The Egyptian also does his work before the condemned man is dead. In a panic, I know my turn is coming. Frightened, I cry softly. I want to show that I am far from dead. Again I hear that terrible blow and Gideon's shin breaking and he lets out a long pained cry with his last breath. Desperately, I straighten up from my horn. I pant panicked and drool runs from my mouth. Gideon is dead and they come to stand in front of me. It is my turn to die. I feel my penis and balls hanging there between my opened thighs swinging grotesquely. I see them laughing. They are going to finish me and they laugh. The man lashes out and I feel and hear my shin crack. The pain is intense and I scream with the air I have left. I sink back down on the horn in one motion and try to lift myself up exhausted with my other leg that twitches and trembles for one last breath. I feel a hand around my penis which is quickly cut off. Much pain I don't feel. I see my dark penis that he puts in his pouch. Soon it will be sold at a market. Then in one motion my sack and testicles are cut off. Following my castration, my other leg is broken. I now hang fully from my cramped and tired arms and feel them being pulled out of the socket of my shoulders. I now hang all the way down and tiredly I lower my head. It is over. I feel the spear and apparently react for a moment. The soldier thrusts the spear into my body and I feel the steel enter my lung. One last rattle. Then it gets blurry and dark. I feel nothing more.
It's over.