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Helena's Tale

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thehangingtree said:
I didn't see anything Wragg said that bothered me that much...

Tree
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And Wragg spake unto the Moderator, saying, "Verily, I am a worm, and no man, underdeserving of Thy bounteous mercy."

Then turned Wragg to Quiet Paul and Barbaria, and did roll his eyes unto Heaven, and he saith, "Behold, Tree has a God omplex. That augurs not well for we who are mere characters in his stories....."
 
Wragg134 said:
And Wragg spake unto the Moderator, saying, "Verily, I am a worm, and no man, underdeserving of Thy bounteous mercy."

Then turned Wragg to Quiet Paul and Barbaria, and did roll his eyes unto Heaven, and he saith, "Behold, Tree has a God omplex. That augurs not well for we who are mere characters in his stories....."
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Anyone bring up the 'moderator' thing again ain't going to like it....

Tree would have rather drank 'Gold Stripe' scotch than been a moderator...

Story continues...

As promised the bishop showed up the next day. The maid Ulrika poured him a glass of wine from Master Wragg’s finest in the cellar. She knew she would be punished for it but had been feeling rather neglected lately, what with had been going on with the girls of the meadow.

“So did the ‘Holy Ghost’ confer with last night?” Master Wragg demanded.

“He did” the bishop exclaimed. “I cannot sentence a woman to hang for crimes you allege.”

“That is not a problem; the Dutch judge Admi will be available to condemn the wenches” Master Wragg replied.

“Does he have jurisdiction here?” the bishop asked.

“France and the Dutch have a reciprocating agreement on jurisdiction.”

“But is he fair and just?” the bishop asked.

“He is beyond reproach!”

“Hmm… Here is my solution to your situation. If the three wenches confess and are convicted to hang, she will dig their graves and spent a year’s penance at the convent of the Order of Punishment and Penance serving penance before she begins finishing school at the convent at the Cruxton Abbey.”

“We have a deal” Master Wragg laughed.

“Not so fast… If any of the three wenches claim your daughter Helena seduced her, she walks and Helena hangs in her place.”

“Why the hell should I agree to this?” Master Wragg roared.

“Remember that fine steed you gave me instead of a cash infusion? I have sent my finest horseman and deacon to ride to the Vatican. He has a day and a half lead on anyone you could send out. By now he is in the cover of the Swiss Guard. If my second rider does not arrive within 10 days the Pope will have been delivered a letter that you practice heresy and wrath shall descend upon you and you household. Do we have a deal?”

“Oh, very well; I suppose you cheat at chess, also” Master Wragg said…


Tree
 
The bishop did not understand the nuance of Master Wragg’s reply. He asked if anyone else had heard his daughter’s accusation of the other three. Master Wragg replied “Father Lynch recorded her testimony.”

“Hmm… Father Lynch… is he not on your payroll, Master Wragg?”


“Substantial less than you are, dear bishop” Master Wragg assured.

“Yes, I would hope” the bishop replied. “We will start in the morning…”




Tree
 
thehangingtree said:
The bishop did not understand the nuance of Master Wragg’s reply. He asked if anyone else had heard his daughter’s accusation of the other three. Master Wragg replied “Father Lynch recorded her testimony.”

“Hmm… Father Lynch… is he not on your payroll, Master Wragg?”


“Substantial less than you are, dear bishop” Master Wragg assured.

“Yes, I would hope” the bishop replied. “We will start in the morning…”




Tree
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Geeze....and they wonder why we slaves rebel every year! :oops:
 
Wragg would like it to be understood that the Pope is not on his payroll :rolleyes:

He can afford decorators like Michelangelo, a bit out of Wragg's league :doh:

Nice to see Rev Lynch putting in an appearance, though!
 
Wragg134 said:
Wragg would like it to be understood that the Pope is not on his payroll :rolleyes:

He can afford decorators like Michelangelo, a bit out of Wragg's league :doh:

Nice to see Rev Lynch putting in an appearance, though!
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Just how much in taxes per annum does that pile known as Cruxton Abbey cost you?
 
Wragg134 said:
About half what I pay in bribes to the bishop :doh:
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Note to Rebellion Central Command....keep that little tidbit of information on file to turn over to the UK internal revenue authorities if needed. We will need every trick we can muster to win in Rebellion 2015 ;)
 
Barbaria1 said:
Note to Rebellion Central Command....keep that little tidbit of information on file to turn over to the UK internal revenue authorities if needed. We will need every trick we can muster to win in Rebellion 2015 ;)
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Oh, I say, how wonderful!

My new filing cabinet has arrived! Capital!

4 drawers, all with the letter 'B' on the front :D
 
Barbaria1 said:
Note to Rebellion Central Command....keep that little tidbit of information on file to turn over to the UK internal revenue authorities if needed. We will need every trick we can muster to win in Rebellion 2015 ;)
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Damn federal bureaucracy!!! The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) came by on surprise inspection the day after Christmas and notified me the crosses on the Hill of One Hundred Crosses are too weathered to be used again and the rust and blood-covered spike must be discarded at a hazardous waste facility.

I argued that both the crosses and the spikes were used only to execute rebel slaves! The lady said it wasn't the slaves she was worried about but my Crucifixion Technicians could get splinters from the wood and tetanus from the rusted spikes!!!:doh:

I dialed the lovely French lumber baroness Messaline to order a load of her finest French Crucifixion Lumber
jjb120.jpg

...then headed out to the shop to start sharpening 300 or so more spikes...

Tree
 
thehangingtree said:
Damn federal bureaucracy!!! The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) came by on surprise inspection the day after Christmas and notified me the crosses on the Hill of One Hundred Crosses are too weathered to be used again and the rust and blood-covered spike must be discarded at a hazardous waste facility.

I argued that both the crosses and the spikes were used only to execute rebel slaves! The lady said it wasn't the slaves she was worried about but my Crucifixion Technicians could get splinters from the wood and tetanus from the rusted spikes!!!:doh:

I dialed the lovely French lumber baroness Messaline to order a load of her finest French Crucifixion Lumber
View attachment 178955

...then headed out to the shop to start sharpening 300 or so more spikes...

Tree
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OMG....things are heating up on this and other threads....Rebellion 2015 on the horizon????
 
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Barbaria1 said:
View attachment 178966 Very funny...just you wait Henry Wragg, just you wait!
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One evening the king will say:
"Barbaria, old thing,
I want all of England your praises to sing.
Next year on the twentieth of May
I proclaim Barbaria Day!
All the people will celebrate the glory of you
And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do."
"Thanks a lot, King" says I, in a manner well-bred;
But all I want is 'enry Wraggie's 'ead!"
 
Wragg134 said:
One evening the king will say:
"Barbaria, old thing,
I want all of England your praises to sing.
Next year on the twentieth of May
I proclaim Barbaria Day!
All the people will celebrate the glory of you
And whatever you wish and want I gladly will do."
"Thanks a lot, King" says I, in a manner well-bred;
But all I want is 'enry Wraggie's 'ead!"
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On a platter, if you please!!!
 
All I want is a dungeon dark,
Where hot irons can make their mark!
The maidens scream - oh what a lark!
Oh wouldn't it be luvverly?

Just to pull off Barbaria's dress
Then be thrashing her tender flesh
She'll feel my whip's caress
Oh wouldn't it be luvverly? :devil:
 
The bastard bishop that I have propped up for years arrives at the estate the next morning. He brushes aside my butler claiming he does not deserve such adulation as he is a man of the cloth yet when he enters my library he pulls the gold and bejeweled challis from his ornate robe and holds it up for my butler to fill with my finest stock.
The butler looks at me and raises an eyebrow and asks “Master?”
rh 1.jpg
“What the fuck, fill it!” I demand.

He does and I ask him “You have prayed (he didn’t) so have you reached a conclusion? There are people here I do business with that would like to hear your decision and keep this story moving along!”

“I have, Master Wragg! Your daughter shall be placed in chains and dig three graves. If Joy, Lust, or Passion accuse her of seduction she will be hanged and occupy one of the graves. If she is lucky she will shovel dirt on their dead bodies. Do we have a deal, Master Wragg, or do I send my second rider?”

‘You have a deal” I reluctantly agree. “Dare not double-cross me again.”
wragg 001.jpg
“Dear Wragg, I would never dream of that!!!!”


Tree
 
“Master Wragg it was a most pleasant night” the bishop said as he walked out the front door of the estate.

‘Perhaps for you, but not I’ Master Wragg thought. He hoped the maid Ulrika was still awake but even she had slipped into slumber. He crawled into bed alone…


Tree
 
Wragg134 said:
All I want is a dungeon dark,
Where hot irons can make their mark!
The maidens scream - oh what a lark!
Oh wouldn't it be luvverly?

Just to pull off Barbaria's dress
Then be thrashing her tender flesh
She'll feel my whip's caress
Oh wouldn't it be luvverly? :devil:
Click to expand...

AudreyHepburn-640x480.jpg As Lerner and Loewe turn over in their graves..... :p
 
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