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Horny The Unicorn

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You can always submit a tender for offering your services at Loxuru's Luscious Lingerie.
For the next show, we have contracted Martha Come already!:devil:
If that is the style Loxuru's Luscious Lingerie prefers for the parades Professor Pilus would withdraw His expression of interest. Each to their own but much of that is not to Pp's tastes :(.
 
If that is the style Loxuru's Luscious Lingerie prefers for the parades Professor Pilus would withdraw His expression of interest. Each to their own but much of that is not to Pp's tastes :(.
I am sorry, pal, but business is business. Hiring Martha Come could get us Ivana as a special guest visitor on the premiere of our show, which could boost our sales in the US. We have to adapt to the new political order too, whether we like it or not!
But as I said, we always welcome exciting proposal, and maybe we could talk business for our introduction Down Under.;)
 
‘Mr Loxuru can be justifiably proud of his Luscious Lingerie,’ reflected Wragg, as he observed Mr L’s latest products being put under stresses which their creator may not have considered. Thessela was riding round and round on a very delighted Horny, ably cheered on by the Racing Rodent, still in the driving seat, while Wragg observed proceedings, whip at the ready, lest Horny be tempted to take liberties with Her Ladyship.

Bright silken scarlet brassiere, scanty panties, and suspender belt were all on display, and all apparently doing a highly competent job of keeping certain things up and other things covered whist displaying a considerable amount of uncovered flesh to great advantage. Thessela the Lady looked so much healthier than her namesake, Thessela the slave at Cruxwinds, but the Phlebas wasn’t noted for his generosity.

For Lady Thessela Jollyrei had been at or near the front of the queue when they were dishing out good looks, and Wragg could see at a glance why Lord Jollyrei was so terribly fond of her. Not so fond as to reject Messaline, maybe, but then boys will be boys….

“How do I look, Wraggie?” called Thessela, breathlessly.

“You look very nice indeed, milady!” replied Wragg, coyly.

“Oh, do call me ‘Thess’!”

“You look very nice indeed, Thess!” Wragg smiled.

“It’s a good job I’ve got this bra on…. or else everything would wobble about tremendously on the back of your horse.”

“It would indeed, Thess. I was just thinking that I wasn’t sure if Mr Loxuru had designed it to withstand such stress.”

“It would be dreadful if it were to fall off, wouldn’t it?”

“That would be most regrettable, mil…er, Thess. But please don’t worry. If they were prone to falling off each time the wearer sat on a horse then I doubt if Mr Loxuru would find himself supplying a significant percentage of Burke’s Peerage with lingerie.”

“Giddy-up, Horny!” called Thessela, and Horny upped the tempo accordingly.

Suddenly, as Wragg watched, everything went bright red. “What the….” he began, wondering if he was having some kind of fit, until he realised that Mr Loxuru’s bra was now wrapped around his head. He snatched it off, to be rewarded by the sight of Lady Jollyrei riding topless.

“I say! Lady Jollyrei! Thessela! What ho! You seem to have lost something! Here!” He offered her the bra, trying not to look too hard at those magnificent breasts as they danced to Horny’s rhythm.

“It wasn’t doing a very good job. You saw for yourself. Why don’t you hop up here behind me? You could hold them still for me!”

Wragg had never thought of himself as a bra substitute, but an order from Lady Jollyrei was an order to be obeyed. RR brought Horny to a stand, and up climbed Wragg, behind Thessela.

“So, put your right hand…there, and your left hand…there.” Her breasts more than filled his hands, as her nipples tensioned between his fingers. She leaned back against him. “Oh, that’s no good. Your cloak is all itchy. Take it off. Take everything off.”

“But…”

“But what? I want to feel your soft skin against me, not your ghastly clothes!”

“But I….”

“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever been naked with a lady before?”

Wragg turned bright red. “Well, um…no. I haven’t, to be perfectly honest.”

“You’re a virgin?”

“We had separate dormitories from the girls…..”

“That’s no excuse, any red blooded male would have shinned up the drainpipe to the girl’s dorm in a flash!”

“You haven’t met Professor Phlebas.”

“Actually,” she winked, “I have, but that’s another story!” She felt inside his trousers. “Well, unless, I’m much mistaken, you’re well ready for me now!”

Wragg gave in. His clothes joined hers on the grass in the clearing, as Horny and RR gave Wragg and Thessela the ride of their lives. She slid up and down on his shaft, and Horny seemed to know exactly what rhythm to use, for before he’d completed half-a-dozen circuits Thessela was shrieking with joy, so that the chauffeur, waiting in the car back on the drive, heard every word. He smiled indulgently. He’d been with the Jollyreis for a long time.

Wragg didn’t quite manage to last six circuits, but then, it was his first time, and Thessela didn’t seem to notice, and she really wasn’t that far behind him.

As she dismounted, in both senses of the word simultaneously, she winked at RR. “Tell Professor Phlebas… A plus.”
 
‘Mr Loxuru can be justifiably proud of his Luscious Lingerie,’ reflected Wragg, as he observed Mr L’s latest products being put under stresses which their creator may not have considered. Thessela was riding round and round on a very delighted Horny, ably cheered on by the Racing Rodent, still in the driving seat, while Wragg observed proceedings, whip at the ready, lest Horny be tempted to take liberties with Her Ladyship.

Bright silken scarlet brassiere, scanty panties, and suspender belt were all on display, and all apparently doing a highly competent job of keeping certain things up and other things covered whist displaying a considerable amount of uncovered flesh to great advantage. Thessela the Lady looked so much healthier than her namesake, Thessela the slave at Cruxwinds, but the Phlebas wasn’t noted for his generosity.

For Lady Thessela Jollyrei had been at or near the front of the queue when they were dishing out good looks, and Wragg could see at a glance why Lord Jollyrei was so terribly fond of her. Not so fond as to reject Messaline, maybe, but then boys will be boys….

“How do I look, Wraggie?” called Thessela, breathlessly.

“You look very nice indeed, milady!” replied Wragg, coyly.

“Oh, do call me ‘Thess’!”

“You look very nice indeed, Thess!” Wragg smiled.

“It’s a good job I’ve got this bra on…. or else everything would wobble about tremendously on the back of your horse.”

“It would indeed, Thess. I was just thinking that I wasn’t sure if Mr Loxuru had designed it to withstand such stress.”

“It would be dreadful if it were to fall off, wouldn’t it?”

“That would be most regrettable, mil…er, Thess. But please don’t worry. If they were prone to falling off each time the wearer sat on a horse then I doubt if Mr Loxuru would find himself supplying a significant percentage of Burke’s Peerage with lingerie.”

“Giddy-up, Horny!” called Thessela, and Horny upped the tempo accordingly.

Suddenly, as Wragg watched, everything went bright red. “What the….” he began, wondering if he was having some kind of fit, until he realised that Mr Loxuru’s bra was now wrapped around his head. He snatched it off, to be rewarded by the sight of Lady Jollyrei riding topless.

“I say! Lady Jollyrei! Thessela! What ho! You seem to have lost something! Here!” He offered her the bra, trying not to look too hard at those magnificent breasts as they danced to Horny’s rhythm.

“It wasn’t doing a very good job. You saw for yourself. Why don’t you hop up here behind me? You could hold them still for me!”

Wragg had never thought of himself as a bra substitute, but an order from Lady Jollyrei was an order to be obeyed. RR brought Horny to a stand, and up climbed Wragg, behind Thessela.

“So, put your right hand…there, and your left hand…there.” Her breasts more than filled his hands, as her nipples tensioned between his fingers. She leaned back against him. “Oh, that’s no good. Your cloak is all itchy. Take it off. Take everything off.”

“But…”

“But what? I want to feel your soft skin against me, not your ghastly clothes!”

“But I….”

“What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever been naked with a lady before?”

Wragg turned bright red. “Well, um…no. I haven’t, to be perfectly honest.”

“You’re a virgin?”

“We had separate dormitories from the girls…..”

“That’s no excuse, any red blooded male would have shinned up the drainpipe to the girl’s dorm in a flash!”

“You haven’t met Professor Phlebas.”

“Actually,” she winked, “I have, but that’s another story!” She felt inside his trousers. “Well, unless, I’m much mistaken, you’re well ready for me now!”

Wragg gave in. His clothes joined hers on the grass in the clearing, as Horny and RR gave Wragg and Thessela the ride of their lives. She slid up and down on his shaft, and Horny seemed to know exactly what rhythm to use, for before he’d completed half-a-dozen circuits Thessela was shrieking with joy, so that the chauffeur, waiting in the car back on the drive, heard every word. He smiled indulgently. He’d been with the Jollyreis for a long time.

Wragg didn’t quite manage to last six circuits, but then, it was his first time, and Thessela didn’t seem to notice, and she really wasn’t that far behind him.

As she dismounted, in both senses of the word simultaneously, she winked at RR. “Tell Professor Phlebas… A plus.”
This is going sinister places...

Tree

Thess rubs her loins humming "I've got friends in low places..."
 
“We had separate dormitories from the girls…..”
“That’s no excuse, any red blooded male would have shinned up the drainpipe to the girl’s dorm in a flash!”
“You haven’t met Professor Phlebas.”
Eternal vigilance and all that young Wragg. Can't have you young fellas fumbling about with the gels behind the stables now can we? You will only ruin the experience for the gel as well as yourself.
Much better to allow a bit of maturity and experience to look after everything to begin with.

Oh how Professor Pilus remembers.....Lady Thessela's mother.....the Lady Threepwood. Taught Pilus a thing or two she did. Ahhhhh.

Wragg didn’t quite manage to last six circuits, but then, it was his first time, and Thessela didn’t seem to notice, and she really wasn’t that far behind him.
Waltz her around again Wraggie.....around and around and around
 
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Wragg gave in. His clothes joined hers on the grass in the clearing, as Horny and RR gave Wragg and Thessela the ride of their lives. She slid up and down on his shaft, and Horny seemed to know exactly what rhythm to use, for before he’d completed half-a-dozen circuits Thessela was shrieking with joy, so that the chauffeur, waiting in the car back on the drive, heard every word. He smiled indulgently. He’d been with the Jollyreis for a long time.

Wragg didn’t quite manage to last six circuits, but then, it was his first time, and Thessela didn’t seem to notice, and she really wasn’t that far behind him.

As she dismounted, in both senses of the word simultaneously, she winked at RR. “Tell Professor Phlebas… A plus.”
Thess really does seem to have overcome a fair bit of her shyness, or is it just her innately curious and helpful nature asserting itself? :devil:

Oh how Professor Pilus remembers.....Lady Thessela's mother.....the Lady Threepwood. Taught Pilus a thing or two she
did...
I think I've learned something as well. :p:D
 
Eternal vigilance and all that young Wragg. Can't have you young fellas fumbling about with the gels behind the stables now can we? You will only ruin the experience for the gel as well as yourself.
Much better to allow a bit of maturity and experience to look after everything to begin with.

Oh how Professor Pilus remembers.....Lady Thessela's mother.....the Lady Threepwood. Taught Pilus a thing or two she did. Ahhhhh.


Waltz her around again Wraggie.....around and around and around
:duke:
 
‘Mr Loxuru can be justifiably proud of his Luscious Lingerie,’ reflected Wragg, as he observed Mr L’s latest products being put under stresses which their creator may not have considered.

‘Loxuru’s Luscious Lingerie’ wants to inform its costumers that we are very confident and very aware about how much stress our creations can handle. Our products are banned from use in prisons, ever since no less than 623 prisoners had escaped from a correctional facility using a 20 m long rope of Loxuru’s Luscious Lingerie bra’s and strings, shackled together by the bra’s hooks-and-eye fasteners. Despite the ban, the event opened the door to the space industry, since we now produce parts of space suits, brake parachutes and also underwear for female astronauts, from which we derived our very successful ‘Cosmos Intimacy’ collection.
 
‘Loxuru’s Luscious Lingerie’ wants to inform its costumers that we are very confident and very aware about how much stress our creations can handle. Our products are banned from use in prisons, ever since no less than 623 prisoners had escaped from a correctional facility using a 20 m long rope of Loxuru’s Luscious Lingerie bra’s and strings, shackled together by the bra’s hooks-and-eye fasteners. Despite the ban, the event opened the door to the space industry, since we now produce parts of space suits, brake parachutes and also underwear for female astronauts, from which we derived our very successful ‘Cosmos Intimacy’ collection.

kanyecasio2.jpg Can I order mine from space?
 
‘Loxuru’s Luscious Lingerie’ wants to inform its costumers that we are very confident and very aware about how much stress our creations can handle. Our products are banned from use in prisons, ever since no less than 623 prisoners had escaped from a correctional facility using a 20 m long rope of Loxuru’s Luscious Lingerie bra’s and strings, shackled together by the bra’s hooks-and-eye fasteners. Despite the ban, the event opened the door to the space industry, since we now produce parts of space suits, brake parachutes and also underwear for female astronauts, from which we derived our very successful ‘Cosmos Intimacy’ collection.
View attachment 457919 Can I order mine from space?

:duke: again
 
What has Racing Rodent got in common with a Babel Fish, of 'Douglas Adams' fame?

Read on, Gentle Reader....




“What did she mean, ‘A plus?’” asked Wragg as they resumed their journey towards High Groaning, and once he was finished gazing lustfully after the departing Rolls Royce. “There isn’t a nail level for pleasing a woman, is there?”

“There is as far as Lady Thessela is concerned,” winked RR. “That wasn’t bad for a beginner, by the way.”

“Bullshit!” retorted Horny. “It was me that supplied the rhythm!”

“So you did, Horny. WOAH!” Wragg was startled by a passing Range Rover, overtaking at speed, and showering them with dust and debris. A notice in the rear window proudly proclaimed ‘I SLOW DOWN FOR HORSES.’

“I suppose unicorns don’t count,” muttered Wragg, wondering if he was going to survive this ride.

The road to High Groaning was very bendy, and round each corner the road, and the weather, grew worse. After some minutes they passed a farmer on a cart, who wished them a good day. Wragg returned the good wishes, but was surprised when the cart horse spoke.

“What’s that pointy thing on your head?”

“It’s my horn!” replied Horny, haughtily. “What’s that thing with wheels dragging along behind you?”

“It’s my cart. Or rather, it’s his cart. I have to pull it, if I want to get my oats.”

“I get mine without pulling any carts! You must be nuts!”

“Did you see that Range Rover?” asked Wragg. “It was being driven by a looney!”

“I seen nuthink!” replied the farmer. “What’s a ‘Range Rover?’”

“It’s a car… they call it the ‘Chelsea Tractor.’ And how come you have a talking horse?”

“That’s you that’s the looney, my lad… speakin’ in riddles and goin’ on about talking horses. Be off with you! Gidd’yup!”

“Wragg, most people can’t understand horse. Even you can’t, unless I’m with you,” said RR.

“Really?”

“You can understand anything spoken to you in any language, animal or human, and you can be understood if you reply. There’s more to us squirrels than meets the eye, you know.”

“I see,” said Wragg, who hadn’t got the foggiest idea what RR was on about.

Around another corner, they passed a cottage. On the door was painted a red cross.

“What’s that?”

“Surely even you know what a red cross painted on a door means?” chided RR.

“Well, it meant that the occupants of a hose had the plague, but that was centuries ago! This is 2017!”

“It was 2017, when we left High Groaning Hall. Right now it’s….” RR took a device out of a pocket and examined it, “….1351.”

“You’re kidding! So, what will it be when we reach High Groaning?”

“60.”

“60 what?”

“Just 60. 60 AD. They are expecting us, we mustn’t be late.”

“Expecting us? I’m sorry, Professor Rodent, you’ve lost me completely. Can we turn round and go back?”

“You cannot. You have to be in High Groaning by 60AD, or the consequences would be too awful to imagine.”

Wragg sat in silence, his mind reeling, as Horny plodded through the swirling mists along what was now just a rough track.

Soon, he heard groaning. It was above him, too.

The mists parted, and he saw the source of the high groaning. Crosses. Dozens of them. Upon each was a suffering, naked, human being. Most were men, but some were women.

“Here we are!” announced RR. “Welcome to High Groaning!”

“Hail!” shouted a voice from below. “You must be Wragg?”

Wragg peered down into the face of Professor Tree. Only he was dressed as a Roman Centurion.

“Er, yes, um, Wragg, yes - that’s me!”

“I am Centurion Arborius. She’s all ready for you, sir! Here’s the sign for her cross!”

He held up a sign for Wragg’s inspection. “BARBARIA – REBEL LEADER.”
 
“I am Centurion Arborius. She’s all ready for you, sir! Here’s the sign for her cross!”

He held up a sign for Wragg’s inspection. “BARBARIA – REBEL LEADER.”

OH SHIT AGAIN!!!!!!!! :eek::confused::p:D
IT'S A GOOD THING I KEEP AN OPEN SLOT IN MY CALENDAR EVERY DAY FOR RECURRING APPOINTMENTS - I DO THAT JUST FOR YOU, YOU KNOW. IF I DIDN'T, I'D NEVER GET ANYONE, ER, -THING ELSE DONE. :rolleyes::devil:
 
“I am Centurion Arborius. She’s all ready for you, sir! Here’s the sign for her cross!”
He held up a sign for Wragg’s inspection. “BARBARIA – REBEL LEADER.”

There is an oft quoted saying that history repeats itself and, as Professor Pilus looks back at young Wragg's successes, it becomes quite clear that, where exemplary teaching failed, the more tender approach of a woman of experience and, ahem...maturity....succeeded.

First the experienced Professor Mlle La Croix managed to induce young Wragg to, finally, release the flagellatorial skills imparted by the good Professor and flay her delightful back and derrière to the point she could no longer remain calm and composed.

Then the usually restrained Lady Thessela managed to direct young Wragg in such an upstanding performance that she awarded the reticent pupil an A Plus!

And what now? Will we find that the Centurion's role is as Nullarborius and that, once again, it will be the experience, the maturity and the wiles of a woman, a barbarian woman, that will release Professor Tree's hours of patient teaching from the depths of young Wragg's reluctance?
 
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