I'm going to sound like a stuck up my own arse, pretentious art critic here but.........
Peony's youthful lust for life and the near text speak style of her writing contrasts your correct maturity so much the drama of the whole thing is fascinating. You're the wicked old bastard who can't believe his luck and she's so willing to indulge her wicked fantasies she's allowing the ride to take her there. You're both intoxicated by temptation. All the time I'm reading I'm appalled by the risks you're taking and the terrible cost of disaster if it all goes tits up. Don't tell me if it does. I'm going to read it.
Just so you know, I lead a normal real life but I role play on line lots. I've been involved in writing collaborations like this and I know how much fun you had. I've discovered it's a satisfying way to bring fantasy to life, just by having someone else involved. If you're a sub, it's quite exhilarating to talk intimately with someone who'd willingly subjugate you if the opportunity was real. There have been times in on line role plays when I've been asked to commit to something I had to be sure I wanted. I knew I did but I kept thinking "What if......." and I had to force myself to gamble that it would work out. The fear in doing something so recklessly stupid is a wild, addictive thrill. I've sat, sick with lust, with one hand poised over "Send" and the other in my knickers more than once. Peony's parts of your story are one "Oh my God!" moment after another.
I don't mean I like hers better. You compliment each other. You're such a bloke and here, so dangerous for that.
I don't like it when you fuck her. I don't like the dripping semen and graphic descriptions of penetration. From here, at the end of Act 2, I'm praying that the head sex doesn't become lost in ever descending debauchery as the journey necessarily becomes nastier. I don't want nasty, I want dread, threat, temptation and the escalating cost of being seduced by it. Stories aren't sexy because there's sex in them, it's need, desire and desperation which make them so blisteringly hot.
Is Peony still here? She hasn't posted anything for ages.