Limericks

[montycrusto]

Of the Isle of Caprice I am King;
Many joys to my subjects I bring!
I need little urgin’
To bang every virgin
Save Joyce (incest isn’t my thing!)

 

[montycrusto]

I’ll offer her up to be hunted,
(Don’t want her development stunted),
She’ll be caught in a trap
And then some lucky chap
Will get his cock royally encunted.

 

[montycrusto]

Young Joyce will be hunted for sport,
Her protests have garnered her nought.
With panic she’s gripped
As stark naked she’s stripped -
Now, run! Woe betide if you’re caught!

 

[montycrusto]

So finally Barb faces trial,
For crashing the site; her denial
Will fall on deaf ears
As the court gives three cheers:
She is sentenced to death, Dolcett style.

 

[montycrusto]

Her learned attorney, named “Tree”,
Says “M’Lud, the whole court can see,
She’s guilty as hell,
Add a flogging as well,
Forty lashes sufficient should be!”

 

[montycrusto]

“After that, you can spit-roast the bitch,
Or nail her, I don’t much care which.
Either way, I will get
To collect on a bet;
Thanks Barb, you have made me quite rich!”

 

[montycrusto]

As a Queen, Barb is proving despotic,
And appears insecure and neurotic.
Oh what a mistake
To say “let them eat cake”,
It has rendered the mob quite psychotic.

 

[montycrusto]

Her violent removal is nigh;
She’ll be stripped and her hands they will tie.
They’ll spit and they’ll jeer,
And her skin they will smear
With manure; they’ve an endless supply!

 

[montycrusto]

At night, in her palace, the Queen
Says “What? Will these hands ne’er be clean?
In my court are more rotters
And traitorous plotters,
Than any court ever has seen!”

 

[montycrusto]

“To the sculleries they’ll all be sent!
It’s the winter of my discontent!
Like Richard the Third,
I will have the last word,
Even though I don’t know what he meant!”

 

[Barbaria1]

As a Queen, Barb is proving despotic,
And appears insecure and neurotic.
Oh what a mistake
To say “let them eat cake”,
It has rendered the mob quite psychotic.

Her violent removal is nigh;
She’ll be stripped and her hands they will tie.
They’ll spit and they’ll jeer,
And her skin they will smear
With manure; they’ve an endless supply!

At night, in her palace, the Queen
Says “What? Will these hands ne’er be clean?
In my court are more rotters
And traitorous plotters,
Than any court ever has seen!”

“To the sculleries they’ll all be sent!
It’s the winter of my discontent!
Like Richard the Third,
I will have the last word,
Even though I don’t know what he meant!”

Priceless

 

[montycrusto]

Queen Barb had a huge private jet,
It was pretty damned fast, you can bet,
It flew through the air
And went splat on a chair,
Then it dripped down and made the floor wet.

 

[cruxlover]

Recently have been enjoying a book of Limericks in my possession, each illustrated by a cartoon and with a text of "explanation" (if you can believe it). The cover and a couple of examples for you to enjoy.

 

[Eulalia]

Recently have been enjoying a book of Limericks in my possession, each illustrated by a cartoon and with a text of "explanation" (if you can believe it). The cover and a couple of examples for you to enjoy.

That's a gem! Vyvyan Holland was Oscar Wilde's younger son - his life was haunted by the wretched way his father had been treated, and the way his mother and her family prevented him as a lad from any contact with his dad. In a sense, he spent his life trying to 'reclaim' his connection with his father. I've come across some of his light verse and stories, but I didn't know of the book of limericks - and his tongue-in-cheek commentaries, love it!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vyvyan_Holland

Here's the Wiki piece about the illustrator, 'Sprod' - evidently a prolific cartoonist in the mid-20th century:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Sprod

 

[montycrusto]

That's a gem! Vyvyan Holland was Oscar Wilde's younger son - his life was haunted by the wretched way his father had been treated, and the way his mother and her family prevented him as a lad from any contact with his dad. In a sense, he spent his life trying to 'reclaim' his connection with his father. I've come across some of his light verse and stories, but I didn't know of the book of limericks - and his tongue-in-cheek commentaries, love it!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vyvyan_Holland

Here's the Wiki piece about the illustrator, 'Sprod' - evidently a prolific cartoonist in the mid-20th century:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Sprod

I had better get on with illustrating some of the outstanding original gems in this very thread then!

 

[montycrusto]

Many tales on this thread you will find,
(They’re largely of Barb in a bind),
It’s not untrue, is it,
To say how exquisite
They are, if one has half a mind.

 

[cruxlover]

Many tales on this thread you will find,
(They’re largely of Barb in a bind),
It’s not untrue, is it,
To say how exquisite
They are, if one has half a mind.

How dare you sir, I must let you know that, though I like these limericks a lot, I have a full mind. (It may not always function in a conventional manner but it is all present, if not quite correct.

 

[montycrusto]

How dare you sir, I must let you know that, though I like these limericks a lot, I have a full mind. (It may not always function in a conventional manner but it is all present, if not quite correct.

Well if you have a full mind, you also have half of one…

 

[Crux-Emperor Baracus X]

There was a Bull,from Devizes
Who's bollocks were different sizes
One was far too small
So was no good at all
But the other,won loads of prizes !!

 

[montycrusto]

There was a Bull,from Devizes
Who's bollocks were different sizes
One was far too small
So was no good at all
But the other,won loads of prizes !!

Last time, it was a lass!
https://www.cruxforums.com/xf/threads/limericks.6708/post-543852