Crux-Emperor Baracus X
Rectidolor
With apologies to my Antipodean friends....lol
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Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
- Start date
With apologies to my Antipodean friends....lol
OK, I'll give you the Aussie one, but I have to point out that no one has actually said "cobber" in normal conversation for about 60 years! "Mate" is the universal and versatile word, it can be used positively and negatively, usually distinguished by how long the word is. A sharp "mate" may be a warning, a long "maaaate" a term of friendship.
and now for something completely different - a herd of tiny dinosaurs . . . . .
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Estate Sale - truth in advertising
It should read Ms Barb!
My neighbors are generous, well-educated people.
Sometimes you just feel like applauding some news!
Wouldn't it be great, to just one time, have the government tell the truth
It should read Ms Barb!
My neighbors are generous, well-educated people.
Sometimes you just feel like applauding some news!
Wouldn't it be great, to just one time, have the government tell the truth
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
Two things not to do in bed:
1) Point
2) Laugh
1) Point
2) Laugh
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Labour loses Hartlepool for the first time since 1964
to a big balloon
We now know how Barbara got her education (as if there were ever any doubt!)
The hidden joy of the last year
Another species saved from extinction
Water, water everywhere!
Attention passengers. Youn may like to look out your right window
to a big balloonWe now know how Barbara got her education (as if there were ever any doubt!)
The hidden joy of the last year
Another species saved from extinction
Water, water everywhere!
Attention passengers. Youn may like to look out your right window
Rias
Neko Girl
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Is the Kilimanjaro that high, or are we flying too low over it?
#5 is a classic... except no warning on the hose that the water might not be 'consumable'!!!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Good Memories
Electric cars will save the planet
Now Everyone gets special treatment
Electric cars will save the planet
Now Everyone gets special treatment
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
"What!? Thirty-seven!? They promised seventy-three of them!"
I wil not blow up myself for less than that! No way! A deal is a deal!
Crux-Emperor Baracus X
Rectidolor
The last one is for those that still avoid being hugged,after lockdown... 
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
My People!
c
A small zoo in South Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the ZooKeeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The ZooKeeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever” T-Shirt. The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", he said, "You can't never tell nobody about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want any offspring raised as Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00
c
A small zoo in South Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Thinking about their problem, the ZooKeeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The ZooKeeper thought they might have a solution.
Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever” T-Shirt. The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", he said, "You can't never tell nobody about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want any offspring raised as Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
Booby Lee is very like me!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
One more example of why a bad woman driver like @Barbaria1 is so dangerous!
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a stunningly beautiful brunette woman...
In a brand new Mustang...
Doing 65 mph...
With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away For a couple of seconds...to continue shaving. And when I looked back, she was halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup.
As a man, I, of course, don't scare easily. But she scared me so much, I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear. It fell into my coffee which was between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins.
Ruined the damn phone, Soaked my trousers, And disconnected an Important call.
Damn women drivers!
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a stunningly beautiful brunette woman...
In a brand new Mustang...
Doing 65 mph...
With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away For a couple of seconds...to continue shaving. And when I looked back, she was halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup.
As a man, I, of course, don't scare easily. But she scared me so much, I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear. It fell into my coffee which was between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins.
Ruined the damn phone, Soaked my trousers, And disconnected an Important call.
Damn women drivers!
Three nuns die and go to heaven.
When they reach the gates of heaven St. Peter tells them that they have to answer a question to enter.
Then he asks them which one wants to go first.
The oldest of the three say I will go first and set an example for the other two.
So St Peter asks her "Who was the first man on Earth?"
She says thats easy, Adam was the first man on Earth. Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring, and the Gates of Heaven open wide and the nun enters.
Well the second nun steps up and says, “I guess I will go next.”
St Peter asks her "Who was the first woman on Earth?"
She answers thats easy, Eve was the first woman on Earth.
Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring and the gates of heaven open up and that nun enters.
The last nun steps up and says, ”I guess it is my turn now.”
St Peter then asks her "What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
The nun thinks and thinks and she can’t come up with what Eve said to Adam first.
So she looks at St Peter and says "Thats hard". Lights flash,
When they reach the gates of heaven St. Peter tells them that they have to answer a question to enter.
Then he asks them which one wants to go first.
The oldest of the three say I will go first and set an example for the other two.
So St Peter asks her "Who was the first man on Earth?"
She says thats easy, Adam was the first man on Earth. Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring, and the Gates of Heaven open wide and the nun enters.
Well the second nun steps up and says, “I guess I will go next.”
St Peter asks her "Who was the first woman on Earth?"
She answers thats easy, Eve was the first woman on Earth.
Lights flash, horns blow, bells ring and the gates of heaven open up and that nun enters.
The last nun steps up and says, ”I guess it is my turn now.”
St Peter then asks her "What were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
The nun thinks and thinks and she can’t come up with what Eve said to Adam first.
So she looks at St Peter and says "Thats hard". Lights flash,
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, "my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."
The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."
The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God".
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"They're in three colours," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What colour are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.
"Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
The first one tells her friends, "my son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him "Father."
The second Catholic women chirps, "Well, my son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Grace."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your Eminence."
The fourth Catholic women sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her a subtle "Well...?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "My God".
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he shows his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?" she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"They're in three colours," he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What colour are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course," says the man proudly.
The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!"
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.
"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart.
"Two dogs, please," says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs.'
The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
And here you see a Firefox in the windows
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
More old things. Stop me if I've said this (many times 
!) before.
The numbers have changed, but the beat goes on!
A noble ambition
For @Barbaria1
What did I say when this started??
!) before.The numbers have changed, but the beat goes on!
A noble ambition
For @Barbaria1
What did I say when this started??
