Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
You just won a bagel!
Anyway, please avoid jokes requiring advanced knowledge of the Minnesota dialect. It's even less comprehensible than Arkansas dialect!
-
Sign up or login, and you'll have full access to opportunities of forum.
Now This Just Isn't Funny
- Thread starter admihoek
- Start date
Anyway, please avoid jokes requiring advanced knowledge of the Minnesota dialect. It's even less comprehensible than Arkansas dialect!
M
montycrusto
Guest
Winnebago fly poetry
What rhymes with 'goddamm jackass'?
To speak Minnesotan is really quite easy. Start with an antiquated version of any Nordic language (it’s okay to mix them together if you wish), add some old German, preferably from a Catholic part of Germany but not necessarily so, spice it with a little something Celtic (Irish, Welsh or Scots Gaelic), and mix it all together with some choice localisms coming from the old dialects of New England, New York, and Pennsylvania, and finally, make a mess of standard English grammar. Do all that and you’ll be speaking Minnesotan like a native.
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Just a matter of mastering the ten inflections of the seven kinds of word genders, inherited from that Old Catholic German, and it's a piece of
if fuckin flies stimulate such oratory, I dread to think what Scottish midgies would bring forth!
M
montycrusto
Guest
The fly was a goddamm jackass,What rhymes with 'goddamm jackass'?
I grew to despise its black ass.
It buzzed round my head
Till I swatted it dead,
And grabbed Barb for a game of whack-ass.
I knew you wouldn't disappoint me, Monty!
Disappointed Barb, maybe, but you can't make omelettes without breaking eggs!
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
I saw my doctor today, he tells
me I have Bright's Disease...
but it's OK, Bright's got mine.
====================
me I have Bright's Disease...
but it's OK, Bright's got mine.
====================
sympazero2
Cruciformae Studiosus
I used to work at a Helium factory, but my
supervisor was highly condescending; so I quit.
I don’t have to put up with that tone.
=========================
Stewart Francissupervisor was highly condescending; so I quit.
I don’t have to put up with that tone.
=========================
Crux-Emperor Baracus X
Rectidolor
Latest Government guidelines recommend wearing a mask outdoors, to combat the spread of (the latest Variant,of) Covid.....
Will this do ?!
Will this do ?!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
An animal tale with a cameo by @RacingRodent
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a young lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now! Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?
Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says, "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!
The moral? Many old dogs have new tricks. Don't mess with us!
An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a young lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now! Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder if there are any more around here?
Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the lion. The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet.
Just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says, "Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!
The moral? Many old dogs have new tricks. Don't mess with us!
A GREAT collection!!!
Praefectus Praetorio
R.I.P. Brother of the Quill
As a golfer who often duck-hooks deep into the woods (it gets expensive at a dollar a ball), this struck close to home.
A man was enjoying a round of golf in Ireland. On the fourth hole, a long par 5, he duck-hooked his ball into the woods off the fairway. He walked to the point where he estimated his ball went in and began to search for his ball. He walked into a small clearing and saw a small man all dressed in green unconscious on the ground, with a golf ball beside him. He picked up the ball and knew that he had struck the unfortunate little man. He then bent down and gave him a shake to wake him up at which time the little man came to and exclaimed, “You got me fair and square. I suppose you’ll be looking for your pot of gold or three wishes or whatever. “ The golfer simply apologized for hitting him with his golf ball and asked if he was okay. The little man said that he was and so the golfer took his ball back to the fairway, did a drop, and carried on with his round.
Meanwhile, the little man said to himself, “Well, THAT’S a real gentleman. I’m going to give him three things as a reward. First, henceforth he will be the best golfer in all of Ireland. Second, he will never want for money again, and finally, from now on he will have the best sex life a man could ask for.”
Fast-forward one year and the golfer is back on the same golf course, playing a round. Once again, on the fourth hole, he duck-hooks his shot into the woods. As he enters the woods he again spots the little man, all dressed in green. He exclaims, “I know you!” and the little man replies “I know you too.”
The little man asks the golfer “How’s your golf game?” and the golfer replies, “This hole notwithstanding, I am the best golfer in all of Ireland. I am even playing on the PGA Tour.” The little man says, “I did that for you!”
Then the little man asks, “How’re you fixed for cash?” and the golfer replies, “It’s the strangest thing. Whenever I need money, I just reach into my pocket and I always have enough!” The little man says, “I did that for you, as well.”
The little man then asks, “How’s your sex life?” and the golfer replies with a bit of embarrassment, “I’d rather not talk about that.” Whereupon the little man says, “C’mon, I gotta know, did I do a good job? How often are you getting it?” The golfer then sheepishly admits, “If you must know, once or twice a week.”
The little man exclaims, “Once or twice a week? THAT’S ALL?”
The golfer replies, “Well, that’s not bad for a Priest in a small parish!”
A man was enjoying a round of golf in Ireland. On the fourth hole, a long par 5, he duck-hooked his ball into the woods off the fairway. He walked to the point where he estimated his ball went in and began to search for his ball. He walked into a small clearing and saw a small man all dressed in green unconscious on the ground, with a golf ball beside him. He picked up the ball and knew that he had struck the unfortunate little man. He then bent down and gave him a shake to wake him up at which time the little man came to and exclaimed, “You got me fair and square. I suppose you’ll be looking for your pot of gold or three wishes or whatever. “ The golfer simply apologized for hitting him with his golf ball and asked if he was okay. The little man said that he was and so the golfer took his ball back to the fairway, did a drop, and carried on with his round.
Meanwhile, the little man said to himself, “Well, THAT’S a real gentleman. I’m going to give him three things as a reward. First, henceforth he will be the best golfer in all of Ireland. Second, he will never want for money again, and finally, from now on he will have the best sex life a man could ask for.”
Fast-forward one year and the golfer is back on the same golf course, playing a round. Once again, on the fourth hole, he duck-hooks his shot into the woods. As he enters the woods he again spots the little man, all dressed in green. He exclaims, “I know you!” and the little man replies “I know you too.”
The little man asks the golfer “How’s your golf game?” and the golfer replies, “This hole notwithstanding, I am the best golfer in all of Ireland. I am even playing on the PGA Tour.” The little man says, “I did that for you!”
Then the little man asks, “How’re you fixed for cash?” and the golfer replies, “It’s the strangest thing. Whenever I need money, I just reach into my pocket and I always have enough!” The little man says, “I did that for you, as well.”
The little man then asks, “How’s your sex life?” and the golfer replies with a bit of embarrassment, “I’d rather not talk about that.” Whereupon the little man says, “C’mon, I gotta know, did I do a good job? How often are you getting it?” The golfer then sheepishly admits, “If you must know, once or twice a week.”
The little man exclaims, “Once or twice a week? THAT’S ALL?”
The golfer replies, “Well, that’s not bad for a Priest in a small parish!”
M
montycrusto
Guest
Wait.. priests are allowed to play golf? I thought it was specifically prohibited in Leviticus along with “eating owls”
Wait.. priests are allowed to play golf? I thought it was specifically prohibited in Leviticus along with “eating owls”
Monty, priests and golf are proverbial, as the huge number of priests playing gold jokes attest. It's a traditional past time for the clergy.
Next time you hook into the trees PrPr, spend some time looking around in there. You should aim to come out with more balls than you went in with. Get to know the spots that an average hooked drive or shanked fairway shot would go, and search thoroughly
You'd be surprised how successful this is with the aid of a sharp eye. Same with tees, you should never need to buy a tee.