During restoration work at St Barbaria's Church a remarkable example of thirteenth century plasterwork has been discovered:
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It depicts a passage from the lost Gospel of St Barbaria, chapter XXIV, verses 28 to the end:
28. There they crucified her.
29. And Wragg her disciple fell to his knees, and cried with a loud voice, saying "I say, Barb, I never knew anybody could look so good upon a cross!"
30 The LORD sent down the Angel Jollyrei, who spake unto Wragg, and chided him, and shewed him the bones of the previous occupant of the cross. "Behold, Wragg! Thou art a fool, and a nincompoop the like of which has never been seen in all Israel! For soon shalt thy laughter be on the other side of thy face, for she will be like unto these bones, and I shall have her to myself, for I am the Angel of Death. So there. Put that in thy pipe and smoke it."
31 Whereupon Wragg the disciple wailed, and loud was his lamenting, and all Jerusalem heard it, and most of Judea, for he knew that all good things come unto an end, and he couldn't stay there gazing at Barb for ever.
32 Eulalia heard the fuss, and hastened to Barbaria's cross, and she spoke unto Barbaria, saying, "Is this clown bothering you, Barb?"
33. And Barbaria groaned, and sayeth "Lo, I am forbidden from complaining, but if you could issue a few demerits on my behalf, Eul, verily I should be grateful, for he is a bit of a pain."
34. But Bobinder also came to them and counselled Eulalia that the issuing of demerits was forbidden under subsection 6 paragraph 147 clause 2 of the proclamation of Rome concerning trying to keep some sort of order around there, and why on earth did she think Barb was on a cross in the first place?
35. So Eulalia did not issue any demerits, neither did she complain, but she found a piece of cloth nearby which until recently had girded Barb's loins, so she stuffed that into Wragg's mouth.
36. And so peace was restored, and the Angel departed from them until Barb might be ready for him in a few days time.
Here endeth the lesson. Amen.