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She Is Not A Witch!
- Thread starter Wragg
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“Admit it! Those cats are witches!” The judge nodded to one of his men, who turned a wheel. The ratchet on the rack clicked once.
“AAAARGH!” screamed Briggs, stretched naked on the rack.
“They put a curse on Mrs Blenkinsop’s daughter, so that she caught scarlet fever!” screamed the judge, his face purple with fury. Another click from the ratchet, and now Briggs was screaming continuously, his head rolling from side to side in uncontrollable agony.
‘He can’t last much longer,’ thought Eulalia, sitting squashed into a cage with Kathy and Missy. The cage was designed for one cat, not three.
‘What will they do with us?’ wondered Missy.
‘Burn all of us, I supposed,’ replied Kathy, gloomily. She glared at Eul. ‘Why the hell didn’t you give him the reversing spell? We might have stood a chance as women! We are powerless as cats!’
‘Because we still had Barb, living with Eliza Wragg! As a cat, she stood more chance of finding her weakness than as her daughter-in-law! And if Briggs had reversed the spell, it would have reversed it for all four of us!’
‘And had she? Had she found her weakness?’
‘No,’ admitted Eul. ‘At least, not when we last spoke, about a week ago.’ It had been a hazardous trip for Eul, she had very nearly been raped by Farmer Foreman’s ginger tom cat. ‘Eliza Wragg is a very tough nut to crack. None of us have found a single chink in her armour. I even begin to wonder if she has one.’
‘We’re done for, then. She has us beaten. We may as well admit it!’ Kathy had long ago ceased to look on the bright side of life.
Eul didn’t reply. She wondered if Barb was still free.
The door burst open and Eliza Wragg herself strode in, followed by the constable and his men. To Eul’s relief, there was no sign of Barb.
“Has he confessed?”
“Not yet, Mrs Wragg,” replied the Judge, obsequiously. “But he’s close to breaking.”
“Is he, hell. You’ll be here for another fortnight at the rate you’re going. Finally, I have these troublesome sorcerers at my mercy, and you are pussyfooting around with your toys! Did you hear me, Briggs? A fortnight!”
She grabbed his balls, and gently kissed his forehead. She grunted with satisfaction as, despite himself, his penis stiffened. “That’s it, Mr Briggs. You like that, don’t you? Why don’t you tell Eliza everything? Then this can be all over.”
Briggs glared at her, loathing her.
“I know perfectly well that four women disappeared and four cats appeared. My idiot son even brought one home with him. He calls it ‘Barbie’. How did you do it, Briggs?”
He spat, and a gob of saliva slid down her face. She squeezed, savagely.
His shriek was terrible to hear.
There was a loud bang, and a puff of blue smoke. Eliza Wragg spun around. The cat cage suddenly seemed full of flesh, and then it gave up its struggle to contain three women instead of three cats, and it exploded spectacularly.
“Sweet Mother of Christ!” The judge crossed himself, completely forgetting that Papism was banned. One of Brigg’s torturers looked with some surprise at the metal bar protruding from his belly, and at the quite exceptional amount of blood spurting from the wound, and then he collapsed.
Eulalia, Missy, and Kathy lay naked and bleeding and panting for breath on the floor at Eliza Wragg’s feet.
“Witchcraft!” she cackled. “We need no further proof! Hang them all! Do it now!
“Seize them!” The judge, recovering from his shock, urged his surviving assistants into action. “To the gallows with them! Now!”
“AAAARGH!” screamed Briggs, stretched naked on the rack.
“They put a curse on Mrs Blenkinsop’s daughter, so that she caught scarlet fever!” screamed the judge, his face purple with fury. Another click from the ratchet, and now Briggs was screaming continuously, his head rolling from side to side in uncontrollable agony.
‘He can’t last much longer,’ thought Eulalia, sitting squashed into a cage with Kathy and Missy. The cage was designed for one cat, not three.
‘What will they do with us?’ wondered Missy.
‘Burn all of us, I supposed,’ replied Kathy, gloomily. She glared at Eul. ‘Why the hell didn’t you give him the reversing spell? We might have stood a chance as women! We are powerless as cats!’
‘Because we still had Barb, living with Eliza Wragg! As a cat, she stood more chance of finding her weakness than as her daughter-in-law! And if Briggs had reversed the spell, it would have reversed it for all four of us!’
‘And had she? Had she found her weakness?’
‘No,’ admitted Eul. ‘At least, not when we last spoke, about a week ago.’ It had been a hazardous trip for Eul, she had very nearly been raped by Farmer Foreman’s ginger tom cat. ‘Eliza Wragg is a very tough nut to crack. None of us have found a single chink in her armour. I even begin to wonder if she has one.’
‘We’re done for, then. She has us beaten. We may as well admit it!’ Kathy had long ago ceased to look on the bright side of life.
Eul didn’t reply. She wondered if Barb was still free.
The door burst open and Eliza Wragg herself strode in, followed by the constable and his men. To Eul’s relief, there was no sign of Barb.
“Has he confessed?”
“Not yet, Mrs Wragg,” replied the Judge, obsequiously. “But he’s close to breaking.”
“Is he, hell. You’ll be here for another fortnight at the rate you’re going. Finally, I have these troublesome sorcerers at my mercy, and you are pussyfooting around with your toys! Did you hear me, Briggs? A fortnight!”
She grabbed his balls, and gently kissed his forehead. She grunted with satisfaction as, despite himself, his penis stiffened. “That’s it, Mr Briggs. You like that, don’t you? Why don’t you tell Eliza everything? Then this can be all over.”
Briggs glared at her, loathing her.
“I know perfectly well that four women disappeared and four cats appeared. My idiot son even brought one home with him. He calls it ‘Barbie’. How did you do it, Briggs?”
He spat, and a gob of saliva slid down her face. She squeezed, savagely.
His shriek was terrible to hear.
There was a loud bang, and a puff of blue smoke. Eliza Wragg spun around. The cat cage suddenly seemed full of flesh, and then it gave up its struggle to contain three women instead of three cats, and it exploded spectacularly.
“Sweet Mother of Christ!” The judge crossed himself, completely forgetting that Papism was banned. One of Brigg’s torturers looked with some surprise at the metal bar protruding from his belly, and at the quite exceptional amount of blood spurting from the wound, and then he collapsed.
Eulalia, Missy, and Kathy lay naked and bleeding and panting for breath on the floor at Eliza Wragg’s feet.
“Witchcraft!” she cackled. “We need no further proof! Hang them all! Do it now!
“Seize them!” The judge, recovering from his shock, urged his surviving assistants into action. “To the gallows with them! Now!”
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
Very cozy, three cats in a cage for one!
Unrequited reverse Oedipus Complex! Your mom would better consult a therapist, Wragg!
Lousy timing!
These cages are expensive! If these cats want to turn into women it is their problem not mine!!!
connoisseurs
Senator
White witches, black witches. I find that sometimes confusing and hard to distinguish.
Are there red witches?
supposably good witches
maybe good witches
btw - is that last one a pic of wragg and barb?
Are there red witches?
supposably good witches
maybe good witches
btw - is that last one a pic of wragg and barb?
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connoisseurs
Senator
bad witches
very bad witches!
good or bad? who cares? She is absolutely hot!!!
very bad witches!
good or bad? who cares? She is absolutely hot!!!
When you burn them at the stake they redden up for a while...
Briggs is not having a great day. Someone should do something.
I sense there may be a problem here, all things considered.
Sensible strategic thinking there - well done, that, er, cat. However, it did not factor in two important details; me and Eul's spell book.
Oooof!
Defiant, but perhaps ill advised.And there we are - thought that might happen. Nobody hurt...er...yet?
Ah. Right. So they're all hurt. Sorry, my bad.
Did I mention that somebody should do something? I didn't exactly mean this. I suppose we'll have to mount some sort of rescue, me with a poorly understood spell book, Barb who was just recently a cat, and Wragg who is a bit emotional, but a solid bloke with a wooden spoon. Tally-ho!
I did say sorry.Lousy timing!
I DON'T KNOW. THAT WAS MY DATE LAST NIGHT. I THOUGHT SHE WAS RATHER GOOD.very bad witches!
LETHAL CARD PLAYER.
Or is that a wooden bloke with a solid spoon?
Still, as you say, Tally-ho! Girls requiring rescue!
I take it there is a Thunderbird hidden under Eul's floorboards?
Loxuru
Graf von Kreuzigung
A Thunderbird? What's suddenly wrong with an old fashioned broomstick?I take it there is a Thunderbird hidden under Eul's floorboards?
Nothing, except that it's a hell of a lot less spectacular when it takes off...A Thunderbird? What's suddenly wrong with an old fashioned broomstick?
connoisseurs
Senator
We have already spectacularNothing, except that it's a hell of a lot less spectacular when it takes off...
Broomsticks with atomic engines! Thunderbirds are go!Still, as you say, Tally-ho! Girls requiring rescue!
View attachment 640582
I take it there is a Thunderbird hidden under Eul's floorboards?
Broomsticks with atomic engines! Thunderbirds are go!
'Peenemunde' by Waldemar-Kazak -
https://www.deviantart.com/waldemar-kazak/art/Peenemunde-676434674
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Nice - he's got some fun stuff on his page there.
“Come on! There’s not a moment to lose!” Jolly looked panic stricken, but I could see the problem. If those three cats turned into humans while in captivity it would scarcely increase their chances of survival.
As it happened, I was closest to the stairs so it was I who led the way down to where we’d left the broomsticks, I who was first out of the door, and I who tripped and fell headlong over a naked leg.
“Fuck me,” said a voice, “I’m not a cat anymore, but still people are tripping over me!”
A young man, stark naked, was leaning against the stable wall.
“If you will leave your leg sticking out, you stupid pillock!” I snarled.
“What’s going on?” Barb and Jolly had arrived. “Oh, hello!” Barb greeted the naked man.
“Hello,” said he, and to my astonishment, put his nose into her crotch, and inhaled deeply. “Barbie! It’s happened to you, too!”
“Just ‘Barb’, if you don’t mind!” She, in her turn, bent over, and sniffed his genitals. “Conn!” Then she wrinkled her nose. “Phew! You’re a bit ripe down there!”
“As a matter of fact, I was just giving the old tackle a good wash, when, ‘pouf!’ I turned into a man! And the worst of it is, I can’t reach any more!” He looked hopefully at Barb. “I don’t suppose….”
“You ‘don’t suppose’ correctly! Use soap and water, like a proper human!”
“I’m not a proper human! I’m a cat! Humans haven’t got a clue how to clean themselves! Look!”
He pointed across the yard to where another naked man was trying desperately to get his head down to his genitals. He’d got one leg high in the air, and was bending forward in a futile attempt to lick his dick.
“I suspect that might actually be another ex-cat who’s taking the transition rather badly,” observed Jolly, dryly.
I put two and two together, finally. “Jolly, you’ve turned every cat in the region into extremely confused people!”
“Oh yes,” said Conn, “now you mention it, old Lox was over there, when it happened. We’d just had a fight, we’d picked up Barb’s scent, and we had a… disagreement, over who should get first dibs at her.”
“Lox! O Lox-U-Ru!” Barb put on her most enticing voice. “It’s me, Barb!”
Lox instantly forgot about washing his bits, and leapt to his feet. “Barbie? Is that you?”
“Just ‘Barb’, but yes, it is.”
He started to rub around her. “It’s happened to you, too, has it? Any chance of a shag?”
“Bugger off, Lox,” Conn had his fists clenched. “We had this out before, get in the queue!”
“Excuse me!” I was furious. “I’m her husband! You’re not alley cats now! You are gentlemen! You must learn how to behave like them!”
“Oh, cut it out, boys! Eul, Missy, and Kathy are in real danger! They need our help! We don’t have time for all this testosterone!” Barb was not impressed.
“What, those lovely girls from the bakery?” Conn was horrified.
“Has Donald got them?” Lox, too, was ready for action. “Let me at him!”
“Donald? Who’s Donald?” Jolly was puzzled.
“He’s that nasty ginger tom from Foreman’s farm. Watch out for him!” Barb took charge. “Lox, Conn, round up as many of your mates as you can find, and get yourselves to the town square. John, Jolly – let’s go!”
I climbed onto the broomstick behind her, and we shot into the sky like cannonballs.
To be continued.
As it happened, I was closest to the stairs so it was I who led the way down to where we’d left the broomsticks, I who was first out of the door, and I who tripped and fell headlong over a naked leg.
“Fuck me,” said a voice, “I’m not a cat anymore, but still people are tripping over me!”
A young man, stark naked, was leaning against the stable wall.
“If you will leave your leg sticking out, you stupid pillock!” I snarled.
“What’s going on?” Barb and Jolly had arrived. “Oh, hello!” Barb greeted the naked man.
“Hello,” said he, and to my astonishment, put his nose into her crotch, and inhaled deeply. “Barbie! It’s happened to you, too!”
“Just ‘Barb’, if you don’t mind!” She, in her turn, bent over, and sniffed his genitals. “Conn!” Then she wrinkled her nose. “Phew! You’re a bit ripe down there!”
“As a matter of fact, I was just giving the old tackle a good wash, when, ‘pouf!’ I turned into a man! And the worst of it is, I can’t reach any more!” He looked hopefully at Barb. “I don’t suppose….”
“You ‘don’t suppose’ correctly! Use soap and water, like a proper human!”
“I’m not a proper human! I’m a cat! Humans haven’t got a clue how to clean themselves! Look!”
He pointed across the yard to where another naked man was trying desperately to get his head down to his genitals. He’d got one leg high in the air, and was bending forward in a futile attempt to lick his dick.
“I suspect that might actually be another ex-cat who’s taking the transition rather badly,” observed Jolly, dryly.
I put two and two together, finally. “Jolly, you’ve turned every cat in the region into extremely confused people!”
“Oh yes,” said Conn, “now you mention it, old Lox was over there, when it happened. We’d just had a fight, we’d picked up Barb’s scent, and we had a… disagreement, over who should get first dibs at her.”
“Lox! O Lox-U-Ru!” Barb put on her most enticing voice. “It’s me, Barb!”
Lox instantly forgot about washing his bits, and leapt to his feet. “Barbie? Is that you?”
“Just ‘Barb’, but yes, it is.”
He started to rub around her. “It’s happened to you, too, has it? Any chance of a shag?”
“Bugger off, Lox,” Conn had his fists clenched. “We had this out before, get in the queue!”
“Excuse me!” I was furious. “I’m her husband! You’re not alley cats now! You are gentlemen! You must learn how to behave like them!”
“Oh, cut it out, boys! Eul, Missy, and Kathy are in real danger! They need our help! We don’t have time for all this testosterone!” Barb was not impressed.
“What, those lovely girls from the bakery?” Conn was horrified.
“Has Donald got them?” Lox, too, was ready for action. “Let me at him!”
“Donald? Who’s Donald?” Jolly was puzzled.
“He’s that nasty ginger tom from Foreman’s farm. Watch out for him!” Barb took charge. “Lox, Conn, round up as many of your mates as you can find, and get yourselves to the town square. John, Jolly – let’s go!”
I climbed onto the broomstick behind her, and we shot into the sky like cannonballs.
To be continued.
connoisseurs
Senator
I don´t have enough emojis for this!
