“Come on! There’s not a moment to lose!” Jolly looked panic stricken, but I could see the problem. If those three cats turned into humans while in captivity it would scarcely increase their chances of survival.
As it happened, I was closest to the stairs so it was I who led the way down to where we’d left the broomsticks, I who was first out of the door, and I who tripped and fell headlong over a naked leg.
“Fuck me,” said a voice, “I’m not a cat anymore, but still people are tripping over me!”
A young man, stark naked, was leaning against the stable wall.
“If you will leave your leg sticking out, you stupid pillock!” I snarled.
“What’s going on?” Barb and Jolly had arrived. “Oh, hello!” Barb greeted the naked man.
“Hello,” said he, and to my astonishment, put his nose into her crotch, and inhaled deeply. “Barbie! It’s happened to you, too!”
“Just ‘Barb’, if you don’t mind!” She, in her turn, bent over, and sniffed his genitals. “Conn!” Then she wrinkled her nose. “Phew! You’re a bit ripe down there!”
“As a matter of fact, I was just giving the old tackle a good wash, when, ‘pouf!’ I turned into a man! And the worst of it is, I can’t reach any more!” He looked hopefully at Barb. “I don’t suppose….”
“You ‘don’t suppose’ correctly! Use soap and water, like a proper human!”
“I’m not a proper human! I’m a cat! Humans haven’t got a clue how to clean themselves! Look!”
He pointed across the yard to where another naked man was trying desperately to get his head down to his genitals. He’d got one leg high in the air, and was bending forward in a futile attempt to lick his dick.
“I suspect that might actually be another ex-cat who’s taking the transition rather badly,” observed Jolly, dryly.
I put two and two together, finally. “Jolly, you’ve turned every cat in the region into extremely confused people!”
“Oh yes,” said Conn, “now you mention it, old Lox was over there, when it happened. We’d just had a fight, we’d picked up Barb’s scent, and we had a… disagreement, over who should get first dibs at her.”
“Lox! O Lox-U-Ru!” Barb put on her most enticing voice. “It’s me, Barb!”
Lox instantly forgot about washing his bits, and leapt to his feet. “Barbie? Is that you?”
“Just ‘Barb’, but yes, it is.”
He started to rub around her. “It’s happened to you, too, has it? Any chance of a shag?”
“Bugger off, Lox,” Conn had his fists clenched. “We had this out before, get in the queue!”
“Excuse me!” I was furious. “I’m her husband! You’re not alley cats now! You are gentlemen! You must learn how to behave like them!”
“Oh, cut it out, boys! Eul, Missy, and Kathy are in real danger! They need our help! We don’t have time for all this testosterone!” Barb was not impressed.
“What, those lovely girls from the bakery?” Conn was horrified.
“Has Donald got them?” Lox, too, was ready for action. “Let me at him!”
“Donald? Who’s Donald?” Jolly was puzzled.
“He’s that nasty ginger tom from Foreman’s farm. Watch out for him!” Barb took charge. “Lox, Conn, round up as many of your mates as you can find, and get yourselves to the town square. John, Jolly – let’s go!”
I climbed onto the broomstick behind her, and we shot into the sky like cannonballs.
To be continued.