This business of Barb taking charge and us following her was all very well, but by anybody’s reckoning we were in it up to our necks. As the crowd retired to a safer distance the odds against us became all too clear. There were four of us, three of whom were clearly competent with spells, but the fourth, namely me, could barely spell ‘cat’. Sure, Briggs, Eul, Missy, and Kathy were on our side, but at this moment, twisting and kicking on their gallows, they clearly had other things on their mind.
Jolly and Bob had taken out two of the men at arms, but at least a dozen remained, and, as the Parson and the Judge threw spells in our direction, which Barb had to parry, it became clear that what I was facing here was one coven against another, and the other seemed to hold the ace cards.
“Seize them!” roared the judge again, and, slightly reluctantly, the men at arms began to advance towards us.
“Parson,” muttered Barb. “3,2,1, now!”
Three spells simultaneously struck the Parson, who flew at least twenty yards backwards and landed very heavily indeed on a fruit stall. He, too, appeared to lose all interest in proceedings, but Barb had been left dreadfully exposed to my mother who threw her backwards. Happily, as previously related, I had decided that a position behind Barb had some advantages, one of which was that I was able to catch her, though we both went down.
“You OK, Barb?”
“Yes… she’s playing with us. She wants us to watch them die, and then she wants to kill us herself. Slowly. Doesn’t your mother have any weaknesses?”
“Umm, she’s quite partial to cinnamon buns,” I offered, trying to be helpful.
“Idiot!” Barb got up, and threw a spell at the Men at Arms, which took down at least four of them.
Somehow, God only knew how, Eulalia found her voice.
“John…Wragg!” she croaked.
“Yes, Eulalia?” I replied, but she couldn’t answer, and at that moment Lox and Conn arrived, together with about ten of their ex-cat chums (including several very pretty girls, none of whom had a stitch on), and things got a bit busy. Lox brought down a man at arms, and Conn helpfully removed his helmet, before clouting him over the head with it.
The arrival of the ex-cats kept the men at arms busy, and divided the fire from the Judge and my mother, but we were still getting nowhere. Bob threw a bolt at my mother, which simply diverted around her and landed in a barrel of apples. Other than contributing a delicious smell of baked apple, we were no further forward.
But Bob was a man of thought, as well as a man of action. “Of course!” he exclaimed.
“What?” Barb was exchanging bolts with the judge.
“’John Wragg’! Eulalia was telling us the answer! Eliza Wragg’s weakness is her son, John Wragg!”
Up on the gallows, despite her distress, Eulalia smiled.
“Shit! Of course! The answer was under my nose! Jolly, Bob – can you cover me?”
“You bet!” Jolly looked grim. Bob, looking equally determined, just nodded.
I hadn’t got the slightest idea what they were on about. But to my utter astonishment, Barb turned her back on the action, and looked me full in the eyes.
Have I ever told you about Barb’s eyes? They are a deep hazel brown, and when you look into them, nothing else seems to matter.
“John Wragg, I love you!”
“You do? Well, I love you too, but, um, is this the time and place?”
“JOHN WRAGG! COME AWAY FROM THAT EVIL WOMAN!” My mother screeched at me, and threw a bolt at Barb that took all of Bob and Jolly’s combined strength to parry. “COME HERE!!!! NOW!!!”
“It is absolutely the time and place. We could all die soon, and I have no intention of dying without you knowing the depth of my desire!”
In nearly six years, she’d never acted like this. She reached up to her shoulders, and slipped her dress off. She stood there naked in front of everyone. I couldn’t help but get aroused. Wouldn’t you?
“GET AWAY FROM HER!! IT’S A TRICK!”
But I ignored my mother. I had no idea what was happening, but I knew I was enjoying it. Barb undressed me rapidly, urgently, and seconds later, we were in each other’s arms. I forgot any embarrassment in the sheer joy of having this amazing woman in my arms!
“KILL HER! SOMEBODY! KILL HER!!! AARGH!!”
Arms around my neck, legs around my waist, tongue almost down my throat, as I stood there, holding her, I felt her slide down onto my penis.
“Oh God! Oh John! Before I die, I want to feel you come inside me!”
“KILL HER!!!!”
This was all too much for me. Normally I made some effort to pace myself, to give pleasure as well as to receive it, but Barb had thrown every ounce of her sex appeal at me… and, well, you’ve got the idea by now. I’m only human.
“Barb! I love you more than life itself!” I groaned in ecstasy, as I experienced the best whole body orgasm that anyone has felt in the last 1000 years. I defy you to prove me wrong!
Barb leapt off me, bent down to retrieve her wand, and spun round to rejoin the battle, but she had already won it. Lox and Conn were beating the Judge’s head up and down on the pavement, my mother was laying on the ground, apparently dead, and Jolly and Bob were busy cutting Briggs, Eulalia, Missy, and Kathy down. The last remaining men at arms were disappearing into the distance hotly pursued by a horde of ex-cats.
I went over to my mother. She wasn’t dead. I was faintly relieved about that.
“Why, John? Why? How could you betray me with that….slut?”
“She is not a slut, mother. She is my wife and I love her. If you were a normal mother, instead of a selfish, scheming, loveless old hag, you would have seen that, and welcomed her into our family.”
“But… I love you!”
Barb came over, and took my hand. Eul, Missy, and Kathy, rubbing their necks painfully, joined us.
“You don’t love him, Eliza,” said Barb. “You don’t know the meaning of the word. And now, your hatred has destroyed you. Would you like to kill her, Eul?” She passed Eul her wand.
“Must you?” I asked. “She is, you know, my mother?”
“Of course not,” croaked Eul. She pointed Barb’s wand at my mother, and uttered something which, to me, was entirely incomprehensible. “There you are, Wragg. Look after her.”
“Miaow,” said Mother.
The End.
