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The Throwaway Girl - a new story by Jedakk

  • Thread starter Deleted member jedakk
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Yep, and Onelist before that (can't even remember what it was before Onelist), when Arcimboldo, MLC, Judge Pilate, Adellis, Sam Baines...and of course Makar were all hanging around.

I've always intended to be flipping through Crux pix and stories in my rocking chair in the front porch of the nursing home one day; I hope you are back to stay! :)

I was awfully close a couple of years ago, paralyzed from the neck down for a while, off in a coma. Learning to walk, talk, everything, was a painful challenge. I've always thought there would come a time for me to back off, stop and try to keep things in real-life. I thought that time had come, and I hope this return is not ill-advised.
 
I was awfully close a couple of years ago, paralyzed from the neck down for a while, off in a coma. Learning to walk, talk, everything, was a painful challenge. I've always thought there would come a time for me to back off, stop and try to keep things in real-life. I thought that time had come, and I hope this return is not ill-advised.
I think that your return is fine and your writing is great! However, if your health is affected, that is a different story and you must take care of yourself first,
 
I think that your return is fine and your writing is great! However, if your health is affected, that is a different story and you must take care of yourself first,
My health is probably better now. I lost almost 50 pounds. My ability to swallow was affected by the surgery they did when they fused four vertebrae in my neck, plus being in a coma for two and a half weeks limits your eating, too. I don't recommend that as a weight-loss technique but now I just don't eat that much, one or two meals a day usually. But I'm back in the gym now working out three or four times per week.

And I've been very busy, have done a lot more mainstream writing in addition to this story the past months. I've done a lot of historical research, written a bunch of carefully-annotated history and working on a historical novel, too. I've been published internationally before, but technical stuff, not history or fiction. So the historical fiction is a new area for me to pursue if you don't count crux stuff.
 
My health is probably better now. I lost almost 50 pounds. My ability to swallow was affected by the surgery they did when they fused four vertebrae in my neck, plus being in a coma for two and a half weeks limits your eating, too. I don't recommend that as a weight-loss technique but now I just don't eat that much, one or two meals a day usually. But I'm back in the gym now working out three or four times per week.

And I've been very busy, have done a lot more mainstream writing in addition to this story the past months. I've done a lot of historical research, written a bunch of carefully-annotated history and working on a historical novel, too. I've been published internationally before, but technical stuff, not history or fiction. So the historical fiction is a new area for me to pursue if you don't count crux stuff.
Glad to hear that. What history have you written. I am a history buff and read a bit, mostly 19th and 20th century stuff.
 
Long time, old friend, since we were part of the Council of Crux and moderating the Crux Yahoo Group.

You and Shiva back and posting, just like the good old days :) Great to have you back and posting stories again, will you be doing any pics to go with it?

Yep, and Onelist before that (can't even remember what it was before Onelist), when Arcimboldo, MLC, Judge Pilate, Adellis, Sam Baines...and of course Makar were all hanging around.

I've always intended to be flipping through Crux pix and stories in my rocking chair in the front porch of the nursing home one day; I hope you are back to stay! :)

I think it was eGroups before Yahoo, then Onelist before that, then we get before my time :)

"Arcimboldo, MLC, Judge Pilate, Adellis, Sam Baines...and of course Makar", I hope some of them are still around, though no longer active, but we are talking a couple of decades ago now.
 
One way or another, you’re going to die on the cross.
You’re going to die and die in agony and shame.
The judge took his seat, looking bored
Just casual talk for Alice. Just another day of work for the Judge.
Ellie just looked down and shrugged
Shrugged like this? what-does-the-shoulder-shrug-mean.png
They’re going to whip me… there?!
Is this the result of your editing work? They’re going to whip me… is a diferent scene than They’re going to whip me… there?!
a few shots at your pussy, so keep your legs together if you can!
clever phrase!, anticipating what would come.

“Ellie Ruck,” the judge frowned. “I find you in contempt of court. Normally, that’s a few days in jail, but for you that’s not an option. Well, let’s see. Court accepts the prosecution’s request for a Class 3, gender-specific sedile, so that’s off the table. Also, minimum cross time will be five days. You two can negotiate anything more than that, but nothing less. Nudity, let’s see… Let’s just say Miss Ruck will remain completely nude throughout her sentence, final stripping to take place just prior to her whipping. No panties, no G-string. Whipping, since she’s nude and therefore nothing off-limits, will be inverted ‘Y’ suspension rather than a post. Let the whipmaster be unimpeded. That’s it. Continue, defense.”
court's wrath!... be quiet Ellie, now! :D
 
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Glad to hear that. What history have you written. I am a history buff and read a bit, mostly 19th and 20th century stuff.
I only have about 120 pages written of the history so far, about 250 citations and ten pages of references all in APA format. This part of it traces the life of a violinist born in 1885 who was greatly acclaimed, toured all over the US in the Chautauqua Movement, which nobody today knows about it seems. Their goal was to bring culture to rural America, which they did by about 1907 through traveling tent shows that moved along the railroad routes from town to town, sponsored by local committees who sold the required number of tickets to pay the way. There were lecturers, senators, professors, actors, musicians, all kinds of inspirational and educational people the like of whom most people in rural America in that time had never seen. Before that, there had been independent programs in many towns annually beginning about 1870. This was a particularly American effort although similar programs sprang up in Australia, New Zealand and Canada I think. I got interested in this particular violinist when I inherited a 200-year-old violin that used to belong to her. It still has the sales receipt from 1905 in the case.

Additionally, there is a violin maker involved, and there is also research I did into the New England Conservatory of Music, Wesleyan Female College in Macon, Georgia, travel by covered wagon in the 1860s, medical education, recipes for cooking over a gas light on the wall of a dorm room, how to drive a 1908 Ford Model T, all kinds of interesting and valuable stuff. You can't write from the perspective of a character from that time without knowing a lot of little details. I did a lot of research to write the story I'm posting here, too.
 
Great to have you back and posting stories again, will you be doing any pics to go with it?
Argh! I might. I know I have to produce something for cover art or Madiosi will crucify me.
I think it was eGroups before Yahoo, then Onelist before that, then we get before my time :)
Anything before Yahoo Groups was before my time. I think I discovered Crux in 1999, which might actually have been a different version than Yahoo, but the Yahoo group came shortly after that. I still have the posts going back to about 2000 in my email archives.
 
Shrugged like this?
What I envisioned was more with her head down, arms down with hands in her lap probably, just her shoulders moving up.


Is this the result of your editing work? They’re going to whip me… is a diferent scene than They’re going to whip me… there?!
No, I wrote it that way. I guess you're talking about the use of italics? I took the italics off of the word "there" to show emphasis. Italicizing the whole passage is to show that this is something she's thinking rather than saying out loud. There are other passages, actually all over the place, where a word is italicized to show emphasis, and this is the general case throughout this story. I looked at the way other writers were doing this, and it was similar. I could possibly have used bold or underlined text to achieve the same thing.

Now, even though I have tried to proof this thing and get it all perfect, you still might find a few places where I messed up quote marks, put in extra words that don't make sense and such because I edited that place and inserted or removed text without correcting the grammar or punctuation as I intended. I still find those.

court's wrath!... be quiet Ellie, now!
The judge will actually come to admit that he overdid it later in the story.
 
Sure! Translating is a challenge, as you know. There may be some plays on words in here that will be difficult to put into other languages. For me, "Asterix and Obelix" is a good example - I'd much rather read those stories in the original French than read the English translations. Some of the jokes were entirely lost in translation.

If you're unsure about the meaning of some phrase in this story, let me know and I'll try to explain.
So far it's all good to understand. Chapters 1-3 are already done. When will you continue? How many chapters does the story have? It casts a spell over me during translating it. I really can imagine me sitting in the galery. Or even to be the photo reporter of this crucifixion. Like I sometimes do in my crux shootings... Perhaps a redhaired, freckled and well shaped slim girl is interested in implementing a photo story of Ellie with me. ;)
 
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No, I wrote it that way. I guess you're talking about the use of italics? I took the italics off of the word "there" to show emphasis. Italicizing the whole passage is to show that this is something she's thinking rather than saying out loud. There are other passages, actually all over the place, where a word is italicized to show emphasis, and this is the general case throughout this story. I looked at the way other writers were doing this, and it was similar. I could possibly have used bold or underlined text to achieve the same thing.

Now, even though I have tried to proof this thing and get it all perfect, you still might find a few places where I messed up quote marks, put in extra words that don't make sense and such because I edited that place and inserted or removed text without correcting the grammar or punctuation as I intended. I still find those.
Now I understand the italics. Thank you for the explanation jedakk.
And don't worry about the little errors. The story so far is amazing and it seems that it will be one of the best.
 
Sooo Italics have a weird quirk. They are often used for emphasis. Very frequently they are used for the titles of films and other media. But they are also used instead of quotation marks to show when a character is thinking. But what if a character is thinking, and they emphasize a word? Italics in italics? No, you just go back to regular text, like a double negative, according to many style guides. Basically Jeddak’s choice is one of many, but it’s not wrong.
 
Sooo Italics have a weird quirk. They are often used for emphasis. Very frequently they are used for the titles of films and other media. But they are also used instead of quotation marks to show when a character is thinking. But what if a character is thinking, and they emphasize a word? Italics in italics? No, you just go back to regular text, like a double negative, according to many style guides. Basically Jeddak’s choice is one of many, but it’s not wrong.
Thanks, I couldn't remember whether I'd gotten that out of some style guide or some other source when I was answering the question. And as you said, it's one choice of many. The main consideration to me is that I communicate my intent to the reader - emphasis or whatever. In some cases later in the story, I've used all-caps to indicate LOUD, as it shouting or screaming.
 
So far it's all good to understand. Chapters 1-3 are already done.
Wow! Really fast work!

When will you continue?
My intent is to post one chapter per day. I think if I post too much at once, it will be intimidating to a lot of readers, so I'm trying to do it in bite-size chunks.

How many chapters does the story have?
It has a LOT of chapters. I'm afraid to say how long this is because again, it might seem insurmountable to some readers for whom English is not their first language and they are not as good as you are in a second language. Let's say that "story" is not an accurate term for this; it's actually novel-length.

It casts a spell over me during translating it. I really can imagine me sitting in the galery.
Great! I hope others see it that way too.

Or even to be the photo reporter of this crucifixion.
LOL! There actually is a TV reporter in the story. You will absolutely HATE him and that's the way I intended him to be.

“Ms. Ruck,” Ken McDonald said, “you’re halfway through your whipping!” He was standing in front of her, one of the cameramen behind him getting a full-frontal view of her naked body. He zoomed to her face, the expression of agony and fear.​
“How are you feeling now?” McDonald held his mike out toward her.​
“How – how am I f-feeling now? How the fuck do you think I’m feeling, asshole?! This hurts like h-hell!” She shouted.​
“Well folks, the always feisty little Ellie Ruck, still defiant in the midst of her well-deserved punishment!” McDonald said with a toothy smile.​
Hope I didn't give anything away by that.

Like I sometimes do in my crux shootings... Perhaps a redhaired, freckled and well shaped slim girl is interested in implementing a photo story of Ellie with me. ;)
I would love to see that!
 
I only have about 120 pages written of the history so far, about 250 citations and ten pages of references all in APA format. This part of it traces the life of a violinist born in 1885 who was greatly acclaimed, toured all over the US in the Chautauqua Movement, which nobody today knows about it seems. Their goal was to bring culture to rural America, which they did by about 1907 through traveling tent shows that moved along the railroad routes from town to town, sponsored by local committees who sold the required number of tickets to pay the way. There were lecturers, senators, professors, actors, musicians, all kinds of inspirational and educational people the like of whom most people in rural America in that time had never seen. Before that, there had been independent programs in many towns annually beginning about 1870. This was a particularly American effort although similar programs sprang up in Australia, New Zealand and Canada I think. I got interested in this particular violinist when I inherited a 200-year-old violin that used to belong to her. It still has the sales receipt from 1905 in the case.

Additionally, there is a violin maker involved, and there is also research I did into the New England Conservatory of Music, Wesleyan Female College in Macon, Georgia, travel by covered wagon in the 1860s, medical education, recipes for cooking over a gas light on the wall of a dorm room, how to drive a 1908 Ford Model T, all kinds of interesting and valuable stuff. You can't write from the perspective of a character from that time without knowing a lot of little details. I did a lot of research to write the story I'm posting here, too.
That is very interesting, there is a Canadian film, Chautauqua Girl. It is about the shows agent who travels ahead of the show, drumming up support and getting the site agreed and prepared before the show arrives. I don't know if you can find a copy though, it didn't get much play.

I would add that there was a lot of culture traveling around the world. The Dancer Pavlova travelled to New Zealand and Australia. The meringue Pavlova was named for her and first baked in New Zealand.
 
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Chapter 3 is actually titled "Sentence Negotiation," the same as the title of Juan1234's original story. Ellie Ruck has already been sentenced to be crucified which, in this universe is the penalty for treason and other heinous crimes. She's been found guilty, and she will be crucified. The only options open to negotiation are the ways in which it's carried out.

This chapter is where Ellie has to sit and listen to them negotiate over how they will torture, humiliate and kill her slowly and horribly.

Also in this chapter we learn how executions are carried out by union crews employed by contractors. There are federally-licensed whipmasters and executioners who are certified to have the skills required for their jobs. They have assistants on their crews who are called "wranglers." They are also certified to have the skills and strength to manage unwilling subjects in their executions.

The negotiations might have gone better for Ellie, but...

Chapter 3: Sentence Negotiation​

The judge, prosecution and others filed in as Alice was finishing. She and Ellie waited in silence. The judge took his seat, looking bored. Everyone else took their seats.

“Prosecution, you’ll open,” he said. “What’s your offer?”

The prosecutor stood while the judge rummaged through his paperwork to get the sentence conditions in front of him.

“Your honor, the Federal Government proposes the following.” He read from a paper, “First, execution date is to be moved to Saturday, May 15 at 10 a.m.

“Second, the condemned shall undergo preparation prior to execution with standard IV military-grade time-release nutrients, stimulants and sensory enhancements, which she shall continue to receive throughout her sentence.

“Third, condemned shall be stripped completely naked for her crucifixion. Let’s see… No change to the crucifixion procedure, four nails, basic Category 1 ‘T’-cross.

“Fourth, prosecution requests an upgrade to a Class 3 gender-specific sedile.”

Alice’s eyebrows went up at that. She made a note on her legal pad.

“Fifth, duration of crucifixion to be at least seven days,” the prosecutor continued, “after which death shall be allowed to occur at such time as the condemned shall die without intervention. Body to remain on cross twenty-four hours following death.”

“Mmm-hmm,” the judge responded. “Well, we’ll see what the defense has to say about that. Counsel for the defense, state your counter.”

Alice stood up. “Your honor, defense yields qualified acceptance to prosecution’s nudity proposal for Ms. Ruck’s crucifixion, subject to her being stripped to panties prior to nailing, panties allowed to be removed following completion of nailing and raising. This acceptance is conditional on prosecution’s agreement to a forty-eight-hour Guaranteed Death stipulation.”

The prosecutor was shaking his head, already disagreeing.

Alice continued, “In addition, your honor, defense offers total nudity during whipping, stripping to occur just prior to fastening the condemned to the whipping post.”

The prosecutor gave a noncommittal look.

“This nudity is conditional on two things: For the first condition,” Alice continued, holding up a forefinger, “Following her whipping, condemned is to be allowed to dress in a standard grey disposable gown and panties which she will wear while walking to place of execution, where the gown may be removed by the executioner at his discretion.

“And for the second condition,” Alice went on, holding up two fingers for emphasis, “There shall be no sedile used during the condemned’s crucifixion.”

There was a murmur from the gallery and the prosecutor’s face took on a dubious expression. Alice knew he was unlikely to accept dispensing with the sedile, but she had to get him back to no more than the Class 1 sedile in the original sentence. Any sedile was bad, but the Class 3 was horrible.

“As to the execution date, your honor, defense is willing to accept an execution date of one month from today, which allows for completion of the condemned’s next menstrual cycle.”

“When and how long are her periods?” The judge asked, sounding a little less bored.

“The last one started five days ago. They are typically three days long and twenty-eight days apart, your honor.” Alice replied. The judge made notes.

That son of a bitch is talking about my periods as if I’m not here! Like it’s his business to know! Ellie thought.

Ellie snapped.

“You bastard!” Ellie jumped up and shouted. “You fucking bastard! Scheduling my – my death to fit my periods! How dare you! You son of a bitch, you can kiss my ass! And furthermore… ”

Alice had hold of her arm, shaking her insistently, “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up, now! Right now!” Alice said in a loud whisper. There was some muted laughter from the gallery.

“Sounds like she’s on the rag right now!” The prosecutor pretended to study his notes and laughed under his breath.

The judge banged his gavel. “Order in the court. Not very professional, prosecutor. See if you can do better.” He picked up a paper and studied it. “Defense, please control your client,” he said without looking up.

“Ellie Ruck,” the judge frowned. “I find you in contempt of court. Normally, that’s a few days in jail, but for you that’s not an option. Well, let’s see. Court accepts the prosecution’s request for a Class 3, gender-specific sedile, so that’s off the table. Also, minimum cross time will be five days. You two can negotiate anything more than that, but nothing less. Nudity, let’s see… Let’s just say Miss Ruck will remain completely nude throughout her sentence, final stripping to take place just prior to her whipping. No panties, no G-string. Whipping, since she’s nude and therefore nothing off-limits, will be inverted ‘Y’ suspension rather than a post. Let the whipmaster be unimpeded. That’s it. Continue, defense.”

“To be clear, your honor,” Alice said, “no clothing allowed while walking from her whipping to the place of execution, either?”

“That is correct, defense,” the judge replied, checking his phone messages.

Alice wrote on her legal pad.

“Anything else, defense?” The judge asked without looking up from his phone.

“Yes, your honor,” Alice said. “In light of your new ruling, we revise our request to state a 5-day Guaranteed Death clause, time to begin at commencement of whipping.”

The judge was shaking his head before she finished speaking. “No, the five-day minimum starts when the condemned has been Fairly Crucified. To be clear, ‘Fairly Crucified’ is defined in the GACP as the point when the contractor has delivered the condemned fully nailed, raised, sign properly set and any sedile and/or other implements of torture properly installed according to the official execution work order. Additionally, the work area has been properly cleaned and restored, and the federal crucifixion inspector certifies the condemned is crucified and custody transferred to the guarding and maintenance contractor. You should revise your request to reflect that.”

“So noted, your honor.” Alice said. “So, my client could be hanging on her cross for, say an hour or two, before the inspector certifies her to be ‘Fairly Crucified’? And only then does her time begin running? I ask this for my client’s benefit, your honor. I’d like her to fully understand what her earlier outburst has cost her.”

The judge chuckled. “Yes, defense, you are correct. Those are union crucifixion contractors. They have one licensed executioner and four wranglers to do the assembly – that’s how they refer to it, ‘assembling’ the cross and condemned into a single unit.

“Then there’s lifting, which they do, but they don’t do clean-up and restoration, that’s another union crew. Clean-up takes care of blood, urine, feces, any other body fluids, divots and other damage to the park due to the condemned’s struggles while the nails are being driven through her wrists and feet.

“If that crew gets delayed, or a scheduled break occurs and they go drink coffee, then it could be two or more hours until they obtain the ‘Fair Crucifixion’ certification. But what’s two hours after she’s spent five days on the cross? She won’t even be able to notice.”

“All right,” Alice said, “In return for a 5-day GD clause, time to start at ‘Fair Crucifixion,” plus installation of sedile to occur after she is hanging on the cross, daily lubrication of sedile, and support of her body while her crosspiece is moved to the post and lifted into place, my client would accept an execution date on or about May 30 or when her menstrual period has completed.”

“Prosecution?” The judge said.

The prosecutor smirked as he spoke. “In view of the heinous nature of the condemned’s offense and the need to set an example for others who might contemplate such crimes, prosecution feels justice should move swiftly in her case.

“Due to the schedule of the condemned’s menstrual cycle, pressing need and the availability of a window of time in which to schedule her execution to complete before her next period would commence rather than begin after it would complete, prosecution requests an expedited execution date of May 3. In return, prosecution will concede that the sedile shall be installed after the condemned’s crosspiece has been hung on the cross. Prosecution will also concur with daily lubrication of the sedile’s horns.

“Prosecution points out that GD has been shown to have no value for the condemned after four days on the cross, while display of the condemned’s living body, even though she is in a delirium state and no longer lucid, continues to be in the government’s interest. Therefore prosecution rejects defense’s request for GD.

“Prosecution understands that dragging the victim’s body by her wrists to the base of the post and then suspending her body by her wrists while assembling the crosspiece to the top of the post is the procedure set out in the Generally Accepted Crucifixion Practices manual, and only the Execution Services Department has the authority to modify that procedure under special circumstances. Which, to date, they’ve never done. It’s simply a required step in the punishment of crucifixion, your honor.”

The judge made some notes. “Agreed. Thank you for pointing that out, prosecutor. Defense?” The judge looked at Alice.

“Defense rests.” Alice said, dropping her pencil onto her legal pad in a gesture of surrender.

“Prosecution rests.” The prosecutor said smugly.
Wow! Wonderful story. I've read through it several times savoring each line. I try to put myself in Ellie's place, try to feel the horrendous emotions and humiliation she's feeling as the details of her execution are being hammered out. :eek::eek::eek: Very exciting! ;)

Lawyers + bureaucracy + crucifixion = one hell of a story

Oh, I do hope there is more to come: Sentence Execution!
 
That is very interesting, there is a Canadian film, Chautauqua Girl. It is about the shows agent who travels ahead of the show, drumming up support and getting the site agreed and prepared before the show arrives. I don't know if you can find a copy though, it didn't get much play.

I would add that there was a lot of culture traveling around the world. The Dancer Pavlova travelled to New Zealand and Australia. The meringue Pavlova was named for her and first baked in New Zealand.
I'll check that out, see if I can find it. I read a book titled Strike the Tents, the Story of the Chautauqua, written by Charles F. Horner. He was the architect of the system they used to organize their traveling tent shows, think they had seven going at a time in different towns and they each started one day after the previous one. So the first day's acts would perform in one town, catch the train and go on to the next town to perform, etc. There were about 5,000 seven-day Chautauquas across the US in 1913. Since there was no radio, hardly any wind-up victrolas even, entertainment was hard to come by. So these Chautauquas were very popular.
 
There certainly is! The bureaucracy just keeps getting more tangled and ponderous.
To the point of being concerned about Ellie's period!

Once again Ellie was stunned. She’d never imagined it that way. “I… just finished two days ago, so started five days ago. They’re twenty-eight days apart.”

Alice wrote that down, did some quick date calculations. “Ok, good. We’re clear then for your crucifixion sometime during the next two, two and a half weeks. They like to allow for ten days cross time, just to be safe. Executioners try to make them last, you know? Sometimes they do their job too well.”


Why wouldn't they want Ellie to have her period on the cross? Seems like a great humiliation.
 
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