Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
The earth is becoming unstable.
I can feel it already.
The axis is broken.
It only goes through the north pole.
It had to happen with all those regional gravity fields.
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Venus Verticordia
- Thread starter Wragg
- Start date
I can feel it already.
The axis is broken.
It only goes through the north pole.
It had to happen with all those regional gravity fields.
From Wiki - 'go pear-shaped'
The third meaning is mostly limited to the United Kingdom, Ireland and Australasia. It describes a situation that went awry, perhaps horribly wrong. A failed bank robbery, for example, could be said to have "gone pear-shaped". The origin for this use of the term is in dispute. The OED cites its origin as within the Royal Air Force; as of 2003 the earliest citation there is a quote in the 1983 book Air War South Atlantic. Others date it to the RAF in the 1940s, from pilots attempting to perform aerial manoeuvres such as loops. These are difficult to form perfectly, and are usually noticeably distorted—i.e., pear-shaped.
Actually, it's what happens when I try to roll pastry in what's supposed to be a circle.
The third meaning is mostly limited to the United Kingdom, Ireland and Australasia. It describes a situation that went awry, perhaps horribly wrong. A failed bank robbery, for example, could be said to have "gone pear-shaped". The origin for this use of the term is in dispute. The OED cites its origin as within the Royal Air Force; as of 2003 the earliest citation there is a quote in the 1983 book Air War South Atlantic. Others date it to the RAF in the 1940s, from pilots attempting to perform aerial manoeuvres such as loops. These are difficult to form perfectly, and are usually noticeably distorted—i.e., pear-shaped.
Actually, it's what happens when I try to roll pastry in what's supposed to be a circle.
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“Bugger!” said Repertor.
“What’s up?” asked Tree, concerned.
“I was supposed to put ‘Venus Verticordia’ into the 4D Sat Nav, but it only took ‘Venus’….”
“Venus? VENUS? You mean….?”
“We’re on another planet. I’m afraid so, Senator. My apologies, sir.”
“But….but….”
“Senator?”
“But, if we’re on Venus….”
“Senator?”
“What the fuck are all these Romans doing here?”
“Because Venus is a Roman province, Senator. It has been since 146 AD.”
“146 AD? Don’t be ridiculous man! How can the Romans have colonised Venus nearly 2000 years ago?”
“The Romans were very technologically advanced, Senator. More so than we give them credit for. Their slave-driven interplanetary biremes reached as far as Jupiter, but they didn’t last long there.”
“Why not?”
“Because the force of gravity is so great on Jupiter that it took an entire legion to crucify one slave. Ten of them to lift the hammer, alone. Entirely impractical, I’m afraid. Conditions were so difficult that the slaves rebelled, needing a lot of crucifying, which nobody had the strength to accomplish. Anarchy, Senator. The colony died out within a year.”
“I see….but here?”
“Here conditions are perfect for crucifixion. As, er, as you can see for yourself. Pax Romana, covering an entire planet.”
Tree looked out of the window. Crosses everywhere. In every direction there were crosses. Dozens and dozens of them. Tree watched as a slim, dark haired girl of about twenty five, entirely nude, was dragged to a cross, stretched out, and firmly nailed to it. They stood the cross up and she hung there, howling in agony.
“Do they have problems with discipline, here? There seems to be an awful lot of capital punishment going on.”
“Not discipline, Senator. Overpopulation. There would be too many slaves, and not enough Romans. So they crucify every slave on their twenty fifth birthday. It also provides employment for the legionaries. There’s no-one here to fight, you see. So a healthy bit of crucifixion keeps them out of the ale-houses and the brothels. For a while. But everyone has to have some leisure, and so twenty-five years and nine months later there’s another one to crucify.
“But, why do they have to crucify them? Couldn’t they do something a bit less painful? Knock them on the head with the hammer, say, instead of using it for banging nails in?”
“Far too quick, sir. Crucifixion is much more labour intensive. Then the crosses have to be guarded. Keeps the soldiers fit, and gives them something to guard.“
“But, what about the poor slaves? We never crucify the innocent, back in Missouri. There’s no such thing as an innocent victim. I’ve said so myself, many times. My good friend Admi goes to such trouble to demonstrate their guilt, before we crucify them. But here, their only crime is being twenty-five. This is not good.”
“Indeed not, Senator.” Repertor indicated some rather menacing-looking Romans approaching. “I take it you have passed your twenty-fifth birthday, Senator?”
“Er, yes, I have. You?”
“Yes, Senator. Several centuries ago. As neither of us wish to admire Venus from a cross, perhaps now would be a good time to depart?”
“Please, do so, Mr Repertor. As quickly as you like.”
The Romans were attempting to prise the door open with their swords as Repertor let the clutch in.
“In five hundred yards, make a left turn.”
Tree breathed a sigh of relief. These excursions with Repertor were getting a bit too hairy, for his liking.
“What’s up?” asked Tree, concerned.
“I was supposed to put ‘Venus Verticordia’ into the 4D Sat Nav, but it only took ‘Venus’….”
“Venus? VENUS? You mean….?”
“We’re on another planet. I’m afraid so, Senator. My apologies, sir.”
“But….but….”
“Senator?”
“But, if we’re on Venus….”
“Senator?”
“What the fuck are all these Romans doing here?”
“Because Venus is a Roman province, Senator. It has been since 146 AD.”
“146 AD? Don’t be ridiculous man! How can the Romans have colonised Venus nearly 2000 years ago?”
“The Romans were very technologically advanced, Senator. More so than we give them credit for. Their slave-driven interplanetary biremes reached as far as Jupiter, but they didn’t last long there.”
“Why not?”
“Because the force of gravity is so great on Jupiter that it took an entire legion to crucify one slave. Ten of them to lift the hammer, alone. Entirely impractical, I’m afraid. Conditions were so difficult that the slaves rebelled, needing a lot of crucifying, which nobody had the strength to accomplish. Anarchy, Senator. The colony died out within a year.”
“I see….but here?”
“Here conditions are perfect for crucifixion. As, er, as you can see for yourself. Pax Romana, covering an entire planet.”
Tree looked out of the window. Crosses everywhere. In every direction there were crosses. Dozens and dozens of them. Tree watched as a slim, dark haired girl of about twenty five, entirely nude, was dragged to a cross, stretched out, and firmly nailed to it. They stood the cross up and she hung there, howling in agony.
“Do they have problems with discipline, here? There seems to be an awful lot of capital punishment going on.”
“Not discipline, Senator. Overpopulation. There would be too many slaves, and not enough Romans. So they crucify every slave on their twenty fifth birthday. It also provides employment for the legionaries. There’s no-one here to fight, you see. So a healthy bit of crucifixion keeps them out of the ale-houses and the brothels. For a while. But everyone has to have some leisure, and so twenty-five years and nine months later there’s another one to crucify.
“But, why do they have to crucify them? Couldn’t they do something a bit less painful? Knock them on the head with the hammer, say, instead of using it for banging nails in?”
“Far too quick, sir. Crucifixion is much more labour intensive. Then the crosses have to be guarded. Keeps the soldiers fit, and gives them something to guard.“
“But, what about the poor slaves? We never crucify the innocent, back in Missouri. There’s no such thing as an innocent victim. I’ve said so myself, many times. My good friend Admi goes to such trouble to demonstrate their guilt, before we crucify them. But here, their only crime is being twenty-five. This is not good.”
“Indeed not, Senator.” Repertor indicated some rather menacing-looking Romans approaching. “I take it you have passed your twenty-fifth birthday, Senator?”
“Er, yes, I have. You?”
“Yes, Senator. Several centuries ago. As neither of us wish to admire Venus from a cross, perhaps now would be a good time to depart?”
“Please, do so, Mr Repertor. As quickly as you like.”
The Romans were attempting to prise the door open with their swords as Repertor let the clutch in.
“In five hundred yards, make a left turn.”
Tree breathed a sigh of relief. These excursions with Repertor were getting a bit too hairy, for his liking.
Let's see now. I am 32, which means my 25th was seven years ago .... Gee, I think the Romans must have passed over me. Or, is it because I was INNOCENT. Yes, that must be it. They decided I was innocent of the Great Crash of 2013. So good to get that cleared up here once and for all! 
I see Repertor took Barb on a trip to La-La landView attachment 343828 Let's see now. I am 32, which means my 25th was seven years ago .... Gee, I think the Romans must have passed over me. Or, is it because I was INNOCENT. Yes, that must be it. They decided I was innocent of the Great Crash of 2013. So good to get that cleared up here once and for all!
I see Repertor took Barb on a trip to La-La land
maybe it was just the water or whatever he put in it?
View attachment 343828 Let's see now. I am 32, which means my 25th was seven years ago .... Gee, I think the Romans must have passed over me. Or, is it because I was INNOCENT. Yes, that must be it. They decided I was innocent of the Great Crash of 2013. So good to get that cleared up here once and for all!
But a year on Venus is only 225 days, so, assuming you're just 32 Venus years old
that's only 20 Earth years, and you don't look a day older
,but Repertor's explaining things to Sen. Tree in Earth terms,
so you won't actually be crucified for another 8 Venus years, when you're 40.
(I bet Melissa will despair of my maths
)
But a year on Venus is only 225 days, so, assuming you're just 32 Venus years old
that's only 20 Earth years, and you don't look a day older
but Repertor's explaining things to Sen. Tree in Earth terms,
so you won't actually be crucified for another 8 Venus years, when you're 40.
(I bet Melissa will despair of my maths
Thanks Eul.
See, Barb? Perfectly clear!
(Did Eul come with you on that trip, by any chance?
)
But a year on Venus is only 225 days, so, assuming you're just 32 Venus years old
that's only 20 Earth years, and you don't look a day older
but Repertor's explaining things to Sen. Tree in Earth terms,
so you won't actually be crucified for another 8 Venus years, when you're 40.
(I bet Melissa will despair of my maths
Thanks Eul.
See, Barb? Perfectly clear!
(Did Eul come with you on that trip, by any chance?
You guys sure about this?
You'd better check her sums, Barb...
View attachment 343837
The answer could be VERY important to you
If Eul says it's so, it must be so ...
let's be merry with what little time I have left .... time for a drink?
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
" Two heads are better than one " said Barb. So she sold her clothes and bought a second abacus.
She has always liked math...
...but not only math.
Tree is (surprise) drunk and roars "Fuck this time travel space and time continuum Roman empire bullshit! If Barb is alive I traveled here with three spikes and a Stanley 3 pound hammer and a satchel full of Seagram's! Let's nail the bitch to a cross and have party!!!"
I always was proud of my Mizouri kozin... He always looks to have a real fine time with the ladies...
T
I always was proud of my Mizouri kozin... He always looks to have a real fine time with the ladies...
T
That was the Hindus? Funny, it looks like my world (thanks, Sir Terry).Isn't it amazing how one image can derail a thread?
And, the Hindu's figured it out a long time ago. The world is flat and riding on the back of turtle.
View attachment 343933
Repertor
Artifex Imaginum
This deviation to Venus has been too much for poor senator Tree.
It is affecting the sanity of his mind. It can't be due to the Seagrams only.
Back to the earth as soon as possible!
Let's hope he can be cured.
I wonder what the turtle is standing on.
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In Terry Pratchett's world, it didn't stand on anything. It sort of swam through space (must have worked like the Roman space biremes).I wonder what the turtle is standing on.
