Victim's Eye View

[thehangingtree]

Sabina watches helplessly as Hercules gropes her pussy, then pushes a finger into her. The crowd continues to enjoy her humiliation and misery.

Sabina narrates:
I expected something like this, knew I’d be violated somehow, before… I thought. They can do anything they want to me. My body belongs to them, now, not to me.

'Acting like a helpless little slave... When she didn't have spikes through her arms she used her body to seduce my lover! Come on, men, shove that cornu up the whore's ass!' a woman in the crowd thinks...

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

Antius continues hammering the wedge in underneath Sabina's cornu, sending jolts through the cross and nails into Sabina's wounded wrists. The pain is excruciating. Hercules notes that every time Antius strikes with his hammer, Sabina's vagina squeezes tighter around his finger. Others in the crowd joke about this, warning him about the dangers of women with teeth in their vaginas.

Sabina narrates:

Despite my misery and humiliation, the revolting feeling of Hercules’ finger inside of me, I was aware of what Antius was doing. Even though the two Nubians were holding me, violating me, roping my feet, Antius was the man with the hammer. Antius was the one who had driven nails through my wrists and was going to drive the nails through my feet, too. No matter what these others did to me, I always wanted to know where he was and what he was doing, or about to do to me.​

​

I saw him standing to my right side, reaching behind my back to work between me and the cross. I could see his movement, feel every tap of his hammer. I knew what he was doing, had seen it all before. He was setting the cornu in place in its socket, its horn pointing up, fitting the wedge in underneath it. I felt his tapping through the nails in my throbbing wrists, small shocks where rough iron met bone, my tense body jerking with each one.​

​

Hercules laughed again. “Her cunnus clamps down on my finger every time Antius taps with his hammer!”​

​

The crowd laughed at that. A woman shouted, “Better be glad she doesn’t have teeth down there like a Gorgon or she’d bite it off!”​

​

A man shouted back, laughing, “Now that’s a good reason to stick your finger in first and test it! Better to lose a finger than your cock!”​

​

Then Antius’ swings lengthened, delivering the last hard, solid blows that drove the wedge in tightly, never to come out until after I was dead. Each blow rattled the cross, jolting the nails in my wounds, sending shocks echoing through the bones of my arms, each one dragging a groan out of me. The pain was horrible, excruciating!​

​

“Oh gods, please stop! Stop!” I heard myself begging him. But Antius only laughed and kept on with his work.​

​

Hercules said, “She really has some muscles in there! Stuff her full of walnuts and she’d crack them and spit them out of there all shelled for you!”​

​

“She’d crack YOUR nuts, more likely, if you ever managed to have your way with her!” A woman in the crowd laughed.​

​

“Well, I think it’s sad!” Ajax announced. “She really was sitting on a gold mine! Now all she’s good for is squeezing a man’s finger, and there’s not much market for that!”​

​

“Well, a few days with that cornu will loosen up her cunnus! Only ones who’ll say she was a great piece of ass then are that bunch of crows over there!” Hercules said, wistfully.​

​

Hercules slid his finger out of me, leaving a tingle deep inside of my vagina that throbbed with every heartbeat. I needed to clamp my thighs together, squeeze my porcella, rub it, anything to quiet the sensation, but there was nothing I could do but try to will it to subside. And everything else that was happening to me, agony in my wrists, pain everywhere, and now the anticipation of what they were about to do to my feet, all of it should have been enough to force the feeling in my vagina far into the background. But it didn’t.​

​

Antius’ right arm, the one with the hammer, dropped to his side, and he was reaching behind me with his left arm. I knew he was shaking the cornu, checking that it was tight and solid, ready to bear my weight. For what remained of my life.​

Here is the scene:



I only have a few of this scene that would show something near to what the victim herself saw:

 

[Crucified Life]

Julia Lepida continues to narrate Sabina's crucifixion:

Meanwhile, her executioner and helpers were standing around behind the cross talking and laughing about women, the weather, or whatever else men talk about, waiting for her to exhaust herself in struggling so she would be more compliant when they hammered the cornu into place and bound her feet for nailing. This was part of her torture, part of this public display of harsh justice for the crowd. From time to time, the executioner would glance at her, appraising her condition.​

​

Blood had oozed and trickled down her forearms halfway to her elbows. Before, there was only the barest seeping, but her hanging and struggling for so long had stretched the wounds and made them gap open just a little below the nails. That always happened in a crucifixion, but it clotted and stopped quickly and there was never enough blood to hasten death.​

​

I watched the slave’s frenzied struggles in fascination. Others chatted and laughed festively among themselves, entertained by the twisting and writhing of the naked girl’s gleaming, sweaty body and the sound of her tortured screams.​

​

I have heard of times when the blinding agony of hanging by the wrists was so horribly excruciating that the victims themselves, in utter desperation, would scream at the executioner, pleading with him to get on with their execution. They would beg him to nail their feet to the cross, driven to pay that price if it meant even the barest hope of relief from the throbbing agony in their wrists.​

​

I could not help but wonder if, with all this agony she was suffering from the nails in her wrists, could the slave girl bring herself to scream at the executioners to drive those nails through her feet? Could it be so agonizing that she would wish to endure even more agony if it might offer some chance of relief from what she was suffering at this moment?​

​

Yes, I thought, cringing at another desperate scream, she might.​

Here is the scene:

View attachment 1147271View attachment 1147272View attachment 1147273

And here are some near victim's eye views:

View attachment 1147274View attachment 1147275View attachment 1147276View attachment 1147277View attachment 1147278

Did Sabina ever talk with the man on the cross beside her? Or did he try to talk with her? I know that they didn't in what was directly covered by The Serpent's Eye, but what about the time that was skipped and hence not directly included? I wonder if they did then? And if they did, I wonder what might have been said between them?

 

[Crucified Life]

Did Sabina ever talk with the man on the cross beside her? Or did he try to talk with her? I know that they didn't in what was directly covered by The Serpent's Eye, but what about the time that was skipped and hence not directly included? I wonder if they did then? And if they did, I wonder what might have been said between them?

Actually I am going to go out on a limb here and speculate - and that's all it is, speculation, that this man suffering the same fate as our sexy young female protagonist, may have been the only person who Sabina told her secret to, that she had deceived her way to the cross, making him the only person who knew apart from Julia Lepida. If my theory is by any remotest chance correct, that she had tipped her hand to him, firstly may not have believed her. And this may have been for any of a massive range of reasons from that he thought she lied to that he wrote it off as her delirium talking to that he thought he was imagining it out of his own pain. But if he did believe her he clearly would have taken her secret with him to his end on the cross. And if she told him, Sabina would have picked a clear moment to tell him, when first the crowd had dispersed for the night and the guards were preoccupied or elsewhere (but still around in the general area.) I might be completely wrong here with my theory but it is a possibility. And one only the man himself: Jedakk knows the answer to for sure.

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

Actually I am going to go out on a limb here and speculate - and that's all it is, speculation, that this man suffering the same fate as our sexy young female protagonist, may have been the only person who Sabina told her secret to, that she had deceived her way to the cross, making him the only person who knew apart from Julia Lepida. If my theory is by any remotest chance correct, that she had tipped her hand to him, firstly may not have believed her. And this may have been for any of a massive range of reasons from that he thought she lied to that he wrote it off as her delirium talking to that he thought he was imagining it out of his own pain. But if he did believe her he clearly would have taken her secret with him to his end on the cross. And if she told him, Sabina would have picked a clear moment to tell him, when first the crowd had dispersed for the night and the guards were preoccupied or elsewhere (but still around in the general area.) I might be completely wrong here with my theory but it is a possibility. And one only the man himself: Jedakk knows the answer to for sure.

Ok, I never went in that direction with the story, but with the two of them hanging out together (pun intended) and nothing else to do, no doubt they would have talked with each other. However, bear in mind that he was crucified the day before and might not have been completely lucid by that time.

We have a record in the Bible of Jesus and the two thieves crucified on either side of him talking with each other, and somewhere, which I cannot find at the moment, is an account where testimony of a crucified man was considered legal. So there is some evidence for the idea that those dying on the cross could and would converse with each other and with those around them while suffering. I say this because I have tried to keep this story in the realm of fiction rather than fantasy - that is, while this episode did not happen, it was possible, both physically and based on Roman culture of the time.

Now, would Sabina have revealed her true identity to Regulus? The short answer is NO.

Why? She is suffering from something we would call Dissociative Identity Disorder, what we used to call multiple personalities. In her alternate personality, created by her overwhelming obsession with crucifixion and her role-play as a slave, her alternate personality was reinforced and became stronger until it could dominate.

How did that happen?

Going back to her life in Pompeii, when she was into crucifixion play in a brothel, she role-played as a slave girl, swapping identities with her actual slave, who whipped her and tied her to a cross. When she was able to turn over control and become a slave (in role-play) it didn't take many times until she could fall into her role completely. In the last chapter, Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) says it was hard to bring her back to reality to escape even when Vesuvius was erupting and ash was raining down on Pompeii:

I hurried back and got her down from the cross, trying to shake her out of her role as a disobedient slave long enough to get her dressed and moving. She was angry and fought me all the way out to the street, where the shock of what she saw finally brought her back to reality.​

​

Also, after they escaped:

The ship took us north across the bay to Misenum where we joined hundreds of other refugees, looking for our lost families or any familiar face. But they were gone, all of them, buried with the city under tons of ash. We were alone.​

​

She escaped from the reality of her loss by retreating completely into her fantasy role. I had no choice but to adopt the role of domina, terrified of what would happen if anyone found out.​

Now, she has been Sabina the slave girl for about two months with the only break being when Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) argued with her until she finally punched her in the eye and gave her an ultimatum - crucify me or be crucified yourself. She immediately resumed her role, and her domina says:

As quickly as she had appeared, the real Julia Lepida was gone forever. I never saw her again, not even during the days of agony of the cross. When she begged for mercy, begged me to stop, she always addressed me as Domina, never Sabina. And I knew that no matter how desperate she sounded, she was playing her role to its end, and my life depended on me playing mine as well. Even though my heart was breaking, I didn’t dare to stop what was happening.​

She had an obsession which she fed and fed but was never able to satisfy. It kept her awake at night, it drove her to go watch others be crucified, she played at it when she could contrive to arrange it. It overwhelmed her and she became absolutely convinced her only escape from it was death. She could have used poison, slashed her wrists, etc. But this was also her opportunity to experience what she could only dream about, and she took it.

She wanted Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) to have her crucified, but she argued, tried to reason with her instead. When Sabina (the real Julia Lepida) punched her in the eye, she set events in motion that she could not control, neither could she escape. (Nor could Julia Lepida/Sabina) Having triggered the process that would end with her death on the cross, she could abandon whatever vestige of her true identity might still have remained. From that point on, others were going to take her and punish her as Roman law demanded.

Finally, bottom line, she would not reveal her true identity to anyone else because for her, that identity no longer existed.

 

[thehangingtree]

She wanted Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) to have her crucified, but she argued, tried to reason with her instead. When Sabina (the real Julia Lepida) punched her in the eye, she set events in motion that she could not control, neither could she escape. (Nor could Julia Lepida/Sabina) Having triggered the process that would end with her death on the cross, she could abandon whatever vestige of her true identity might still have remained. From that point on, others were going to take her and punish her as Roman law demanded.

Finally, bottom line, she would not reveal her true identity to anyone else because for her, that identity no longer existed.

Heady piece of writing from the author of this story...

Could this have happened? Could he have made this up???

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

Heady piece of writing from the author of this story...

Could this have happened? Could he have made this up???

The Shadow knows... (For non-American members, The Shadow was a 1930s radio series. You have to remember I am pretty damned old!)

 

[Crucified Life]

Ok, I never went in that direction with the story, but with the two of them hanging out together (pun intended) and nothing else to do, no doubt they would have talked with each other. However, bear in mind that he was crucified the day before and might not have been completely lucid by that time.

We have a record in the Bible of Jesus and the two thieves crucified on either side of him talking with each other, and somewhere, which I cannot find at the moment, is an account where testimony of a crucified man was considered legal. So there is some evidence for the idea that those dying on the cross could and would converse with each other and with those around them while suffering. I say this because I have tried to keep this story in the realm of fiction rather than fantasy - that is, while this episode did not happen, it was possible, both physically and based on Roman culture of the time.

Now, would Sabina have revealed her true identity to Regulus? The short answer is NO.

Why? She is suffering from something we would call Dissociative Identity Disorder, what we used to call multiple personalities. In her alternate personality, created by her overwhelming obsession with crucifixion and her role-play as a slave, her alternate personality was reinforced and became stronger until it could dominate.

How did that happen?

Going back to her life in Pompeii, when she was into crucifixion play in a brothel, she role-played as a slave girl, swapping identities with her actual slave, who whipped her and tied her to a cross. When she was able to turn over control and become a slave (in role-play) it didn't take many times until she could fall into her role completely. In the last chapter, Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) says it was hard to bring her back to reality to escape even when Vesuvius was erupting and ash was raining down on Pompeii:

I hurried back and got her down from the cross, trying to shake her out of her role as a disobedient slave long enough to get her dressed and moving. She was angry and fought me all the way out to the street, where the shock of what she saw finally brought her back to reality.​

​

Also, after they escaped:

The ship took us north across the bay to Misenum where we joined hundreds of other refugees, looking for our lost families or any familiar face. But they were gone, all of them, buried with the city under tons of ash. We were alone.​

​

She escaped from the reality of her loss by retreating completely into her fantasy role. I had no choice but to adopt the role of domina, terrified of what would happen if anyone found out.​

Now, she has been Sabina the slave girl for about two months with the only break being when Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) argued with her until she finally punched her in the eye and gave her an ultimatum - crucify me or be crucified yourself. She immediately resumed her role, and her domina says:

As quickly as she had appeared, the real Julia Lepida was gone forever. I never saw her again, not even during the days of agony of the cross. When she begged for mercy, begged me to stop, she always addressed me as Domina, never Sabina. And I knew that no matter how desperate she sounded, she was playing her role to its end, and my life depended on me playing mine as well. Even though my heart was breaking, I didn’t dare to stop what was happening.​

She had an obsession which she fed and fed but was never able to satisfy. It kept her awake at night, it drove her to go watch others be crucified, she played at it when she could contrive to arrange it. It overwhelmed her and she became absolutely convinced her only escape from it was death. She could have used poison, slashed her wrists, etc. But this was also her opportunity to experience what she could only dream about, and she took it.

She wanted Julia Lepida (the real Sabina) to have her crucified, but she argued, tried to reason with her instead. When Sabina (the real Julia Lepida) punched her in the eye, she set events in motion that she could not control, neither could she escape. (Nor could Julia Lepida/Sabina) Having triggered the process that would end with her death on the cross, she could abandon whatever vestige of her true identity might still have remained. From that point on, others were going to take her and punish her as Roman law demanded.

Finally, bottom line, she would not reveal her true identity to anyone else because for her, that identity no longer existed.

Jedakk you are a gem!! A real treasure. I appreciate your very in depth reply being the genuine insights from the real author. All as authentic and true as can be. I feel so privileged to receive your reply as insightful as it is and the clarity this gives all members of CF about these aspects of the story. I think all of us here on CF have a Sabina (or should I say Julia Lepida in disguise) inside of us but rationality and common sense and love for those who we know here in life keeps us from doing anything too far. So we experience it through stories like yours. I hope you realize Jedakk how much you are appreciated.

 

[Loinclothslave]

“

The Shadow knows... (For non-American members, The Shadow was a 1930s radio series. You have to remember I am pretty damned old!)

Who knows what darkness hides in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!”

I’m not so old, but I recognise this

 

[crumera]

Even if she got back into her own personality
Slave on the cross claims to be the mistress? claiming the mistress who ordered her crucified to be in fact her slave?

reaction to her claim

Audience member:
I thought I heard every excuse to be taken down for the cross, but this is the most over the top one I ever heard!!
Will have something new to tell my friends!

Executioner:
A roman woman on the cross this cannot be true anyways. If it was.. I be in a lot of trouble!
STFU slave!!
Maybe I should cut out her tongue?

Mistress:
Hands the executioner some more money.. whip her for her insolence...can you believe it? the nerve that slave has?
Thanks the gods the crowd starts laughing at the crucified

Guy on the next cross:
I am a roman citizen too!! My slaves had me crucified! get me down this instance!



Months with the Saturnalia, the jokes are still going around about the crucified slave claiming to be the master.

 

[woodflesh]

Did Sabina ever talk with the man on the cross beside her? Or did he try to talk with her? I know that they didn't in what was directly covered by The Serpent's Eye, but what about the time that was skipped and hence not directly included? I wonder if they did then? And if they did, I wonder what might

have been said between them?

Probably they are not talking, only screaming in pain.

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

Jedakk you are a gem!! A real treasure. I appreciate your very in depth reply being the genuine insights from the real author. All as authentic and true as can be. I feel so privileged to receive your reply as insightful as it is and the clarity this gives all members of CF about these aspects of the story. I think all of us here on CF have a Sabina (or should I say Julia Lepida in disguise) inside of us but rationality and common sense and love for those who we know here in life keeps us from doing anything too far. So we experience it through stories like yours. I hope you realize Jedakk how much you are appreciated.

Wow! Thanks very much. You're right, many of us here have this obsession to some extent, but it doesn't dominate us as Sabina's obsession did. Then too, for Sabina, the opportunity to get herself crucified was there. And she knew once she put the events into motion, there would be no way to back out, no going back. She could abandon her "real" personality as Julia Lepida and become Sabina, the slave, condemned to the cross.

The real Sabina, now forced into a role as Julia Lepida, is also a victim. Her anger at that shows from time to time; the cornu she selected was unexpected, and there are angry or cruel responses when "Sabina" begs for mercy. All the while, "Julia Lepida" has to bear her horror as she watches her friend, playmate, and ultimately domina, nailed to a cross, knowing if she fails somehow, she will be crucified.

 

[Crucified Life]

Wow! Thanks very much. You're right, many of us here have this obsession to some extent, but it doesn't dominate us as Sabina's obsession did. Then too, for Sabina, the opportunity to get herself crucified was there. And she knew once she put the events into motion, there would be no way to back out, no going back. She could abandon her "real" personality as Julia Lepida and become Sabina, the slave, condemned to the cross.

The real Sabina, now forced into a role as Julia Lepida, is also a victim. Her anger at that shows from time to time; the cornu she selected was unexpected, and there are angry or cruel responses when "Sabina" begs for mercy. All the while, "Julia Lepida" has to bear her horror as she watches her friend, playmate, and ultimately domina, nailed to a cross, knowing if she fails somehow, she will be crucified.

My pleasure Jedakk. And my 2 cents worth in response to what you and others have said in reply to my original speculation, it makes me wonder whether Sabina had any moments of regret, second thoughts or panic and dread, thinking that she may not want her crucifixion to happen after she set the events in motion and can't back out, on account of her real persona having a momentary latent resurface? I absolutely accept that she didn't show outwardly her real self again after that punch at Julia, but she may have had some private and secret backtracking moments she kept to herself. These may have been before her crucifixion or while on her cross. But even if she did privately experience Julia resurface in her and some resultant private moments of regret or upset after the point of no return, it certainly would not and did not change the story in any way, and nor was it dealt with in the actual version of the story.

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

Having experienced the nailing of her wrists and how horribly agonizing that was, Sabina panics as they prepare to nail her feet. Ajax has already looped the rope around her right foot, and she tries to pull her left foot away, even though she knows how futile that is. Ajax easily reaches out and loops the rope around her left ankle, pulling her leg back and tying her ankles together temporarily to restrain her feet while Antius drives the iron spikes through each of them.

Meanwhile, behind her Antius checks the cornu to be sure it is solidly in place and not likely to loosen during the coming days while Sabina puts her weight on it and struggles.

Sabina continues to narrate:

Ajax reached out, seized my left ankle and looped the rope around it. I wanted to struggle, pull my leg away from him, anything to delay what I knew was coming. I begged him to stop, to leave me alone, even knowing it was futile. He had his job to do, and he would do it no matter how I struggled, screamed and begged.​

​

Ajax laughed at me like I was a fool. I had been sentenced to the cross, and that meant nailing my feet. He ordered me to be still. The memory of Hercules’ finger probing inside of me reminded me that they could hurt me, do anything they wanted to me if I resisted. I took a deep breath, sobbing, my body trembling, closed my eyes and tried to force myself to stop struggling.​

​

I didn’t want them to hurt me anymore, didn’t want to endure having my feet nailed to the cross! But I couldn’t keep hanging by my wrists, either, the pain getting worse moment by moment. I didn’t have any choice. But then it wasn’t up to me anyway.​

​

The crowd had moved in closer now that I was hanging on the cross, grinning faces trying to get a better look at the naked, suffering slave girl, watch her body writhe and squirm, smell her fear, sweat and blood. As I drew in one gasping breath after another, fighting back panic, the agony in my wrists, my burning shoulders, I could hear them mocking me and laughing.​

​

Here is the scene:


Here are some executioner's eye views from Ajax's and Hercules' perspectives:



And some victim's eye views:

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

My pleasure Jedakk. And my 2 cents worth in response to what you and others have said in reply to my original speculation, it makes me wonder whether Sabina had any moments of regret, second thoughts or panic and dread, thinking that she may not want her crucifixion to happen after she set the events in motion and can't back out, on account of her real persona having a momentary latent resurface? I absolutely accept that she didn't show outwardly her real self again after that punch at Julia, but she may have had some private and secret backtracking moments she kept to herself. These may have been before her crucifixion or while on her cross. But even if she did privately experience Julia resurface in her and some resultant private moments of regret or upset after the point of no return, it certainly would not and did not change the story in any way, and nor was it dealt with in the actual version of the story.

It's complicated.

Does someone utterly depressed and suicidal falter when they are about to step off the chair and hang themselves, about to pull the trigger to blow their brains out, etc.? The answer is, of course they do. There are hesitation marks when someone slices their wrists, and people botch up shooting themselves in the head. No matter how painful life has become, there is always fear of pain, of death, of the unknown.

For Sabina, life had become this obsession, this endlessly repeating loop of experiencing herself as a slave, powerless, naked, helpless and struggling in the grip of strong men, being crucified. She was convinced there was no escape other than death, and to fulfill her obsession, to truly experience what she could only imagine, she had to contrive to have herself crucified. Seeing Lucilla crucified was the final straw, the one that pushed her over the edge. Sabina pulled the trigger when she punched her "domina" - there was no going back. Like flipping a switch that set things in motion, she was pulled into the machine of Roman justice that would not stop until she was dead on the cross.

She appeared to be afraid when Salonina visited her in her prison cell. As always, her obsession hovered ready to seize her imagination and run the endless loop of her crucifixion, but now it was more than imagination; it was anticipation. Since Salonina was there and offered to talk about her approaching crucifixion, Sabina let her take her through what she had already imagined for years. Now, talking with Salonina about it, her obsession was becoming reality and it was horrifying. But she had placed herself on this track from which she could not escape.

While she was terrified knowing what was going to be done to her the next morning, she was also aroused by the thought of being whipped and then hanging on the cross naked. She desperately wanted that, but she knew she couldn't have it without paying the price. In her personality as a slave, she really did hold onto the hope that her domina would have mercy on her and just stop everything - she was the only one with the power to do so now. She kept repeating this hope throughout her execution, begging for mercy and truly believing it was possible. After Salonina left, Sabina was so wet between her legs she used her loincloth to dry herself, making a fresh loincloth from the strophium she previously had binding her breasts.

Now Julia Lepida - the real Sabina - was never going to stop the crucifixion. She didn't want to do it, but by now she didn't know what her "slave" would do next. For her own survival, her slave had to die. She was angry and terrified at the same time.

 

[Crucified Life]

It's complicated.

Does someone utterly depressed and suicidal falter when they are about to step off the chair and hang themselves, about to pull the trigger to blow their brains out, etc.? The answer is, of course they do. There are hesitation marks when someone slices their wrists, and people botch up shooting themselves in the head. No matter how painful life has become, there is always fear of pain, of death, of the unknown.

For Sabina, life had become this obsession, this endlessly repeating loop of experiencing herself as a slave, powerless, naked, helpless and struggling in the grip of strong men, being crucified. She was convinced there was no escape other than death, and to fulfill her obsession, to truly experience what she could only imagine, she had to contrive to have herself crucified. Seeing Lucilla crucified was the final straw, the one that pushed her over the edge. Sabina pulled the trigger when she punched her "domina" - there was no going back. Like flipping a switch that set things in motion, she was pulled into the machine of Roman justice that would not stop until she was dead on the cross.

She appeared to be afraid when Salonina visited her in her prison cell. As always, her obsession hovered ready to seize her imagination and run the endless loop of her crucifixion, but now it was more than imagination; it was anticipation. Since Salonina was there and offered to talk about her approaching crucifixion, Sabina let her take her through what she had already imagined for years. Now, talking with Salonina about it, her obsession was becoming reality and it was horrifying. But she had placed herself on this track from which she could not escape.

While she was terrified knowing what was going to be done to her the next morning, she was also aroused by the thought of being whipped and then hanging on the cross naked. She desperately wanted that, but she knew she couldn't have it without paying the price. In her personality as a slave, she really did hold onto the hope that her domina would have mercy on her and just stop everything - she was the only one with the power to do so now. She kept repeating this hope throughout her execution, begging for mercy and truly believing it was possible. After Salonina left, Sabina was so wet between her legs she used her loincloth to dry herself, making a fresh loincloth from the strophium she previously had binding her breasts.

Now Julia Lepida - the real Sabina - was never going to stop the crucifixion. She didn't want to do it, but by now she didn't know what her "slave" would do next. For her own survival, her slave had to die. She was angry and terrified at the same time.

Once again thank you Jedakk. I am educated and not without life-experience, but I always gain from reading from you. It would seem we agree here. You have explained and expanded well on what I was thinking. You definitely agree with me that she could have had moments of secret regret and fear. Her endless loop trapped in an ever-repeating cycle of crucifixion roleplay with Julia Lepida was driving her insane and I doubt there were psychologists back then to help!! She could have done with a hobby to get her mind off the subject. I know if I was presented with a hypothetical opportunity to experience real crucifixion, while its easy to say now that I would think of others in my life and the impacts on them of the trauma of my going mysteriously missing to secretly get crucified somewhere, part of me would want still want to accept!! So I understand Sabina's situation.

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

You definitely agree with me that she could have had moments of secret regret and fear

Yes, but she experiences those as Sabina rather than her true personality. She has so far submerged her true self that to her, she really is Sabina. Part of getting there was that as her true self - Julia Lepida - she lost her home and all of her family in Pompeii. That pain and grief made it easier for her to disconnect from that personality and by doing so, blunt the grief and loss she would have suffered otherwise. She could turn all that, along with the day-to-day decisions of living, to her domina - her slave Sabina who she has forced into the role of Julia Lepida.

Her endless loop trapped in an ever-repeating cycle of crucifixion

There was the roleplay they did in the brothels which was actually cathartic for "Sabina". It was her major means of release for the sexual tension her obsession produced, the other being masturbating to crucifixion fantasies. The fantasies were what mainly played on an "endless loop" as she sank deeper into her obsession, her memories of real experiences perhaps to a lesser degree. In the story she describes the effect witnessing a crucifixion for the first time had on her:

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Often, at night in my bed, I vividly recalled the images of that first crucifixion, wondering at how my nipples hardened until they ached, and at the shuddering thrill that shot through me when my fingertips strayed between my legs to brush my oddly swollen lower lips. As I learned to pleasure myself, very often the fantasies that accompanied the act were of the naked men – and sometimes women – whose crucifixions I witnessed. Because despite the horror, I was drawn back again and again to slip in among the onlookers and watch in guilty fascination as well as heated arousal each time another naked victim was nailed to a cross.​

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In the context where this passage occurs, she was already confusing whether it was Sabina or Julia Lepida experiencing things.

I doubt there were psychologists back then to help!!

They would have laid it off to an imbalance in the humors, too much black bile, maybe. They might have called in a ventriloquist, i.e. a "stomach talker" who could listen to what the spirits in her gut were trying to say and translate it into layman's terms. Of they could have just attributed it to the full moon or the influence of the stars. That's where we get the word "influenza", after all, Italian for "influence" as in the influence of the stars.

know if I was presented with a hypothetical opportunity to experience real crucifixion, while its easy to say now that I would think of others in my life and the impacts on them of the trauma of my going mysteriously missing to secretly get crucified somewhere, part of me would want still want to accept!! So I understand Sabina's situation.

Quite a few here have mentioned that if they could experience a real crucifixion without permanent damage, they would do it. I don't know, but I wonder, even if the physical effects were to be erased leaving no scars, might there be some agonizing memories of what it was like spending days nailed to a cross, struggling to breathe as if in a continuous waterboarding torture? It wouldn't be a decision to take lightly.

 

[Crucified Life]

Yes, but she experiences those as Sabina rather than her true personality. She has so far submerged her true self that to her, she really is Sabina. Part of getting there was that as her true self - Julia Lepida - she lost her home and all of her family in Pompeii. That pain and grief made it easier for her to disconnect from that personality and by doing so, blunt the grief and loss she would have suffered otherwise. She could turn all that, along with the day-to-day decisions of living, to her domina - her slave Sabina who she has forced into the role of Julia Lepida.


There was the roleplay they did in the brothels which was actually cathartic for "Sabina". It was her major means of release for the sexual tension her obsession produced, the other being masturbating to crucifixion fantasies. The fantasies were what mainly played on an "endless loop" as she sank deeper into her obsession, her memories of real experiences perhaps to a lesser degree. In the story she describes the effect witnessing a crucifixion for the first time had on her:

​

Often, at night in my bed, I vividly recalled the images of that first crucifixion, wondering at how my nipples hardened until they ached, and at the shuddering thrill that shot through me when my fingertips strayed between my legs to brush my oddly swollen lower lips. As I learned to pleasure myself, very often the fantasies that accompanied the act were of the naked men – and sometimes women – whose crucifixions I witnessed. Because despite the horror, I was drawn back again and again to slip in among the onlookers and watch in guilty fascination as well as heated arousal each time another naked victim was nailed to a cross.​

​

In the context where this passage occurs, she was already confusing whether it was Sabina or Julia Lepida experiencing things.


They would have laid it off to an imbalance in the humors, too much black bile, maybe. They might have called in a ventriloquist, i.e. a "stomach talker" who could listen to what the spirits in her gut were trying to say and translate it into layman's terms. Of they could have just attributed it to the full moon or the influence of the stars. That's where we get the word "influenza", after all, Italian for "influence" as in the influence of the stars.


Quite a few here have mentioned that if they could experience a real crucifixion without permanent damage, they would do it. I don't know, but I wonder, even if the physical effects were to be erased leaving no scars, might there be some agonizing memories of what it was like spending days nailed to a cross, struggling to breathe as if in a continuous waterboarding torture? It wouldn't be a decision to take lightly.

Thank you so much once again Jedakk. I am learning so much here!! And while I knew that you you know a great many things, I didn't know that you know about Roman medicine!! You never stop surprising!!

 

[Deleted member jedakk]

Ajax finishes tying Sabina's feet together, cinching the rope up tightly. They will tie her feet to the cross next, and then the executioner will do his work, driving the nails through each of her feet.

Sabina continues to narrate:

I was sobbing, trembling in terror, pain and humiliation. I stared, blinking back tears, at the head of the nail in my right wrist, the blood oozing around it. Through it all, I felt Ajax pulling my ankles together, arranging them side by side and winding the rope around them. He pulled it down tight between my ankles, done, not bothering to knot it. It only had to hold me for a few moments, just long enough...​

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The agony of the nails, of what the executioner did to me when he nailed my wrists to the cross… I thought, every blow, oh gods! Screaming, the pain so intense, so excruciating, I… I didn’t think he would ever stop! My head swimming, body writhing under the weight of the man on top of me, holding me down... I thought I would faint. ​

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Now my… my feet! He’s waiting right there, holding the nails. Just a few heartbeats and he will do the same thing to my feet, oh gods, drive those iron spikes through them, too! One blow after another, forcing bones apart, impaling them and fixing them permanently to the timber! I can’t…​

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I was panicking, ready to scream, wanted to struggle, somehow keep them from what they were going to do to me, but… it wouldn’t help! Nothing would save me! These people watching had come to hear me scream, watch me twist in agony. It was going to happen no matter what I did, in a few moments the executioner was going to drive those spikes through each one of my feet, one after the other, one agonizing blow at a time.​

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Here is the scene:



Some executioner's eye views:



Some near victim's eye views:

 

[mp5stab]

The last few pages of this thread will absolutely deserve a revise from me later. Stunning renders. The crucifixion of Sabina always astounds me in the detail and craft that you put into every image, every moment.

And @JudithJesus has also posted some beautiful angles of her own crucifixion! Amazing, I’m blown away!