Comedy Corner

[captivecuties]

Two peanuts were walking down a street and one was assaulted.

 

[Jollyrei]

A woman walks into a bar. "I'd like a double entendre" she says.

The barman answers: "I'll give you one."

 

[ERIN the Brave]

I been picked to serve on a jury, it an unusual case...5000 ants dressed as rice robbed a Chinese food restaurant...I dont think they did it...I know a few of them and they would never do that.

 

[ERIN the Brave]

The other.night I went for a walk and suddenly a very small alien space ship landed in front of me then three one inch tall aliens got out and walked up to me...I said "Are you guys really one inch tall?" They said "No we are just really far away".

 

[ERIN the Brave]

Did you hear about this really dumb guy who accidentally locked his keys in his car?
He couldn't get out!

 

[captivecuties]

Here’s something you never hear a guy yell out:
”Stop sucking my cock or I’ll call the cops!”

 

[wulf]

Here’s something you never hear a guy yell out:
”Stop sucking my cock or I’ll call the cops!”

Now that would the 911 call of the year for sure.
********************

911: She's doing what to you?

Male caller: You know.... blowing me.

911: And you need help for that?

Male caller: Well yeah, cause she won't stop.

911: And that's a problem because....?

Male caller: Well I'm all sweaty.... and my heart's racing.... .

911: ( ) Ok, we'll send EMS to make sure you're alright.

Male Caller: Oh thank you.

Male caller: Uh miss....

911: Yes.

Male caller: I guess there's no rush..... so tell them to take their time.

 

[Mikerytel]

Here’s something you never hear a guy yell out:
”Stop sucking my cock or I’ll call the cops!”

Lmao, old George Carlin quote

 

[Mikerytel]

 

[Vindex]

Curiosity is a bad habit, sister!

 

[Vindex]

With Easter just around the corner, here's a little gift idea for fans of the genre.

 

[Mikerytel]

 

[ERIN the Brave]

I told a guy one time that if he could know the exact day and time that he was going to die ..would he want to know?
He said No! So I said Forget it then!

I told Jessica that I already know when I'm going to die because my Birth certificate has an expiration date.

 

[JustJJ]

 

[Miras]

Today I remembered simple joke from our university notice board, cartoon depicting two scientists and reading "God is dead, Marx is dead, Post-structuralism is dead and I don't feel very well today, either."

 

[Eulalia]

Today I remembered simple joke from our university notice board, cartoon depicting two scientists and reading "God is dead, Marx is dead, Post-structuralism is dead and I don't feel very well today, either."

reminds me of a nice one, 'Descartes thought he was.'

 

[Naraku]

 

[manicipium]

Oldie but goldie

 

[ERIN the Brave]

One time I told my girlfriend Jessica
"I'm going out for a walk".
She said " How long will you be gone?"
I replied " The entire time. "

 

[ERIN the Brave]

I have a dog that ignores me when ever I call him, he just keeps on typing...he's an East German Shepherd.