Yesterday, there was in Germany the 31st celebration day of German Unity and there were a lot of newspaper articles and TV reports how the European history developped since 1989 / 1990 for us Germans. I had a lot of spare time and read and saw a lot of them. All in all, I think, for the last 31 years - or even 76 years - we Germans had an incredible amount of luck compared to many other countries in this world. Other countries with a similar history are still separated or want to stay separated as long as their systems are not really "compatible" and still on the brink of a war - I am just thinking of Korea or Taiwan.
But as you might have already seen from me, I like the German articles the most which are "a bit satirical" or "funny controversial" and in this sense, you find much more in left-orientated newspapers than in conservative ones. By the way, comedy and satire in Germany are almost always "left-orientated" and there is only one exception: German carnival is the only case I know in Germany with sometimes conservative-orientated satires.
In any case, there was an article which I found so funny that I translated it for you by the help of the Google Translator into English because this article deals with the German problems of young parents giving very unusual names to their children. It is even the more funny for me because you find in this article incredible combinations depending on the immigration of people from very different cultures marrying in Germany and thinking about what names could be given for their children. And all of this article in one of "the most leftist newspapers" in Germany. I must admit, the level of funny nonsense is the highest on the left side of the political spectrum in Germany.
It is this article from this newspaper's satirical "edge" of the name "Die Wahrheit" = "The Truth" with the Google translation down below. Have fun!
The truth: Lucifer howls on the slide
Completely new old names for children are now the hip trend in the name stronghold of Berlin. There is a lot to do for the registry offices.
The toddler comes down the sloping footpath with his scooter at hell's speed, just manages to get around the curve and, laughing, whizzes past Bernd Müller very close. The father, who strolls behind at a distance, casually calls after his child: "Lucifer, not so fast!"
Bernd Müller pulls out pen and notepad - he is a registrar in Prenzlauer Berg and Berlin's leading name researcher. He is passionately interested in historical developments and current trends in naming. Are we in the process of the birth of a new trend? We ask him as we sit on the edge of a nearby playground. Müller is a frequent visitor to playgrounds - not only because of his two own children.
How might the name for the mad Lucifer have been found? Did the future parents sit in their 6-room apartment in an old building and couldn't agree on a name? She is heavily pregnant, he is too young to be a dad at 47, she is from Lebanon, he is from Stuttgart, and then the question arises: what do we call it? Rosa-Lila Schmälzle (=Pink-purple pecking) after the father, when it’s a girl? Zarathustra al Merhabi, when it’s a boy, after the mother? And then the registrar rejects the first choice of name Satan-Sebastian, then? Now the little one is called Lucifer-Leonhard.
The casual strolling father doesn't look like a Satanist. Not even like a Gothic fanatic. He wears sandals with socks, short khaki pants, a bland polo shirt and an equally bland face with a little beard in it. All in all more ugly as hell than evil as hell.
Archangel nosedive
But why shouldn't a child be called Lucifer? The original was once an angel, Lucifer, the lightbringer. And don't parents always say: You are my star, my light, my sunshine? Michael and Gabriel are also called children, and they were archangels.
Studies have shown, explains the 45-year-old, well-tanned administrative officer Müller, that first names do not influence the person being called, but their surroundings. A Kevin might be good at chemistry, but bad at math, and as Hans-Hermann he would shine in ancient Greek and play the transverse flute. But a Lucifer is forever branded as evil and his whole school class is dragged into ruin. And there the children of class 2b will still be able to speak of luck to have got Corona and not the plague.
Is the fashion of old-fashioned retro names over now? No more Paul, no Hans, no more Gertrud and Elisabeth? Are more archaic names flooding the kindergartens? And what is the name of Lucifer's brother?
Adonai? - "Adonai. Don't push Gilgamesh, ”it probably resounds over the playground where Bernd Müller will be sitting tomorrow afternoon. Zeus is digging, Athene is sitting on top of the slide and does not dare to go down and Ares has just got the swing on his head and is crying. Perhaps it will also be the migrants who have moved here who give their children Germanic names in order to integrate better. No longer Mohammed, but Odin.
“Or Loki,” says Bernd Müller. “Loki Özdemir. I had it on my desk the other day before. However, it was a girl named after the wife of former Chancellor Schmidt - Loki, not Özdemir. "
But be careful, the names shouldn't be too Germanic either, warns Bernd Müller. “Anyone who baptizes their child „Adolf“ receives a visit from the youth welfare office AND from
the German Secret Service for the Protection of the Constitution (= "Bundesverfassungsschutz"!) the next day so that they can be recruited as undercover agents in good time. Heinz is already called a ketchup, which causes problems with trademark protection. Only sadists call their child Rumpelstiltskin, and it is to be feared that no one will be able to remember the name."
Name on edible paper
“I recently had a couple of parents who gave their child a name that they are not allowed to pronounce for religious reasons. Or tell someone. It was written down for me on a piece of edible paper, and after I had entered the name, I had to blacken it with a thick organic marker and then erase it. "
On paper, names usually look harmless, says Bernd Müller. It becomes critical when the name is belittled. "When the Swabians still have a continuous '-le' on them: 'Zeusle, give the Beelzebüble its shape again' ... Then I will move to Hamburg, fortunately the children still get there traditional fish names or are named after meteorological low-pressure areas," says Müller .
"Luzie", we hear the father a few meters behind us. "Drive slowly. Luzie, do you hear? "
"It's a shame," says Müller, crosses something out in his notebook and looks at the clock, then he says goodbye. He now has to go to the Kita (= a special German "Kindergarten" for the whole day) to pick up his children Sauron and Cthulhu.