I let myself hang on my cross, feeling the strain all over my upper body. I can't stand this pain anymore! I lift myself up by pushing on my legs martyred by the nails but the pain in my arms, shoulders and chest decreases a little. I bandage my thigh muscles press my ass against the pole and lean my upper body forward. It's hard, but it's the position I can breathe in most easily. Leaning my head I can see my flaccid member trembling between my thighs. My balls hang underneath. Never again will I be able to hold them or caress my penis.
Aaah! The nails are burning in my ankles! Ah, how it hurts! I can only hold this position for a while. My thighs are twitching but my upper body is relieved of any traction and the cramps decrease. I look at my left wrist. Maybe I can pull the nail out of the wood? I try, I push my hand forward. I scream in the agony caused by this futile attempt. The nail does not move. Nothing, I can't do anything. I am helpless. I am crucified. I was nailed to this cross to die. To die there slowly. To suffer for days!
There is no painless position on this cross. Exhausted, I am forced to relax my legs and I descend along my cross. The pain in my upper body intensifies rapidly. I'm in so much pain! But it will get even worse. Time always seems to drag on. I look at the shadow of the bush. She moved, but only a little bit. That means it's only been a few minutes since I last watched it. And yet it seems to me that it has been hours. I feel like I've been crucified for a full day, but my torment has been going on for less than an hour and the Sun is not yet at its zenith. I wasn't even crucified for an hour! Not even an hour and it seemed to me to last a full day! And I will wait for deliverance from death for days! I can't die like this! I can't. I cannot bear the interminable time it will take me to die on this cross. It's going to feel like an eternity, and the pain is already unbearable.
Ahh, an awful pain breaks out in my left forearm. It hurts horribly! It's the worst cramp I've ever had. My muscles contract to the maximum worsening the pain of the nail in my wrist. I have no choice, I lean on my legs and lift myself to relieve my arm: the pain of the cramp subsides but does not leave. I will not be able to calm the cramps for long in this way, and then I will fully suffer my torment on this cross. I have already suffered so much from the nails that pierce my flesh and bones and tear my nerves! Now I am tortured in addition by terrible cramps. My legs are tired, can no longer support my weight and I hang by the arms again. I feel the muscles of my upper body quickly twitch and the cramp in my arm increases in intensity. It hurts, a deep and piercing pain. I feel other muscles shaking, starting to twitch. Then an electrical pain bursts in my shoulders, as the muscles contract painfully. I scream in pain in my agony! I gasp, the pain is intense. So intense. Waves of pain sweep over me, as cramps develop in each of the muscles of my arms, shoulders and chest. The pain becomes even more intense. I'm going to go crazy. I have to stop focusing on the pain, it only makes it worse.
I look around, Justinus, also plagued by cramps, screams and twists in all directions, locked in his pain. Passers-by got tired and we are alone, two young men crucified naked and screaming in pain. The agony of cramps tortures my entire upper body! The pain is so intense. I lift myself up with my legs, and let out a piercing cry. My ankles make me suffer terribly but the cramps subside. But quickly the muscles of my legs twitch and new cramps burst in my calves and thighs causing me to fall back in one blow while pulling on my poor arms. The pain is so excruciating that I lose consciousness. Unfortunately a cramp in my chest pulls me too quickly from unconsciousness and I briefly lean back on my legs. My "dance of the cross" thus accelerates more and more, punctuated by cramps. I never imagined that something could hurt so long. I am in torment, the pain is so intense, and it is always getting worse. I have to stop focusing on my pain, I have to stop. Thinking about anything else. I look at the shadow of the bush, and see that it has moved a little. It may have been half an hour. How can you bear this for days? But I am crucified naked on the cross and I can do nothing but suffer. It is too late, I cannot escape this torment, I will die on this cross. I would like death to come now, but I know it will not come so quickly. I will die, but only after days of suffering and torture. I am in such agony. How could the condemned ones I crucified endure this pain for whole days?
I never imagined that the pain would be so intense, and that my torment would seem to take so long. I thought I could bear the suffering and that it would diminish fast enough to become latent. But I was completely wrong and especially about time. He slows down to the extreme, leaving me imprisoned forever on my cross.
I can't stand that, I can't. I am on my cross. I am crucified and I suffer. The cramps make my muscles throb painfully and the strain of the suspension pulls my chest and prevents me from breathing easily. I need to stop focusing on the pain, think about other things. I feel the sun cook my body that reddens, I drip with sweat and I realize that I have a dry mouth, an inflamed throat and that I am dying of thirst. In the extreme agony of cramps, I resume my "dance" and lift myself tortured by the bite of the nails piercing my ankles before sagging a few moments later.
I remain hanged by my arms despite the cramps for a long time without having the courage to straighten up on the cross and soon I start to suffocate! I can't breathe. From the air, I need air, but I can't breathe. Convulsively, I push on my legs and lean on the pierced ankles. I scream in pain as I exhale and suck in giggling from the air.
I'm all trembling, my body arched forward, but this time every muscle in my chest, my arms, and my shoulders swells with cramps. They torture me. Everything tortures me. I let myself fall again hanged by my wrists, and cry in pain. I try to ignore the pain for at least a few moments. I have to endure this torment thanks to my will and my mind!
I hang on my cross, my naked body in pain dripping with sweat, burning under the hot sun. I drop my head against my swollen shoulders stretched by the cramps. Then to breathe I push again on the legs to lift and breathe. I suck in the air with my mouth wide open, my heart pounding.
