Sabina puts up a valiant though futile fight to escape her crucifixion... Didn't she want this???
No. Her Sabina personality did not want this. Her Julia Lepida personality did. She has multiple personalities.
yes,she wants it,but she knows she will feel a lot of pain before she gets horny
No. See above. It's not about her consciously doing this to get horny or whatever. She has multiple personalities. Her primary personality is a sexual masochist who wants to be whipped and crucified, her Sabina personality experiences all this as a slave condemned to be whipped and crucified. She's truly terrified and can't stop it.
You don't get this from just looking at the pictures in the story. You have to actually read the final chapter.
She has multiple personalities. One of those is blonde-haired Julia Lepida, daughter of a wealthy Roman aedile in Pompeii. Even before Vesuvius destroyed Pompeii, her leaning toward sexual masochism was growing stronger and stronger. She fantasized about being a slave, being whipped and crucified.
Her slave, the real Sabina, who was blonde before and is now masquerading as the blonde-haired Julia Lepida, was being forced to act as her dominatrix. Together, they would sneak off to one of the brothels in Pompeii where they would switch roles and act out Julia Lepida's fantasies with the slave Sabina adopting the role of Julia Lepida and Julia Lepida taking the role of Sabina.
Julia Lepida (the real one) came to view her alternate persona (Sabina) as a separate person. Her alternate persona could experience all of the fantasy whipping and crucifixion that Julia Lepida in her real persona could not. But she wasn't satisfied, because a real slave could not be in control or even participate in her own torture; she had to be powerless and under the control of others. As Julia Lepida, she could never have that. She had to become Sabina completely.
Sabina (the real one) watched all this happening but was powerless to do anything about it.
When Pompeii was destroyed, the trauma was enough to drive Julia Lepida's real personality into hiding, and Sabina, the slave girl, became her dominant personality. She made the real Sabina help her dye her hair black so she could more easily masquerade as someone else. Then she forced the real Sabina to pretend to be Julia Lepida.
In the beginning when the two girls reached Rome, the real Julia Lepida, who was now black-haired Sabina, knew who she really was, but enjoyed her ability to play her slave role and be in the crowd at crucifixions. She enjoyed the feeling that as a slave, there was a risk that she could be crucified herself. Then she saw Lucilla crucified and the real Julia Lepida's need became so strong that it sent her over the edge. She contrived to get herself sentenced to be crucified, then she became Sabina the slave completely. Somewhere deep down is her Julia Lepida personality, buried deep and locked away but experiencing what happens to the body she shares.
The real Sabina, now the blonde Julia Lepida, explained what happened in the last chapter of the story:
And then her face changed. The desperate, begging slave was suddenly replaced by the haughty, imperious mistress. It was the first time I had seen the real Julia Lepida show herself in weeks, and then she only appeared for as long as it took to get her way. Anger flaring in her eyes, she delivered a punch that caught me completely by surprise, knocking me backwards onto the floor. It was the first time she had ever struck me, and the emotional hurt was much worse than the pain of it.
“Don’t you ever, ever say that again!” She stood over me and shouted. “I promise you this: One of us will be crucified. If you don’t carry through with your role in this, if you do anything to stop it, then you will be the slave hanging naked on a cross.”
As quickly as she had appeared, the real Julia Lepida was gone forever. I never saw her again, not even during the days of agony of the cross. When she begged for mercy, begged me to stop, she always addressed me as Domina, never Sabina. And I knew that no matter how desperate she sounded, she was playing her role to its end, and my life depended on me playing mine as well.
Now. Yes, the real Julia Lepida, pretending to be the black-haired Sabina, is mentally ill. Her Sabina personality is like a puppet for her buried Julia Lepida personality, which refuses to show itself but is using the Sabina personality to fulfill her sexual masochistic need to be whipped and crucified. When she punched the person everybody thinks is Julia Lepida, she set everything in motion to get herself crucified. She became Sabina totally and acted just as a slave would act who was being whipped and crucified.
I know this is complex, but this is not a straightforward, simple story. If you didn't read it and think about it a little, you won't understand it.