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Limericks

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‘Twas the Albigensian Crusade,
And like many a Provençal maid,
Barb was abducted,
And sternly instructed
To confess to the part she had played...
 
In dark and deep dungeon cell,
Barb was chained to the wall as well.
Until the next session
Of extracting confession
By putting poor Barb through hell.
 
On a cruel wooden pony she’s seated,
While hot irons and pincers are heated..
She cries out “God knows
I’m as pure as a rose,
The true faith shall ne’er be defeated!”
 
Barb sits with her wrists both confined
In manacles locked behind.
On the painful edge
Of a sharp wooden wedge
Which is driving her out of her mind!
 
“Enough of your heresy, bitch!”
Says the torturer, “You’re a witch!
And torturing you
Is what I mean to do,
For your soul is blacker than pitch!”
 
Barb loses her sense of bravado
As her arms are pulled up in strappado,
And the man starts to beat
The soles of her feet
In a vigorous bastinado
 
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The dungeon resounds with her cries
And the torturer says “No more lies!”
Admit that you revel
In lust with the Devil,
Confess, I do strongly advise!”
 
Barb is back in her room again,
Nursing the welts from the cane.
She`s indulged her proclivity,
For Sapphic activity,
But will Kelly betray her again?
 
Perched on a sharp ledge of wood,
Barb winced and said “Yes, I’ll be good!
Please let me dismount
And I’ll swiftly recount
All the confessions I should”

The torturer said with a leer,
“Well that’s very nice of you, dear,
But the problem is this:
You’ve not yet felt the kiss
Of these irons I’m heating up here.”

“Torturing you is a pleasure,
I intend to enjoy at my leisure.
Your musical screams
Are the stuff of my dreams
And I mean to indulge in full measure!”

He ran his gloved hands down her front,
Mauling her tits and her cunt..
She pleaded “Please, no!
I beg, let me go!”
But the man uttered only a grunt.

“I’ll strike while the irons are hot,”
Said the torturer, “and, you know what?
We’ve got all day
For the games we will play;
Let you go? No, certainly not!”

Barb said “Let me down, I implore,
And I’ll suck your fat cock till it’s raw...
My cheeks will be hollow
As I suck and swallow
Your seed like a filthy cheap whore!”

“Well well, it seems you are learning,”
Said the man “but you won’t escape burning.
If pity I take,
You’ll still burn at the stake;
You Cathars should be more discerning.”

“You’ll suffer, you dualist whore,
And then suck my cock, to be sure..
But first, let’s begin
Cauterising your sin ..
For the torturer’s word is law!”
 
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